Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

Love on the Run (1979)

Liliane: You can't make everyone else 

pay for your rotten childhood.

Not to bring up my birthday yet again (oh who am I kidding -- I'll bring it up in every post today if I can manage it) but that quote from this movie really feels aimed straight at me today. Sigh, fine! Fine, Francois Truffaut. I'll try to keep that in mind. Anyway as foretold back in April Criterion's 4K upgrade of their box-set of Truffaut's five Antoine Doinel movies arrives today! This is very exciting for me personally because I've always wanted to see all of these but only ever seen The 400  Blows. When Luca Guadagnino was talking up doing a series of movies about Timothee Chalamet's character Elio in Call Me By Your Name he brought up this series every time -- despite the entire Armie situation I still hold out hope that could happen. Elio can exist without Oliver! Okay okay I'll set that aside for the moment. Who's seen all of these? Anybody? 

Happy CMBYN Day

As I said yesterday I'm not technically "here" today since I have NYFF screenings all day. But I did want to mark one of the most important holidays of the year -- the anniversary of me seeing Luca Guadagnino's film Call Me By Your Name for the first time. I saw it at NYFF this day in 2017. That sort of set off a chain reaction for several months where I wrote a whole lot about it -- click here for a post where I collected links to most of those writings. Have you watched CMBYN lately? Do you feel the same or differently about the movie now? (The whole "Armie Hammer situation" has been a difficult one to navigate, that's for certain.) Tell me something! And everybody go fuck a peach today in this movie's honor.

Afire to Fantasia & Beyond

Did that photo of British actor Langston Uibel grab your attention? I hope so, it was meant to, for a couple of reasons. First and best there is the fact that Uibel is one of the leads of Afire, the new movie from Christian Petzold (Barbara, Phoenix, Transit), which is out in theaters tomorrow. (Here in NYC there is a preview screening tonight at the IFC Center with the great Mr. Petzold there in person.) Click here to look for where the film might be playing near you, and click here to read my review of the film from when it screened at Tribeca last month. The movie is fantastic, truly. Oh and I previously posted the trailer right here.  

Another reason why I was trying to grab your attention is I'm off now for the three-day-weekend. Do I mention that it's a three-day-weekend containing my birthday? Sure why not -- my birthday is Saturday. Shower me with affection. (Or even better go donate some funds to MNPP's coffers to keep us afloat, how about that.) I plan on doing a lot of nothing. Oh I am going to see Call Me By Your Name on the big screen for the 20-something-th time tomorrow! 

There is that! Oh and one last other thing -- one week from today I am going to fly to the Fantasia Film Festival in Montreal, Canada, for the first time. I've been covering the fest for many years now from afar -- this will be my first time there, in the flesh, and I am very excited. (Also nervous about pandemic stuff -- since COVID isn't over! -- but dealing.) Anyway that means next week will be another three day week, and the week after will be a two-day one, but we'll get to that when we get to it. Just a heads-up. But do check out the Fantasia Fest line-up to get an idea of all the wondrous stuff I'll be talking about soon! And please have a great weekend. Celebrating my birthday, however you see fit. 

Pics of the Day

EW has some official photos of Michael Fassbender in Taika Waititi's long-long-long delayed soccer film Next Goal Wins (thx Mac), as well as a brief chat with Taika on the movie, which hits theaters in April. The long delay happened because of the one-two punch of the pandemic and the whole Armie Hammer thing -- Armie had filmed his role in the film (remember that time him and Michael Fassbender and Taika all hung out at a gay bar while shooting?) but then all... that... happened, and so they re-shot his role with Will Arnett in it. None of this is mentioned at EW, but I'll bring it up if they're not willing! There are a couple more photos at that link though, so check them out if you're so inclined. Where you really wanna click is right here though, for the shirtless shots of Michael on set.

Quote of the Day

There is a terrific chat with director Luca Guadagnino up at i-D Magazine today that's mostly about his cannibal romance Bones and All (out in theaters on November 18th, here is my review!) but also some on his upcoming tennis movie Challengers with Josh O'Connor and Zendaya and Mike Faist, and also a little about fashion, and oh he also drops this bomb:

ID: Is the festival journey of Bones and All the main thing that’s consuming you right now?

Luca: Well, I’m preparing a new movie. I’m working on my design practice. I am trying to rest. I’m producing other movies.

ID: It’s never just one thing?

Luca: No.

ID: Do you like it that way?

Luca: I think I do, but I also think that maybe one day I’ll change that. To clear my mind.

ID: The new movie you’re working on, do people know anything about it?

Luca: No, no one does. It’s very secret.

ID: At what point do you want to reveal that?

Luca: When the movie is finally done.

Okay so... there's that. Luca's attached himself to so many projects over the past few years this could be anything, up to and including his Call Me By Your Name sequel... although Timmy's schedule is a little heavy for that, so let's not get ahead of ourselves on that front.

Although (cue me getting ahead of myself on that)  all they'd need is a few squirreled away weeks, lord knows. I will flash you back now to the very first post I did on CMBYN in May of 2016 when nobody knew anything about the movie -- it hadn't been announced, nor would anybody much have cared at the time if they had since Timmy wasn't a thing (I barely paid attention to him in that post) and Luca's films were strictly art-house. It was only a blip of a rumor as it shot, and only became a thing in the following months... and yes I like to think my relentless shrieking about it maybe had a little bit of an effect. It's one of my few indulgences, although me that. But hyping my ego aside all I'm really saying here is they managed to shoot the first film without anybody noticing -- it would be harder in 2023-23 but not entirely impossible if that was what they wanted to do.

My honest guess though is this is something smaller -- could be another fashion movie like his short film The Staggering Girl, or could even be another documentary like his Ferragamo doc that came out earlier this month. We will unfortunately just have to wait and see. Still... one does get tickled, thinking about them dropping news of a finished CMBYN sequel out of nowhere. And yes as Luca's said many times his idea for a "sequel" is very different from what we normally associate with the word -- I don't foresee it having much to do with Andre Aicman's book Find Me at all, for one. He just wants to make The Further Adventures of Elio, basically.

My Babies Be Hitting 4K!

On November 22nd, just in time for them there holidays, Sony Pictures Classics will be releasing a great big fancy boxed-set of eleven movies in 4K UHD, many of them exclusives meaning only available this way in this boxed-set, and the list of titles included has got me running around the room making crazy person noises. Top of tops there's Luca Guadagnino's Call Me By Your Name, first and foremost. But there's also Ang Lee's Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, there's also Pedro Almodovar's Volver, there's also Orlando and Run Lola Run and The Devil's Backbone and The Celluloid Closet and City of Lost Children and there is also Charlie Kaufman's mf-ing Synecdoche New York! Have I been leaving my body at night to float into another person's body who works at Sony in order to choose this selection myself or what? Is that why I am always so tired? I have a secret flip life making blu-ray boxed-sets??? You can pre-order the set at this link -- for more specifics head over to the fine folks at High Def Disc News, where I found this info first.

Quote of the Day

“A sequel is an American concept... It’s more like the chronicles of Elio, the chronicles of this young boy becoming a man. It is something I want to do."

In case you thought whisper silent nails had been pounded in the coffin lid of a Call Me By Your Name Part II: The Peach's Revenge happening well director Luca Guadagnino has other ideas! He was asked at Telluride this week where he screened his Bones and All with Timothee Chalamet about the possibility of a sequel again, for the two hundredth time, and he's still saying it could happen. Of course he's been saying some variation on this for going on five years now -- here's basically the same thing in 2018. He usually brings up the "Antoine Doinel" movies of Truffaut's, all following the character played by Jean-Pierre Léaud over the course of twenty years. Which I guess if you're gonna go for it go for the moon!

Pics of the Day

I don't feel like editing my literal last post on the trailer for Bones and All to include these photos that the film's star Timothee Chalamet posted on his Instagram today, and anyway it's not like a reunion of the star and director of Call Me By Your Name doesn't warrant multiple posts on this here specific website anyway. I kinda liked that movie, after all! (And no please don't ask me to talk about that trailer for the Armie Hammer docu-series, which also happened to drop today -- it is my choice to bury all of that nonsense in a lockbox in my brain where it's inaccessible to all.) Point being I reiterate Timmy's point -- a very happy birthday to King Luca today!

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Call Me By Your Name (2016)

Mr. Perlman: How you live your life is your business, just remember, our hearts and our bodies are given to us only once. And before you know it, your heart is worn out, and, as for your body, there comes a point when no one looks at it, much less wants to come near it. Right now, there's sorrow, pain. Don't kill it and with it the joy you've felt.

Without even doing a search I know that I have obviously posted this speech before in the course of the past six years of CMBYN being in my life (should I cross out the word "in" and just say "being my life" there?). But I'll post it again today in honor of it being the great Michael Stuhlbarg's 54th birthday and also in honor of me just feeling like thinking about this now-legendary speech too, dammit. You're not gonna stop me! Has anybody watched CMBYN lately? It's been several months for me, I gotta get back on it. In it. It is admittedly more... complicated... since all the Armie stuff dropped. But I manage. Thank goodness the homophobic world forced me to nurture my ability to compartmentalize since childhood! I'm real good at pretending, y'all.

When Luca Met John

I had completely forgotten (read: blacked it right the hell out) that John Waters was going to be interviewing Luca Guadagnino at the Provincetown Film Festival this past weekend -- if I couldn't be there I didn't want to think about it! The weird thing is the internet doesn't seem to've noticed either, and so I haven't been able to find any proper photos of the directors together! Well I do have the one above, which comes at us via MovieMaker Magazine, where they also have some choices quotes (getting to those in a second), and I managed to find one -- one! -- on Instagram, which I'll share down below. Otherwise do people just not have telephones in Provincetown? I know the average age of the gays in P-town is older than the Fire Island types but come on, y'all! You had one job! Anyway I recommend clicking over to MovIeMaker, it sounds like Luca & John had a fun chat via the quotes they share -- they talked sex scenes (Luca said he'd be fine getting naked if it'd make his actors more comfortable) and Call Me By Your Name and social-media brouhahas. I love that Luca's like, just fucking ignore social media, haha. Sage advice that I will unfortunately never ever adhere to. Speaking of...

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Quote of the Day

If you're smart you pre-ordered NYT writer (and friend of MNPP) Kyle Buchanan's book -- titled Blood, Sweat & Chrome: The Wild and True Story of Mad Max: Fury Road about, well, the title says what it's about -- the second it was announced way back. But this excerpt that was posted on Variety today (the book's out on the 22nd) will probably push some of you hold-out pervs over the finish line (in more ways than one):

"Near the end of the process, Hardy emerged as a front-runner alongside Jeremy Renner and Armie Hammer. Hardy and Hammer even read together as part of their audition, and when Hardy gnashed his teeth and spat at his scene partner, Hammer told Miller that Hardy needed to be Max more than he did... 

Audition cameraman Todd Matthew Grossman told Buchanan, “Jeremy and Armie were equally wonderful, but there was something about Tom in the room where it felt like that was Max, without a doubt. He had that kind of suppressed emotional dryness that you’d find in a post-apocalypse and, buried underneath it, disdain for the world. There was this intensity that burned through the lens.” Miller added, “I had the same feeling about Tom that I had when Mel Gibson first walked into the room: There was a kind of edgy charm, the charisma of animals. You don’t know what’s going on in their inner depths, and yet they’re enormously attractive.”

Quote of the Day

"Shia LaBeouf was also dropped like that. He had been contacted for the part of Oliver. At this, I was doubtful. I didn’t know much about him, so I watched some of his films. He’s an extremely good actor. But as an academic writing about the Greek philosopher Heraclitus, he would be a stretch. Well, I thought, he would be a sort of diamond-in-the-rough-scholar type, like my friend Bruce Anawalt. Shia came to read for us in New York with Timothée Chalamet, paying for his own plane ticket, and Luca and I had been blown away. The reading by the two young actors had been sensational; they made a very convincing hot couple. But then, too, Shia was dropped. He had had some bad publicity. He’d fought with his girlfriend; he’d fended off the police somewhere when they had tried to calm him down. And Luca would not call him, or his agent. I emailed Shia to offer reassurance, but then Luca cast Armie Hammer and never spoke to, or of, Shia again."

A long excerpt from writer-director James Ivory's forthcoming memoir Solid Ivory (which is out on Tuesday) has been published in GQ today -- the excerpt is entirely about the making of Call Me By Your Name and the tension between him and director Luca Guadagnino, who'd promised Ivory a co-directing job on the film and then at the absolute last minute snatched that duty away. There's plenty of gossip shared including the above passage, talking about how Shia LaBeouf almost got the "Oliver" role, which was something we already knew but it's a fascinating thought experiment, trying to picture the "hot couple" he and Timmy apparently made. 

Also I find it interesting that Ivory plays down the police incident involving Shia, which I think was the one where he yelled "fag" in a crowded Broadway theater. Then later Ivory again takes the chance to complain about the lack of dick in the film, but we've heard him play that tune often enough at this point and I'm over that. Anyway the book sounds like a great read -- dunno if you've heard but James Ivory can turn a phrase -- so let's all pick up a copy next week and read it together!

It's Timmy Time!

That there is an outtake from that 2019 photo-shoot Timmy did alongside Saoirse Ronan for Entertainment Weekly when Little Women was about to open -- thanks to this Timmy fan-site here for sharing; you can see the entire shoot at that link. Aaanyway maybe you remember how I told you a few weeks back that the Paris Theater here in NYC was going to be screening my beloved Call Me By Your Name twice in August? Well both of those screenings are tomorrow and yes indeed I am a big enough spazz about it that I have taken the whole damned day off and just plan on camping out in the theater for several hours. So that's where my Tuesday will be spent! It will not be spent online posting nonsense for you, my apologies. Well... I'll probably tweet some. But blog not! I think you'll make due! To help you out a wee bit here's a poll you can vote in, regarding this brand new photo (click to embiggen) from The Dune Movie:

bike trail guide

5 Off My Head: Cinematic Spooge

Inspired by the medieval money shot that graces a more poetical (not to mention horny) moment in David Lowery's gorgeous new Arthurian epic The Green Knight, now in theaters (I reviewed it here) -- a scene which has already spurred on some superior semen contemplation around ye internet across the course the past week (see here for my favorite example) -- well I gots cum on my mind! And you know what happens when that happens...

It does indeed burn, Miss Coco Peru. And so it's best to do something about it fast, before the burning becomes an itching and the itching becomes a rash and the rash needs a cream and isn't that what got us into this sticky situation in the first place? And so I decided to do what I do best, which is slap together a list of the first five cum scenes from mainstream movies that popped (off) into my head. 

And yes "mainstream" means I'm refraining from the legitimately pornographic ones, so my apologies to Karl Glusman's 3D Love geyser for Gaspar Noé or the self-suck sensation at the start of John Cameron Mitchell's Shortbus (and yes those links are NSFW so don't yell at me if you clicked them in front of your boss like a dummy!!). With no further ado let's edge this list right on over to completion...

5 Fave Slick Flick Spunk Shots

Call Me By Your Name -- The Peach Scene

Oh you knew I'd have to include this one. And oh you knew it was the first one I thought of. And no, this is not me giving y'all an opportunity to screech about how the peach should have been completely eaten like it was in the book, I so do not care. 

The Silence of the Lambs -- Multiple Miggs 

Listen I didn't say they would all be sexy-time fun and games. The name of the game is I name the first five that I think of, not my favorites, and it's hard -- excuse me, difficult -- to block this horrific moment from this scary movie from one's mind once it's wedged its way in there. The thing is I don't think I even knew what happened the first time I saw this movie? In related news I was definitely too young to see this movie the first time I saw this movie. It was some time later when I was in film school and we were studying Demme's perfect construction of this scene -- of Clarice Starling's descent into this basement hell -- that I got what we were seeing happen to her.

There's Something About Mary -- Hair Gel

Even here almost 25 years on this still remains probably the most famous jizz moment in the movies, right? I know at the least that it's got to be the first time that man-spunk registered onscreen for me as what it was, and as a thing I had most certainly never seen represented on-screen before. (When I was a kid we didn't have porn access, kiddos! Imagine that!) 

But this definitely raises the question -- what was the first time that semen was sprayed across the screen in a mainstream non-pornographic piece of entertainment? Or just shown? What's the earliest example of spermatozoid representation y'all can think of?  

The Square -- Claes' Condom Caper

I was surprised that this scene popped up in my brain so quickly, as I haven't seen Ruben Östlund's terrific arthouse smash The Square since it came out in 2017 -- and holy shit is it possible that movie's very nearly five already? Anyway I probably just wanted to think about Claes Bang's bang-bag a bit, knowing me. But this scene really is so wildly well-played and funny -- as much praise as she gets for suffering well on The Handmaids Tale Elisabeth Moss always delivers a full comedy load too. You can watch the entire scene here.  

And finally.......

Look Who's Talking -- The Opening Credits

Classic cum comedy for the whole family!

-------------------------------------------

So what are some of your favorite big screen load blows?

My Name, It's Being Called

I didn't really expect to burst into tears at some movie news this morning, but so it goes with anything Call Me By Your Name related yes even here four years on -- and if you missed MNPP's thorough CMBYN coverage well here's a good place to get started. Anyway no it's not news about the film's once-rumored sequel, which, well, I can't imagine that happening any time soon. It's something much simpler and much much more selfish, with regards to me in particular -- the movie is going to be screening here in New York again next month. And not just any ol' place -- it's going to be screening at The Paris Theater, where I saw it definitely more than half the 20 times I saw the film in the theater during its run.

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Yes one of those times Timmy was there in person, totally swamped by groupies (which I suppose I was one of) -- you can read my account of that night along with video from the Q&A, right here. Aaaaanyway back to my point The Paris was screening the film right in the thick of Moviepass being a thing so it cost me nothing to go see the film there a dozen times, and a dozen times give or take I went, straight to my prime seat in the front row center. The Paris closed up last year when its lease expired, which was very sad, but then Netflix bought it, which was the opposite. The first movie I saw in the theater once things started re-opening this year was I got to see my number one movie of 2020, Charlie Kaufman's I'm Thinking of Ending Things, thanks to the Paris. (I posted about that here.) 

Anyway Netflix bought the theater but they're turning it into a real repertory theater now -- it won't just be Netflix movies, and today they announced their official plans for the next month or so, which marks their official official reopening. The first week is programmed by The Forty-Year-Old Version creator Radha Blank and is absolutely stellar, including The Apartment, Dog Day Afternoon, Fish Tank, Waiting For Guffman -- just a stunning and killer line-up. And then after that they have a month-long series called "Paris is For Lovers" which will showcase films that had their premiere at the Paris Theater and also were love stories...

... which is where Call Me By Your Name rears its luscious head. But it's not just that fave of mine -- oh no. Other titles include Maurice, Carol, Metropolitan, Amelie, Belle du Jour, Howard's End, The House of Mirth... I could keep listing and listing, but how about I just put the theater's press release here on the site and let them do their own talking. Hit the jump for it...

George MacKay's Graffiti Kid Gone Wrong

When Under the Shadow director Babak Anvari's sophomore follow-up Wounds finally made its way to Hulu in late 2019, after months of skittish delays, it was a big disappointment -- not just box-office-wise (since it didn't really have a box office) but to me, personally, as I had very high hopes! Shadow was so terrific! As I said in my review, "It's not precisely terrible -- these are all talented people involved; it's just one or two degrees off from working, but those one or two degrees, with a project this high-wire, defeats it." I've considered revisiting it since but maybe it's best to just move it along, especially with today's news of a new project from Anvari, starring some more faves -- maybe his George MacKay / Kelly Macdonald movie will be the one! 

Via THR comes word of I Came By, which Anvari's making for Netflix -- they're calling it a "Neo-noir Thriller" and say it follows "a rebellious young graffiti artist who targets the homes of the wealthy elite, but discovers a shocking secret that leads him on a journey endangering himself and those closest to him." Also set to co-star is Downton Abbey and Paddington daddy Hugh Bonneville; I imagine he will be a rich bad guy? Anyway to go along with this news I found this somehow-missed and typically-stellar photoshoot of MacKay for the great Zoo Magazine (home of several former hot photoshoots of note) and I will now share it with you, after the jump...

Nature's Cunning Ways

Well this was certainly inevitable. Fulfilling my destiny as That Guy at last today I pounded out a great big thing for Pajiba that talks about Pixar's queer-coded new animation Luca, its oft-discussed similarities to Luca Guadagnino's 2017 film Call Me By Your Name (maybe you've heard me talk about that movie once or twice), and the whole miasmatic convo about "male friendships" that's been making the rounds online for the past week or so ever since Anthony Mackie barfed out whatever the hell he was talking about regarding the gay fan-shipping of his Marvel character. It's a lot -- for one it's around three-thousand words, and I haven't written something literally that lot in awhile. But for another it's just a lot of ideas all crammed on top of one another and I probably could've written even more. I can't be stopped! But for now it is what it is, it's in the world, and I must run and hide from it since I poured some heart into it. Please do go read it though! I appreciate it!

God-Daddy

News broke a bit ago that Armie Hammer is going to star in a ten-episode miniseries called The Offer that is about the making of The Godfather for the Paramount+ streaming service, and I suddenly found my brains a'whirring -- that sounded hella familiar. And sure enough, twas -- back in September I told you that Jake Gyllenhaal and Oscar Isaac are going to star together in a feature film about just that exact subject! 

These are not, however, the same property. Jake & Oscar's movie is being directed by Barry Levinson, and is going to be about the hell that happened between producer Robert Evans and director Francis Ford Coppola. Armie's series will have Armie playing a different producer on the film, named Al Ruddy -- Ruddy is the one who accepted the film's Best Picture statue on stage.

Armie's actually kind of good casting, at least via that photo? I can see it. I can see Armie in that suit. I mean I can see Armie out of that suit as well but that's nothing new. Anyway one wonders now if both of these projects will happen -- if there's not going to be too much overlap, materially speaking. I mean I love The Godfather too but I don't know that this isn't some overkill. Thoughts?

Good Morning, World

Wake up, Armie!

Mads & Hammer

Man oh man -- or is that Mads oh Mads, hardy har -- it has been too long since I've had the opportunity to post a photo of that blessed face right there. I guess the last time I thought about Mads was right before (and I mean right before) the plague shut everything down -- the last movie experience I had with a big audience was back in March when MoMA screened Casino Royale with Daniel Craig there in person (see photos from that here) and of course thinking about that movie makes me think about Daniel and Mads' sinister sexual chemistry. 

And speaking of Mads having "sinister sexual chemistry" with every man he stars opposite let's hope that's the case, big-time, with his next project, announced today (thx Mac), called The Billion Dollar Spy and which will have him calling none other than Armie Hammer's name! Before I could even type out that full sentence I'd opened another tab to check what Mads' height was -- always a concern when starring opposite 6'5" Armie -- and he should be okay at six feet. Here's the story, which is based on a true one:

"Brad Reid (Hammer) is a fresh arrival at the Moscow station of the CIA when he’s approached by Soviet engineer Adolf Tolkachev (Mikkelsen). Ignoring the advice from his bosses that Tolkachev is an obvious KGB ‘dangle’, Reid develops a bond and unique friendship with the Russian, who seemingly only wants to help his family escape the corruption within the Soviet Union. Reid’s faith in Tolkachev is rewarded when he hands over a treasure trove of military secrets, obtained using classic Cold War spy craft. It earns Tolkachev the nickname ‘The Billion Dollar Spy’ and alters the balance of power between East and West. But their success in evading the KGB comes at great personal cost to both men, and their marriages to wives Tina and Natasha, all struggling with the daily paranoia of being caught. Then one day a shocking betrayal puts them all in grave danger…”

The film is being directed by Belle director Amma Asante, who I will take this opportunity to point out is a black woman -- I only bring this up because I was googling something earlier and that wretched old Buzzfeed article that shit on Armie (as an embodiment of "talentless White Male Privilege") trotted itself past me and I got annoyed all over again, while this news here today points once again to Armie working more often than not with underrepresented voices. He seems like one of the good guys, y'all. I know he's got a gigantic bullseye on him because of all his born privilege, and he's admittedly been a bit... high-strung this past year... but who hasn't? Good god I've been half-deranged for months. All the best people are doing it!