Who Wore It Best?

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The sight of a bloodied office dweeb is a personal favorite, from Simon Pegg in Shaun of the Dead or Danny Dyer in Severance -- it speaks deeply to my desk-bound rage-filled heart. And so I stare intently at Greg McLean's upcoming film The Belko Experiement to re-scratch this specific itch, and this new batch of character posters are doing just that. But who wears it better?

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Belko is out next Friday.

You can watch the trailer right here.

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Strike Me Dead

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So we now live in a world where the adorable little twink seen above is Leatherface. Yes, that Leatherface. This is the world we live in, you guys. We made this world. We have to take responsibility for it. You and me. So... sigh... in the upcoming prequel Leatherface, which is being directed by the French dudes who made the super-gross and entertaining pregnancy slasher Inside, that dude - whose name is Sam Strike (of course his name is Sam Strike) and who's coming off of the Brit television staple EastEnders (and of course he's British), on which he plays Danny Dyer's gay son... this just gets better and better...

.... will play Jackson, the lovely twink who one day becomes

 the ugly beast under the mask made out of man-flesh. 

The resemblance is uncanny no? 

I want to go back to bed now.

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I Am Link

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--- Say Uncle - So I appear to have completely forgotten to post on The Man From UNCLE's trailer, imagine that? It wouldn't it couldn't possibly have anything to do with the fact that Henry Cavill and Armie Hammer both keep all of their clothes on and never really make much in the way sex-eyes at each other in it. It couldn't possibly! Work harder, Man From UNCLE. More of this stuff, please. (I do like their wonky accents, though.)

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--- And Speaking of Guy Ritchie whiffing my gay fantasies he just cast Eric Bana (seen to the left there making yet another pair of jeans his bitch) as Charlie Hunnam's daddy in his King Arthur movie, which inspired an incesty tweet on my part. Bana and Hunnam co-starred previously in that movie Deadfall which never capitalized on their bodily proximity, and I doubt Guy Ritchie will make King Arthur about father-son sex either so whatever, man. Whatever!

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--- Gotta Date - Stephen King's time-travel thriller 11/22/63, about a dude who finds a portal to the past and uses it to try and prevent the assassination of JFK, is going to be turned into a nine-hour miniseries for Hulu, and it will star James Franco. I think I knew about everything before today save the James Franco part, but who the hell can really keep track of these things. I think Franco might be a good choice for the part though? I read the book and I can mentally insert him into it without total agony (that's what she said) anyway.
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--- Squad Leader - Tom Hardy's Child 44 co-star (and rival haircut enthusiast) Joel Kinnaman has just replaced him in David Ayer's Suicide Squad, that super-villain team-up movie that co-stars Jai Courtney and then a lot of other people that I don't like. Hardy had to drop out (and ruin my Hardy-on-Jai fantasies) due to bad timing. I keep wanting to like Kinnaman, he sho' is pretty, but he refuses to pose for beefcake pictorials so I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Get it together, Joel. It also just hit me that Margot Robbie, who's the playing Harley Quinn to Jared Leto's Joker, is gonna have to deal with Jared Leto a bunch over this shoot and I immediately felt so bad for her.

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--- Super Sad TV Star - I'm not exactly sure if they're saying Ben Stiller's going to star in it or not but THR has word that he's attached, as a star or a producer I don't know, to a TV adaptation of Gary Shteyngart's 2011 book Super Sad True Love Story - I haven't ever read SSTLS but my boyfriend has and he loves it, so I deliver this with a heavy heart to him, knowing he generally doesn't like Ben Stiller. Let's see what he has to say!

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--- Lad In Leather - Yeah I don't really know why I'm still nursing a crush on Danny Dyer either, I never see anything he makes anymore (he's on some TV series in the UK now right?) but don't pester me about it, I don't feel like explaining myself. Instead let us gaze upon the trailer for some new kinda-crappy-looking movie called Assassin that he's in, as well as a collection of pictures of him in a leather jacket, cuz why not. His co-stars are the twin dudes who played The Krays in that movie! The one before Tom Hardy got around to it.
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--- Melanie Melanie Melanie - This interview at Out Magazine with SNL alum Melanie Hutsell (love her) is both tons of fun (yay Jan Hooks and The Brady Bunch) and kinda sad (the part where she addresses not being invited to the "Women of SNL" special) but it allw orks out in the end because she's all set to be there this weekend for the great big 40th anniversary special blow-out.

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--- Slashin' Celebrate - We celebrated Friday the 13th in our own beefcake-y way earlier, but now let us turn our eyes towards Final Girl, where Stacie is mentally cycling through all the characters in all the movies and picking which ones she'd probably like to hang out with and like, veg or whatever. She makes many valid points! (Mark is clearly my choice - I would build a ramp straight into my bed.)
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--- Action Figure - Michael Fassbender's adaptation of the Assassin's Creed video-game is happening, totally, it's just gotten the green-light from the studio and a release date - December 21st, 2016, to be exact. That's a weird release date for a video-game movie - right in the thick of Oscar season. Hmm. Justin Kurzel, who made the terrifying film Snowtown and also the MacBeth movie with Fassy and Marion Cotillard which comes out later this year, is set to direct it. (ETA Just read that Marion Cotillard is doing the movie too! Wowza!)

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--- Beast Master - Can you believe that I've never seen Highlander? I've really gotta right that wrong before the remake appears - speaking of (yes I bring it up for a point, imagine that) I guess Dave Batista, the dude who makes gigantic brute musculature somehow also seem kinda sleek and sexy, is set to play some character named Kurgan, described as a barbarian and the final villain the as-yet-uncast titular hero faces. Dave will look excellent in sleeveless furs, no doubt.

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--- And finally, there's nothing in the way of footage but I suppose this gives us an idea of tone - a teaser for Ryan Murphy's upcoming slasher anthology thing with Jamie Lee Curtis called Scream Queens just got released - it's only twelve seconds long but it's already making me realize this thing's going to be aiming at a more jokey tone than I was anticipating. Which already, in retrospect, all of one minute after watching it, seems to have been a dumb assumption of me - of course this was what we should've been expecting, to set it apart from the dark tone of AHS.

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Post by Scream Queens.

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I Quit Smoking Six Years Ago Today

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I can't believe it's been six years! Six years since I gagged on a fag - that's nutso. Tell ya what, I don't miss it at all. The urge just dissipated into the air like so much... uh... what's the word I am looking for... oh right, smoke - but better, it's left no stink behind. I haven't had the urge once in six full years. I suppose you could count the stink of ever-so-slight anti-smoking fascism though - I must admit I've become someone who gets hella irritable if somebody's puffery is getting up in my business.

So we've been doing this series of posts for the past six years - every anniversary nico-free I mark with a post of menfolk looking hot doing the dirty deadly deed. You can see Year 1 right here, you can see Year 2 right here, you can see Year 3 right here, you can see Year 4 right here, and you can see Year 5 right here. 

I say this every time around without fail but the pictures never stop - as many as I've posted at this point I still have to cut myself off with these posts, there are so many good goddamned photos out there. There are even entire Tumblrs devoted to it now! I guess there's just something about a man pushing something long and hot between his lips that we like, as a culture. 

To that end if you like that sort of thing you will not be disappointed if you pick yourself up and take it to after the jump...

Quote of the Day

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"I would have loved to do Fish Tank. But Fassbender's obviously fucking Fassbender, so you know I've not really got problems with that, but I could have done it. You know, [Andrea Arnold] got a young Fassbender though, a Fassbender who was hungry, and not where he is now."

That's Danny Dyer lamenting the fact that Andrea Arnold didn't use him again after he co-starred in her really very brilliant short film Wasp, which kick-started her career when it won an Oscar, and instead went with that ginger chap Fassbender something. The Telegraph rather tongue-in-cheekily gathered up a bunch of quotes from Danny via the career retrospective book The Films of Danny Dyer, and they're all pretty golden, in semi-insane ways. He plops himself down against Michael Fassbender and Tom Hardy another time when he speaks about doing a project for money that was supposedly beneath him:

"In a way it was a sell-out. I gave away 'me'. Tom Hardy isn't going to do that, Fassbender isn't going to do that."

Oh Danny, no. Delusional moments aside there's some funny shit in there too, and we always like looking at Danny. In that vein he's on EastEnders these days and seems to have taken his clothes off a couple times on it, so let's set aside his words and just hit the jump to climb into bed with his adorable furriness instead...

Good Morning, Danny

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Every year I forget that Danny Dyer's birthday comes right after my own, nine days later - same year too, so if circumstances had been different (if I'd be born in England, or vice versa) we could've totally snuck out of our cribs and done it all over the maternity ward of the hospital. I'd have been a whole nine days old at that point too, so being the adult in the situation it would've been up to me to show him the ropes. Damn, opportunity missed! Anyway, consensual baby sex aside, the above is from a short film Danny starred in in 2005 which is new to me, and it's not often that something having to do with Danny is new to me; you can watch it over here. Be forewarned though that he spends a majority of his time in that bathtub with a girl who's blocking all the good parts, damn her.

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I Quit Smoking Five Years Ago Today

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Well it's that time of year again. May 5th marks the day I quit smoking in 2008, and every year since then I have commemorated that clean-living moment by posting a heap of hot guys huffing and puffing themselves silly. You can see Year One right here, you can see Year Two right here, you can see Year Three right here, and you can see Year Four right here.

You'd think I'd run out of pictures at some point, wouldn't you? But I'm not even close to skimming the surface. Actors really love a good fag. (Heh.) I mean, pictures of French actors alone could keep me going for fifty years.

As usual I gathered up a ton, 

so hit the jump for the rest. 

Here's to my lungs!

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... Danny Dyer's towel boy.

Danny Dyers - what a coincidence! I just watched Andrea Arnold's brilliant slash terrifying short film called Wasp the day before yesterday - it's online, you should watch it - and who should be up in there our favorite bloke Mr. Dyer. And then this morning, as if the Fates were telling me "Good job for finally watching that after putting it off for far too long," they've gifted me with this, Danny on a new show called Plebs getting all his furry bits out. 

Bless you, Fates.

Hit the jump for a bunch more...

Scully Versus The Cannibal

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It's been a decade since The X-Files ended if you can believe that (on television I mean - there was that second movie in 2008 of course) and Gillian Anderson's been keeping herself occupied ever since then mostly by acting British on British things. She even got to hang out with Danny Dyer's boner! (What a lucky goil.) 

But our too too long American Scully-drought is coming to an end - no, it's not that third X-Files movie they keep saying they're going to make, at least not yet, but something maybe even cooler - she's going to play Hannibal Lecter's therapist on Bryan Fuller's tv show Hannibal! Holy shit! Says Bryan:

"Every therapist needs their own head examined and we are ecstatic that Gillian Anderson has chosen Hannibal to mark her return to American television after 10 years to portray Dr. Lecter’s personal psychiatrist. Her intelligence and sophistication, not to mention her pedigree of ground-breaking TV, make her the perfect actress to match wits and psychological manipulations with one of the greatest villains of pop culture. I couldn’t be more excited."

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Danny Dyer Picture Dump

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This seems to happen every few months - something random will make me think of British actor Danny Dyer (it's always something random, never one of his movies, because we never get any of his movies here in the US)  and I'll look up a bunch of pictures of him, and before you know it I've got enough pictures for a post, but no real reason to post them. Nothing to share verbally, that is.

Oh look it's him again, apparently still existing out there in the world, whoopee. I guess he's playing a gladiator in something? I impatiently await the up-skirts. Oh and I did find this quote from him, talking about his role in the 2007 film Straightheads, which is... something:

Interviewer: How do you mentally prepare for a fuck scene? And emotionally, just how difficult was it for you to play a character who becomes impotent?

Danny: It’s weird. It’s an agonizing thing to have to do. You can’t think about it too much. You just fuckin’ do it and give it 150 per cent – you can’t hold back on shit like that. The irony is that me cock was absolutely rock-hard rolling about with Gillian Anderson. So there’s the whole scene where I can’t get it up, and I roll off the bed and there’s about 30 people in the room and me cock’s like that [gestures a huge boner]. I’ve finished the scene and me cock’s slowly going down and it’s the most vulnerable fuckin’ place you can be – with all those people around you watchin’ your cock shrink, like that [gestures cock shrinking].

I would love to know what Danny Dyer's sign language for "huge boner" and "cock shrinking" is, wouldn't you?

Anyway... lucky Gillian Anderson, huh? Yeah he's a pig, but he's my pig. Hit the jump for several more, including some more homo-eroticsm with Tamer Hassan (previously documented here)...

Good Morning, World

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Happy 35 to my favorite wanker Danny Dyer.

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Good Morning, World

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I have no idea what this picture of a young Danny Dyer

 is from, but it's cracking me up this morning.

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I Quit Smoking Four Years Ago Today...

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... and every May 5th since I've posted a series of photographs of sexy men smoking in honor of my accomplishment. You can see Year One right here, you can see Year Two right here, and you can see Year Three right here. I haven't touched or wanted to be touched by a cigarette even once. Chantix is a miracle drug, you guys. Seriously. I only killed three hobos while taking it.

Yadda yadda I've gathered up a pretty substantial batch of pictures this year so I'm putting the rest after the jump! Here's to another year of clean (with regards to cigarettes and nothing else) living! 

One Ticket To The Policeman's Ball(s) Please

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I don't watch Southland - should I? - but it appears to have become "a thing" for them to have Shawn Hatosy coming out of the communal policeman showers to then stand around in a state of exceptional undress in the company of Ben Mackenzie, and that is "a thing" I can definitely stand behind. Yes, I used that phrase on purpose. I've known Shawn since The Faculty but I never really thought he was hot until later when I went back and saw him make out with Danny Dyer...



...  in The Borstal Boy, and after that there was no looking back.  So all that plus Ben in a cop uniform equals a whole lot of wonderful. See a whole bunch of Hatosy hotness (with gifs) after the jump.

A Very British Bromance

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It never fails - if I check the search-words that people have used to get to MNPP and see the name "Danny Dyer" listed, off I go, staring at pictures of Danny Dyer for half an hour. I think it's the fact that I'm starved by him, he's never in anything that makes its way to our shores, so seeing his name suddenly like that is a whole, "Oh yeah, I want to eat him right up," thing. I'm sure our UK readers could situate me on the status of him, but the little I do hear it always seems best I keep myself relatively in the dark since he's apparently always doing and saying dickish things. Whatever! I want to eat him right up.

On this occassion I've decided to post pictures of him with his good friend and repeat co-star Tamer Hassan, someone I know even less about than I do Danny, but they're always pawing at each other in public so how could I refuse?

See a bunch, including a very NSFW moment between Tamer and Lil' Danny, after the jump...

I Am Link

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--- Wild Thing - Has anyone read any of George R. R. Martin's Wild Cards series? It's a superhero comics anthology - lots of different writers have taken a crack at the property over the years but GRRM set up the world - which is about a virus that turns a bunch of people into superheroes. Supposedly Heroes ripped it off pretty shamelessly. SyFy has picked up the rights and plan on making a movie, or some movies. I haven't read any of it and wonder if I should?

--- Cool Muscly Guys - I'm with Rich at FourFour, this ad for Immortals is amazing.

--- Hot Mess - There's gonna be a whole bunch of direct-to-DVD Cabin Fever sequels and/or prequels coming our way, I guess. And yet Eli Roth still doesn't make any more movies. What a world, what a world.

--- Splatter Master - Lots of Halloween leftovers today - AICN chatted with special-effects wizard Richard Taylor of WETA and Lord of the Rings Oscar-winnery about his way-back work with Peter Jackson on Dead Alive, where he made an art of the most disgusting splatter you ever done seen. (Speaking of, happy belated 50th birthday, Peter!)

--- Scream Scene - Over the Hallow'd weekend Glenn had a bit of a Kevin Williamson-a-thon and wrote up posts for Halloween H20 here and on The Faculty here. No Teaching Mrs. Tingle??? Kidding, god that movie was terrible. Anyway Shawn Hatosy was indeed a cute little feller, wasn't he? And seeing him makes me think about him making out with Danny Dyer every time, which is a thought I like to have put into my head. (see here)

--- Snips + Snails + Puppy Dog Tails - The "Oscar Horrors" series at The Film Experience ended on a perfect note with Robert talking up Ruth Gordon's statue-winning performance as Minnie Castavet in Rosemary's Baby. Perfection.

--- Masks of Death - Love this list of the five scariest non-horror movie masks over at Dark Eye Socket. The scene in Sophia Coppola's Somewhere that Craig talks about nearly gave me a panic attack.

--- Canadian Nepotism - David Cronenberg's son Brandon is following in his father's creepy footsteps and directing his first horror movie - it's called Antiviral and it's about "a clinic that replicates celebrity diseases for public consumption." I don't really understand that description - diseases from celebrities? Or the diseases have become celebrities themselves? Anyway it will star Caleb Landry Jones, who played Banshee in X-Men: Muppet Babies and was immensely likable therein.

--- The Abyss Can Wait - Twitch gives us their thoughts on Herzog's new documentary Into the Abyss, about the death penalty. The film's showing at the documentary film festival here in NYC this month with Herzog in attendance but I think I'm gonna wait for its actual release in theaters which is only a couple weeks later. I'm a little bit afraid how sad and angry this movie will make me.

--- Jossified - It's a good time to be a Joss Whedon fan - besides The Avengers and besides his little Shakespeare movie and besides the supposed eventual release of Cabin in the Woods, he's written the script for a little supernatural romance called In Your Eyes. Deadline has the details. He won't be directing it, though.

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Danny Dyer's Heartbreak Advice

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Awww he's such a fucking romantic. A magazine recently asked Mr. Dyer how a bloke ought to deal with a recent breakup, and this is what he had to share (thanks Joe):

"I'd suggest going out on a rampage with the boys, getting on the booze and smashing anything that moves. Then, when some bird falls for you, you can turn the tables and break her heart. Of course, the other option is to cut your ex's face, and then no one will want her."

Danny claims he was misquoted by the magazine (although I'm having trouble figuring out which of any of those words he'd like to claim), and the magazine has admitted fault on their part. Oh, boys! They will be boys! I mean, obviously whatever he was going for here was a joke. It fits in with the puckish asshole image he seems to have crafted for himself (although we don't see any of his antics on this side of the pond; I just work at seeking them out because of my regrettable lust for him). But still, he just starred in a horror movie about a bunch of dudes in the middle of a plague that's turned all women into zombie bitches who they must now slaughter.


I haven't seen that film yet, but he might want to step away from the violent misogyny jokes for just a wee while. Perhaps?
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Good Morning, World

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I was gonna say here that we should all greet the day with Danny Dyer's "Can do!" attitude - it involves a wicked hangover, some painkillers, thirteen cigarettes before you've rolled out of bed, and a hot little accent to charm everyone away from the fact that you kind of smell - but I kept straying off before the "Can do!" part, so we were just greeting the day with Danny Dyer, period. Which is like way better anyway. Cuz I "Can do!" him if I gotta "Can do!" something. Oh, Danny.

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