Hogs, Knees an a boomzyay!!!!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no- but weer playin tomorro so pleez remember to ware yor luky bloo underpants!!!!!
  
• Simpsons: yes,an Family Guy, too, wich waz reelly rood! HAHAHAHA!
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9 d'oh!/10
• Day Score: 7.49628/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Ferst, I MUST tell yu abowt a grayte new blog calld "Dear Teddy". It is run by three Bears an they ar collektin storys abowt peepol's old toys. If yu hav an old toy, say, from childhood, get a foto ov it, rite a littol story abowt it an send it over to them an they will feecher it on thare blog. Heer is their link.

Important note on toys:

If yor not shor wether yor Bear is reel or not, let me remind yu agen that it is in the knee department that yu can be shor. If it's got knees, it's reel. If not, it is a Teddy-traynor-bear. Theez are toys that LOOK like reel Bears but ar given to littol children to trayne them in the art of carfterin a Bear an bein a sponsibol Bear adopter. They go throo alot- like bein wayved arownd by their legs an bein chewd an dribbold on. Wen the child is a bit older THEN they can be considerd for a trooly REEL Bear, yu see, wen they've got over the chewy dribbly stayge.

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The moon waz full agen the uther nite an we had a full five bear Bear bum saloot as we got on down an moond it:
Wa-heyy!!

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Larst nite Mummy waz up all nite hog sittin, as we took in a very very VERY small hedgehog hoo waz far too littol for this time ov yeer. He wud never servive hybernayshun that littol. So, we took him in fer the nite an a nice RSPCA laydy collektid him this mornin to tayke him to a sakchewary.

In his nite box we gayve him wun ov Mummy's softest old jumpers, a hot-warter-bottol, sum food an sum warter. Oh! Also a newspayper (I thort he waz a bit too yung to reed that but I dident like to say enything). Well! Dispite this box ov joy he got a bit restless an startid tryin to scrabbol owt ov his box. Mummy waz distrest abowt this so Daddy rang up sum -oviossly nice but pertenshally kwite MAD- peepol at The British Hedgehog Sossyetty for advice, an they sed that littol hogs kwite like a littol cuddol in a towel.

WELL! WELL! That waz the larst ov gettin eny sense owt ov Mummy for the rest ov the eevnin! She went totally silly, werse than wen she is feedin skwirrols or strokin kittens!!!

Mmmnyum nyum nyum comin owt for a bit ov corned beef...

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HE waz kwite a kewt fella reelly, but he had a few flees so I dident get too close. Mummy haz hooverd the sofa to within an inch ov its stitchery today an showerd till she waz almost albino. But, she sez, it waz werth it to hold the littol fella for so long. It shor waz nice to see a hog close up like that. Ahhh..... hehehe!

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Well I'm off! I hav important Bear stuff to hide. Jo, Mummy's old frend from skool, an her littol gerl Hazel ar comin up tomorro. They ar goin to exchaynge berfday presents as Hazel had a berfday neer to Mummy's. Then they eetin cayke, watchin videos an doin crarft stuff. Me an Daddy ar goin to football. Gerly days ar best avoydid!!!! (But I hope they sayve sum cayke!)

Quiz Answers

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes, slowly: Mum stubbed her heel. I mean, how do you stub your heel? A toe, yes. Even maybe an elbow. But a heel? She was doing this weird funky-gibbon walk all day. It was embarrassing.
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9/10 Grayum caught me back as I was coming in from the loo
• Day Score: 7.85486/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Horray! I have a new subscriber, Carol from Shrink-Wrapped-Scream. Her last name used to be Beattie so she wonders if we might be related. Could well be, Carol. How furry are yor toes?

Enywun can subscribe by filling in the form on the left of this page, by the way. Yu get all my new posts, plus any with new comments. And don't worry, the emails include my picture so yu won't miss out.

SO! How did yu all do in my Quiz? Margaret, wat a wonderful woman yu are; Matt, stay behind arfter class. Here are the arnswers:

(1) see if he has KNEES

(2) see if he has one ear forward and one ear back

(3) Federation of International Furry Agents (it's ok that none of yu seem to hav got this- it's to do wiv spying, arfter all)

(4) Dilly. If yu got her full nayme, Dilly St George, help yorself to a choklit peanut

(5) Gillingham

(6) Absolutely

(7) NOT

(8) evil, inherently so

(9) a big toothless fat cat that lives at Granny's

(10) Lisa, of course. Have 1/10th of a mark if yu put Santa's Littol Helper

For mor on these fassinayting topics, and Dilly, follow the tags at the foot of this post! Bye fer now!

Identifying yor Bear

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 6/10
• Day Score: 8/10
  

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Now a word on identyfying yor bear:

I don't mean "Oh look! Dits my bear!" and if eny ov yu say that yor not payin enuff attenshun to yor bear an probly don't diserve to hav wun. No. I mean the ferst essenshol task of bear identyfikayshun:

is it real?

Well the method of identyfikashun of a bear's realness is so good it werks for most not-a-bears too, (you'll waste a lot of yor life if yu try it on a fish, for instance).

This is it: yu ask, HAS IT GOT KNEES? If it has, yu hav a real bear. There are a lot ov kwite convinsing lookin bears around, even in the best bear adopshun centres (or 'shops' as not-a-bears so offen insultingly call dem). Reelly they are there just to mayke up the numbers, or as decoys for we spy-bears.

> many ov deez Bears an Not-A-Bears ar real, but they are awl over-doing the Bed Rule.

(see 29/09/06 "Bear Rules" for mor on dis)

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Next, how to tell if yor bear is a spy:

Obviously, we bears make exerlent spys. I mean, hoo wud suspect a bear in yor howse? Even if it haddont been there wen yu went out, yu still wuddent suspect enything. Yu'd think, ahhhh.... sumwun brort me a bear, how nyce! So there, yu see.

Well if yor bear is a spy he'll hav this wun essenshol feeture: he will alwayz hav one ear forward an one ear bak. (This means he is reddy fer awl evenchewalitys.)

A werd ov WARNING though: do NOT under eny sercumstanses try to get yor bear to tell yu HOO he is a spy FOR. If yu catch him off gard, or do tickle torcher, an he tells yu, HE WILL HAFF TO KILL YU.

Got that? Ok.