Good Morning, World

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I feel a special responsibility to keep an eye out for the alums of the Final Destination franchise... which isn't really all that much responsibility because, except in the case of Mary Elizabeth Winstead and to a lesser degree Nicholas D'Agosto, they don't show up all that often. Take the Tom Cruise doppelgänger Miles Fisher for instance (since it's his birthday today, and that's why we're here at all). He is very handsome, and he did an amusing American Psycho parody music-video once - he should get more work! But he doesn't. I mean his dance-card isn't totally clear - we just took a look at a trailer for a movie he's in with Fran Kranz a couple of months ago. And I guess that I can always check out his Instagram for new shirtless shots or pictures from what seems to be the opening of a tailor-based gay porn film...

Hitting It Hard With Fran Kranz

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The Playlist just shared the trailer for the new movie The Truth About Lies and it's one of those "Hey it's That Person" affairs - hey it's the chick who gets a rod stuck in her in Cloverfield, hey it's The Waitress from It's Always Sunny, hey it's that dude that MNPP just posted pictures of in his underwear the other day, hey it's the dude from Final Destination 5 who should be in lots more things...

... (his name's Miles Fisher and we love him lots, by the way). But the most important presence in the whole thing is, natch, Shirtless Fran Kranz, my old friend Shirtless Fran Kranz.

Indeed Shirtless Fran Kranz is all over the trailer, making it clear that people seem to have realized what an asset Shirtless Fran Kranz is to a movie - a wonderful, wonderful development in the world. One more thing to say, "Thanks, Joss Whedon!" for. Hit the jump for more pictures...

Thursday's Ways Not To Die

Final Destination 5 (2011)

I had a hard time decided what death scene I'd be inaugurating the release of this here fifth Final Destination movie onto DVD this past week with, since there are so many keepers. This edition is easily the best since the second film - hell, I'd rank it as my second favorite, I think. I mean love the first film, of course I love the first film, but I really hate Devon Sawa which has always kept my true love ever so slightly at bay. No such problem here, since Nicholas D'Agosto is ever so lovable (and this was before he did that amazing homosexual striptease in Dirty Girl, even), and he gets to play around with Miles Fisher... wel, "play around" might not be the most precise choice of words, but it gives me a visual my mind appreciates so I'm leaving it.

Anyway, I had a hard time picking a death scene. The best death is obviously the gymnastics one, but I decided that one is too elaborate to really give its due with this kind of post. (Read: I am lazy.) There are so many set-ups to that one - a million false starts and twists and turns and complications that it really just takes the movie itself playing in front of you to get across its genius. It's like that scene in the second film with the car crash and the PVC pipe and the exploding barbed wire fence - that shit was hard to get across in a post (although I did try).

So why did I pick this one? Why not? It's a delight! It gives a little love to the spectacular bridge collapse sequence that begins the film, which is truly one of the most amazing things I saw in a theater last year, and on top of that we get to see the ever appealing David Koechner's face melt off! I mean, come on, who doesn't want to take a break from their day with that bit of good old-fashioned fun? On that note...

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poll by twiigs.com

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Previous Ways Not To Die: Tucked In By Jason -- Just A Pair of Snowbodies -- Poison Pellet Kibble Swap -- Dolly Disassembled -- Fire Escape Fall Out -- Unbuggered -- Tell 'Em Large Marge Sent'cha -- Blue Man Gooped -- Tongue Stung -- Now Wouldn't Cha, Barracuda? -- Leaving on a Rat Plane -- Panthers! -- Fashion Faux-Pwned -- "It's Just A Box." -- Blasted Pigeons -- Taunting Ahnuld -- The Too Hot Tub -- Beyond the Veil -- Sunken Prayers-- Super Crack -- Brains Blown -- Fur For The Boogens -- White Hot Bunny Rabbit Rage --Dragged To Hell -- The TV Van That Dripped Blood -- Don't Mess With Mama -- Heads Ahoy --Martyred For Sheep -- Heads Nor Tails -- He Loves Me Knot -- The Great Bouncing Brad --Miss Kitty's 8 Mishaps -- Boat Smoosh -- Meeting the French-Tipped Menace -- A Magic Trick -- Slick Suck -- We Who Walk Here Walk Alone -- Raptor Bait -- Kneegasm'd -- Dare to Dream in Fincher -- Reach Out and Throttle Someone -- De-Faced -- Voluntary Drowning -- Cross Borne -- Pulled Up Hell's Sphincter -- An Arrow Up The Ass - The Numerous Violent Unbecomings of Olive Oyl -- Ack! Ack! Zap! -- Baby's First Acid Splash -- Chop, Drop and Sashimi Roll -- Forever Rafter -- Can't You Hear Me Now? -- Daisies Ways #5 - Harpoony Side Up -- Acid Dip -- On a Wing and a Prey -- For Standing in the Way of Sappho -- Busting Rule Number Three (For The Purpose of Number Two) -- Daisies #4 - Window Dressed To Killed --Hands Off the Haas Orb -- Bullet Ballet -- A Single Vacancy at the Roach Motel -- A School Bus Slipped Thru The Ice -- Trache-AAHHHH!!!-tomy'd - For Mel Gibson's Sins -- A Wide Stanced Slashing --- Daisies Ways #3 - Scratch n' Snuffed -- The Victim of a Viscous Hit & Run-- Curled -- Kabobbed -- Daisies Ways #2 - Aggravated Cementia -- Boo! Nun! -- 2009's Ways Not To Die -- Bug Scratch Fever -- Daisies Ways #1 - Deep Fat Fried in My Own Unique Blend of 500 Herbs & Spices -- By the Yard End of the Stick -- Screwed From A Very Great Distance-- A Righteous Bear-Jew Beatdown -- Fisted By Hugo Sitglitz -- Xeno Morphed -- Fuck-Stuck -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 4 -- Lava Bombed -- The Cradle Will Rock... Your Face Off!!! -- The Food of the Nilbog Goblins -- The Slugs Is Gonna Gitcha -- Phone Shark -- Hide The Carrot -- Sarlacc Snacked -- Avada Kedavra!!! -- Hooked, Lined and Sinkered -- "The Libyans!" -- Axe Me No Questions -- Pin the Chainsaw on the Prostitute -- The Wrath of the Crystal Unicorn -- The Ultimate Extreme Make-Over -- Drown In A Sink Before The Opening Credits Even Roll -- The Dog Who Knew Too Much -- Don't Die Over Spilled Milk -- Inviting the Wrath of Aguirre -- An Inconceivable Outwitting -- The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique -- Nipple Injected Blue Junk -- Your Pick Of The Deadly Six -- Thing Hungry --Don't Fuck With The Serial Killer's Daughter -- DO Forget To Add The Fabric Softener -- Any Of The Ways Depicted In This Masterpiece Of Lost Cinema -- Rode Down In The Friscalating Dusklight -- Good Morning, Sunshine! -- Mornin' Cuppa Drano -- The Cylon-Engineered Apocalypse -- Tender-Eye-zed -- Martian Atmospheric Asphyxiation -- Maimed By A Mystical Person-Cat -- The Sheets Are Not To Be Trusted -- Handicapable Face-Hacked -- I Did It For You, Faramir -- Summertime In The Park... Of A Pedophile's Mind -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 3 -- Strung Up With Festive Holiday Bulbs By Santa Claus Himself -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 2 -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 1 -- Decapitated Plucked Broiled & Sliced -- Head On A Stick! -- A Trip To The Ol' Wood-Chipper -- Pointed By The T-1000 --Sucking Face With Freddy Krueger -- A Pen-Full Of Home-Brewed Speed to The Eye --Motivational Speech, Interrupted -- A Freak Ephemera Storm -- When Ya Gotta Go... Ya Gotta Go -- Hoisted By Your Own Hand Grenade -- Having The Years Suction-Cupped Away --Criss-Cross -- Turned Into A Person-Cocoon By The Touch Of A Little Girl's Mirror Doppleganger -- Satisfying Society's "Pop Princess" Blood-Lust -- Done In By The Doggie Door-- Tuned Out -- Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue-- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!!-- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded --Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare --Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head

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Quote of the (Other) Day

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I read this at the end of last week but never got around to commenting - did you see what Bret Easton Ellis had to saw, via tweet, about the terrible idea that is that American Psycho remake? Via BD:

"I have warned Lionsgate that I will not approve a new version of 'American Psycho' unless it stars Scott Disick or Miles Fisher."

The less said about Disick the better (god I hate even repeating his name a second time, as if I stand upon a precipice and if it gets uttered a third time that ghoul will apparate in front of me), and if you don't know who he is consider yourself one of the blessed and do not bother figuring it out, you'll just be sad once you know. But the second name has the exact opposite effect upon me. Miles Fisher, Miles Fisher, Miles Fisher! He can apparate in front of me any time.

You ought to recall he's already done the Bateman thing with that music video of his back in the day - if not, go watch it, it's a lot of fun. He was recently seen in the latest greatest Final Destination movie as well as hilariously mushing together that murderous franchise with Saved By The Bell in yet another terrific music video. Basically we adore Miles, and we would watch an American Psycho remake with him in it in a hot minute. I mean I have no faith that it could be better than the genius that Mary Harron coaxed from Christian Bale or anything, but we'd still be there. I mean...

... come on! So.... yeah... anyway.... this seems like a good time to post some pictures of Miles, doesn't it? I think it does. Let's do that!

Miles Fisher Six Times

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We really need to make sure Miles Fisher keeps getting work.

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Miles Fisher Is So Excited, So Scared

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You know it's gotta be special to get me posting on a Saturday morning! Brian shared this with me over at Facebook (thanks Brian!) and I knew it needed its place of prominence right straight. We've seen a music video of Miles Fisher's here at MNPP before - way back in July 0f 2009 he made one that was an homage to American Psycho, wherein he played up his Christian Bale resemblance to comedic (and sexy) heights. Well with his role in Final Destination 5 hitting screens this weekend - I saw it last night but I'm not writing my proper review til Monday (psst... it's fantastic, go see it) - he's got a new homage-stuffed music video, and this time he's taking on the Saved By the Bell crew... with a glorious Final Destination twist! 

Oh my god I love this thing. If you ever wanted to see Mr. Belding scalped - and who hasn't? - then this is for you!

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Keep it up, Miles Fisher. You're on the road to becoming one of my favorite people. I mean okay the song is kinda beside the point. He has wonderful fuzzy eyebrows, doesn't he? I just want to take a nap in them. I kept thinking that through FD5. Viscera splashing about and I just wanna nap in some eyebrows. It's gotta mean something. (It means I'm certifiably insane. I know this.)

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"That's a very fine Chardonnay you're not drinking."

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I haven't listened to this with the sound on yet and I've never even heard of this dude Miles Fisher, whose video it is, so I can't tell you either way if his music is any good - it's apparently a cover of a Talking Heads song that he's singing - but dude makes good Patrick Bateman face, so why not post? Yes, Patrick Bateman as in Christian Bale's character from American Psycho - the whole video's an homage to that fave film o' mine. (via)

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It's a shame that Mr. Fisher substitutes those not-clingy-enough boxer shorts for the eye-searing (in the best of ways) tighty-whities that Bale rocked so wholly... completely... fully... but I guess he just didn't have the balls. Ba dum bum ching.

Still, he's cute, and yes that is the "American socialite, fashion model, columnist, and heiress" Lydia Hearst that's he's fucking and murdering as she somewhat successfully apes the amazing Cara Seymour's disaffected performance as the working-girl "Christie."


God I love Cara Seymour. Nat just brought her up the other day too. She rules. Anyway, if you like the music in this here video - and I can't tell you since I ain't heard it - you can download his album right here for free. Not very Bateman of you there, Miles. He'd never debase himself with something so anti-Capitalist as free.

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