Welcome to the Theo-Crazy

In a week chockful o' Theo I don't see any reason not to ring it out the same way we rung it in -- by staring at that million dollar face one more time. If you go see The Monkey this weekend, which I reviewed right here, come tell me your thoughts -- like I said it's a lot of movie and I'm not 100% it all works, but I liked it anyway. More than I have any of Oz Perkins' movies to date, which have been a mixed bag for me (I was not a fan of Longlegs) -- this one's still mixed but the way it seizes onto a real chaos, a real sense of unhinged madness, well I think it's a good direction for him and he should continue down this road. The world is fucking out of control! Our movies should follow suit! On that note everybody... just try and stay off the internet some this weekend. Go outside, smell some dirt or something. I don't know -- whatever people do "outside." Just try to stay sane! That's my advice. And it's good advice. 

The Monkey in 400 Words

Although it'd be neat if he wants to hang out sometime since he seems like a rad dude (just saying) I don't personally know Osgood Perkins, sometimes actor, son of Psycho star Anthony, and the quickly-becoming-his-own-brand horror director of The Blackcoat's Daughter, Longlegs, and my til-now-favorite Gretel & Hansel. And yet it's impossible to not think while watching his latest movie, the Stephen King adpatation The Monkey, that this feels like an extraordinarily personal movie for the man. 

Like I said -- I don't know him. And yet knowing what I do -- having watched him speak eloquently in Bryan Fuller's horror doc Queer For Fear about his closeted father's tumultuous relationship with the character of Norman Bates and his death from AIDS, and also knowing that Osgood's mother, the actress Berry Berenson, was killed in one of the planes that crashed into the World Trade Center on 9/11 -- the thematic threads of cursed familial chaos passed down patriarchally that thrum though The Monkey feel, you know, fairly pointed! Notable. Of note. Resonant. And then when planes on fire start falling out of the sky? Can you blame me? These thoughts are right there for the taking.

The Monkey also feels the closest Oz has gotten to date to his father's wild late career work -- the absurdly nasty black humor on display here is very close to the Tony-directed Psycho III, or to his father's oh let's say lurid performance in Ken Russell's Crimes of Passion. This movie is bleak and pitch-black hearted and finds the absurd pointlessness of human existence to be a ribald punchline. It's of a piece with the Final Destination movies, but if they were less Rube Goldberg and more Albert Camus on acid. 

It also might be, all due apologies to Gretel, my new favorite movie of Oz's. It'll definitely take a second viewing to decide that because The Monkey is so tonally erratic and balls deep wackadoo that it's hard to decide from moment to moment if this shit's anarchic genius or gallumphing mess. Hell maybe it's both! But in a world of so much personality-free I.P.-driven "content", The Monkey feels so bloody particular, so preposterously gonzo, that I must slow-clap it for audacity alone. (If you liked last year's Cuckoo, which I've come to appreciate more and more with distance for how by-its-own-rules it flew, this should also be your cuppa.)

Theo James Twenty-One Times

(Sidenote: I really really really fucking love that shirt he's wearing above. Ugh I am sure it costs a thousand dollars. Life's not fair!) No sooner had I hit publish on yesterday's collection of fine Theo James photographs for Mr. Porter magazine than did this other new photoshoot of the actor pop up for V Man magazine...

... but I decided I'd be patient! Save them for today so we could have Theo inside of us two days in a row. Meaning our eyes. You got that, right? I just meant Theo James was inside our eyes. Lovingly, slowly penetrating... our eyes. Yeah that's the ticket. Hit the jump for the shoot plus a dozen gifs I made from a video of the shoot...

Theo James Fourteen Times

The new horror film from Longlegs director Oz Perkins is out Friday -- The Monkey starring Theo James -- and so we've been gifted thanks to Mr Porter magazine with a new Theo photoshoot today, which is always a good thing. (The fact that it's hitting just as a new season of The White Lotus lands is of course making me recall that time Theo was on that show -- also a good thing.)

I keep hoping they'll drop the photoshoot and or commercial for Dolce & Gabbana that we saw Theo shoot last summer in a barely there white speedo and feel like this would be an excellent week for that -- he's got a movie out, it's cold and we want to think about things that make us hot, et cetera. But not yet -- believe me you'll hear from me when they do! I might also have some things about The Monkey to say later this week. But for now we simply stare at Theo, an excellent way to spend one's time, after the jump...

Show Us The Hole, Theo James

Even though I am legitimately excited about this just-announced project what, you thought I wouldn't go right for the dirty joke in my headline? You don't know me at all. Anyway yes it's true -- Theo James is set to star in a movie titled The Hole. The jokes they write themselves. But we should only joke a little because the movie will be directed by I Saw the Devil and A Tale of Two Sisters director Kim Jee-Woon, one of the great voices in South Korean cinema, and it's based on an award-winning novel (of the same name) that has a terrific Misery-like premise to it. Theo plays a man who moves to South Korea with his South Korean wife, only for them to get into a terrible car accident, killing the wife. As he's recuperating in the home of his South Korean mother-in-law's house she starts to uncover that he might not have been a good husband to her daughter, and yadda yadda you can expect things to go pretty south from there. South... towards The Hole! That sounds good, right? Anyway I am happy that Theo is making some horror-type movies at this stage in his career -- you might recall that he's also the lead in Longlegs director Oz Perkins' next movie The Monkey...

Good Morning, World

A big bulging gray-sweatpanted thank you to The Gentleman actor and male model Harry Goodwins for providing us with this morning's "Good Morning" via his Insta -- this gives me a good chance to.... well, to do several things, but the thing I am going to tell you about it it gives me the chance to share last week's news that The Gentlemen got renewed for a second season! I was hoping that would happen; I really loved the show, but I could've seen it being one and done for Guy Ritchie. Glad it's not. It's my favorite thing he's ever done. So yay on that. If you want more of Harry click here for our previous posts -- or more specifically click here for a very large gratuitous post all his own. Remember he's a male model too so there's a whole lot of big bulging content to go around!

Today's Mood

Exactly! I know that feeling, Theo James. I know it intimately. By the by that's our first look at The Monkey, the new movie from Longlegs director Osgood Perkins (which also satrs Tatiana Maslany and Perkins himself) based on the short story by no less than Stephen King. And any 80s kid knows that iconic cover of King's short story collection The Skeleton Crew only too well, so this first poster for the movie...

... will be extremely familiar to us. My cousin actually had one of these toys, too! Did you know anybody who had one in real life? I could never be in the same room as that thing. But to be honest I think the teeth on the poster above are a little too much? A little try hard. But maybe that's just this cynic who thought Longlegs was merely alright speaking. Here is the full teaser (and don't worry about spoilers, the only actual footage is the shot of Theo I giffed above):

The Monkey is out on February 21st.

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... co-starring in a new Dolce & Gabbana ad with Theo James.

Some blessed paparazzi have captured our favorite Mr. James being photographed for Dolce & Gabbana in where-else Italy (via) rocking just a white speedo and yes I was complaining about the heat earlier today but the universe granted us this gift in exchange for our suffering, so I can only feel appreciative. If these are the final sights I see before my brain melts, so be it. Hit the jump for a whole collection of images...

Theo & Aaron Rob Me Blind

If I'd just been a Patient Patty I could've shared some Theo James news to go along with those Theo James photos I dropped this morning -- unfortunately I have no Patient Patty within me, and here we are. Forcfed to stare at another picture of Theo James! The torment of it all. Anyway the news -- Theo is going to star alongside Aaron Taylor-Johnson (and yes I will give you a moment to clean your pants before moving on -- all good?) in Fuze, a heist movie about the modern day discovery of an unexploded WWII-era bomb giving some dudes the perfect cover to do some robbin' (thx Max). The movie will be directed by Hell or High Water's David Mackenzie -- and I know a lot of people liked HOHW but it left me pretty cold. But Mackenzie also directed Outlaw King and he got Chris Pine to show his dick in that so he's on my good side. Do it again, Davey! Filming will begin on Fuze in July -- probably after Aaron finishes shooting Danny Boyle's zombie-sequel 28 Years Later, which he was spotted on the set of this very week!

Oh wow they're already filming 28 YEARS LATER!
Here is Aaron Taylor-Johnson on set pic.twitter.com/Ct88Hr2KUZ

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) May 29, 2024

Good Morning, World

Happy Hump Day to one and all -- I have a screening this morning so I'm running a little late but please do enjoy these two photos of the actor and beauty Theo James for Vogue Greece in the meantime. And if you'd like to stare at more of him (and why would not you) click here. 

Theo James Twenty-Eight Times

A welcome and robust photo-shoot of Theo James in Numero Netherlands magazine dropped yesterday -- I've got all the photos here but if you'd like to read what he has to say about, like,m stuff, click on over to their site. One imagines they chat about his Guy Ritchie series The Gentlemen on Netflix, which is worth chatting about! I did sure like that series. A ton of fun. That makes two successes for Mr. James in a row, what with his turn on The White Lotus -- I was beginning to worry he'd never be in anything I wanted to watch and I'd just have to stare at his loveliness from afar like I did when he showcased his perfect behind on that Sanditon show. Phew, then! I hope the viewing numbers are good for The Gentlemen -- I really want a second season of that. So go watch it! Twice, even. And also hit the jump for lots more photos...

Theo James Is The Gentlemen's Gentleman

My boyfriend was out of town last week and I needed something that I could watch without getting in trouble -- y'all know how relationships be! -- and so I settled on the screeners I had of Guy Ritchie's new Netflix series The Gentlemen, which I was certain would be a show I could half watch while doing other stuff that my boyfriend couldn't care less about. And then the show began and I loved it -- loved loved loved it. It's easily, handily the best thing Ritchie has ever done -- granted I say this as someone who's never been big on his whole thing. British crime comedies with indecipherable accents and an endless supply of no-homo humor was never much my cuppa! And yet The Gentlemen (which is based on his own 2019 movie which had an extremely hot Charlie Hunnam in it) is exactly that -- it's a British crime comedy with indecipherable accents and an endless supply of no-homo humor. And yet! He makes it work this time? Theo James stars as an aristocrat who gets unexpectedly pulled into a drug cartel and James has never been more charming -- even better though is Kaya Scodelario as the defacto leader of said crime syndicate...

... and yes it surprises me as much as it does you that Guy Ritchie gave a great role to an actress. But she's terrific, her chemistry with James is sly and surprising, and the entire cast of weirdos that Ritchie surrounds them with kept me vastly entertained. I never quite knew where it was heading, and I was always happily surprised by where it went. I flew through the eight episodes in about three nights and I was incredibly sad when it ended. I want more! So please go wtch the show when it drops tomorrow and make it a hit so I can get more. I don't ask for much! I am so used to the things I love being flops -- I am broken and mean! Heal my heart! Here's the trailer:

Like I said this drops tomorrow on Netflix. And if you need more 

convincing, here is Harry Goodwins who plays Kaya's boxer brother:

And if you're all good little boys and girls and others and watch the show like I asked and then remind me I will do a nice big proper gratuitous Harry Goodwins post next week, I promise. No I am not above blackmail.

Theo James Seven Times

White Lotus hunk Theo James was snapped for Arena Homme+ magazine (via) looking like this -- like this! -- way back in May and I missed it until today and I think we can all agree that that is fine because we're looking at them now. Right? Right. If you happen to know a person who would have liked to have seen these photos but they died between May and now send them my apologies when you pray or whatever. But not before you hit the jump for the rest...

Good Morning, World

No there's nothing particularly "morning" related with this new photoshoot of Theo James for Cero magazine -- not unless you count the (sexy) grimaces that Theo is serving here a good representation for how you feel in the morning, in which case I wholeheartedly concur. But I think we can all agree that even if he's not sucking on a bagel or soaping up all of his beautiful bits in a shower that looking at Theo James, no matter the hour, is a pick-me-up. And this morning I need a damn pick-me-up. So let's pick ourselves up and hit the jump for the rest...

Good Morning, Theo

What better way to wish Theo James a happy 38th birthday than to post that gif of him on The White Lotus laying half-naked in bed with Will Sharpe and telling him, "I want to make you feel good," I ask you? I mean I could post those other gifs of him on The White Lotus this season, but I already did, right here. So technically this is second best, but for our purposes first. Happy birthday, Theo! Thanks for you!

Theo To a Summer's Day

Sorry for the sorta-quietude on here today, I've been working on some elsewhere stuff! To make it up to you there is a lovely photo of Theo James via Vanity Fair, where they chatted with him about The White Lotus and dealing with dick headlines and the like. Dick head... lines. Heh. Sorry I'm just amusing myself -- don't mind me. Aaaanyway now I have a screening I have to run to (can you say "New Aronofsky") so that's that for today, I'm afraid. Let's see how Wednesday treats us, huh? It is Hump Day after all...

Good Morning, World

Even though I did eventually end up getting myself White Lotus screeners -- for those of you who haven't been keeping up with This Saga, which I mentioned exactly one time on here last week, see here -- I still have only watched the first episode of the new season, and only two days ago at that. I'm a flop! Still I found it promising and when I've got more time this weekend I expect to plow through more (i.e. probably all of it). But speaking of things I want to plow through, hey Theo James! I know the internet has been a'flutter with talk on whether his full frontal moment on the show was real or a prosthetic, but... well, if the prosthetics are bad (and they often are terrible) I hate them. But if they're good -- and this one was very good! -- then I don't give a shit. It looked real enough for me to enjoy. And yes I made the gif. Of course I made the gif. But it being NSFW and all it's after the jump along with a poll (there is both a pole and a poll!) so hit it...

Theo James Three Times

Good Morning, World

Like a fool I didn't think to harass HBO about screeners for The White Lotus this year, so I will be watching it weekly with the rest of y'all! Truth be told I kind of like that more -- when I've binged everything weeks beforehand by the time the show comes on I've moved on and miss all of the conversation. Anyway the ever-hot Theo James gave an interview this week to ET where he talks nude scenes, which he apparently has, and it sounds promising...

"It is in my contract that I'm not allowed to do anything without being completely naked... The initial version we shot was way too much. So, we did a more subtle version. They toned it [down]..."

ET also describes his character as "a well-endowed, wealthy and successful businessman" -- lol at including "well endowed." Bless you, Mike White. The White Lotus returns on Sunday night.  

Theo James Three Times

I am aware that there are quite a few shots of Theo James' beautiful bottom and other various bits that have been making the rounds thanks to his new television series adaptation of The Time-Traveler's Wife, which unlike the Eric Bana movie version seems to actually be taking advantages of the book's conceit that our lead-dude time-travels in his altogether (boo, movie, boo1) -- hell I even tweeted one such photo myself...

That cow gets it pic.twitter.com/QHd7Fw5ZnV

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) May 18, 2022

And I do intend to get to them at some point, but that point just hasn't arrived yet. Even though they're easily google-able those definitely fall under the category of "MNPP won't be complete without them" so I promise you, one of these days. For now...

...  I have this Theo photoshoot (via) to share, and also to tide y'all over for the rest of the day with as well, as I have some screenings to attend to now for the rest of the afternoon. (Fresh Cronenberg here I come!!!!) As ever thank you, Theo.