Rose's Cantina

#499134775 / gettyimages.com I've been trying to make sense of the debate over the theft of celebrity images. I've also been trying to find a way to get my point across without pissing off all the right-minded citizens who see this activity as a crime, nothing more, nothing less. So I've decided to channel Louis C.K. to see how he would have assessed the situation. Woo. Here goes. Jennifer Lawrence and a hundred other celebrities nobody cares about got their photos hacked off something called the iCloud. I never use the iCloud but people who are more saavy than me do so to make sure their photos don't disappear when their piece of shit computer batteries melt down. This happened to me twice and nearly caused a fire, so you at Apple don't be so damned smarmy about your technology. Sometimes even Apple sucks balls. The stealing of these images is a terrible, terrible crime. The people who violate a person's privacy should be prosecuted to...

  Update: This post was written earlier in the week before Philip Seymour Hoffman died tragically of an overdose. I think it makes it even more poignant given the fact that Hoffman had a life long struggle with an opium addiction. RIP, young man. Hey parents! Remember when your kid came up to you when he was 16 and said this? I can do whatever I want. I'm 16. That's when he stopped going to school and started smoking weed and fornicating in the bushes. What's that you say? Your kid never did that? That's because your kid was the one in my basement dealing the weed. Justin Bieber is just going through a phase. The difference between Justin Bieber and your kid is about 30 million buckaroos. So chill. The kid's not going to be found with needles sticking out of his arm with a strangely accented doctor singing over his dead body. He's not Michael Jackson. He's Corey Feldman. The trouble with Justin is he wants to be cool, and he's just ...

Yesterday night Justin Bieber visited the Anne Frank House, together with his friends and guards. Fans were waiting outside to see a glimpse of him. He stayed more than an hour in the museum. In the guestbook he wrote: "Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber." That's it. Take away his passport. Justin Bieber, on behalf of Canada, I unfriend you!