I come from a long line of flat asses. We have boobs, we have tummies, but our asses are missing in action. My mom was skinny until she went through the change. If she turned sideways she'd disappear. She got older and gained a significant amount of weight, but still no ass. I never really thought about my non-ass until recently, when I couldn't get my pants up. This has happened before, but usually the muffin top is to blame. I was slipping on my Lulu Lizlemon pants the other day and got a gander at my butt. It's fucking huge. I blame -- or credit -- the gym for this phenomenon. The elliptical trainer to be exact. After a couple of years of stair-steppin' on that baby, I have developed a bubble butt. A Kim Kardashian tush the size of a balloon. Happy birthday to me. I'm not complaining. Just sayin'. Maybe it's true. Maybe big bottomed girls do make the world go around. Take that Sheryl Sandberg. ...
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