Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

No Country For Old Men (2007)

Ed Tom Bell: I was sheriff of this county when I was twenty-five years old. Hard to believe. My grandfather was a lawman; father too. Me and him was sheriffs at the same time; him up in Plano and me out here. I think he's pretty proud of that. I know I was. Some of the old time sheriffs never even wore a gun. A lotta folks find that hard to believe. Jim Scarborough'd never carried one; that's the younger Jim. Gaston Boykins wouldn't wear one up in Comanche County. I always liked to hear about the oldtimers. Never missed a chance to do so. You can't help but compare yourself against the oldtimers. Can't help but wonder how they would have operated these times. There was this boy I sent to the 'lectric chair at Huntsville Hill here a while back. My arrest and my testimony. He killt a fourteen-year-old girl. Papers said it was a crime of passion but he told me there wasn't any passion to it. Told me that he'd been planning to kill somebody for about as long as he could remember. Said that if they turned him out he'd do it again. Said he knew he was going to hell. "Be there in about fifteen minutes". I don't know what to make of that. I sure don't. The crime you see now, it's hard to even take its measure. It's not that I'm afraid of it. I always knew you had to be willing to die to even do this job. But, I don't want to push my chips forward and go out and meet something I don't understand. A man would have to put his soul at hazard. He'd have to say, "O.K., I'll be part of this world."

A wise movie knows that you give Tommy Lee Jones a monologue to deliver and then you just sit back and listen to Tommy Lee Jones deliver it, and No Country For Old Men is a wise movie, perhaps the wisest, because it does this twice -- at start and at finish. I was torn between which speech to quote honestly -- I do love his retelling of his dreams that closes the film -- but the above one, from the film's opening, just feels a little too meaningful to this moment in time not to highlight it here on the day that Criterion has blessed us with the Oscar-winner on 4K blu. 

Anyway I do remain of the mind that Paul Thomas Anderson's There Will Be Blood is the number one movie of 2007, but this masterpiece from the Coens' is just a trifle behind it in my humble -- and I was a bit shocked when I looked back at my 2007 Top Ten list because NCFOM isn't on it at all! (Funny sidenote: 2007 is the first time I tried posting a Top 10 and other assorted year-end awards and it's amusing, in a semi-mortifying way, to look back at that link to see the state of my still relatively early blogging efforts. Phew. We've come a long way baby.) Then I noticed that I do give a note there why it's not included -- I wanted to see it a second time before deciding where I came down on it. Well I've seen it ten more times by now and baby, it's second. Which one tops for you?

online polls

Come Out Come Out Where Ever You Are

I am one of those weirdos who think that Martin Scorsese's 1991 Cape Fear remake is one of his best movies -- it's so purple and overheated and operatic and Jessica Lange is fluttering her hands all around and Juliette Lewis is biting her braces and I love it, I love it, I just love it. Nevertheless I am excited about today's news that Javier Bardem is going to star in a 10-episode series remake that has been greenlit of the property -- it doesn't hurt that Scorsese himself (with a little nobody named Steven Spielberg) are the producers behind it. But Bardem is a great choice -- assuming he's playing the maniac Max Cady character. I think he'd be wasted as the Nick Nolte in this situation. Not that they shouldn't make that character interesting too. It's just we haven't gotten Javier playing a big villain in awhile, I feel like, at least not that I've seen, and he's so very good at it. No other casting has been announced but the actual show-runner has been and it's also terrific news -- Nick Antosca, the pervert behind the Channel Zero horror anthology series (as well as Brand New Cherry Flavor, also good), will be doing the actual work. I am a huge Channel Zero head. Pretzel Jack! Ahhh just saying his name makes me shudder. One of the great under-sung horror villains of our times. If Antosca can tap into some of this chaotic energy...

Good Morning, World

There have bee so many Cooper Koch photoshoots of gratuitous note that've dropped over the past few weeks thanks to his Monsters turn, but since it's coincided with me being crazy busy with film festival season I've barely had the chance to keep up. Still when I saw these two snaps yesterday I said to myself, "Post those." And they make for the perfect compliment to his co-star Javier Bardem's photoshoot "Good Morning" yesterday, as well. Perhaps tomorrow we'll catch up with Nicholas Alexander Chavez?

Good Morning, World

Without having yet watched the apparently rather lurid Menendez Brothers series from Ryan Murphy I have  still managed to hear a lot about Monsters -- but I have somehow heard nothing about Javier Bardem in it? Whether he's good, bad, whatever -- I have heard nothing. So if you've watched the show -- how is he? 

Also, and of as much importance, all of the sexy photoshoots of the series's cast have focused on the young actors Cooper Koch and Nicholas Alexander Chavez -- at least The Gentlemen's Journal knew well enough we'd want to see some photos of Javier too! And photos taken by his lil' missus Penelope Cruz no less. Hit the jump for the whole hot shoot...

No Country For Old Criterion

What we have here is another Criterion Announcement Day that 100% snuck up on me -- the months really are just whizzing by at the speed of light, aren't they? So suddenly it is apparently the middle of the month again -- and today Criterion has given us their release slate for this upcoming December. And it's a short list but it's also a wallop of masterpiece after masterpiece. Starting with the 4K drop of the Coen Bros 2007 Best-Picture-winner No Country For Old Men, which has been demanding a damn 4K upgrade for awhile now -- I kept wondering when this would come, and I am happy it's coming via Criterion. I will admit that I am a person who would have voted for Paul Thomas Anderson's There Will be Blood over this movie for Best Picture, but I only sort of liked No Country when it came out. I was wrong to be mixed on it, I have realized over the years. (But I still like TWBB a little more.) Anyway the movie has aged like fine wine is my point, and this is a long overdue addition to the Collection. (PS how in the hell is this movie 17 years old???)

After that we've got two 4K upgrades for movies already in the Collection -- Fellini's 8 1/2 and Wim Wender's Paris, Texas. What can you say about either o0f those? Brilliant, the both. And can you believe I only saw Paris Texas for the first time a couple of years ago? What have I even been doing with my time. Watching shitty horror movies instead of these wonders???? Yeah that sounds about right. Anyway the fourth and final release in December (I told you it is a smaller batch this month) is one I have never heard of before -- the 1987 Hong Kong actioner Eastern Condors starring the legend Sammo Hung. It sounds like a blast and every time I have seen Sammo Hung in something I have found him delightful, so I very much look forward to checking this one out come December. 

Off To Fuckboi

Okay well I'm going to go watch Dune 2 now, bye.

Like Sandworms Through the Hourglass

If you're excited about the imminent release of Denis Villenueve's Dune sequel, smartly titled Dune 2, then perhaps you might get it inside yourself a whisper sooner with a pre-order of cinematographer Greig Fraser's resplendant photography book Dune: Exposures, which collects his set photos into a grand hardcover edition that hits stands on Valentine's Day aka Wednesday of next week. Stick it in your loved one's chocolate box! (Ewww, that sentence was too far, Jason.) That's two whole weeks before the movie hits theaters so you can just press your face against the pictures of Timmy's windswept hair and toss some sand in your face and it'll be like you're right there! Pre-order your book right here. Me, I'm seeing Dune 2 in six days! So stay tuned for my opinion... as if you wouldn't. You don't do anything unless I say so, dammit! 

Javier Bardem Five Times

Posting this a smidge late (the series started this past Friday) but if you're in NYC over the next couple of days there's an ongoing Javier Bardem series at the Quad! Heck if I could scoot off my desk this afternoon I'd be there right now watching Almodovar's Live Flesh, which was the very first movie I ever saw Mr. Bardem in. (And yes it was love at first sight, although I'll admit I was a little distracted by pretty pretty leading man Liberto Rabal.) Anyway this series is all delicious prelude to the Quad's premiere of The Good Boss on Friday...

... a dark satire that won six Goya awards (including Best Film and Best Actor); that's its trailer above. I wanna see this movie, it sounds a delight even beside the Bardem factor. What's the Bardem factor, you ask? You know, it's that thing, where Javier Bardem talks and your loins start vibrating so hard they undo your belt all on their own. That thing. Anyway as long as we're here I'll share this 2018 Esquire photo-shoot of Javi here... I mean as long as we're here and our buckles are undone already. Hit the jump for it...

They Call Him Mister Golden Balls

Fantastic news for lovers of Horny Javier Bardem Cinema, New York Edition -- from March 18th through 20th the ever-awesome Quad Cinema here in NYC is doing a screening series of Spanish director Bigas Luna's "Passion Trilogy" of early 1990s films, which consists of Jamón Jamón (1992), Golden Balls (1993), and The Tit and the Moon (1994), which are straight-up the most overheated and oversexed slabs of sweaty fuck cinema that period of time ever produced. I say that only having seen Jamón Jamón at this point...

This movie is Extremely Horny - like it’s making me blush. Somebody grab the smelling salts! pic.twitter.com/ZhveJvartQ

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) May 9, 2021

... but even if I didn't know the rep of the other two it would still be true on the basis of that one alone. But I do know the rep of the other two -- I mean just look at the photo up top! Just look at the film's titles! I miss the 90s, you guys. These movies are hard-ons pressed into celluloid. I have always wanted the French poster for Golden Balls (which was even more spectacularly titled Macho there) hanging on my wall:

I mean how fabulous is that? That's the sort of thing that should hang on every wall, everywhere. Anyway you can check out the series on the Quad's website, but I've got the full press-release for you right on after the jump too...

Steven Yeun Says Hi, Says Bye

Howdy hello hi -- apologies I've been quiet for most of this day on here but I had a big review I was pounding out and you'll be thankful for that effort later. Just you wait! That said I should also give you a heads-up that tomorrow will also be an abbreviated day as I've got a pair of screenings to attend -- I'm seeing both Being the Ricardos and Licorice Pizza tomorrow, huzzah! -- and then, well then it's Thanksgiving break until the following Monday. Womp womp. Anyway I will be here tomorrow morning so this isn't all until next week, but you should just have that at the backs of your heads -- the end is nigh, I mean! But you knew that already. If there's one thing the last year's taught us, it's fucking that.

An Oscar-less Future

While I think it's bull-crap -- I know, such harsh language! -- that Denis Villenueve & Co didn't shoot the two parts of Dune back to back, I'm still excited to see that they are kicking into gear on the sequel so fast with today's word that the second film will begin filming in July. At this rate we'll have the second one by... 2024 or something? They say October 2023 but I think they're underestimating reality, which -- as the past year and a half has taught us if we didn't know already -- has endless ways of tossing wrenches into the works. Anyway I look forward to seeing it... right now. We'll see how I feel in two plus years (if I feel anything) (that is to say "If we're not all dead.") (Optimism, ho!) And, in summation, this has all been brought to you by any excuse to post that photo of Oscar Isaac, even though he probably won't (spoiler alert) be in the second film. The end.

Which is Hotter?

Today we finally got confirmation that Dune: Part 2 is coming in October of 2023 -- now they just have to go and, you know, film the thing or whatever -- and this seems like the perfect moment to poll them holes and ask the most important question of them all...

survey service

Good Morning, World

Oscar Isaac's wife was kind enough to share that photo of her perfect husband napping yesterday, and what better way to greet Dune Day than by sharing that with y'all -- yup Denis Villenueve's forever-delayed part one of Frank Herbert's book is finally finally finally out in US theaters now! I saw it at NYFF a few weeks back and I didn't review it then and I am probably not going to review it now, but I did write the following tweet and I think it sums up my feelings fairly succinctly. (You should go see it, on a really big screen if that is a safe thing for you to do -- it's grand.)

DUNE is tremendous. Space Cenobites, Glitter Storms, Hairdos, Spit Fetish Parties, Oscar Isaac Side Butt, A Desert Smize Fashion Show, Lots of Loud BRAMMMM Sounds, Charlotte Rampling Torturing A Twink, and as promised more Vibrating Buttholes than you can shake a Timmy at #nyff59

— My New Dead Pants (@JAMNPP) October 7, 2021

Big Dune Energy

Big weekend for Dune fans as the film will be having its long long loooong awaited World Premiere at the Venice Film Festival tomorrow -- I'll probably be forced to see some reactions on Twitter but I'm doing my best to avoid them before its NYFF screening in a few weeks (fingers crossed, considering I haven't gotten NYFF approved yet). Anyway in anticipation of people getting their eyeballs on this flick for the first time they dropped a new clip, which you can see over at Vanity Fair. In other news I've got a screening this afternoon -- no it is not Dune, but it is one I have been wanting to see for awhile now -- and I'll be offline for the rest of the day. So, you know, bye. See ya Monday.

Who knew all ya need is Oscar Isaac in a red t-shirt pic.twitter.com/G3LvS3rRzw

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) September 2, 2021

Dune Until Ya Can't Dune No More

I do believe that's a new photo from the Dune movie (maybe just for fun I will start calling this The Dune Movie -- it's been so long coming I need to make my own fun at this point) of Timmy alongside Javier Bardem & Rebecca Ferguson, who play Stilgar (leader of the Fremen, of course) and Lady Jessica (Timmy's mom) respectively. It's all very brown! With the sand-worms looking even more like buttholes this time I feel as if this movie might end up having a whole unexpected (and unwanted) subtext.

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

Volver (2006)

Raimunda: Are there things I should know and don't? 

Sole: Oodles.

Can you believe that Volver turned 15 this year? That seems impossible but it ain't, it's possible, probable, likely and absolutely true -- Pedro Almodóvar's Volver was released in Spain on March 17th 2006, so it's already turned. If you are like me, an American person, the film didn't drop here until November (after playing NYFF that fall), but still -- 15 years old! That's nutty. I've really been dying to re-watch it lately as it's been awhile -- not 15 years but maybe 10-ish? Because time is, as I've been getting at here, insane. Maybe I'll re-watch it tonight in honor of Peleope Cruz's birthday -- happy 47 to her! I hope she's celebrating by touching her husband Javier Bardem somewhere under his swimsuit (as would we all).

I Love Lacy

This post was almost just a tweet but then I realized I could title a post the above title, and a post was born -- you just know there will be magazine-spreads stealing it when this movie comes out and I wanted to plant my flag first dammit! So, the actual news: Variety's reporting that MNPP-fave Jake Lacy has signed on to play the I Love Lucy head-writer Bob Carroll Jr. in Aaron Sorkin's movie Being the Ricardos, about Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball which already has Javier Bardem and Nicole Kidman in the leads. Do I have some confusion about this movie's need to exist? I do! It seems like a minefield right off the bat. But Jake Lacy is always a heck yeah, and...

... I am in love with the look he'll presumably be rocking for this, to boot. (Every picture of Bob Carroll Jr is exactly like that so I have to assume they'll go for that.) Anyway a ton of other cat-members have been announced -- Alia Shawkat will be playing Bob's writing partner Madelyn Pugh; Tony Hale is playing the show's executive producer; J.K. Simmons and Nina Arianda are playing William Frawley and Vivian Vance (that is amazing casting); also on board (although we don't know who as) are Clark Gregg and Linda Lavin! Aka Alice! I don't know if this movie's a good idea but it's an idea I will put the hell in front of me.

Pics of the Day

Earlier I shared with y'all the new poster for the very scary horror movie The Vigil, which stars the handsome and alliterative Dave Davis as a Jewish man tasked with watching a dead body overnight in a strange house which, as you might imagine, goes terribly wrong. Boo, and such! The trailer's here -- the movie is out on February 26th, so on and forth et cetera. That professional business aside, not long after I shared that poster with you it was brought to my attention that Mr. Davis wore the outfit you see here in front of you for the press rounds at TIFF back in September of 2019, and... clearly I had to share this information. You see...

... having come of age in the 1990s, circa Marky Mark and the New Kids couture, I have never, despite knowing better, been able to resist a the sight of a man wearing just overalls and nothing else. Never. It just sends me back like lightning to being 13-years-old and flipping through a pilfered issue of BOP magazine -- I was naturally far too embarrassed to actually buy my copies of BOP magazine and so, like the porn it was, I stuffed them down my shorts and swiped them all from the local grocery. This spectacle takes me right on back there and for that, Dave Davis, I thank you. Hit the jump for a few more photos... 

Shelves In Space!

All this time that I've been excited about Dune it didn't even occur to me that there might be BOOKSHELVES!!!!!! Shelves in Space! Actually I suppose they are "Shelves on another planet" -- it's weird that I think of the surface of different planets as being "outer space" right? Anything a couple of miles up from where I'm sitting here eating french fries right now is "outer space" period as far as I'm concerned. And yes, citizens of Arrakis, that means your terrestrial bookshelves too. Sorry them's the rules! Anyway yet again some more new Dune photos have appeared today (via thx Mac, click each one to embiggen it) and I've got 'em all right after the jump...

Pics of the Today

Two more images from Denis Villenueve's Dune popped up online this morning, following the batch I shared yesterday, and like those ones these ones are official! No trailer snaps here! You can leave me alone now, Warner Brothers! Eesh. Anyway above you see Oscar Isaac and Oscar Isaac's beards, the one on his face and Rebecca Ferguson. I don't know what I mean by that except make love to me, Oscar Isaac. And down below is Javier Bardem, who can also make love to me and/or Oscar Isaac. I would say this all took a weird turn but who am I kidding? This is the same nonsense I type every day.