Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... quenching my thirst with Jamie Dornan.

Is this the first time there have been visible pubes in a Coke commerical? You'd think they'd want to avoid triggering memories of a certain Supreme Court Justice -- and I apologize to all for bringing that up in the middle of what should be a celebratory moment -- I just couldn't help but wonder. I even went back to watch (and watched two or three more times just to make sure) the infamous Lucky Vanous Coke commercial from back in the day but Lucky was so hairy it was difficult to tell where actual pubes began. What even are these sentences I'm writing? Point being, Jamie Dornan is the new Coke spokesperson! Not meaning that he's the spokesperson for the much-derided "New Coke" -- JFC all of the references I'm making right now are so ancient. What is it, 1991 in here? (I fucking wish.) I just mean he's Coke's new spokesperson. You get it. Jamie Dornan is hot, he's funny, he's half-naked, he's perfect. That's all. Here's the commercial:

And I made several more gifs and they're after the jump...

Jeremy Allen White, What a Coincidence!

I'm sure Jeremy Allen White getting photographed half naked at the beach at the exact same time that news just dropped about his Springsteen bio-pic premiering as the "Spotlight Gala" at the New York Film Fest on September 28th was just a coincidence and not at all the start of an awards season long press assault. Anyway it's a good way to get assaulted so I say keep it up! You've got my vote, JAW! I'm not sure if we had the final title of the movie yet (I hadn't seen it if so) so here's that -- it's called Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere, which is a mouthful that feels like a compromise between a studio's chosen title (just Springsteen) and a director's (Deliver Me From Nowhere) right? Why not just call it The Boss and be done with it? Anyway click over to NYFF's site for the first official photo from the movie and more details along with all your ticketing needs; or hit the jump for more of Beach Boy Jeremy...

On Weapons & Its Gay Stuff

Nobody likes a killjoy yet I've found myself falling into that role over and over and over again when it's come (mostly) to horror movies in 2025; I just haven't been on consensus this year. God forbid. But it seems to've been my review of writer-director Zach Cregger's Weapons, which stormed the box office this past weekend, which seems to've annoyed people the most... even though I gave the movie a mostly good review! I gave it a fresh Red Apple on that dastardly Tomatometer! I just have several nits to pick with the film that seem to really be killing people's joy, if the comments on said post are to be believed, and there's one I really want to address since it's a subject I've spent most of my writing career (lol "career") contemplating. 

Annoyed at the should-know-better homosexual’s comment on my review saying we fought for the equality to be played as weirdo jokes and get murdered in horror movies so I’ll probably go off on that at MNPP tomorrow, stay tuned!

— Jason Adams (@jamnpp.bsky.social) August 10, 2025 at 10:05 AM

Yeah that's the one. Specifically people seem annoyed with the following passage from my review (and yes I'm diving head-first into SPOILERS at this point so beware if you haven't seen the movie and care):

"And oh right lest we forget there’s the homophobic portion of our evening’s entertainment, the chapter involving Marcus (Benedict Wong, great and not in the least at fault for the way these scenes are framed). He’s the school’s gay principal and he’s who, along with his hissing stereotype of a partner (they love weiners and have Mickey and Minnie t-shirts, haha!), the film really relishes giving a heftily violent what-for. Killing your gays is so in y’all."

Marcus' partner is named Terry and I honestly don't know if I'll see a more offensive-to-me image in the movies this year than the one of Terry mincingly holding up two boxes of Fruity Pebbles in the grocery store. And that really has nothing to do with the "killing your gays" trope -- although yes I'll get to that -- it has to do with it feeling as if Weapons is actively laughing at these characters for being gay. It's not that I mind "sissies" in real life -- nobody's ever mistaken me for the captain of the football team y'all. It's that the movie thinks these gigantic queens are weird and hilarious and so fucking gay -- aren't they so fucking gay??? So many weiners! Plates and plates of weiners! High-larious!

And yes I will admit I've lost some of my humor here in 2025 on this subject. But I feel as if any sane fucking queer person should be right there alongside me in the same humorless goddamned boat. Look around. Our rights are being ripped away. Marriage Equality is probably going to be gone in the next year. Trans service members are being ripped out of service and denied retirement benefits right now, right this second, and it'll be the rest of the rainbow next. They are coming for us all with terrifying methodical swiftness and all of our systems of defense are failing.

So yeah ten years ago I also might've been making the case, as has been made in the comments on my review, that some modern version of cinematic equality sees gays getting to die in horror movies just like straight characters do. And sure, okay -- in a utopia there's something to that. Maybe just don't turn them into cartoonish stereotypes before that? Maybe we can be main characters once in awhile? And maybe don't have it be the gay characters love for one another that becomes what kills them. Weapons gives us no reason to give a shit about Marcus & Terry's relationship before Marcus is forced to murder Terry by smashing their faces together over and over again, which -- it's not a fucking stretch to see this as "men kissing men" weaponized. 

So yes -- we argued that we gays should be able to die in horror movies just like straights. It's just -- JFC did the storytellers immediately take us up on that offer, like gangbusters. In the past month I've seen (SPOILER for The Gilded Age ahead) a gay dude trampled by horses in front of his lover on The Gilded Age. I've seen a gay couple in the horror movie Together (SPOILER for Together ahead) turn out to be the weirdo freak cult leaders who've come to pervert the straight couple and turn them into non-binary monsters. And now I have seen this sequence -- in a movie I mostly liked otherwise! -- and... I dunno. I'm just pretty tired y'all. So cut me some slack if I kind of come off like this most of the time:

Five Frames From ?

What movie is this?

Good Morning, Gratuitous Ben Ahlers

I contemplated calling this post "Good Morning, Gratuitous Clock Twink" but actor Ben Ahlers is one of those rare cases where I find him hotter outside of the costumed drama than I do on it -- usually all of those semi-fetishistic costumes with their inherent high-collared repression really snap my suspenders, if you catch my drift. But it wasn't until I recently saw Ben here...

... outside of The Gilded Age and as his own adorable (and uhh surprisingly ripped) self that he actually caught my attention. (Also it turns out that he's 6'2" which doesn't hurt either.) So what I'm saying is -- don't think I'm only into Clock Twink now that his character's gone and gotten rich! I'm an entirely different kind of superficial.

For real though... who'd have guessed it? Wish I'd been paying attention sooner. But consider my twink-blindness your success story because it means I've got dozens upon dozens of photos to share with you this morning. If anybody wants to say what they thought of the third season of The Gilded Age as a whole and its finale (which aired last night) you can do that in the comments, but let's get to the real reason we're here and hit the jump for all of those pictures, videos, and gifs...

Mountain Villain Franz Rogowski Rewind

Even though I inexplicably never posted it I didn't technically "miss" this Fall 2024 photoshoot of Franz Rogowski because I just found it saved on my computer from when Zeit Magazine dropped it at the time. Whatever distracted me enough to not post it then is probably better left buried with all of my many, many other buried traumas -- today let's just celebrate that I was finally just reminded of said photo-shoot and I am now giving it the attention it deserved back then. And even better this got me to check Franz's IMDb page to see if there was any news... 

... on him that I'd missed posting about -- and there was! And ridiculous news at that! There's a remake of Cliffhanger happening and he's in it, lol. That said before we laugh too hard about him slipping into the Hollywood Action Movie Villain role that he was pretty much built in a lab to play, let's note the movie is being directed by the extremely-talented-with-junk directer Jaume Collet-Serra, who's given us several pleasurable movie experiences but really all I need to say is "Orphan" to shut up any sayers of nay. The IMDb page doesn't specify that Franz is playing the villain (the film also stars Pierce Brosnan & Lily James) but come on. We're all adults here. We can read the room. Anyway, photos! Hit the jump for more sexy (what else) Franz photos...

Kaufman @ Kanopy

The photos you see here of Lebanese performance artist Josef Akiki (via) are not from the movie I'm about to talk about. But since the dude looks hot in these pictures I said to myself, "Hey, be yourself, post those shirtless pictures of the actor that you found." And if there's anything writer-director Charlie Kaufman's taught me it's to walk to the beat of my own drummer, and since it's Charlie we're here to actually talk about I'm gonna listen! Aaaaaanyway point being IndieWire is reporting that the once-in-a-generation genius behind Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Synecdoche New York has a new short film called "How To Shoot a Ghost" premiering in Venice! The film stars Jessie Buckley (who gave a rapturous performance in Kaufman's last film I'm Thinking of Ending Things) alongside SEXY Mr. Akiki seen in these photos, it's 27 minutes long, it was co-written by the poet Eva H.D (whose book of poetry is featured prominently in ITOET), and here is what it is about:

"[The film] follows two newly deceased young people who meet in the streets of Athens, amid the pulsing cityscape and the ghosts of its history. One is a translator, the other a photographer; they were outsiders in life, and in death, they struggle with the residue of their longings and mistakes. They wander the city together, finding consolation in the rugged beauty of existence and its aftermath."

All of that's awesome obviously -- any new Charlie Kaufman work is cause to bang pots out our windows and to run naked down our streets. But the real gem of news here is that the film's been produced by the public library streaming service Kanopy and it will distributed by them. Once upon a time I would've been angry about this news because Kanopy stopped being available in the NYC public libraries after a very brief test that collapsed the system like a decade ago. But then about six months ago I registered at the small library in my hometown in upstate New York so now I have Kanopy and I don't have to be annoyed! Please clap.

Garrett Wareing Seven Times

It's extremely hilarious to me that here just a few brief hours after I taunted the actor Garrett Wareing to bare some more skin in exchange for finally getting his own tag here on MNPP that the dude went and dropped a sexy af photoshoot for Flaunt magazine that echoes no less than a legendary Herb Ritts slab of homoerotica. Garrett grabbed my dare and dude triple-dog-dared me back -- he won't be ignored, dammit! Done and done! Yes sir! You're now the proud owner of your very own corner of MNPP my man. Now let us all celebrate by hitting the jump and receiving his freshest gift...

Double Your Dylan, Double Your Fun

I'm so burned out these days I saw that the doubled Dylan O'Brien comedy Twinless had gotten a release date and I remembered liking it at Sundance but I had completely forgotten I'd reviewed it as well. But I did! You can read that right here. I even called it "Tasty Cringe Farce For Sickos" and come on, guys, how is that not on the poster? That's a killer tagline. Whatever. I can only do so much work for you. Anyway they also dropped a trailer so watch that if you feel so inclined:

Twinless is out on September 5th. You should see it.

Not just because Dylan O'Brien is hot, but here are some gifs 

from the trailer that underline that much after the jump...

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

In a Lonely Place (1950)

Dixon Steele: It was his story against mine, 

but of course I told my story better.

Legendary director Nicholas Ray was born this day in 1911.

Five Frames From ?

What movie is this?

Good Morning, World

Looking through our archives I'm past due giving actor Garrett Wareing here his own tag on the site. But what if he stops sharing slutty selfies once that achievement's been unlocked for him? Best to do it next time. Well? We're waiting, Garrett. 

Get Stuck In Time With Morgan Spector

Big huge ups to MNPP reader Natty who alerted me to the presence of a 2017 short horror film called "Great Choice" that stars a pre-Gilded-Age Carrie Coon and Morgan Spector as people trapped inside a hellish Red Lobster commercial loop -- I'd never heard of it and I loved it, so I wrote a little thing about it over at Pajiba today (where you can also watch said short). Anyway Natty I didn't get to mention you in the piece there for obvious reasons but I can give you your flowers right here, amongst the luxurious chest follicles of Mr. Spector himself, so that's what this is. King! Anyway that short is indeed a perfect companion to the film Buffet Infinity that I just reviewed out of Fantasia -- you can read that here if you missed it. Anyway me and Morgan are back off to bed now so g'night!

Give It Up For Him

The new poster for the Jordan-Peele-produced football horror flick Him dropped today and it puts our new favorite pretty boy Tyriq Withers and his blood-spattered torso where he belongs, front and center. I shared the teaser for this movie back in April here but now that I've actually seen the former footballer turned actor act in the I Know What You Did Last Summer reboot I can say with certainty I'm gonna be all up in this movie's business. He's incredibly charasmatic. And well also...

ETA oh there's a full trailer now too!

Him is out on September 19th!

Five Frames From ?

What movie is this?

Since nobody's guessed it yet

here are five more frames to help!

Can you guess the movie now?

Good Morning, World

Before any of you ask no, I have no idea where the internet dug up these old photos of baby David Corenswet, fully in thrall to twinkdom, less Superman than "Heroin Chic" Supermodel. I just saw these two pictures making the coail media rounds and I snatched them right up for our rightful consumption. Obviously Corenswet Now (with that back rack) is more my flavor but studying history is important.

Joseph Quinn Two Times

No I still haven't seen the new Fantastic Four movie -- ain't it something, a superhero movie comes along that I'm really actually looking forward to and I don't see it. (I did at least manage to see Superman, but I got invited to a press screening of that.) Anyway time has not been on my side these past couple of weeks with Fantasia Fest going on, but maybe this weekend coming up since Fantasia's now ended. As if much of anything can get me out of the house on my weekend. Well maybe the image I've seen of Joseph Quinn here moose-knuckling it in white pants in the movie. That might do it. Until then enjoy these two photos from Style magazine -- you can see more here. Looking very handsome, Joe!