Rose's Cantina

I've been a devotee of American Idol for more than ten years, but it may be time to change the channel. It's so manufactured and sanitized this season. There are no contestants with so-so voices and big hearts, no underdogs to root for. It's as if Nigel Lithgoe went to Central Casting and picked 24 professional singers, gave them lame backstories and offered them up as fresh faced little hopefuls from Middle America. Where are the surprises? Where the heck is another Adam Lambert? I'm also pretty sick of the judges calling them all "stars" and suggesting they are all destined for big ticket careers. Where's the criticism? J Lo, Steve-o and the Dog seem to be content to spoon feed the hopefuls pablum while they croon us all to sleep. I found myself yearning for Simon Cowell. Yearning. We all know what has happened. For years, American Idol has ruled the ratings roost with no direct competition. Now there are too many singing competitions...

That Simon Cowell is a heartless bastard, isn't he? There's word today that he dumped Steve Jones, Nicole Scherzinger and even his favorite little puffball, Paula Abdul from the judging panel at the Xploit Factor . Apparently Simon is disappointed with his numbers for the past season, which were roughly half of those from American Idol and the upstart The Voice . Methinks Simon should blame himself. First, American audiences are getting tired of the Brit-factor, lame presenters who might work on U.K. television but certainly don't fly on the highly energized American nets. The Brit drone, I like to call it. Secondly, the show suffers from the hubris of its makers. It isn't a singing competition at all. It is a chance for Cowell and his judges to showcase their fabulous homes and yachts while bickering about who is the best music producer. The contestants get completely lost in the ego. Third, Cowell knew what he was getting with the flaky Abdul who didn...

I was struck today by a story in the Globe and Mail about a thief who cleaned out a little old lady, taking her television, her computer and her husband's ashes. Apparently, there have been three such ash robberies in Vancouver in the past few weeks. The douche bag who did this is right up there with criminals who steal from the Salvation Army and the dude who took hostage the widow of a recently slain police officer. Idiots. Assholes. Dog poop on the shoe of life. These folks are card carrying members of the Douche Bag Club, they are individuals who are so despicable that they deserve to be thrown out with the trash. It seems you can't turn around without hitting a douche bag with your purse. They are everywhere. They are Prime Ministers, Republican leadership contenders and tax collectors. They sell your teenager drugs and knock up your daughters. Anderson Cooper had a story in the fall about a bunch of kids on a thieving rampage who stole a frozen turkey fro...

Last night's edition of The Xpoit Factor gave the term "over the top" new meaning. Did you see it? Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger had a breakdown on national television after she threw poor Rachel Crowe to the wolves. And Rachel looked as if she was going to stroke out. Hope they've got their health insurance paid up. This show is ridiculous. It isn't about the "talent". It's about which of the judges can throw the biggest hissy fit when their mentees get the boot. They don't judge on talent; they judge on turf. L.A. (Little Ass) Reid is only on the show to beat Simon Cowell at his own game. Cowell expects everyone to do what Simon says, otherwise he starts to get the lip on. Paula Abdul still doesn't know where she is, and Nicole acts as if she's having a permanent nervous breakdown. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! And where did they get that guy Steve Jones? His plastic is starting to show! It makes me long for American Idol . At le...

It seems our prime minister is faltering in his quest for world domination. Sure, he and Barry O'bama were all smiles for the photo ops. But when they got down and dirty at APEC, Barry showed Steve-o the hand. He might even have farted in his general direction. Not much of a bromance when you come right down to it. Harper seems not to understand how little Canada means to the rest of the world. Except for our comedy. And our music. And even in those arenas, the Brits are gaining on us. Goodbye SCTV , Hello, The Office . Goodbye David Foster . Hello Simon Cowell . About the only things Americans respect us for are our cheap drugs and our looney-tune acrobats. And Lorne Michaels. Anyway. Steve-o should take some tips from former prime ministers to improve our influence south of the border. The Yanks hated Trudeau. But damn it, they respected him. He shunned Reagan, but he dated Barbra Streisand. He was too cool. And left them wanting more. Mul...