Rose's Cantina

For the past week, I've had obsessive thoughts about maple syrup and honey. Two weeks ago, I ran out of syrup and I've been waiting for the sap to start drooling out of the maple trees so I can buy a four gallon jug of the stuff. I refuse to buy the teeny tiny jars they're selling at Farm Boy -- the remnants of last year's crop. I'm spoiled, I'll admit it. I live in Ottawa. I'm not a damned tourist! Ditto honey. I don't want any of that Billy Bee stuff they sell in toy bears. I want a jug of the stuff that some poor farmer had to suffer to harvest. Honey is no good unless the farmer can personally show me the sting marks. This morning, I woke up to tired trees heaving from the heavy weight of spring snow. This damned winter is making it tremendously difficult for me, and the sap, to run in the sunshine. The snow is pretty enough. Beats walking the Black Bastard Finnigan in the freezing rain. But I hate it. I actually had to wear my spikes t...

Annual Weather Summary: November 2013 to October 2014 Winter will be warmer than normal, with the coldest periods in early and mid-December, late January, and late February. Precipitation and snowfall will be above normal in the east and slightly below normal in the west. The snowiest periods will occur in early to mid-November, late November, early to mid-December, mid- to late December, and early January.   JANUARY 2014: temperature -6.5°C (4°C above avg.); precipitation 85mm (10mm above avg.); Jan 1-6 : Snowstorm, then flurries, cold; Jan 7-10 : Sunny, mild; Jan 11-17 : Snow showers, mild; Jan 18-22 : Rain, then flurries, colder ; Jan 23-28 : Periods of rain and snow, mild; Jan 29-31 : Sunny, cold. FEBRUARY 2014: temperature -7.5°C (2°C above avg.); precipitation 40mm (20mm below avg.); Feb 1-6 : Sunny, turning mild; Feb 7-10 : Snow, then sunny, cold; Feb 11-20 : Snow showers, mild; Feb 21-25 : Sunny, mild; Feb 26-28 : Snow showers, cold. -- Old Farmer's Almanac ...

As any kid will tell you, adults are stupid. Adults worry about things that don't matter, we care about things that are not relevant and we put out too much effort in such endeavors as cleaning the house when it'll just get dirty and making the bed when the bed will just be unmade again in a few hours. Kids understand it's important to save energy for killing zombies. I see you there, shaking your head and wagging your finger, but they may be onto something. In fact, they may hold the key to surviving climate change. Here is the kid's survival plan to keep you safe, in good weather and bad. Shelter in place When the temperature dips below freezing, it's best to curl up in the basement and play video games or try to find the real meaning of life from watching Green Day on the You Tube channel. Stock up Make sure your cave is fully equipped with supplies designed to give you energy including Skittles, Doritos and a full case of Red Bull which wil...

As the killer storm dumped a pile of snow on the streets of Ottawa, it became clear that this wouldn't be an average day. Senators and Members of Parliament would have to stay in Ottawa instead of getting back to their constituencies. Public servants would have to drop their vital work to clean off their minivans and SUVs for the long trek home to their five bedroom houses in Kanata and Orleans. Residents of the Glebe scrambled to find other arrangements because the City of Ottawa had raised its heavy hand and announced there would be a parking ban. Yoga classes were cancelled. Ditto indoor soccer. The RA was forced to cancel bandminton tonight. Oh my God, what will we do, they cried. There is nothing, but nothing on premium cable this evening. In a panic, members of the Canadian Forces took to their Twitter accounts to decry the cancellation of their flights south to their time shares at Disneyworld ...