Assume The Pose

As I mentioned on Friday I had a review going up over the weekend -- and it did! It did go up. And here I am directing you over to it in case you're like me and spend the two measly days of your weekends trying to not stare at the internet in terror like you do the other five. Click here and you can read my thoughts on La Pietà, the truly bizarre 2022 film from Spanish director Edurado Casanova, who I call out in the review as the place where early Almodóvar meets Todd Solondz. It's very queer, very camp, and very very aggressive, and since those are all things I love I think you can imagine where I fell down on this movie. Oh and it's on VOD so you can watch it right now! What a good way to spend today instead of watching literally anything else you might watch.

Heads Up, Happy People

Heads-up, happy people! The vast library of our beloved Criterion Collection is on sale on Amazon right now at 50% off! This will presumably be for the entire month of November as they do this to compete with the same sale at Barnes & Noble that typically starts a little later in the month. That means it also includes pre-orders for movies out before the end of November, which includes Guillermo Del Toro's The Shape of Water, the original Godzilla in 4K, and Paper Moon in 4K! And of course it includes last month's barnstormer of an excellent drop with Todd Solondz' Happiness, a Val Lewton horror double-feature, All of Us Strangers, and that to-die-for Gregg Araki trilogy! And then there's the issue of that massive 40-film 40th anniversary box-set that Criterion is releasing on November 17th -- that's not priced at the full 50% off right now but it is priced at $400, so $10 a movie, which seems like a damn good deal already. Anyway point being click on those links and treat  yourselves to some movies, it will distract you from... [gestures wildly]

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

Totally F***ed Up (1993)

Patricia: Let me tell you what the problem with the stupid fucking world is. All the stupid people are breeding like mad having tens and tens of kids, while the cool people aren't having any! So, the population just keeps getting stupider and stupider! I mean, it's no wonder the whole world's going down the toilet.

The day I really never thought would come, has come -- today Criterion has released a 4K box-set of Gregg Araki's "Teen Apocalypse Trilogy" aka his 1993 movie Totally F***ed Up, his 1995 movie The Doom Generation, and his 1997 movie Nowhere. The latter two were extremely formative for yours truly -- the earliest one I didn't see until awhile later (it was hard to find) but adore just as much as the rest now. And now I've got all of them sitting on my shelf ready to watch at any moment, looking better than they ever have! Bless you, Criterion!

But today is truly, truly a legendary day at Criterion -- also out today on 4K blu is director Todd Solondz's 1998 masterpiece Happiness! Out of print now for several years, I can barely contain my excitement about sitting down to watch this brand new restoration of one of my absolute tip-top favorite movies of all time. Needless to say...

Happiness Is a Stranger's Apocalypse

Apologies but y'all are going to have to scrape me off the floor before I can write this post with Criterion's September announcements -- this is the most aimed-straight-at-me batch of titles imaginable. It was like one slap with a brick across the face after another as I scanned down through the email announcement -- I couldn't even believe my eyes. I ran to Twitter to immediately scream about the title seen above (which we'll get to in a second) and then when I went back to the email I saw what else was in store and was like, "Momma get me my pills." This is just three simultaneous (wet) dreams coming true at once. I am in a state of happy shock. Allow me a moment to luxuriate in this pleasure...

Okay. Let's get to it. First up! If I went back and tried to find the first time I screamed at Criterion to release a box-set of Gregg Araki's "Teen Apocalypse Trilogy" it would be impossible because it was many many many moons ago and I have done it approximately ten million times since. I probably brought it up two to three times a year. Seeing it finally come to fruition is something I'd almost given up on! But then the movies got remastered last year and I began to think it might be a real possibility... and here we are. Totally F***ed Up, The Doom Generation, and Nowhere, given the proper love they have long deserved. We won! You can see all of the special features over at Criterion, where you can also buy the set -- and do that, buy one for everyone you know, because we need to let them know how happy this has made us. Just know the set is loaded with extras -- they even got the rare bird of Nathan Bexton to be on one of the commentaries! 

My insides are screaming, crying, throwing up, throwing gay ass 

confetti. I could end this post there and be ecstatic, but then...

... it turns out that Criterion is releasing Andrew Haigh's 2023 masterpiece All of Us Strangers on 4K in September too! My favorite movie of last year (here is my original review), which we'd been worried wasn't getting any kind of physical media release here in the U.S. (there is a U.K. blu-ray scheduled) because it was an Amazon movie and that cruel rumor had been going around. I had not a single inkling this was going to happen and every part of me is right now tingling. What a gorgeous surprise! And yet that wasn't even the biggest surprise of all, because...

... Todd Solondz's Happiness is also hitting 4K! HOLY SHIT!!! Do you understand now why my entire self is vibrating? This movie hasn't gotten a proper release since the age of DVD, and those DVDs have been out of print and fetching good sums of money for years now. And now suddenly we're moving right on up to 4K! This is one of my favorite movies of all time, I've seen it more times than I could count -- if you've somehow never managed to see it before (because it really has been a pain to see) my god are you in for a deranged dark treat. I quote this movie at least once a week...

... it's basically everything I want from the movies. And I'm also over the moon that they used Daniel Clowes' fantastic original art-work for the set's cover because how do you top that slice of perfection? It's iconic. Anyway with those three sets (containing five movies total) September 2024 is now etched into the fabric of time and reality as Peak Criterion. My gods. My stars! Oh and I should mention that as seen below they're also dropping 4Ks of both The Long Good Friday and Repo Man which are great and all, too. But let's be honest and obvious -- I am all about the above fireworks show of awesomeness. So, so, so all about! Today is a great day, my friends! Slip something in your tuna sandwich and celebrate! 

The Summer of Griffin In Summer

Hello! Good to see you all. Sorry it's been even quieter than I warned you it would be last week -- I am fully engulfed in the maw of the 2024 Tribeca Film Fest. But it should slow down as of tomorrow afternoon. For right this second I'm popping in because I want to direct you to jmy favorite movie of the entire fest (as of this moment) -- I've now seen 34 movies for Tribeca and my heart belongs (as of this moment) to writer-director Nicholas Colia's first-time-feature called Griffin in Summer, which stars the tremendously talented Everett Blunck as an overbearing tween slash playwright who falls for the twentysomething handyman (Owen Teague, pictured above and below) that his mother (Melanie Lynskey) hires for the summer. Click here to read my review at Pajiba -- the movie is very clearly influenced by my beloved Todd Solondz but measures Solondz's acidity out with a dash of sweetness that makes it feel like it's own thing. I've watched it twice now and I wholeheartedly adore this movie. Prepare for me to be real obnoxious about it between now and whenever it gets released! (Also prepare yourselves for me to regularly moon over Owen Teague, because this movie forged a big-time crush. Hubba hubba.)

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

Storytelling (2001)

Mikey: Consuelo, what is rape exactly?

Consuelo: It is when you love someone and they 

don't love you and you do something about it.

Mikey: Sometimes I think my parents don't love me.

Consuelo: Well when you get older
you can do something about it.

Heads-up that a difficult Todd Solondz movie to watch -- and I don't mean difficult because of the content, although that's often true for a lot of people when it comes to Todd Solondz and this one certainly has its moments! -- 2001's Storytelling is finally landing on blu-ray in July! You can pre-order it right here. I'm a big fan (duhh) and of course this blu news comes a few months after I finally broke down and bought an overpriced DVD of it. That's always the way! 

Anyway it doesn't say anything about special features and I doubt anybody is splurging on making this happen but let's all form a non-religious prayer circle to summon up some deleted scenes including the cut third of the film that Solondz has spoken about -- the lost chapter that he filmed starring James Van Der Beek as a closeted football player that involved "a graphic gay-sex scene." Also supposedly Welcome to the Dollhouse star Heather Matarazzo was in it too. Gimme! 

Charles Melton Be My Love Child

I have learned the hard way not to get myself excited for Todd Solondz's next movie called Love Child, because Love Child has been his next movie for going on a decade now and the football keeps getting yanked away from me. In 2017 I posted that it was going to star Penelope Cruz and Edgar Ramirez, then in 2021 I posted that it was going to star Rachel Weisz and Colin Farrell. The last update was this past December when Elizabeth Olsen became attached to the lead female role -- well today comes word that Charles Melton, hot off working with my other favorite Todd (Haynes), has found himself attached to the male lead opposite her. I've heard variations on the plot over the years but this is its latest update:

"The story follows Misty who is stuck in a loveless marriage to a brutish husband. Junior, her precocious 11-year-old is her only consolation. When Easy, a handsome vagabond stranger, appears, Junior hatches a plan to get rid of his father so that his mother can marry him instead. But things end up backfiring, so Junior comes up with yet another plan, this one even more devious, and with more disastrous—and unexpected—consequences."

So obviously the casting of the eleven-year-old is pretty crucial, but if Todd Solondz has proven anything over his career it's that he's fucking excellent at casting child actors. Then there's also the role of Junior's father, which seems to be a less important role given that every iteration of casting we've had to date has only been for the Misty and Easy characters (and yes, those names are giving me life). Anyway! I am enforcing a strict wait-and-see approach, a barbed-wire-barrier around my heart, before I allow myself to get excited on this movie once again. That said whatever your religion or lackthereof please whisper something hopeful in its name today. Here is how I pray:

Lizzy Finds Love

I've been posting about Todd Solondz's next movie for a very long time now -- six full years, since right after Weiner-dog came out (and sidenote, can you believe it's been seven years since Weiner-dog came out?) So I admit I'm a bit hesitant to allow myself to get excited on this new news, even though if it comes to pass it will be very exciting indeed. The Film Stage is repoirting that Love Child, the long-delayed movie in question, will be shooting come spring and it will now star Elizabeth Olsen. We love Elizabeth Olsen! And we're very excited to have her back, free from the Marvel machinery. And diving into a Todd Solondz movie is about as far from the MCU as you can get. Anyway our last update on Love Child was in 2021 when Colin Farrell & Rachel Weisz were going to do it -- before them it was Penelope Cruz & Edgar Ramirez. No word yet obviously on a male lead for opposite Olsen but given the way Solondz has seemed drawn to previously connected pairs for the roles I wouldn't be surprised to hear the name Paul Bettany. Or maybe John Hawkes! John Hawkes is always good. Here's the plot description of Love Child since we all probably need a reminder at this point:

"The story follows 11-year-old Junior, a delusional aspiring Broadway star with an inappropriate obsession with his mother (Olsen). After orchestrating an accident that nearly kills his abusive father, he encourages the handsome man living in the family’s guesthouse to court his mother and become his new dad. But when the two fall in love, Junior becomes so jealous that he is no longer the subject of his mother’s attention that he hatches a plan to frame the man for his father’s murder."

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Happiness (1998)

Bill: I wake up happy, feeling good... 

but then I get very depressed, 

because I'm living in reality.

Happy 25 to this masterpiece from Todd Solondz! I am still holding out hope we'll get an announcement about a new physical media release for this movie before the year is out (probably foolishly at this point given it's mid-October) -- the fact that it's only on out-of-print DVD at this point is a blasphemy. It's also not streaming anywhere! I hope we don't have another The Devils situation where the people in charge are embarrassed by and hate their controversial movie and are trying to squirrel it away. 

Great Moments in Movie Shelves #200

It's out 200th "Great Moments in Movie Shelves" post! So why not celebrate with something we all love -- namely Wes Bentley standing butt naked in front of some bookshelves in American Beauty. I know the love affair with this film has crumbled over the past two decades but I think we can all still agree that Wes Bentley could get it. Even if he wanted to ramble about the existential thrill of plastic bags or what-the-fuck-ever. That infamous plastic bag speech was actually what got this movie onto my brain this week -- I re-watched Todd Solondz' movie Storytelling a few days ago and that movie has a great joke at that speech's expense that I got a chuckle out of. Timely stuff! Anyway in summation you should re-watch Storytelling because it rules and you should hit the jump to see Wes Bentley's butt because it also rules...

5 Off My Head: The Great and Powerful Greta

Today we wish actor writer director extraordinaire Greta Gerwig a happy 39th birthday! If I was a smart person -- big if -- I'd hold off on doing this post for another twelve months and ring in her 40th with this... not to mention that'll be just a couple of weeks after her seemingly inexplicable Barbie movie comes out! But I feel like, you know, it's that thing where you don't know if the world will be around in a year? Yeah that thing. So I will do this now. What is "this" you ask? it's a list of my five favorite film performances by Greta, that's what. It's been too long since she's graced us with her wondrous screen presence -- six full fucking years, that's how long! The only movie she's been in since 20th Century Women was Wes Anderson's Isle of Dogs and that was just voice-work. Of course that is thankfully all about to change with Noah Baumbach's adaptation of White Noise out this fall...

... which, speaking of, NYFF just announced that movie is opening their fest on September 30th! And that there above is the first photo of her and Adam Driver (plus Killing of a Sacred Deer star Raffey Cassidy alongside I am guessing Alessandro Nivola's son Sam behind her? And maybe that's the other Nivola child May behind Greta? I love that Alessandro and his two kids all have roles in this movie.) (But where's Alessandro? I wanna see Alessandro!) Anyway that's a big thing to look forward to coming right at us. Until then we take stock of Greta Past, with...

My 5 Favorite Greta Gerwig Performances

Frances, Frances Ha

"I'm so embarrassed. I'm not a real person yet."

Brooke, Mistress America

"I don't give a shit because I'm not

a friend of Tennessee Williams!"

Florence, Greenberg

"I was thinking this morning that I've been

out of college now for as long as I was in, and

nobody cares if I get up in the morning."

Megan, The House of the Devil

"We're just dropping you out here

in the middle of where ever..."

Abbie, 20th Century Women

"Whatever you think your life is going to be like,

just know, it's not gonna be anything like that."

Runners-up: Damsels in Distress, Wiener-dog,

Baghead, Hannah Takes the Stairs

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What are your favorite Greta Gerwig roles?

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Happiness (1998)

Helen: Last night Joy called – I was in bed with

Vilmos – no, Huraki – and she was in tears.

She told me she'd quit her job... 

Trish: Oh, but...but that's her lifeline!

Helen: She said she wanted to "change"

her life. Do "good" work with the poor, the needy... 

Trish: I don't get it. 

Helen: Don't even try. She should understand she 

already is good. She doesn't need to do good.

Every scene in Todd Solondz's masterpiece Happiness I simultaneously want to run both an hour long and to be over immediately -- he puts most "cringe comedy" to shame -- but this scene with sisters Helen (Lara Flynn Boyle) and Trish (Cynthia Stevenson, who's celebrating her birthday today) just sitting around being awful about their third sister Joy (Jane Adams), who's not there, this one I unreservedly could watch twelve hours of. So excited we got that news about Todd Solondz making a new movie -- staring Colin Farrell and Rachel Weisz, no less! -- a few weeks back; the movies need him spraying acid on our faces. And maybe with that the studios will release this film here onto blu-ray since the DVD is way out of print! Blasphemy!

The Long Strange Saga of Love Child

The happiest news in the history of happy news hit the internet last night, as word spread via Variety that not only is Todd Solondz working on a new movie called Love Child, but it's going to star no less than the obscenely talented movie stars (and former Lobster lovers!) Rachel Weisz and Colin Farrell! Here is how they describe it:

"In a darkly comic twist on the classical Oedipal story, “Love Child” will follow a precocious child who schemes to rid himself of his brutish father so he can have his mother all to himself. Things go awry when a handsome stranger appears. “This is my first movie with a plot and my first movie taking place in Texas,” said Solondz. “It’s fun and it’s sexy and it’s shaped by the Hollywood movies that made me want to become a filmmaker. I’ve loved Rachel and Colin’s work forever, and am so honored to be able to excite their passion for serious and unexpected work as well.”"

Sounds awesome, right? Well let's hold up the happy train, there is one piece of business to attend to first -- in 2017 I reported that Todd Solondz was going to make a movie called Love Child that would star... Edgar Ramirez and Penelope Cruz? I did, I did report that. In 2017 Solondz was looking for financing in Berlin; this time, here in 2021 with his new actors, he's going to Cannes; let's hope it works out better this time. I do think it's curious to read how the plot was described in 2017, just for reference's sake -- it will be curious to see if anything's changed from this 2017 version which gives away a lot more plot specifics:

"Story follows 11-year-old Junior, a delusional aspiring Broadway star with an inappropriate obsession with his mother Immaculada. After orchestrating an accident that nearly kills his abusive father, he encourages Nacho, the handsome man living in the family’s guesthouse, to court his mother and become his new dad. But when the two fall in love, Junior becomes so jealous that he is no longer the subject of his mother’s attention that he hatches a plan to frame Nacho for his father’s murder."

Well I doubt that Rachel Weisz will be playing a character named "Immaculada" for one. But hey you never know, this is Todd Solondz. He goes places!

I DESERVE THIS https://t.co/ojdmtWvfBE

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) June 16, 2021

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Welcome to the Dollhouse (1995)

Dawn: I was fighting back. 

Mrs. Weiner: Who told you to fight back?

If you look back through our MNPP Archives you'll see that Todd Solondz's classic film, which premiered in the U.S. 25 years ago today, is by far the film I've used for my "Life Lessons" series more than any other. That's because this film taught me everything I know... or maybe rather everything I already knew? By the time I saw this in 1996 I'd already lived through The Dawn Weiner Junior High Experience, and Solondz & Co captured the essence of that particular horror show better than any other piece of art has ever come close. 10 years ago for the film's 15th anniversary I already did an entire day of posts in honor of the film that I titled "Special People Day" -- you can read that all here. It got weird!

Would we have it any other way, though? The film's weird and mean-spirited and aggressive and so honest it brutalizes. It's also one of the funniest films ever made, and alongside PJ Hogan's Muriel's Wedding -- which I have long considered a companion piece -- it's the film I've watched more times than any other in this life. I've hardly felt more seen on-screen then I did, terrifyingly, trapped inside the beautiful smothering amber of this movie's exquisite and perfect 90 minute runtime. Dawn Wiener forever.

25 Off My Head: Siri Says 2016

I guess this website you're on is nursing some separation anxiety today after two weeks of holiday silence, because my intention to do a new entry in our "Siri Says" series -- where I ask my phone to choose a number between 1 and 100 and then choose my favorite movies from the corresponding year -- came at me with a huge ask this afternoon. One I had been dreading for awhile. See, Siri came back at me with the number "16", forcing me to choose my favorites from The Movies of 2016, and... 

... well I don't know if you remember 2016, but there was a lot happening in 2016. Especially at its stinger of a tail-end. The bottom dropped out, a nightmare swallowed us up, and I couldn't focus on making silly little lists. Or much of anything. It's been four years of this so maybe you can't recall how we all died, a lot, inside right around then... but we did. And so I never awarded my annual "Golden Trousers" awards for the movies of 2016. They just got lost in the mix of sturm und drang and shit. 

And I have regretted this gaping absence ever since, but... well politics aside, 2016 was actually a wonderful, seriously wonderful, year for the movies. Insanely good! (I mean it's even the year where I first heard about Call Me By Your Name, for goodness' sake!) And so the task of actually mounting this list always seemed daunting. Super massive daunting, really. And if there's one thing you know about me it's that I love Jake Gyllenhaal. But if there are two things you know about me there's that I love Jake Gyllenhaal and I am lazy. So this list just kept being put off, and off, and off. 

But now, well, why not? This is one way to put a cap on the past four awful years. And... also I'm just sitting here, trying to get myself back into the blogging frame of mind after two weeks off. Why not set myself a massive task? So usually when I do these "Siri Says" lists I just give you five movies in no particular order from the year in question, but this will not do. It doesn't seem to meet the demand of this moment, this year of movies. So not only am I ranking the films, but I'm giving you a Top 25. 2016 was too good for any less than too much, man!

My 25 Favorite Movies of 2016

25. Pee-wee's Big Holiday

(dir. John Lee)

24. Silence

(dir. Martin Scorsese)

23. The Love Witch

(dir. Anna Biller)

22. The Ornithologist

(dir. João Pedro Rodrigues)

21. Always Shine

(dir. Sofia Takal)

20. Arrival

(dir. Denis Villeneuve)

19. Neon Bull

(dir. Gabriel Mascaro)

18. Green Room

(dir. Jeremy Saulnier)

17. Wiener-dog

(dir. Todd Solondz)

16. Julieta

(dir. Pedro Almodovar)

15. Certain Women

(dir. Kelly Reichardt)

14. Aquarius

(dir. Kleber Mendonça Filho)

13. Christine

(dir. Antonio Campos)

12. A Monster Calls

(dir. J.A. Bayona)

11. Jackie

(dir. Pablo Larrain)

10. The Invitation

(dir. Karyn Kusama)

9. Kubo and the Two Strings

(dir. Travis Knight)

8. Elle

(dir. Paul Verhoeven)

7. A Bigger Splash

(dir. Luca Guadagnino)

6. The Neon Demon

(dir. Nicolas Winding Refn)

5. Moonlight

(dir. Barry Jenkins)

4. The Witch

(dir. Robert Eggers)

3. The Handmaiden

(dir. Park Chan-wook)

2. 20th Century Women

(dir. Mike Mills)

1. American Honey 

(dir. Andrea Arnold) 

--------------------------------------------

Runners-up: The Autopsy of Jane Doe (dir. André Øvredal), Train to Busan (dir. Sang-ho Yeon), Hail Caesar! (dir. Coens), The Light Between Oceans (dir. Derek Cianfrance), High-Rise (dir. Ben Wheatley), The Eyes of My Mother (dir. Nicolas Pesce), Demolition (Jean-Marc Vallee), Nocturnal Animals (dir. Tom Ford)...

... Nocturama (dir. Bertrand Bonello), Under the Shadow (dir. Babak Anvari), I, Daniel Blake (dir. Ken Loach), Things To Come (dir. Mia Hansen-Løve), Shin Godzilla (dir. Cris George), The Shallows (dir. Jaume Collet-Serra), Captain America: Civil War (dir. Russos), Swiss Army Man (dir. Daniel Scheinert), Spa Night (dir. Andrew Ahn)

Never seen: Sausage Party (dir. Conrad Vernon), Dirty Grandpa (dir. Dan Mazer), Handsome Devil (dir. John Butler), My Life as a Zucchini (dir. Claude Barras), Fire At Sea (dir. Gianfranco Rosi), Snowden (dir. Oliver Stone), Sully (dir. Clint Eastwood), Pete's Dragon (dir. David Lowery), The B.F.G. (dir. Steven Spielberg), Eddie the Eagle (dir. Dexter Fletcher)

--------------------------------------------

What are your favorite movies of 2016?