More Like Ab-ghanistan

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Let's just get this out of the way -- I am never, not ever, going to see Michael Bay's 13 Hours. John Krasinski and Pablo Schreiber and James Badge Dale and Max Martini can rub all the dirt in their beard and bicep crevices that they want to -- if Bradley Cooper squatting in short shorts wasn't enough to get me to see American Sniper, and it wasn't, then nothing's gonna overcome Michael f'ing Bay. 

But as I did with Cooper I will post some pictures, but you guys need to promise me you won't go see the movie either. We can be strong together, like these dudes, only less gay. Effeminate pinky swear! Hit the jump for a few more of the beefy bearded Benghazi boys...

Good Morning, World

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A happy 46th birthday to the actor Max Martini, who stormed biceps-first to our attention just a couple of years ago with Guillermo Del Toro's film Pacific Rim, even though he's been around for much longer than that. When we gratuitized him properly back in 2013 we somehow missed that he's from upstate New York - my neck of the woods!

Somehow I thought he was from Australia or New Zealand - he's got the gruff presence of those strapping people, anyway. These pictures are from something called Edge, a pilot he did for Amazon with (speaking of Aussies) Ryan Kwanten; you can watch it here. I do not know if the show was picked up or not, do any of you? Anyway there's more much more to see so hit the jump for it...

Driving Mister Dornan

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I didn't know that Pacific Rim actor Max Martini plays Jamie Dornan's driver in Fifty Shades of Gray! Now there's some fantasy spank-bank material. See our big gratuitous post on Max right here - he's a fine slab of ginger. Anyway now comes word that he's joined the cast of Michael Bay's upcoming probable nightmare of a movie 13 Hours, which is about (sigh) what happened in every Republican uncle's favorite buzzword Benghazi. Even worse, his co-stars are all bringing the hotness - the film will also star John Krasinski, James Badge Dale, and Orange is the New Black's 'stache-twirling guard Pablo Schreiber. This movie will be the death of me.

The Pitt & The Fury

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Last night The Playlist shared the first footage and the first couple of pictures from David Ayer's upcoming WWII movie called Fury, which stars Brad Pitt and Logan Lerman and Shia LaBeouf and Michael Pena and Jon Bernthal as a bunch of army dudes in fatigues with sexy military haircuts stuck in a tank together. Sweatiness ensues! 

Right here I was going to say that David Ayer's last movie was the gung-ho terrific "Jake Gyllenhaal is a bald cop" movie End of Watch (and god I've been dying to post that gif for ages) but then I checked IMDb and apparently something called Sabotage came out last month that Ayer wrote and directed which starred Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sam Worthington and Joe Manganiello? Did any of you hear anything about this movie? I swear I heard nothing about this movie.

Hey that's gratuitous recipient Max Martini that Big Man Joe's fondling! Clearly I have to see this movie. Anyway Fury is out in November; I don't know that it's the sort of movie that'll get awards attention, but Ayer is a fine director and I fully expect this to be a solid film.

Plus they all have sexy haircuts. Did I mention that? 

Here's that footage from it below. It looks beautiful.

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Good Morning, Gratuitous Max Martini

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I'd intended to do this post back when Pacific Rim came out in July - Max played the gruff (he's always "the gruff" something) father to Rob Kazinsky's character in that movie - but somehow, didn't. Well thankfully I've gotten a second opportunity within a relatively short time frame - not only is Pacific Rim out on Blu-ray next week, Max also plays the leader of the super sexy Navy SEALs in Captain Phillips, the "Tom Hanks Versus Somali Pirates" movie that's out in theaters tomorrow. 

I saw Captain Phillips at the New York Film Fest last week and I still have to review it, but instead of making mention of this in my review and waylaying that with inappropriateness let me make mention here the strange erotic moment in that movie where we get to watch the SEALs gear up, shirtless and lit by shaky flashlights, that feels transported in from an especially arty porn, or a Madonna video. It's awesome. 

Anyway it was bugging me the whole movie, I couldn't remember Max;'s name, so I looked him up after it was over and was all, oh yeah, I have to do a post about him. And here we are! Hit the jump for a pile more pictures.