Happy Easter

Weekend's scores:

• Gills: Yes, we playd Oldham (full nayme Oldem Fermly or they'll drop off) an they bribed the ref- typikol! An then he sent wun ov our players off so we lost 1 - 0. Poo!
• WE ARE PLAYIN SOUTHEND (full nayme: Safffend Scum) TODAY SO PLEES WARE YOR LUKKY BLOO PANTS!!!!!!
  
• Simpsons: no
• Tesco: yes
  
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5 /10
• Overall Score: 7ish/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!!!

It is all bizzy an topsy-turvy rownd heer cos Mummy an Granny ar tryin to pak so that Granny can moov layter this week. Sum peepol ar gettin worreed abowt bein left behind-

I've been mor consernd wiv the important stuff of the day tho.....

Hmmm.....wat's this???

Mmmnnyom mnnnyom..

Daddy is in Ierland becos it was Grandad-Poppa's 80th berfday the uther day an all his famly wer meetin up for a big party an stuff an all the neffews ar goin to be thare wich is wy Iym not! Far too daingeruss for a hansum yung ursine like myself.

Meenwile, Dilly is havin a berday today. She has 2 eetch yeer, like the Queen. So thare'll be cayke layter! Scrumbo!

Happy Easter, peeps!

Chop chop bizzy bizzy werk werk bang bang.

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Good Lor!! I dident blog all week! Well that jus shows how bizzy I've bin! Er... yes. Sorry bowt that. I carnt reelly stop now to catch up, iver, as we hav to leev the howse at 6 to go catch a playne. Weer off to Ireland!!!!!

I'm a tad nervuss, but I'm goin armd wiv a poynty stik this time an a beerd (see pic, abuv) for a cunnin disgize. I intend to keep a low-ish profile. If I spot eny ov the herd ov nephews comin neer, I shall be reddy for them this time. Ho yes! No mor bear-nappin, thank yu very mutch! Enyway, Sam is comin wiv me, an heez well hard.

Chuck is comin too, heez never bin to Ireland, but we rekkon he mite hav a bit ov oirish in 'im as he haz a gingery bit on the end ov his tayle.

Well, I'll be shufflin off then. I'll be online over thare tho (they hav lektrissity an evrything over thare now!) so I shall be nippin in an chekkin on watcha all up to, an puttin in a few photo's ov stuff, an that sorta thing. Now I hav to go an pak.... hav a good wun, evrywun!!!!

Bye fer now!

Mother's Day Attemptid Murder

Weekend's scores:

• Gills: yes: we playd Yeovil (full nayme: Yeovil-grass-chewing-scum) but nobody got a goal. It waz 0-0. I think they wer all distraktid, all thinkin "I must get my Mum a card arfter this."
• Simpsons: no
• Tesco: yes- I had to go an get Mummy a card (wun wiv a bear on it)
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5/10
• Day Score:4 (bein almost killd kinda taykes the shine off a day)/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

It waz Mother's Day yesterday so we all went to Granny's an gayve her a gerly-lookin card wiv cats on, a choklit cayke, a book an a T-Shert wiv sparkly flowers on it.

Mummy's brother, my Unkol David, waz there, wiv Arnty Stephanie an mor nephews. Theez wuns ar calld Alex an Dominic an ar kwite littol. I've met them befor. I yewzerly jus sit on a shelf an pertend not to be reel. This werkt for Dilly just fine yesterday: she got in wiv the dragons on Granny's shelf an went unnotist. But it waz a tad mor complicaytid fer me.

Well, az yu kno, yu can tell a Bear is reel by his kneez. My legs ar ov the fully-fledged bendy variety, wiv is a ded give-away. So I snuggold down in between a cuppol ov big cushons on the sofa, wiv them tukt in owt ov site.

I thort I'd be safe but I waz foyled by Dominic's bownsin-up-an-down-on-the-sofa eskapayde.

"Wat's he doin there?" he arskt his mummy.

"I don't kno!" she sed. An befor MY mummy cud reskew me he had me in wun hand an waz slappin my bottom wiv the other! What the? He sed that I'd been norty, hidin in the sofa.

Mummy got me off him an sed he wassent to hit me an that it wassent nice. Well, he sed, "Heez OWNLY a teddy!" Dam cheek!!!! An then he startid to punch me so I got him bak. Mummy warnd him I did karrarty but he wuddent lissen an he jus arskt for it. So I went PHWAR! an got him agen an as he rolld over I tikkold his bak till he gayve in an ran off.

I thort that waz it but heed just gon off for reinforcements: Alex, his slitely bigger an mor ginger bruther.

Well! They both sed that I waz JUST a TEDDY. They eevn sed that I cuddent talk, an that it waz Mummy "doin my voyce". Eevn wen she stufft her mowth full ov biskits, they still sed it wassent me talkin, -this time they sed it was Daddy! Wat nonsense!

Then we all had biskits. I got wun too. I waz starvin: must hav bin nerves. I ate it kwikly an I think that impresst Dominic as I herd him say to his mummy, "How did he eet his biskit?" HA! See? Ownly REEL Bears eet biskits!

Wen they got in their car to leev, I darnsed along their window to jeer at them. Inside, I cud hear Alex sayin, "Go on, Dom! Kill 'im! Kill 'im!" so I shook my furry ass at them.

Onnistly, I thort bein kidnapt by the Irish nephews waz bad enuff, but theez wuns wer werse! I wontid to put up a warnin poster abowt them but Mummy won't let me. So serfice it to say, if yor a Bear in the Walthamstow area an see two small gingery boys walkin abowt together, be on yor gard. Best swot up on yor kararty skills, just in cayse.

Mulligan an Mummy, an their travels...

Gillingham ar playin tonite, peeps, so on wiv yer bloo pants!

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Good Lor! I havent blogged in neerly a week! How did that happen? Sorry bowt that. I shall try to offer sum excewsis:

(1) Ferst reezon fer my absense is that I hav Been Spendin Sum Time Wiv Mulligan....

Daddy is off to Ireland tomorro an Mulligan is goin wiv him. Mulli is goin to retire at Granny Ireland's howse, cos he likes golf an so duzz she. Heez hopin to get a few rownds in. Heez also hopin fer soda bred an hunny. So enyway. Heez goin along to chek owt her golf bag an see if it haz a Small Bear compartment. (That's a compartment for Small Bears, by the way. Not a small compartment for Bears. It issent the sayme thing.)

I've been tellin Mulligan all abowt Ireland, like the time I got kidnapt an run-over. This is reelly wy I don't go enymor. (Leest, not less Mummy is comin too, as she issent the wun hoo drops in roades an puddels an stuff like that, or herls me across rooms at grayte speed, all ov wich abewse Daddy flatly denys, ov corse. He sez I jumpt. Wich I did not.) Wayin it all up, Mulligan probly thinks heel be better off there, com to think ov it. An if the nephews start moovin in herds agen, he can jus go off to the golf corse. An it also meens it gets him away from Daddy's faymussly extrordineryly toxik sox (they disterb all rodents in a 30 mile raydius).

(2) The other reezon for my absense is that Mummy haz been Tryin To Doo Mor. This is her Plan B. Plan A waz Tryin To Eet Less. But she fownd this all but impossibol, maynely cos eetin is her best hobby, arfter sleepin. So she is now doin lots ov walkin insted, an this meens walkin away from the big button on the compewter that I need help pushin in befor I can blog.

She has walkt miles over the larst week. Sheez walkin into town nowadays insted ov goin on the bus. This is abowt 3 miles. Then she walks all arownd town and even in the big shops too- this is cos there is a notiss on the eskalayters sayin that "Small Children Must Be carried" an she duzzent hav eny, so she haz to tayke the stairs insted.

At leest I occayzunelly get sumthing owt ov theez hikes. Yesterday I got this cunning Ginger Biskit, disgized as a Bear:

Wa-heyyy! He eevn haz PANTS!!!

...On the bak it sez he is a cool ted!

He eevn haz a choklit belly-button! HAHAHA!

Mmm nyumnyum nyummm.... kwite nibberly...

Hey! Wat the? I put it down fer 2 mitis an the torso's neerly gon! I bet Daddy haz sumthing to do wiv this!

Hehehee.... leest they left me the PANTS! Hahahaa...I feel an impreshun comin on...!

Ta-darrr! HAHAHA! Izit me or izit Littol Bayby Bear Bob Junior???

Ooops! LBBBJ dident like that! HAHA!

Ah.... jus the icing pants left, now! (Hey! The ownly time yu want ice-in-yer-pants!)

(sigh...) Yeah, I think I'll sayve this bit fer a wile!

********

Votes

Thank yu all fer voting in my poll abowt wat I shud plarnt this yeer! The poll is still up there on the rite hand side ov this blog, so if yu havent votid, or if yu want to chaynge yer vote, or vote agen, pleez do! It will be up an runnin till the middol ov March, an I'll plarnt watever yu deside at the end ov March. Dilly sez she wants to plarnt sumthing pink an eevn if nowun votes for that she still will plarnt sumthing pink an she sed "Nerrr". Wat can I say? Dragons don't like rools.

Bye fer now!

*****update*****update*****update******update*****

Footboll waz canseld becoz it waz too foggy! Hey ho! So if yor bloo pants feel uncumfterbol yu can tayke them off! Wen yu do, wy not spin them arownd abuv yer hed on wun finger till they go whizzin off across the room? It's grayte fun! Speshly wen they land on yor sister's hed! Wa-hey!

Mor Abowt Presents!

Weekend's scores:

• Gills: yes: on Sunday we playd Yeovil (full nayme: Ooo Ahhh Yoe chew-on-grarss Vile) an we lost 2 -1 arfter wun ov our fellas went off injerd, proovin that Yeovil jus arent very nice peepol. So there. Oh, an by the way, a serten Mummy dident ware enything bloo today. I think I'll get her a dikshunery fer Crismoss an underline "loyal".
• Simpsons: yes: fownd 2 episodes but Lisa got hert in wun :@{
• Tesco: yes, larst nite, fer chikn, milk an veggies.
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.510
• Weekend Score: 7.12853/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Ar yu all thinkin abowt Crismoss? I kno I hav to get my letter off to Santa this week. Dilly is still hesitaytin over wat culler bow to arsk him for, but sheez got to deeside this week too. Grayum haz arskt if he can jus put a "PS" on the end ov mine, as he ownly wants soks.

In Daddy's famly, they do things a bit diffrently, an don't get presents for evrywun.

Wat they do is, they rite all their naymes down in a list, then put them all in a hat too. Then they pull owt wun nayme from the hat for eech nayme on the list. This meens "this person has to buy for THAT person". It's a bit like the dror they do for the start ov the footboll seezon.

Well! This yeer, this grayte responsibility fell on me. So I rote all the naymes on a list, an rote them on littol bits ov payper for my bloo hat:

Now I hav to emayle my arnts an unkols an tell them hoo to by for. This duzzent apply to neffews, ov corse. This ownly applys to grown ups. If yor not grown up yu still get a present from evrywun. Wich jus goze to show that weer much mor fun, reelly.

Other news- Asta got my parsol! I sent her a present. I ownly had a big box, much bigger than the present, but I thort it wud be ok as she mite like to play wiv the box too. She put a video on her blog abowt it- I'm very happy to see her wiv it! Givin presents maykes my beads go warm.

Bye fer now!

Oops! Haha!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes, twice! Wa-heyy!
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9/10
• Day Score: 7.39/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Oh deer. Well, gess hoo had to get up at 5am fer his flite yestaday? Yep: Daddy.

An gess hoo dident set his alarm proply? Yep, rite agen: Daddy.

An gess wich airline he had chosen (think: cheep, duzzent kno wat a cutomer is, therefor wuddent be abol to help wun if 3 million ov them fell on the roof ov their HQ all at wunce, singin "Oh do pleez help me" in 3-part harmony) yes: RyanAir.

The upshot ov this sad tayle iz that Daddy, arfter leepin owt ov bed in his pants at 7am, clutchin the un-set alarm in his hand an doin wat lookt like a sword-dance rownd the bedroom floor wile showtin "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!NO! NO!NO! NO!" dident go to Ireland as plannd. He dident go today, either. He did try. But the fare wud hav been hewge, an, feerin it mite affect my choklit peanuts purchases, I talkt him owt ov it. Don't want to be heer all owt-numberd by gerls, anyway. Hehehee.

Shayme tho, as I had mayde sum bizzness cards fer my site, speshally fer the Nephews:

Wotcha think?

Bye fer now!

The Visit!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: too bizzy entertaynin (I'm a very entertaynin Bear)
• Tesco: no (an I bet they wud hav liket it too)
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: see "Simpsons" /10
• Day Score: 8.537692/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!


It was fun havin Arnty Anna an Littol Kevin to stay. Me an daddy met them at the trayne stayshun an insted ov comin strayte home, we went to feed hazelnuts to the skwirrols at Colchester Carsol. Heer's wun....

I spottid this cunnin Bear Bush wyle we wer there an was very pleezd to see it was surrowndid by marigolds (but nun ov them as big as my wuns).

Wen we got bak Arnty Anna showd us lots of foto's ov her famly in Ireland, incloodin this wun ov her MAD cat, Lily. This wun is her as a kitten. Apparantly, she tryd to get in this pot wen she was a bit bigger an broke it gettin out.

Then we had dinner an CHOKLIT CAYKE. Unfortewnitly, most ov the other Bears wer still in hydin, so I had to eet theirs. Ahem.

Wen it was bedtyme, I arskt Littol Kevin if he had rememberd to bring a Cuddly, as he was ownly 6, an I waz goin to arsk arownd fer a volunteer if he had fergotten. But he sed, "Ah, no, akchewally, I hav wun in my bag...." so I went off to meet whoever it was.

I thort it mite be a Bear, or a monkey, or a rabbit or sumthing. But it was a Dolphin calld Dolphi. I was a tad nervuss at ferst cos wen he waz ownly harlf way out the bag he lookt like a Killer Wayle.... I'd never met a reel lyve Dolphin befor, so I dident kwite kno how to greet him. But I settold on a pat on the fin....

(I fergot to arsk if it waz ok to put their foto's on heer, hense I had to chop off Littol Kevin's hed.) (Ownly in the foto.)

Arfter we awl went to bed, Mummy stayd up an drew a pikcher ov Littol Kevin's sister, from wun of Arnty Anna's foto's. Wat do yu think?

I am so tyerd now I cud hybernayte! HAHAHAHAHAHA! (bit ov Bear hewmor there).

Bye fer now!

The smoll boy cummeth

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: restin
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10! Wa-heyyyy!/10
• Day Score: 7.395/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

They wer bizzy yestaday. Cleanin. Yu kno it's serious wen Daddy joynes in: either weer moovin howse or weer gettin a visitor.

So I got the Bears together to compair Overhearings. Shor enuff, Grayum had overherd a fone call on his way bak from his 9th trip out to the rosemary bushes (Note To Self: put the pears out of Grayum's reech wen they ar a bit over-ripe).

It terns out that Arnty Anna is comin to stay, tomorrow, an bringin Littol Kevin wiv her. Littol Kevin is 6. He is wun of the nephews that yewsually moov in herds. They liv in Ireland. He issent wun of the posse that kidnappt me, but eevn so, I think we Bears shud be careful.

We discusst maybe kidnappin HIM, but thort betta ov it, just in cayse Arnty Anna dident want him bak. An I don't kno how menny choklit peanuts a 6 yeer old boy eets, but it cud be eevn mor than Mummy. It just issent werth the risk.

Weer all on full alert now. Sum Bears hav taken to practicing their Syncronized Sitting, on a hi shelf. The Window-Sill Bears havent eevn arskt fer speshol get-down priviledges. An Grayum is lookin fer sumware to be camoflarged.

In cayse yu think weer over-reactin, this mornin I spotted an enormuss choklit cake. Now, as yummy as choklit cake is to Bears, choklit cayke an 6 yeer old boys don't mix. An neither do Bears an baths. Yu get?

Bye fer now!

I'M BACK!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10/10
• Day Score: 8/10
• Advent Calendar Pikcher: Angels. Loads an loads ov Angels, for days now.

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

I've been offline for a week but I've still been a bizzy Bear. Mum's off making dumplings for the Chicken Stew we're having fer dinner, so I thort I'd pop in here an get my fans up to date.

Ferst, here's the photo I promised ov the Snowy Bear that came to stay last week:

an here is Snowy an me playing "Bear! Not-a-Bear!" (obviously, this round is "Bear!"):

Snowy has today gone on his flight to Ireland to live wiv the nephews. We wish him luck. If my experience of Irish Nephews is anything to go by, he'll need it.

Now to a comment left on an earlier blog:

Mousie said...
when mum and dad abandon you to go shopping,
are you allowed to invite friends...you see I would so much have a small party
with you for winter sostice...I would love to meet your new white friend as
well...don't worry, we would leave before parents come home, and no two paws
would know...tell me if it's possible love from Mousie
PS: how many friends may I bring?

Well, Mousie, she hassent known about it up till now, but as it's you, I'll tell you. Yes. Wen our parronts go off without us we tend to hav parties. Pant Parties, yewsually. So you an yor frends will be most welcome. Either bring yor own pants or we can lend yu sum, in wich case, just let me know how many frends yor bringing so we know how many pairs ov pants to get reddy (I presume you'd prefer them pre-frolicked?).

photo: me, Grayum, an the Windo-Sill Bear Familee having a Pant Party earlier this year

Snowy had to go off on the larst leg ov his jerney, but all the other Bears are still here, and if he knows yor coming, Old Grandpa Grunter Bear might even be persuaded to come downstairs off the spare bed.

Mmmm... smells like the stew's reddy, so I hav to go now. Yum! But I'll update mor tomorro...

Bye fer now!

Danger! Ireland ahead....

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10/10
• Day Score: 7/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Today I want to tell yu about why I don't like going to Ireland anymore, even wen Daddy goes there, to see his familee.

1) Run Over

On my ferst visit to Ireland we went to visit my Unkol Brian's shop on a hill called Ennistynen. Grand-dad Poppa cuddent park so we just jumpt out the car and went into the shop. Well, when I say WE went into the shop, I mean everybody ELSE went into the shop, I just lay in the road being confewsed as Daddy had just dropped me.

I got up an ran about looking for the shop I was meant to go in, calling for my childline-nominee parrents, and then it went all dark. Wen I cayme to, I was lying in a puddle of white beads. Then I realised that they were coming out of my bum. Well, I had no idea that my bum beads were white an so I faynted. It was sum time layter wen Grand-dad Poppa's car cayme bak up the hill and Daddy jumpt out and cayme and got me. Mummy was very upset wiv him, and they spent a whole day in Limerick looking for beads to put back in my bum.

Until they found sum, I couldn't be operaytid on. SO insted I had to wear safety pins in my arse which, as well as being just a tad undignified fer a person of noble Bearidge, itched like a camel's armpit.

2) Kidnapped

Yes, afrayde so. On my second visit, a posse of Daddy's nephews jumpt on me at Granny Ireland's house while my parrents were distractid, again being less than vigilant in their Bear-protekshon dewties. Led by a small wun hoo goes by the nayme of "Owen" and the letters ov "Eoghan", I was grabbed, wrestled to the floor ov the Dining room and held prisoner while the yung hoodlams had this note delivered to Mummy:

Then Daddy traced the writing to Eoghan and his evil co-conspirator Patrick, and rather than pay the extortionate ransom of one cent (am I the only wun that finds that offensiv?) tickled them to the carpet until wun ov them squealed where he'd hidden me.

This photo is ov Eoghan, the organizer ov the crime. I hav had to black out his eyes fer legol reasons, as I havent got round to sueing him yet.

Anyway, it always amuses me, every year, wen Daddy books to go to Ireland and terns an asks me, "Are you coming wiv me, Bob?"

HHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HAAAA

I can only think he has me inshored for a lot, an fer wunce I don't mean choklit peanuts.

Huh!

Bye fer now!