Rose's Cantina

I couldn't have picked a better week to do a juice cleanse. It's hot as a whore out there, so who wants to turn on the stove? In fact, I'm using my stove as my juicing station now. It's also nice not to have to think about what's for dinner. You know what's for dinner, lunch and breakfast. I bought this Breville Juicer about three years ago and I used it, like, twice. Now I'm cranking out my entire week's worth of eats in it. I can make an entire day's worth of juice in about half an hour. I thought juicing was going to be expensive, but it turns out that I can do it for less than ten bucks a day if I go Farm Boy and buy my apples, oranges and peppers in the discount bin. What does it matter if the skin is a little bruised? It's going to be pulverized anyway. The worst thing about a juice fast is what comes out the other end, especially after a beet juice session. Not for the faint of heart. But energy. I feel like Bradley Cooper in ...

I'm proud of getting off the blood pressure medication. But it also has had a negative side effect. Since losing the BPM, I've gained 10 pounds. The reason is simple. If you have BPM, you have to take water pills. Water pills significantly reduce the bloat. Now I'm up two pant sizes. So it's back to the drawing board. I've been sweatin' to CNN daily for years now, but all that gym activity has done absolutely nothing to reduce my weight. Truth be told, the gym has made me heavier. It's also given me a Kim Kardashian tussie. Now I don't mind the bubble butt. For years, I've prayed for even a little piece of ass. Genetically, a bubble butt was never in the cards. I come from a long line of flat asses. Genetically, I also come from a line of women blessed with spare tires. It's like wearing a belt of unleavened bread. So I have been looking for a solution. I was watching Dr. Oz last week, and he did a week of shows about cleanses desi...