I Am Link

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--- Uniform Fetish The Movie - Openly gay blockbuster filmmaker Roland Emmerich - you kind of don't get to call many people that, so I always want to when given the chance - is making a WWII movie next called Midway, and he's just landed... openly... uh... well... you know... openly Luke Evans to star in it. Luke is playing Commander Wade McClusky, a real dude who did real good during that battle. Also starring will be Woody Harrelson and Mandy Moore. And no doubt also a cast of Dunkirk-lite twinks to wear all those uniforms, which aren't gonna wear themselves.

--- Chucky Rises - It's been a very very long time since I last sat down and watch the first Child's Play film from start to finish - perhaps I should have myself a marathon? I actually prefer the goofier later films if I'm being honest - the only dolls I've ever found convincingly creepy were the ones in Stuart Gordon's 1987 psychotic break called Dolls, so Chucky needs the goofiness to land, I've always thought. Anyway they are rebooting the whole thing and remaking the original film, it appears, with a Norwegian director - my guess is to wipe the franchise's convoluted timeline clean (it seriously has gotten tremendously confusing) and try to be straight-up scary. We'll see. If you're not pouring acid on John Waters' face I don't know why we're even here.

--- It Sings At Night - I don't have the same knee-jerk "Hooray!" reaction that a lot of my contemporaries have when new musicals are announced, so I wasn't bouncing around when I read that Lucas Hedges and Sterling K. Brown have signed up to make one - it wasn't until I saw that the thing was being directed by Krisha + It Comes At Night director Trey Edward Shults with music from Trent Reznor that my interest was piqued. That's a fascinating collection of people.

--- The Deer Hunters - I hadn't heard anything about Observe & Report director Jody Hill's new film in ages, and suddenly it turns out it's hitting Netflix this Friday? Which might not be a good sign. It's called The Legacy of a Whitetail Deer Hunter and it stars Hill regular Danny McBride and Josh Brolin as pair of TV deer hunters on a trip with Brolin's distant kid. The movie's got a trailer now which you can watch over here. I guess we'll see, and shortly at that.

--- Duck Ducked Goose - Y'all can stop voting on our poll asking which young actor should play Goose Jr. in the new Top Gun movie - the studio went with Miles Teller, our last-place finisher and the least inspired choice, which shouldn't be surprising since this is the same studio that decided to make a Top Gun sequel in the first place. Anyway I am glad I don't have to see this movie now and that Glen Powell can go make something as funny and great as he is.

--- Beaton It - The documentary Love Cecil, about the pioneering gay photographer Cecil Beaton, is out in theaters now and you should totally seek it out - our pal Glenn explains why today over at The Film Experience. I saw this movie a very long time ago because of a weird connection I've got off-line to the filmmakers - I actually saw one of the very first screenings anywhere for anybody, and it's been eating me up to push the movie but I kind of can't. But it's good! See it!
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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Observe & Report (2009)

Mom : I know it's hard, but try to look on the bright side.
You may not be the smartest person in the world, but you're...
handsome from certain angles and you're... More importantly,
you've got dreams inside of you and dreams make you special.
And no matter what the world, um, throws at you, uh, they -
it can never take your dreams away.
Ronnie : What are you talking about, Mom?
Mom : I don't know, I'm drunk.

A very happy 66 to the great Celia Weston! (This side-note is for my boyfriend - she is from Spartanburg, South Carolina! I have been there.) I saw her waiting in line for a movie at The Quad theater a couple of months ago here in New York and I was so excited and yet even though I know her name I can never remember what I know her from - know how that one goes? She'll show up for a couple scenes in the most random of places and be reliably delightful though. Do you have a role you immediately think of when you see her?

I stood at the board at The Quad yesterday for a couple mins trying to figure what movie Celia Weston was in line for but couldn’t decide

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) September 25, 2017

Scoot On Into The Light

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My night has really taken a nose-dive emotionally-speaking after reading the news that the Ziegfeld, my favorite movie theater here in New York City, will be closing soon, so let's post some happier thoughts - Jody Hill, the very funny writer-director behind Eastbound & Down and Observe & Report, is setting up his new movie! It's called The Legacy of a Whitetail Deer Hunter (great title) and it will star Danny McBride (of course), Josh Brolin, and my beloved Scoot McNairy. Deadline says it "follows a sixth-grade boy who is supposed to be bonding with his father on a hunting trip, but is far from interested." They're also reporting Scoot's signed on to star opposite Arnold Schwarzenegger in a movie called 478 - those two should make for quite the contrast. Read about that at the same link.

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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Observe and Report (2009) 

Detective Harrison: You wanna get hurt? 

Ronnie: You didn't bring enough pigs to hurt me. 

Seeing as how #1 - it's Ray Liotta's 60th birthday, and #2 - we're vibing on Seth Rogen offending the world, this seemed like the right way to mash-up everything concerned into a smoothie of deliciousness and chug chug chug it down today. Remember how pissed off this movie made people? I think we do Seth a discredit, acting as if he's been this harmless hairy buffoon all this time. Anyway happy 60, Ray!

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I Am Link

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--- Suited Up - It's just a mold (that's what she said) of the suit but DH has got an image of the basic design for the new Superman suit for Batman Vs. Superman: Clear Pepsi or whatever it's called and it's got what they call "a more alien look," but I don't see one single ectomorph penis anywhere. (Sorry I was raised on HR Giger, my definition of alien is different from what they mean I think.) Anyway all I care about is how much of Henry Cavill's ass will I be seeing, and that's still not clear.

--- Down Again - Eastbound and Down duo Danny McBride and Jody Hill are re-teaming (along with exec. producer David Gordon green, natch) for Vice Principals again on HBO, which will follow, you guessed it, a second-in-command at a high school. Sounds like ripe territory for the fellas who make prime rib outta meatheads.

--- White Lines - The pair that directed Little Miss Sunshine were about to make a movie called The Good Luck of Right Now which already had quite the pedigree even besides them - it was adapted from a book by Silver Linings Playbook author Matthew Quick by no less than Mike White, and it was going to star Brie Larson. But now the directors have dropped off the movie, supposedly because the studio didn't like the casting choices they were making for the rest of the cast. Well i hope the ship rights itself - I need a movie starring Brie written by Mike like yesterday.

--- Mob Boss - Olivier Assayas' next movie is lining up quite a cast - he already mentioned that Robert Pattinson was starring, and now comes word that Rachel Weisz and Robert DeNiro are both up in it too. Well it's about gangsters in Chicago so obviously DeNiro's there, right? It's apparently called Idol's Eye, a title I can't stand right off the bat. Fix that, Olivier.

--- Raptor Attention - Jurassic Park 4, aka Jurassic World, director Colin Trevarrow talked to SlashFilm about the recent plot-line leak for that movie - he sounds super sad about it, but then he spoils some of it anyway. I managed to side-step most of the spoilers myself, which is ridiculous because I'm usually front and center for that sort of thing. I am guessing that... dinosaurs are involved?

--- Queen of the Night - I've been meaning to do a good post on Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II for years and years and years, which Final Girl reminded me of today by doing just that. Jesus it's so Eighties I might start barfing up Trapper Keepers.

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I Am Link

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--- Warrior Princess - There's a new teaser trailer for the 300 sequel and the visuals are looking pretty grand (although the trailer slices them up to ribbons - I hope the editing's not so ridiculous in the film) but there's hardly a single good moment of beefcake in the whole thing, which, well I don't even know what to say about that. Good to see Lena Headey though.

--- Ladies of 52 - Nat reminds us that in just ten days time that Stinky Lulu is bringing back the glorious Supporting Actress Smackdown via The Film Experience. They'll be talking the five nominees for the prize in the year 1952, which includes a Thelma Ritter performance I've never seen. I should get on that!
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--- Dragon Girl - Rooney Mara is on the record as really wanting to make the second Lisbeth Salander movie now, so get your bits and pieces in order already, studio! I want it to. As she says, she ain't getting any younger, and she's most certainly more frail by the day.

--- Down Time - Lindsay Lohan, fresh off that entirely boggling Canyons experience (not to mention rehab), will next cameo on Eastbound & Down, which god I can only imagine what context they'll use Lindsay Lohan in. But I can't wait! I can't wait for E&D in general, though. Love that show.
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--- The Fallen - Electronic Cerebrectomy takes a look at several of the Great Movies that fell between the cracks between Entertainment Weekly's list of the 100 Greatest Films of All Time from when they first made the list in 199 until they revised it this year. Some real doozies on there.

--- S Is For Sequel - The list of directors taking on a single fateful letter for the sequel to anthology-horror-flick The ABCs of Death have been announced, and there are some great names in there - Álex de la Iglesia, Bill Plympton, Vincenzo Natali...

--- Bird Man - Darren Aronofsky looks to be making an espionage thriller based on the book Red Sparrow next, after he gets all of the Noah stuff done that is - it's sounds like the lead is a kick-ass female, so that's cool. Anybody read the book?
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--- Infanticidal Tendencies - Where else are you going to hear the sentence, "I kept hoping for anything- the pitter-patter of little feet running away from a crime scene, Joan Collins wrestling with a doll..." than a review of an evil baby movie at Final Girl? No place, that's where.
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I Am Link

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--- Martian Weirdness - This is pretty cool, I say in my best "The Miley Cyrus Show on SNL" voice (no I don't know why that's how I chose to introduce this) - io9 shows off some never before seen concept art for what would have been if David Cronenberg had made Total Recall instead of Paul Verhoeven. Picture camels wearing respirators and mutant alien vaginas and you'll get Cronenberg's gist. God I love that man. I can't knock Verhoeven's movie, I love it, but this is something.

--- A New Luke Duke - Did everybody watch the third and final season of Eastbound and Down? I never much posted about the show but I found it genius from start to finish, one of the funniest batshit insane rides in recent memory. I was sad to see it end, but it's such a perfect little package I can't argue. Long live Kenny Powers. So now creator Jody Hill is moving on, and according to THR his next project might be a sort-of The Dukes of Hazzard? By way of Sam Peckinpah? This is what "WTF" stand for. But it totally makes sense at the same time. 

--- Fast Fella - Noted whateverasexual Luke Evans might play the bad guy in the sixth Fast and Furious movie. Will he be opposite noted whateverasexual Vin Diesel? That's a lot of "we only date in Europe" going on on one set. Hopefully they'll film in Europe so the poor fellows won't have to go without all the noted poontang they adore.

--- Unchained Malady - Gary Ross doesn't work very much - he's only directed three movies in fifteen years - but I guess he's using his heat off of The Hunger Games to get some shit done. THR reports he's going to try and make a bio-pic about the famed magician Houdini next. Haven't there already been several Houdini bio-pics made? I mean yeah they all seem kind of sucky so there's no definitive version I guess, but all the dude did was lock himself in a box in chains, why is this so inspiring again?

--- Oh Lola - I think I already posted that my favorite horror film of 2010 the Aussie prom-nightmare The Loved Ones was getting a sort-of proper US release this Summer but now we have details, which you can see over at BD. It'll be out on June 1st but only if enough people RSVP to each screening, they have the links and a list of theaters and a trailer at that link. If you can see it, do! It's sooooo freaking good, you guys. I'll have to take the chance to see it on a big screen myself if possible, so if you're in NYC go RSVP so I can, please.

--- Ranking Whedon - Rolling Stone ranked Joss Whedon's projects from top to bottom, from comics to movies to each individual season of his TV shows, and there's enough to make a person nuts for a lifetime. Why's everybody gotta be so hard on Buffy Season 6? And they are not fans of Dollhouse either. I mostly agree with them on Firefly/Serenity, but that shit isn't gonna make any Browncoats very happy. And the super-high placement of Cabin in the Woods is pretty cool, I say in my best "The Miley Cyrus Show on SNL" voice again. Sigh.

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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Observe and Report (2009)

Brandi (Anna Faris): It's like my mom always said -
you can polish a turd, but it's still a piece of shit.

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I Miss You, Kenny Powers

When the hell is Eastbound & Down coming back anyway?
My patience is thin, yo.
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I Am Link

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--- Demon Hoodie - I knew that I'd heard of this flick Heartless with Jim Sturgess before but I had to search back through to see why - apparently it got really great word of mouth at the London horror festival called FrightFest back in September. It's sounds very much like something Neil Gaiman mighta written. And now via io9 comes the trailer and some stills.

--- Rollin Rollin Rollin - Oh wait, that's Rawhide. Whatever. Apparently a big-screen Gunsmoke is about to be made and it's probably going to star Brad Pitt. I never have much problem with seeing Brad Pitt dressed like a cowboy so I am perfectly fine with this. Ryan Reynolds' name's also being thrown around, and ditto the previous sentiment. Chaps for everybody!

--- Hit Girl - I guess little girls with guns is tomorrow's hot topic! We've got Kick Ass coming soon, and now Saorsie Ronan's signed up to play a teen assassin in Hanna, to be directed by her Atonement director Joe Wright. Why do I give a shit? because Eric Bana's signed on to play her pa. Mmm Bana.

--- Feelin' Sleuthy - Those dudes who made the hilarious The Foot Fist Way and Eastbound & Down, Jody Hill and Danny McBride, are teaming up again for L.A.P.I., a movie wherein Mr. McBride will play a private dick. David Gordon Green will produce. Of course. They shall never be seperated! Bless 'em.

--- Black Ben - Billy Loves Stu takes an appreciative gander at the blind eye cast upon the lead character's race in George Romero's original Night of the Living Dead. You know what I noticed the last time I watched the film? It was in HD and suddenly for the first time I realized, hey, Duane Jones was a strapping man. How I'd never noticed that before is beyond me.

--- And finally, I thought it might be a bit much to devote an entire new post to one more shot of Kellan Lutz behind-the-scenes of his CK panties shoot, but how could I not post this shot? He's getting spritzed like a house plant.

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5 Off My Head - The Foot Fist Wisdom

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When did I fall in love with Danny McBride? I can't really pin-point precisely when it happened - maybe Pineapple Express, maybe when I rewatched All the Real Girls, maybe somewhere in the middle of Eastbound & Down - but I have fallen for this man and I have fallen for him hard. His presence has overtaken Anna Friel's as my primary reason for wanting to see Land of the Lost now. Anyway, I finally got around to The Foot Fist Way this weekend, and I thought I'd share some of his character Fred Simmons' lil' nuggets of not-so-spritiual wisdom. Because these are important things to believe in. Except for the last example these are pictures of the reaction shots of those receiving his wisdoms because - priceless.

"Meditation's great and all but I never heard of it saving anyone

from a gang-rape type situation. Meditate on that. Rape."

"This world is a dark dark forest. And if you open up a man and look into most of their hearts you'll find disgust and evil. You hear me? Your own parents. Your mother and father. Would slit your throat just to get ahead. And when you find a wife, you watch her, and you don't believe a single word she says because at the core, people? Are shit. The only person that you can trust is me. Your Tae Kwon Do instructor."

"If you were in prison you would be raped
because you exude feminine qualities.

You're also a big ol' fat piece of ass."

"I think my answer to that question is gonna have to be... fuck you. I don't care if you wake up in a ditch with grown men shitting on you and jumping on top of your head. Maybe your nose will turn into a big ol' dick and you can stroke that all of the time. I hope your hair turns into dog shit someday and you wake up and you run your comb through it and that it's little tendrils of dog shit. The worst shit that you can imagine. AIDS. It's cool. Everything comes around sweetheart."

"I'm so hungry I could eat a grown man's ass right now."

That last one isn't really a piece of advice...
I guess the it's more a way of life.
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Observe and Report In 150 Words or Less

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A smart and disturbing film. Seems to me that the title's the most obvious clue as to where it's coming from: it observes Ronnie and reports his actions, but it isn't condoning it and it certainly isn't telling us to laugh. Eventually I stopped laughing and sat in grim-faced horror at what was going on, and I think it's some ballsy film-making going on here, uprooting our expectations and shoving our nihilism in our face. We want to make a savage hero out of this broken man and it doesn't let us off the hook once for that.

There were bits that didn't work - I didn't like Michael Peña's performance much; everything having to do with him took me out of the film. And Seth's performance showed its seams every so often (dude can't cry).

So it's not perfect. But it is a risky, challenging film, well worth seeing.
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I Continue To Be A Part Of The Problem

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Not that my twelve bucks would've bumped the box office tally for Jody Hill's Observe & Report up to first place status from lowly fourth place (and thereby saved the United States this Hannah Montana endorsing embarrassment we're all facing this morning), but I didn't get to see the movie this weekend like I said I would. My lazy Sunday turned into a really fucking lazy Easter Sunday, where even the thought of leaving the house produced waves of crippling terror. It was so sunny and bright outside, but no. Just no.

So I didn't see the film yet. And I've got Neko Case tonight (Eee!!!) and the boyfriend has other plans tomorrow so it'll be Wednesday at the earliest. Sigh. I have let us all down, and will be throwing myself onto Jake Gyllenhaal's penis a sword promptly.

Did any of y'all see it? Did the scene everyone's talking about offend you too? I am so curious about this maelstrom of PC-riddled offense the film's riled up.

I did sorta make it up to Jody Hill by watching the first three episodes of Eastbound and Down last night though, which - funny fucking stuff, that.

"If there's one thing I hate, it's losing.
If there's two things I hate, it's losing, and getting cancer."

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