A Very Merry Apocalypse

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We finally have word on when the new CBS miniseries adaptation of Stephen King's The Stand will arrive! Variety's reporting this version, which stars Alexander Skarsgard and James Marsden and literally one thousand other people, will hit CBS All Access on December 17th. They don't offer up any new photos with the announcement but if you missed the first batch click here. They say it will drop on the streaming service one episode per week, every Thursday, for eight weeks. So there's our Holiday Entertainment this year! Nothing says carved ham like...

QUARANTINE DAY 114 pic.twitter.com/h2z2QPmHax

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) July 5, 2020

... a made-for-TV Stephen King adaptation, after all. Oh I kid, I am hopeful this will be good! It certainly can't be worse than the 1994 version, which I re-watched over quarantine (after re-reading that monster of a book) and found, save a saving grace here and there, utterly unfathomably awful. And hey Variety says that King wrote the 2020 series' finale episode (not necessarily a good sign on its own since he also wrote the 1994 miniseries in its entirety) and that he added a post-novel coda that tells us What Happens Next, so that's something curious. A carrot on this particular stick.

Thank You, Eion Bailey

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After just now barfing out a whole lot of personal stuff in my thoughts on Call Me By Your Name I kind of don't know if I can write much else today - it's not even the writing of that stuff; it's mostly just the movie itself which has hit me like a brick wall and stopped me dead in my tracks - so it sure was nice of Eion Bailey to post this shirtless picture of himself on his Instagram so I don't have to say anything. Thanks, Eion! (click to embiggen)

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Good Morning, Eion

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I'm gonna do something I never do this morning - I'm just going to direct y'all to another site to get your beefcake fix for our beloved Eion Bailey's 41st birthday today. I know! I should make some gifs myself but I have to go watch James Comey testify so just click on over here (thx Mac) for some caps of Eion in the recent movie Extortion, and later today (if there is a later today) I promise I will right this egregious gratuitous wrong.

Who Wore It Best?

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This picture of Eion Bailey and Matt Bomer on the set of The Last Tycoon (via) is pretty much more than this lover of the black-hair-blue-eyes combo can bear - this is like whatever the opposite of Nuclear Armageddon is. I am anti-obliterated. You know how the universe is expanding because of the Big Bang? This is all the space that the Universe hasn't moved out in to yet.

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The Last Tycoon apparently returns later this year.
And here's a bonus picture of Eion on set just cuz:

Good Morning, World

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I hadn't seen David Fincher's film Fight Club in several years when I stumbled upon it on tv this past weekend so I watched about half of it (it's easy so easy to get caught up in it) and I realized that if you ever need someone to yell out five seconds before Brad Pitt's butt-crack makes one of its several appearances in Fight Club, I am your man. I should do riff-tracks.

Anyway we're not talking about Brad Pitt's butt-crack (for once) this morning, we're talking about Eion Bailey, who's turning 40 today! Happy birthday, Eion! Our crush on Eion established itself long after we'd seen Fight Club -- in fact thanks to the blog I have kept for 11 years now I can pin-point The Moment I Fell For Eion Bailey down to the millisecond!

The post in question is titled, "Pleased To Meet You, Eion Bailey" and it shows that I fell for him thanks to a still of him in the movie The Canyon. That movie wasn't very good, but it brought me Eion so it holds a special place if not in my heart then at least a place connected to my heart by blood vessels.

Anyway, this scene! How's about this scene? Shirtless Eion Bailey shaving his head and most importantly stopping there and keeping everything below the neck good n' furry. The first and second rules of Fight Club might be you don't talk about Fight Club but the third or fourth one is probably "something something hyper-manliness something." (God this movie is so, so, so gay.)

Anyway if you're unfamiliar with Eion click through our Eion tag, you certainly won't be by the time you scan through our seven years of gratuitous posts on the hairy boy from California. And since Eion also has a good shirtless fighting scene in this movie that I have never capped before hit the jump for all of that...

I Am Link

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--- Future Smash - Demolition, the other other Jake Gyllenhaal movie coming out, the one that's not Everest or Southpaw (which no I haven't gotten a chance to see yet, I am a louse), the one directed by Dallas Buyer's Club (boo) and Wild (yay) director Jean-Marc Vallée and co-stars Naomi Watts, has gotten scooted off to next year, probably because of something Harvey Weinstein did damn him; it will actually be opening the Toronto Film Festival in the Fall though, and The Playlist has the first picture. It's just a picture of Jake. I'm sold!

--- Bailed By Eion - This all happened so quickly I wasn't even able to get excited before getting disappointed -- apparently last week my furry love Eion Bailey joined the cast of HBO's Westworld series, which would've put him possibly on-screen opposite James Marsden and immediately blown my synapses like so much malfunctioning robot. It would've been worth it though! His role was described as "hedonistic" which I translate to "sexy and naked." But, sigh, just as quick he's gone, replaced by Ben Barnes. Barnes is hot enough (some examples) but he's no Eion.

--- Saint Patty - I just realized I haven't even watched this yet myself but here's the trailer for Patrick Wilson's new sex movie (I wish that description were what I wanted it to be) called Zipper, in which he plays a dude (a hot one, since he's Patrick Wilson) who's sex obsessed. I haven't heard good stuff about this movie but clearly we'll watch Patrick Wilson be sex obsessed. Mostly we're just killing time waiting for Fargo to come back with his hot ass along for the ride though. Have you been seeing the little trailers FX has been airing? Oooh ooh ooh it looks so good!

--- We're In The Monkey - We saw that relatively unimpressive teaser for the new King Kong movie called Kong: Skull Island (I wish they'd go back to just Skull Island) so many many months ago it's already forgotten and they haven't even begin filming the thing yet; this world we live in is weird, you guys. Anyway the movie will apparently star Tom Hiddleston (that we already knew) and Brie Larson (which is the new news) so we're so so very there all the same. She's gonna make a great entry in the Ape Blonde lexicon!

--- Big Chop Charlie - I think it's safe to assume that you pervs have already perved over the lovely pictures of Charlie Hunnam on the cover and inside of Entertainment Weekly stroking his gigantic man-sword for that King Arthur movie he's starring in from Guy Ritchie, but maybe you missed this behind-the-scenes video of him talking about how much he loved stroking his gigantic man-sword? (thanks Mac) It's the sort of thing one wants to listen to, anyway.

--- Little Gray Suit - While I was away I missed the 30th anniversary of Tim Burton's glorious life-changing 1985 film Pee-wee's Big Adventure on Sunday, but the funny man himself (Paul Reubens that is) celebrated it over on his website (thanks Mac) by sharing a bunch of never before seen pictures from the set - what struck me is how similar Paul still looks in his Pee-wee get-up (we should all take his lead and wear the same clothes for thirty years) while how very very young TIm Burton looks.

--- A Second Sense - Apparently Netflix still hasn't let the Wachowskis know if Sense8 has been renewed for a second season - boo, Netflix, boo! I need more hot dude mind orgies dammit. Gratuity aside (that's a goddamned big aside, granted) I really did come to love the show and I want more and more adventures with that pack of weirdos, so I hope they give it another go. I know reactions were pretty mixed but I'm really curious to see where they'd take it from here.

--- Can't Quit You - I feel like Out Magazine kinda jumped the gun by posting their 10 year anniversary piece on Brokeback Mountain this month since the movie's actual anniversary isn't until December but I guess they wanted to get the credit for screaming "FIRST!" and meaning it. Anyway it's a good read, (llots of good stuff from Jake and Anne Hathaway) although I just kept wishing Michelle Williams had participated - you really feel her absence. I don't know if it's just difficult for her to reminisce about that time what with losing Heath or what but I hope she can talk about it one day.

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How Eion Spent His Summer

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Eion Bailey -- who just had a birthday last week, happy birthday, and who we've definitely loved longer than you so step the fuck off -- has landed a new role! He starring in a movie called Extortion opposite Frank Grillo (mmm Frank Grillo) and Barkad Abdi, as "a doctor on vacation with his family in the Caribbean who finds himself stranded in a vulnerable situation and extorted by an opportunistic migrant fisherman." (Thanks Mac.) Abdi's feeling a little bit typecast as an "opportunistic migrant fisherman" there but then it's nice to see a talented actor that I feared Hollywood would have nothing to give getting some work. Anyway I hope that the "vulnerable situation" Eion finds himself in involves him and Frank Grillo and ROMANCE. Plus the film is currently shooting in Puerto Rico and it is very hot in Puerto Rico in June so let's hope we see lots and lots of this too...

Which is Hotter?

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It is the 48th birthday of the actor slash screenwriter slash furball Dan Futterman and it is the 39th birthday of the actor slash furball Eion Bailey. See more of Futterman here; see more of Eion here. And now you must choose, choose between furballs!
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Liev Strong

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Cotton be Weary no more. Anybody who's been paying attention - and indeed, we have been paying attention - has noticed that Liev Schreiber's become a bit of a beefcake, but these shots of him (via JJ) are taking, you know, the cake. The beefcake. I just wish he and his Ray Donovan co-star Eion Bailey were taking, you know, the cake together. Eion would make for a fine cake-boy.

Eion And A Bag Of Chips

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If you have thirteen and a half minutes to spare and love Eion Bailey (and clearly at least one of those things is true because look at him) then you might want to watch this short film he starred in; it's called The Liar's Chair and it was directed by a couple of music-video vets and involves Eion in very tight black jeans talking to a very large man in his underwear.

There's no info on the short on IMDb so
I don't know that fella's name, but I'd sure like to!

Last month Eion himself tweeted out a link to this flick with a lovely behind-the-scenes selfie; as he makes clear, be prepared for some graphic (graphically awesome!) violence up in it. Now watch!

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Good Morning Again, Eion Bailey

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Do the people making Ray Donovan want me 

to never be able to do anything ever again?

I think the people making Ray Donovan want me 

to never be able to do anything ever again.

That's the only explanation I can come up with for why they keep throwing a half-naked Eion Bailey at me (see previously), in scenes of a semi-homoerotic nature with Liev Schreiber no less...

... forcing me to spend hours of my days 

capping the scenes endlessly. My hands are tied!

Of course, maybe they're just including these scenes because they are literal Saints, in which case my complaints are... well, blasphemous. I think I might be on to something.

Alright, enough yammering. We have good stuff...

... to get to. (Including a scene of Liev skinny-dipping at the end of this same episode, cuz why not.) Hit the jump for it!

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... getting a good look at Eion Bailey.

Ohhhhh myyyyyy godddddddd you guys.

One of my all-time furry favorites Eion Bailey (see plenty more of him in the archives) showed up on last week's episode of Ray Donovan apparently, and did nothing but strut around with his fur flying in the wind.

Clearly I needed to cap the living hell out of this scene, which I did,
right after the jump. Hit it, hair-lovers...

Where The Heck Is Eion Bailey?

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Why am I not seeing Eion Bailey in everything?

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Good Morning (Tomorrow), Eion

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Tomorrow is the 37th birthday of our favorite furry somebody (well one of our favorite furry somebodies) Eion Bailey. Most recently you may have seen him spouting wood on Once Upon a Time? I didn't, I can't bring myself to watch that show, even with the awesome Jane Espenson writing there. These shots are from the 2006 TV movie Candles on Bay Street, where Alicia Silverstone comes back to town and gets messed up in the life of her now married high school amour. Eion playing said amour. I am assuming this is a Lifetime thing but don't quote me on that. It is at least a Lifetime thing in spirit. Hit the jump for a couple more gifs if you feel up to it...

Which Is Hotter?

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poll by twiigs.com

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See more Eion here and more Colin here.

I'm still not watching Once Upon a Time but it's pretty clear its casting director shares with me one of my particular favorite of types - fuzzy Irishmen with jet black hair and bottomless blue eyes? Yes please.
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Eion Bailey's On A Hit Show...

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... or so the ads for Once Upon a Time would have me believe ("The Number One New Drama!"), so can't we get some good gratuitous photo-shoots of him, please? I've already posted pretty much everything there is of him, and am in need of more. A constant undying need of more. (Preferably shots like this one.)

Adam Scott & Eion Bailey Totally Making Out

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It is what it is. (And what it is is blowing my mind.) It's from a 2001 movie called Seven and a Match, and you can watch the entire scene here. I'd seen (and posted) caps from the scene before, but never got it in motion until now. The scene also involves Eion Bailey's head resting on Adam Scott's dick for an extended period of time, so there's that. I mean, here's that:

Basically this is the best most important couple of minutes put on film ever. Or you know one of the thousand times I've said that (and I've meant it every time!). It also led me to notice that somehow I'd gotten slack in my posting pictures of Eion Bailey - I thought I'd been thorough, since he's woefully underused and I figured I'd been able to keep up, but a glance through what we've posted before and what else I could post told me otherwise. Let us fix that right now, then. Hit the jump for nineteen more pictures of lovely fuzzy under-appreciated Eion...