Showing posts with label Billy Crudup. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Billy Crudup. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 18, 2019

Who Wore It Best?

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Did you see our big "James Wolk in Watchmen" post yesterday? You need to see that. Especially since this post now won't make sense without it. Anyway a couple of you made the excellent point that the "stupid panties" (as Laurie so eloquently put it) that Wolk's character rocked -- and yes comic book fanboys I know they were a nod to the ones seen in the Alan Moore's original Watchmen book...

... I am a nerd too thank you very much -- looked an awful lot similar to the metallic high-risers that Sting sauntered about in in David Lynch's Dune. Which hey yes they do! Which is something I weirdly never noticed before -- I mean, Lynch's film came out in 1984, before Moore's comic did two years later... do we think it's possible it was a reference? I just always thought of the Doctor's choice in vertiginous briefs as a Charlie Brown squiggle myself. 

Anyway now that I have given you
 so very much to mull over, our poll:

Tuesday, August 20, 2019

There's No U in Antarctica

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Sometimes the best times to contemplate our worst bits are when we're not planning on it. Sometimes the self-reflection sneaks in, unexpected like, a thief in the broad daylight, sniffing and snuffing and huffing about. Sometimes it's got a sharp bob hairdo and big black sunglasses and every mannerism and tic that Cate Blanchett can toss at it, and yet it cuts you to the quick.

So it went with Richard Linklater's new film Where'd You Go, Bernadette, a film I had absolutely zero intention of seeing -- not until it started getting baffled notices from critics, anyway. They reminded me of Bernie, Linklater's 2011 film with Jack Black and the only time I ever truly vibed on what Linklater was selling. I went in on a lark really -- I hadn't read the book; I hadn't even watched a trailer. It was a hot day and anything with Blanchett can't be that bad, right?

Bernadette is not that bad. It's not bad at all, actually. Yes it's broad and yes it's the tonal equivalent of gumbo -- a shock of stews steeped in each other, all piled high -- but sometimes you've gotta go broad to make your point, and Bernadette delivered more to me emotionally with its cartoonish flair than many a more Serious Movie movie that I've seen this year. 

Blanchett plays Bernadette Fox, a woman who won a genius grant once and then kept disappearing. The movie meets her as a colorful mess of a Mom, holed up in a dripping house with a husband and kid who love her but don't seem to get her. Only as the rugs get pulled and the vines knotted underneath get their moments to shine do we see how self-inflicted Bernadette's wounds are, and how the movie is winding its weird-ass path just in order to whittle down and speak one on one with the closed-off weirdos inside all of us.

Where'd You Go Bernadette is big and bright and open about shutting down -- it's something like a comic kiddie movie about adult depression and self-sabotage. It zigs when anything else would be zagging, and in its strangeness found ways to shuffle around my own defenses -- I couldn't put up a fight with it, not when suddenly Kristen Wiig's rolling around on the pavement before I could argue. It didn't fight fair, and hugged me when I wanted to punch it. And I found myself, whaddya wonder, deeply moved.

I saw so much, too much, of myself in Blanchett's Bernadette, who'd rather run over a neighbor than have a common conversation -- who deeply loves the people she's let in, to a near smothering degree, but can't seem to carve space for much more. (This is a real Cancer's movie.) All of her energies are aimed in aimless directions -- she's got too much to give, so she's given up, paralyzed and poisoned by the insecurities she's let take hold.

Like I said, this is a lot for a movie with penguin jokes and pratfalls! But the penguin jokes are the cake they're hiding the pills in -- good cake, delicious cake, and I felt a little bit better after than before. A movie that can do that, well, eat it up. Pills and all.
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Wednesday, March 06, 2019

Which Is Hotter?

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Today is the 10th anniversary of Zack Snyder's Watchmen, a film I tend to like more than most but which I concede has its issues. (Here's my original review, which is sort of painfully rambling to read now to be honest but I'll share all the same.) It's become especially difficult in the wake of everything that Snyder has made since Watchmen to attribute as much irony to the film as I had been when I first saw it -- when I saw the film in 2009 I thought the soundtrack being excruciatingly on-the-nose was the point, that it was some meta-Verhoeven shit turning superhero propaganda in on itself. Now here ten years and one Justice League later I'm more inclined to think along the lines of my pal Chris's piece over at The Film Experience today -- that Snyder's not really in on the joke. All that said I haven't sat down and re-watched the Watchmen in awhile, so I'll shut up and just point you towards some celebratory butts.

survey software

Friday, February 01, 2019

Great Moments In Movie Staches

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"Maybe I did the wrong thing?"

"I think that Jamie's energy is very... unstable..."

"Well... there is an energy crisis... 
maybe that has something to do with it."

"You don't have very many funny lines, do you?"
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Tuesday, October 14, 2014

I Am Link

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--- Double Oh Doubles - The terrific Léa Seydoux, recently violently smacking girl-buns in Blue is the Warmest Color and stroking Vincent Cassel's fur in that new version of Beauty and the Beast, is apparently the "femme fatale" in the new Bond movie with Daniel Craig. She a bad Bond Girl, in other words. And Guardians of the Galaxy's Dave Bautista is apparently one of the evil henchmen. Naturally I'm more inspired by the latter, and hope it's he and Craig who do the majority of the wrestling around in the movie.

--- Jenny's Hate -  I'm surprised I haven't heard more about this news across the internet but maybe I was too steeped in Comic-Con when it dropped - Jennifer Jason Leigh has landed the lead female role in Quentin Tarantino's The Hateful Eight. Although "Leading Female Role" is kind of a misnomer - I believe it should read "Only Female Role," from what I've heard about the script. Anyway I hope JJL's gotten her business together since a couple of years ago when she seemed Xanax'd out to a flat-line on Revenge.

--- Prison Bound - I feel like I've been writing about movies about the Stanford Prison Experiment for all my life - it's all Moritz Bleibtreu's fault for getting naked all over Das Experiment back in the day; now I look to these movies as good excuses for gratuity instead of, you know, allegories about humanity's innate violence, blah blah blah. There's a new one being made right now that I've told you about, it already has Ezra Miller, Michael Angarano, James Wolk and Billy Crudup... and now they just added Tye Sheridan and James Frecheville to the "exploit me!" list.

--- Scary Mary - Because all the dude-bros making the V/H/S movies can't be bothered to deal with women unless they're filming rape fantasies (alright, I'm being somewhat harsh, but still) a bunch of female horror directors (including Mary Harron!) have decided to make their own anthology series - it'll be called XX; we already told you about it before but Magnet just financed it. Good for Magnet. (thanks Mac)
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--- Van Dame - Dame Maggie (do I really need to add the "Smith" at this point?) is starring in a movie version of The Lady in the Van, which I guess is a play she did to much acclaim in the UK. (Dame Maggie's dusty farts are met with much acclaim.) It's about an old lady who parks her van in some dude's driveway for 15 years. History Boys and good buds James Corden and Dominic Cooper are co-starring.

--- Speaking Of British farts, the C4 has decided not to renew my new favorite show Utopia for a third season. BOO! My boyfriend says that David Fincher (who's making the American remake for HBO his next pet project) is to blame and I think he's right. Fincher wants to own the property; I've no doubt that's why it hasn't gotten any proper release here in the US. And now it's done! BOO. I haven't watched the second season finale yet, I have been saving it because I feared this might happen. I am afraid to watch it now that that's it. (thanks Bill)

--- Air America - Robert Downey Jr. is spreading his stank outwards from the Iron Man movies and the Avengers movies to the third Captain America movie - just when I figured out how to avoid him as best as possible, he decides to come between me and my Chris Evans' beefcake. I hate you, Robert Downey Jr.
--- Scully Busting - I haven't read through all of this Reddit AMA with Gillian Anderson (I really find the format impossible, with my old-man eyes, to sort) but supposedly she says the party-line on a third X-Files movie (wait and see!) and she gets very very excited about a female-led Ghostbusters movie, basically begging for a role. I looooooooooove that idea.

--- No Game - I like Benedict Cumberbatch and I very much want to see the Alan Turing bio-pic The Imitation Game but Benny needs to shut his yap on the absence of gay sex in the movie, he is really cramming his foot in it - we don't need heterosexuals to tell us who and what we can claim as our "martyrs" any time or anywhere, good sir, so kindly stuff it. I am generally worried over what I hear about the movie, but we'll see.

Thursday, October 02, 2014

Summon Up The Strange

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Considering the other awful options being mentioned now that Joaquin Phoenix has officially (and smartly) passed, people like Jared Leto and Johnny Depp, ugh and ugher, I really do think we'd all be wise to step back to the Justin Theroux option that was once on the table for Doctor Strange. Joseph Gordon Levitt's too young. Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hardy have already done their iconic nerd projects, and they're too British besides. Unless y'all got a better idea...? I momentarily thought of Billy Crudup, but the world seems to have given up on him (And he too already has that prominent nerd role already under his belt.)


Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Good Morning, World

In case you missed me bleating about it on Twitter and Tumblr last night I was all about The Remains of the Day yesterday - I was suddenly overcome with the need to watch the film all day, and so I watched it when I got home, and then I posted a few magnificent gifs from it over at the Tumblr, see here and here, golly it is a gorgeous movie. Besides being thematically similar, in that they're both about repressed people not allowing their Great Love to blossom, watching Remains this time I kept getting whiffs of Won Kar-wai's In the Mood For Love from it, when the camera would allow itself to be romantic. That whole sequence on the pier towards the end is lit like a Wong Kai-wai fever dream with those pink and green lights

Anyway you might be asking yourselves why the hell is he talking about The Remains of the Day while he posts pictures of Ben Chaplin and Billy Crudup in bed together in Stage Beauty, and you'd probably be right to be a bit quizzical on that score - it's because Ben Chaplin's in Remains, silly. A fact I'd forgotten til there he was in all his adorableness. He kept reminding me of Rob James Collier in Donwton Abbey, actually.
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Anyway since he doesn't sleep with Billy Crudup in Remains of the Day (the film's only flaw, I'd say) then I had to head off to other places. Truth be told I've never actually seen Stage Beauty. Should I? Or is this all I need to see here?


Friday, May 03, 2013

Pic of the Day

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There are a whole slew of new pictures from director slash Cotillard-beau slash gratuity-recipient Guillaume Canet's next flick Blood Ties over at The Playlist; shots of all the many somebodies in the movie, people like Billy Crudup and Marion Cotillard and Clive Owen and James Caan, so forth. But of course all I wanna look at is Matthias Schoenaerts in a wifebeater getting manhandled by a cop. I will have good dreams tonight, my friends.
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Monday, April 08, 2013

I Am Link

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--- Billy Smash - Slash/Film has some never-before-seen concept art for Hulks through the years that never got made, and the pièce de résistance is that shot of Billy Crudup there to the left (click to embiggen), who almost played the role in Ang Lee's movie, in the purple pants and standing alongside his jolly green giant sidekick.
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--- Heroes & Angels - Some "Joss Whedon's new TV show!" news to report - S.H.I.E.L.D. has gotten a new name, but instead of making it less cumbersome to type it's still got all those letters and periods and now it's got more words added on - now it's going to be called Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., which they're saying makes it clearer what the shows about to non-geeks, which is ridiculous but whatever. I mean now's it's just cluttered. People would have figured out what the show was about once they looked at it for five seconds - did anybody know what a "Beavis" was once upon a time? I rest my case. Anyway there's more news at that link, including who's who and an idea of a plot, and also this great news - Gunn from Angel will be on it! Whoo!
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--- God Men - When I mentioned last week that Kellan Lutz is going to play Hercules for director Renny Harlin I totally forgot that The Rock is also making a Hercules movie with Brett Ratner - thankfully Nat did not and he takes on the suddenly popular strong man with some lovely pictures and a poll.

--- Thirteen Stuff - Also of significance over at The Film Experience, Nat gives us the presumptive release dates for all the movies that could get Oscar play (and some that probably won't) in 2013 - there is a lot of promising shit ahead, yo. I hope this year's as good as last year. And while I'm at it, Nat also took on the Carrie remake trailer, about which he and I are so on the same wavelength, which feels weird when it comes to horror!

--- Psycho Cannibal - Speaking of, over at Stale Popcorn Glenn tackles not just that Carrie trailer but also the bloodiest of genres as it stands on the television right now with a look at Hannibal and Bates Motel. He and I do not agree on the former, but I am starting to like the latter the further in we get. I've always wanted to like Vera Farmiga more than I ever do - she's totally devoted to making genre stories when she really probably doesn't need to, which I applaud and think is awesome, but she still kinda bugs me. But I'm digging what she's doing on Bates.

--- Fast Boys - I haven't watched this trailer yet and I'm sure if Chris Hemsworth takes his top off in it you can expecet to hear back from me upon it but here's the first trailer for Rush, that period race car driver movie he's in from director Ron Howard (blech). It co-stars Daniel Bruhl (not blech).

--- Fancy Boys - And speaking of trailers that I haven't watched yet here's a first real trailer for Steven Soderbergh's HBO movie Behind the Candelabra, the Liberace bio-pic with Michael Douglas and Matt Damon. Again, once I watch it if there's any good gratuity (we mustn't forget that Cheyenne Jackson is in this) you'll be hearing back from me, no worries.

--- Iran's Best - Since I'm on a roll with this here's a third trailer I haven't watched yet! The new movie from A Separation director Asghar Farhadi is called The Past and it stars The Artist's Bérénice Bejo and A Prophet's brilliant Tahar Rahim and it's out in France in May (no word on when we'll see it) and The Playlist has the trailer. I watched Farhadi's 2009 film About Elly this weekend, and I will hopefully have something to say about that later so stay tuned.

--- Blood Rain - You obviously shouldn't watch this until you've seen the film, but here's twenty minutes of behind-the-scenes footage from the Evil Dead remake, with spoilers galore. What rhymes with galore? Gore. Indeed. Oh and I will most certainly be talking about this movie in a bit.

--- Monster Queen - I tweeted my bafflement about this over the weekend when I heard but here it is proper - Sally Hawkins has joined the ever-weirder cast of the latest Godzilla movie, alongside Aaron Johnson and Bryan Cranston and Elizabeth Olsen and Juliette Binoche. Monsters director Gareth Edwards is directing, and apparently he is somebody really good actors want to work with, so cool. I wanna see a Godzilla movie worth my time and theirs!
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Wednesday, November 21, 2012

In Case You Were Wondering...

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... yes, you should see the director's cut of Watchmen.

“We had a lot of discussion over the running time,” he says of the studio. “There was a lot of things they wanted me to take out. Some things I did, some things I left in. Like, they were not happy that Dr. Manhattan was naked a lot of the time. If you look at the director’s cut, there’s a lot more naked Dr. Manhattan than the theatrical version." -- Zach Snyder (via)
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Thursday, April 12, 2012

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:



Ms. Mayhew: How could Anne Frank be lucky?
Angela: I don't know. Cuz she was stuck in an attic
for three years with this guy she really liked?

Happy 33, Claire Danes! I know it's popular to like her now that she's giving an absolutely brilliant performance on Homeland (why isn't that show back on yet??? I neeeeeed it!) but there was this long period where everybody hated her or something because of that stupid Billy Crudup fiasco. Not me! Okay so maybe I hated her a little bit when she snapped up Hugh Dancy, but besides that I've been a permanent fan ever since I first laid eyes on Angela Chase. Therefore my claim to her supersedes yours, is my point. Anyway, in summation, Jordan Catalano take me away...

Monday, February 27, 2012

Do Dump or Marry - Return Trio

I went to a screening of Return this weekend at MoMA - it's a new little drama starring the woefully underrated Linda Cardellini and Michael Shannon; I'll write up some thoughts later - and right before it started who should happen to plunk down right near me?



They are apparently friends, who knew. They seemed to like the movie from what I can tell - they shut their yaps and were respectful audience members at the very least. And what more can you ask for than a pack of hot famous talented men proving themselves civil in public spaces? It's a dream come true. Anyway I didn't stalk them or anything so I don't have more to add but I figure since they're a trio why not ask y'all who you'd Do Dump or Marry. So that's what this is.


Who would you do, dump or marry?
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Friday, February 17, 2012

To Bullhead And Beyond

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I noticed a couple of weeks ago a spike in people getting to MNPP by searching for the Belgian actor Matthias Schoenaerts - we'd fawned over him in a rather sturdy gratuitous post way back in September - and wondered why, but only today did we realize that his big buzzy movie Bullhead was just now coming out. Back when we ogled him then was when we'd first heard about the movie, but we didn't know anything about it getting a release yet - well, it got a surprise Oscar nomination for Best Foreign Film and now here it is primed for center stage and buoyed by enthusiastic critics. I can't wait to see it...


... although I think I might have to wait, because this is one of those weekends of confluence where I suddenly have too much to do to even think I can properly keep up with it. Mainly, this year's truly amazing Film Comment Selects at the Film Society of Lincoln Center is starting. You might recall I wrote up what I am seeing a few weeks back. That's eating up a whole bunch of my time for the next week.


But on top of that there's this Austrian movie Michael that just opened at Film Forum that sounds very very up my alley: 

"A chilling debut feature from the casting director of Michael Haneke’s THE WHITE RIBBON. Michael is a timid insurance agent, a milquetoast loner with a secret: he’s holding a 10-year-old boy captive in a locked room in his basement. Chronicling a five-month period, MICHAEL is a tense portrait of how seemingly mundane lives may hide the darkest of secrets — and how monstrous individuals walk inconspicuously among us."

Obviously, they had me at Haneke. Beyond that, I might want to try and, I don't know, breathe air and sleep some this weekend. Sigh. It's so very difficult being me.

Those two arty-farty subtitle-type movies aside, I wrote up my thoughts on everything coming out this weekend over at Celebrity Beehive. That includes the second Ghost Rider movie (hey sexy directing duo Neveldine and Taylor) and This Means War (hey sexy acting duo Chris Pine and Tom Hardy) - why could't those four have just pooled their resources and by "pooled their resources" naturally I mean "explicit fourgy action." Naturally.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Watchmen (2009)


Janet Black: Doctor Manhattan as you know the Doomsday Clock is a symbolic clock face analogizing humankind's proximity to extinction, midnight representing the threat of nuclear war. As of now it stands at four minutes to midnight. Would you agree that we are that close to annihilation?

Jon Osterman: My father was a watch maker. He abandoned it when Einstein discovered time is relative. I would only agree that a symbolic clock is as nourishing to the intellect as a photograph of oxygen to a drowning man.

We're almost there, everybody!
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Thursday, October 13, 2011

Thursday's Ways Not To Die

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Photobucket

Watchmen (2009)

What's terrible is I don't really have anything to say about this scene in Watchmen today, but the phrase "Blue Man Gooped" randomly popped into my head yesterday and lame-ass that I am I couldn't stop giggling about it, hence this. I should try and force something astute then, right? Some amazing revelation on the scene. Hrm. I'm sort of disappointed there's no Manhattan peen to be seen here. Is that good?

No? Okay, let's try this. I named this death one of the year's best back in the day, and I said this:

"This one has nothing to do with the gore, or the special effects, or anything except for Jackie Earle Haley's delivery of his final lines. His face bunched into despair. "What's one more body amongst the foundations? Well, what are you waiting for? Do it. DO IT!" Heartbreaking bastard."

I agree with this thing that I said before! And, done.

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Previous Ways Not To Die: Tongue Stung -- Now Wouldn't Cha, Barracuda? -- Leaving on a Rat Plane -- Panthers! -- Fashion Faux-Pwned -- "It's Just A Box." -- Blasted Pigeons -- Taunting Ahnuld -- The Too Hot Tub -- Beyond the Veil -- Sunken Prayers -- Super Crack -- Brains Blown -- Fur For The Boogens -- White Hot Bunny Rabbit Rage -- Dragged To Hell -- The TV Van That Dripped Blood -- Don't Mess With Mama -- Heads Ahoy -- Martyred For Sheep -- Heads Nor Tails -- He Loves Me Knot -- The Great Bouncing Brad -- Miss Kitty's 8 Mishaps -- Boat Smoosh -- Meeting the French-Tipped Menace -- A Magic Trick -- Slick Suck -- We Who Walk Here Walk Alone -- Raptor Bait -- Kneegasm'd -- Dare to Dream in Fincher -- Reach Out and Throttle Someone -- De-Faced -- Voluntary Drowning -- Cross Borne -- Pulled Up Hell's Sphincter -- An Arrow Up The Ass - The Numerous Violent Unbecomings of Olive Oyl -- Ack! Ack! Zap! -- Baby's First Acid Splash -- Chop, Drop and Sashimi Roll -- Forever Rafter -- Can't You Hear Me Now? -- Daisies Ways #5 - Harpoony Side Up -- Acid Dip -- On a Wing and a Prey -- For Standing in the Way of Sappho -- Busting Rule Number Three (For The Purpose of Number Two) -- Daisies #4 - Window Dressed To Killed -- Hands Off the Haas Orb -- Bullet Ballet -- A Single Vacancy at the Roach Motel -- A School Bus Slipped Thru The Ice -- Trache-AAHHHH!!!-tomy'd - For Mel Gibson's Sins -- A Wide Stanced Slashing --- Daisies Ways #3 - Scratch n' Snuffed -- The Victim of a Viscous Hit & Run -- Curled -- Kabobbed -- Daisies Ways #2 - Aggravated Cementia -- Boo! Nun! -- 2009's Ways Not To Die -- Bug Scratch Fever -- Daisies Ways #1 - Deep Fat Fried in My Own Unique Blend of 500 Herbs & Spices -- By the Yard End of the Stick -- Screwed From A Very Great Distance -- A Righteous Bear-Jew Beatdown -- Fisted By Hugo Sitglitz -- Xeno Morphed -- Fuck-Stuck -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 4 -- Lava Bombed -- The Cradle Will Rock... Your Face Off!!! -- The Food of the Nilbog Goblins -- The Slugs Is Gonna Gitcha -- Phone Shark -- Hide The Carrot -- Sarlacc Snacked -- Avada Kedavra!!! -- Hooked, Lined and Sinkered -- "The Libyans!" -- Axe Me No Questions -- Pin the Chainsaw on the Prostitute -- The Wrath of the Crystal Unicorn -- The Ultimate Extreme Make-Over -- Drown In A Sink Before The Opening Credits Even Roll -- The Dog Who Knew Too Much -- Don't Die Over Spilled Milk -- Inviting the Wrath of Aguirre -- An Inconceivable Outwitting -- The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique -- Nipple Injected Blue Junk -- Your Pick Of The Deadly Six -- Thing Hungry -- Don't Fuck With The Serial Killer's Daughter -- DO Forget To Add The Fabric Softener -- Any Of The Ways Depicted In This Masterpiece Of Lost Cinema -- Rode Down In The Friscalating Dusklight -- Good Morning, Sunshine! -- Mornin' Cuppa Drano -- The Cylon-Engineered Apocalypse -- Tender-Eye-zed -- Martian Atmospheric Asphyxiation -- Maimed By A Mystical Person-Cat -- The Sheets Are Not To Be Trusted -- Handicapable Face-Hacked -- I Did It For You, Faramir -- Summertime In The Park... Of A Pedophile's Mind -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 3 -- Strung Up With Festive Holiday Bulbs By Santa Claus Himself -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 2 -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 1 -- Decapitated Plucked Broiled & Sliced -- Head On A Stick! -- A Trip To The Ol' Wood-Chipper -- Pointed By The T-1000 -- Sucking Face With Freddy Krueger -- A Pen-Full Of Home-Brewed Speed to The Eye -- Motivational Speech, Interrupted -- A Freak Ephemera Storm -- When Ya Gotta Go... Ya Gotta Go -- Hoisted By Your Own Hand Grenade -- Having The Years Suction-Cupped Away -- Criss-Cross -- Turned Into A Person-Cocoon By The Touch Of A Little Girl's Mirror Doppleganger -- Satisfying Society's "Pop Princess" Blood-Lust -- Done In By The Doggie Door -- Tuned Out -- Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue -- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!! -- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded -- Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare -- Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head
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