How Ungentlemanly of Me

Guy Ritchie's testosterone caper The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare is out in theaters today -- watch the trailer here if you missed it. Starring Henry Cavill and Alan Ritchson and Henry Golding and Alex Pettyfer and Hero Fiennes Tiffin plus that lady from Ambulance the movie is basically just a beefed-up (literally -- I mean look at Alan Ritchson there) version of every men-on-a-mission war movie that Hollywood's been churning out since the 1950s at least. I suppose there are earlier examples than that but they really seemed to come into their own in the '50s, when we decided we really needed to solidify our post-WWII savoir complex. Anyway this one isn't American propoganda, given the British director and international cast -- it's sort of Winston Churchill Propoganda but really it's not anybody propoganda. It's just a goof. And as such it's fine enough, although I really think when people have been calling it "Guy Ritchie's Inglourious Basterds" they've been underselling just how thoroughly this movie is xeroxing Tarantino at times, beat for beat and character for character. Basterds actor Til Schweiger has to play the Chistoph-Waltz-ish colorful Nazi this time instead of playing the over-indulgent Nazi killer that he did previously -- it's Ritchson now who plays that part. The lady from Ambulance puts on a shiny dress for the last act a la Diane Kruger, all for the big party slash showdown. It's remixed enough to be different enough but Tarantino should still probably toss a pie at Ritchie the next time they're in the same room. Anyway yesterday I posted some photos from the movie's premiere where I also mentioned that I got violently sick from food poisoning in the middle of watching this movie so you should obviously take my opinion with a great big grain of salt! I was clearly somewhat distracted! It's a fun enough slab of muscular entertainment. Just the way Henry Cavill likes it.

Go On 'n Goon Out, Henry Cavill

As twas foretold by yesterday's post of Henry Cavill pictures, the trailer for Guy Ritchie's The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare starring Henry Cavill, Alex Pettyfer, Alan Ritchson, Eiza Gonzalez, and Henry Golding has indeed arrived this morning -- it feels like a Kingsman movie meets Inglourious Basterds (right down to the presence Til Schweiger) but I don't really mean that to dismiss it; I actually think it looks fun? Dumb but fun and if Guy Ritchie can perfect "dumb but fun" he'll be doing better than he normlaly does. 

Ungentlemanly is out on April 19th.

Swash Me Buckle, Henry Cavill

While we've already gawped at Henry Cavill's lotta-look on the set of Guy Ritchie's upcoming movie The Ministtry of Ungentlemanly Warfare it's good to have an update via the man himself -- Henry shared these two official photos of him in character on his Insta today, along with the info that a trailer will appear tommorow. I was surprised when I checked -- it's out on April 19th! That's not too far away now. This movie is a veritable who's-who of beefcakery, also starring Alan Ritchson, Alex Pettyfer, Henry Golding, Til Schweiger, Hero Fiennes Tiffin, plus Dunkirk twink Freddie Fox is apparently playing James Bond author Ian Fleming? I have no idea what nonsense to expect from this thing but biceps will be served. 

Who Wore it Best?

When Henry Cavill first grew his legendary Mission Impossible stache there was a lot of "Holy Tom of Finland drawing!" grunting, but leave it to director Guy Ritchie to take homoerotic fetishism to the next level and legitimately costume Cavill like a Tom of Finland character for his next movie, the WWII-set The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare, which I talked about previously right here. Photos from the set (also featuring Henry Golding and Alex Pettyfer) popped up today (see more here) that have Henry fully decked out and, as per usual with this particular brand of fetishism, it's conflicting! But still I must ask! (Thx to Fiona for the suggestion!)

online polls

Pic of the Day

(click to embiggen) Guy Ritchie has been very busy, and by "busy" I mean he has been rounding up all of the hot dudes I post about all the time and stuffing them into about half a dozen movies that he's working on all at once. That's really the only explanation for how we've gotten to the point of filming this one and checking my archives I realize I never posted about it before today. "This one" is called The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare and it stars (deep breath) Henry Cavill, Alex Pettyfer (somebody hired him!), Alan Ritchson, Hero Fiennes-Tiffin, and last but hardly hardly least Henry Golding. And despite how old-timey this photo that Henry Cavill posted looks this movie is set during World War II and is about some rogue soldiers getting gathered up to (what else) fight dem Nazis. I guess it could be less a daguerreotype like I thought it was at first and more like those famous faded photos of sexy WWII sailors like the ones gathered in this book (a personal fave). ETA here are two more photos after the jump...

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

Magic Mike (2012)

Dallas: Fact is, the law says you cannot touch!

But I think I see a lotta lawbreakers up in this house tonight.

Magic Mike came out ten years ago today! Isn't that nuts?

I'm sorry but that's nuts. Soon enough (I would guess next

summer) we'll have a third movie. But we'll always have this:

And this:

And this:

People like to pretend this movie didn't offer up 

the goods but those people are no good.

I think those people need to be punished...

Good Morning, World

A happy 37 to sweatdrop-inducing model-turned-actor and friend-of-Luke-Evans Jon Kortajarena today! I was going to say "turned 'sometime' actor" but his IMDb credits are much longer than I realized -- he's obviously able to work on Spanish-language projects too so that helps. The only acting jobs I've seen him in were that one memorable scene in Tom Ford's A Single Man and playing the gay love interest on the fabulous Amazon sci-fi series Tales From the Loop (see my post about that here) which I really hope y'all have caught up with by now. I've been thinking about a re-watch lately! Anyway a happy birthday to Jon, who's in Cannes with pink hair right now which I know because he posts on Instagram a lot. And for some reason alongside the below photo Alex Pettyfer is calling Jon his "wife's second husband" which is making me think, "Lucky wife"! Nestle me between those two and put rings on everybody.

Back It Up, Channing Tatum

The "it" I speak of is the dump-truck (ass) full of cash to Channing and Steven Soderbergh's houses, because the duo have just announced a third Magic Mike movie! To be titled Magic Mike's Last Dance, Tatum posted a photo of the script cover on his Twitter (see down below) this morning, and I have to admit I'm not super surprised? Happy yes, obviously, but not surprised given how ripped Channing's been seen getting lately -- see here for an example. His abs were like a flare shot into the sky -- I sensed this coming! Anyway there's not a lot of info, besides Soderbergh (no doubt with tongue firmly in cheek) saying, "Mike Lane’s dream of connecting people through dance must be realized," so stay tuned. I can't imagine that we won't see some familiar faces (and you know what comes down below those faces) showing back up for the third round. Personally I'm really hoping they bring Alex Pettyfer back -- I know he was an asshole, but... he put the "ass" in "asshole." He really did.

Well world, looks like Mike Lane’s tapping back in. @hbomax pic.twitter.com/V9Ce62n710

— Channing Tatum (@channingtatum) November 29, 2021

I Quit Smoking Thirteen Years Ago Today

Lucky thirteen, y'all! That's how that thing works, right? Well maybe I'm no numerologist but what I do know is I tossed cigarettes in the trash on May 5th 2008 and I ain't never been back, and that's a thing I celebrate here on MNPP every single year every May 5th by posting enormous galleries of extremely attractive actors doing the exact thing that I no longer do. It keeps me honest.

Well if not honest... it keeps me something, anyway. Last year, as with many aspects of last year, we hit a snag though -- because I was quarantined at home over this anniversary I'd been separated from the big folder of photos that I'd keep gathering up to post for 2020. And so last year's post was admittedly a bit slack. Well...

... this year's post makes up for it, and it makes up for it then some. I've got all the photos I'd gathered for 2020 plus all the photos I've gathered in 2021, and it's gonna give y'all a hell of a nicotine buzz. If you don't die of cancer before you're finished with this post then I haven't done my job! I make light (get it) but seriously... don't smoke. You don't look at good as these guys do doing it, I promise you. Well unless you're actually KJ Apa reading this, in which case... call me, KJ Apa. You can blow smoke (or anything) on me any time. And with that, let's hit the jump for dozens more...

Alex Pettyfer Twelve Times

Listen, I wonder myself sometimes why I'm still in 2020 posting Alex Pettyfer photos -- he really dicked over his career by, well, being a dick, and barely acts anymore to give me an excuse with which to post the photos. I will say that I actually thought he was fairly terrific in the 2017 film The Strange Ones though, which came well after he got "cancelled" and his directorial debut Back Roads the year after that was interesting as well. But let's be real -- he won a piece of my heart when he mooned the audience in Magic Mike, and I've never gotten it back. 

And his career's not as dead as all that anyway -- here he is being photographed for a magazine in 2020 after all! He started his own production company a couple of years back -- seemingly to mitigate all the work he wasn't getting -- and you can see his producing partner James Ireland alongside him a few of these photos, which are for Vulkan Magazine. There's also an interview. Anyway we're not here for talk, but hot Pettyfer action! Hit the jump for the rest of the shoot...

Good Morning, World

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As if that photo I posted earlier this week of Jonathan Tucker's gay ol' haircut-palooza tweren't proof enough everybody's going through their own hair-trials and hair-tribulations these days, and the rich and famous, like the magazine said, are just like us. Whether it's Alex Pettyfer's beard or Armie Hammer's mustache or the lack of "poof" that my mother was complaining about on the phone to me just recently, from the neck up we're all a disaster. At least we're in this shaggy business together.

See how the Hammer-stache flaps majestically in the breeze pic.twitter.com/dpp7YYjnIZ

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) May 27, 2020

I Gotta Go!

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Alright parsing my big meanie words in that negative Wounds review I just posted took me way longer than I anticipated and I gotta run -- y'all enjoy that shot of Alex Pettyfer walking away and have a good weekend whilst ya do it! Bye!

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I Think There's a "Petting Fur" Pun Here

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I literally just spoke the words, "Oh for fuck's sake" out loud when I opened Instagram and saw that picture above which Alex Pettyfer has shared with us from his new photo-shoot for Numéro Netherlands magazine -- I'd posted a couple of shots from the shoot on the Tumblr yesterday and they were very fine but that one above, that one comes right here. (click to embiggen) And here's one more since we're here anyway:

Good Morning, World

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I'm a little busy this morning with off-blog things 

so let's have Alex Pettyfer keep you in a holding pattern 

(a floating pattern) until I'm back...

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Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

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... honky-tonking with Alex Pettyfer.

I never thought I'd want to join an Alabama cover-band and hit the road with a red bandana and a pocketful of hooch before, but these new photos of Alex Pettyfer (via) have got me wanting to sow my wild oats all over the back-seat of a Harley-Davidson. That's some Crosby Stills and sweaty beard sex shit, yo. ETA four more photos from this shoot have arrived (via) so I'll share them after the jump...

Oh We Should Also Wish...

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... Alex Pettyfer a happy birthday, for surrrre.

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Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... serenaded by Alex Pettyfer.

Alex's Instagram this morning is nothing

but dude-on-dude karaoke antics...

.

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... and shirtless working-out...

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 and I'm one hundred percent here for it.  

Thank you for your service, Alex. 

Hit the jump a couple more gifs...

Good Morning, World

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Alex Pettyfer, ladies and gentlemen
and none of the above. (via)

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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

sex, lies, and videotape (1989)

Cynthia: The organ itself seemed like a, a separate thing, um, a separate entity to me. I mean, when he finally pulled it out, and I could look at it and touch it, I completely forgot that there was a guy attached to it. I remember literally being startled when the guy spoke to me.

A happy 56 to director Steven Soderbergh today! To be quite honest I don't like SL&V very much at all, but I remember thinking Laura San Giacomo was good so I'll quote her "organ" speech - it's an instrumental one. Anyway even if I don't love this movie I do love Soderbergh, and I'm fairly thrilled he's got two count 'em two movies coming out this year after he took his little wayward sabbatical...

First up is High Flying Bird, a basketball movie of some sort starring André Holland (who was on Soderbergh's grand television program The Knick, you might recall) as a sports agent who has a "controversial" business proposal for a client played by Melvin Gregg. HFB is out very soon, on February 8th. Then later this year there's The Laundromat, his great big star-studded "Panama Papers" movie with Meryl Streep and Gary Oldman and Antonio Banderas and Alex Pettyfer (I love that he gave Alex a gig after he was insufferable on the Magic Mike set) and holla Matthias Schoenaerts y'all...

The Family That Spoils Together

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Well that's that - another four-day work-week in the can, another goodbye to you people until the weekend's dead as a dead dog laying in a ditch. It's a big weekend at the multiplexes - I haven't seen Ocean's 8 yet (I do plan on it) but there are two movies I have seen and reviewed that are kinda sort one hundred thousand percent cannot miss.

There is the horror film Hereditary starring the forever and ever amen Toni Collette - I reviewed that right here but don't read the review until you've seen the movie. And there is the documentary Won't You Be My Neighbor? about Mister Rogers and his legacy - I reviewed that earlier today, right here if you missed it. I say you see Hereditary first and then you see the doc, which will ease some of the despair the former will fill you with. Or maybe you're like me and you like horror movie despair, in which case do it the other way. I don't own you. Do whatever, man!

Oh and since we're wrapping up MNPP's birthday week too - a deeply heartfelt thanks to everybody who donated. Y'all marvelous, y'all magic. Thank you! And if you haven't donated yet... ahem, cough cough. Hey, respect what little hustle I have...
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