Crismoss Eev, worry, panic an luvley cards!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no, but weer playin on Boxin Day, so I hope yu all get bloo pants fer Crismoss, if yu havent got eny alreddy!
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: been too bizzy for this, wich is the reezon I wassent reddy wen Grayum got me, an it duzzent cownt, an he DIDENT get a ten agenst me, cos I wassent playin it at the time. Ok?/10
• Day Score:7 ish/10
• Advent Calendar Pikcher: I thort weed get a bayby in a shed today, but no! Just mor yellowy glowing children hangin arownd singing. I hope we get a better wun next year.

HO HO HO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well it's neerly heer! But I've had a very worrying fone call from my cuzzins in Ostraylia this mornin! Over there, it was 10 o' clok at nite so they wer all gettin reddy cos Father Crismoss starts his rownd over there. BUT! They sed that they had set up a big net an wer gonna catch 'im! They sed they've tried it befor an this yeer they rekkon they'll do it, an then get evrywun's pressies.

Bear, Duck an Dog. They liv wiv my Arnty Christina in Ostraylia an they're up to sumthing.

Duck an Mr Woo, another conspiritor.

Oh no! Wat if they suckseed? Wat'll happen to my choklit peanuts??? Wat'll happen to yors? Oh my!

Enyway, sum good news today- look at this grayte card we got from Calamity Jane!!!

WOW! Bears!

Issent it grayte? THANKS, Calamity Jane!

An our Crismoss tree mite be ok, too: I took advice from my good frend Stanley an hung sum ov Daddy's stinky old sox on it!

Theez trusty old smelly Guard Socks shud finish off the aphids nicely.

It's a bizzy day, Crismoss Eev, so I'm off to help Mummy mayke Mince Pies. Sheez gonna put sum port in them! Heheheee! So helpin her is probly the ownly way I'll get to tayste them! Ha!

Happy Crismoss, evrywun, Bears an Not-a-Bears evryware!

Anuther new Bear!

Weekend's scores:

• Gills: YES- we played Port Vale, wich issent eevn a playse!!! An we lost 2 - 1 cos they're cheatin scum.
• Simpsons: nope
• Tesco: yes, fer petrol
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 5 (waz traynin new Bears, an let them win a few times.) /10
• Overall Score:7 ish /10
• Advent Calendar Pikcher: Saterday- laydy on a donkey an a man wiv a stik; Sunday- Man carryin cheez on his hed. Onnist, it waz.

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well, me, Daddy, Grayum an the new skwotter, Mulligan, dropt Mummy off at Granny's an then all went to football. We lost. An it ternd out to be Mummy's fawlt, as she dident ware her Lukky Bloo pants. She sad she had washt them the day befor an they wer still damp. Wat kind ov excewss is that? They wud soon hav got dry wiv the warmth of the buttok area. Wimen! Onnistly! Sumtimes I jus think they carnt think ov stuff.

Enyway....

Wen we got bak to Granny's we diskuverd that a new Bear had arrived thare! He is a small Grizzly, an got there in his very own tardis all the way from Alaska. He brort his own salmon wiv him, too:

His nayme is Sam J. West.

Grayum went to meet him:

"Hullo! I'm Grayum! How do yu do?"

Granny bort sum carrot cayke speshly for us:

Sam is on a mishon to discuver things. So far he has discuverd carrot cayke (an wat happens wen yu try to nik my bit), cats, cars, tunnels, an pants. I introdewst him to the latter myself.

He has discuverd camras, too, an he duzzent like them. He seems to get spookt by them:

Well. He has come home wiv us. Dilly is a tad mifft abowt this, as she sez 2 mor Bears iz 2 Bears 2 menny. Mind yu, she also sez that 2 is 2 menny 2, let alone 2 2 menny. Not that she reelly knows wat 2 is. An theez 2 dident eevn bring her eny bows.

But it's been kwite fun, now I'm over the shok ov their appeerants, to teech them abowt frolickin pants, an serprize nose-hugs, an "Bear! Not-a-Bear!", an sneekin up on Dilly, an all that sorta thing.

An I've been tellin them bowt things to avoyd, too, ov corse. Wich brings me to a kwestchun from Ms Creek an A.bananna, abowt wat a Vomit Sok is.

Well peeps, a vomit sok is baysickly wun ov Daddy's yewsd soks. Wun day, wen mummy waz eetin cheese (wich she luvs, but Daddy haytes an I ownly like wiv Marmite on toast) he sed, "I jus don't understand how enywun can eet sumthing that smells like my feet!" To wich Mummy replyd, "But yor feet don't smell ov cheese, darlin, they smell ov vomit."

Hence, "vomit socks". See also, "Guard Socks".

Bye fer now!

AHA! Gotcha!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: bit bizzy /10
• Day Score: 6.2983100005 /10
• Advent calander pikcher: 3 girls singin an glowin a straynge yello culler.

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

I hid my seekrit camra in wun ov Daddy's yewsd soks an left it on the landin upstairs. I knew it wud be sayfe there coz no wun wud ever dare inspekt wun ov Daddy's vomit-soks at close kwarters. It dident pik enything up for hours. Then this:

WELL! Wunse I'd seen this I had to go an investygayte! Look wat I fownd in the pant dror!!!!

A seekrit piknic in the pants!!!!!

An.... an... HOOZ THIS?????

What the?????????????????

Daddy Windosill Bear sed that it's his Grayte Unkol Mulligan. He's stoppin off on his way to Scotland, wher heez gonna retire an play golf!

I dident approov ov this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hav an arnty in Scottyland an I kno she reeds this so! Do YU kno enything abowt this, Arnty Fiona??? Do yu?

Guard Socks an George Clooney

Today's scores:

• Gills: yes
• Simpsons: mist it: rats!
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10/10
• Day Score: 7.25493/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Daddy got home from werk an sed, "Hey! Bob! Getcha kit on! Gillingham ar playin tonite!" an I jus had time to hide the pants I haddent kwite finisht frolickin under the bed, get me bloo jumper on, eet a choklit Breakaway bar, an then we wer off. I dident hav time to get on heer an tell yu all that yu need to get yer bloo pants on!

We playd Doncaster (full nayme: Doncaster Donkey Poo) hoo ar so poor, they carnt afford goal posts: their players hav to roll up their coats an yews them insted, in two piles at the end ov the pitch. HAHAHAHA!

Enyway, it waz a not-a-looz. We got 1 goal an so did they. I think it waz jus so cold an dark that neither teem cud be botherd arfter that. Evrywun jus wantid a cuppa tea.

Natchrily me an Daddy hav been kwite consernd abowt leevin Mummy at home wiv Therzday's berfday presents skwirrold away in Daddy's study. Granny warnd us that she likes to sniff owt pressies an find out wat they ar befor the big day. So we had to adopt sum desprit security mezzurs: GUARD SOCKS.

The dor to Daddy's study, wiv Guard Socks in playse.

Ov corsse, men AN women wear socks, but it taykes a man to mayke a Guard Sock. Wat yu hav to do is wear them. That's abowt it, reelly. Then tayke them off an put them in playse in frunt ov wat yu want gardid.

Be warnd: they ownly werk on gerls. Boys ar immewn to the yewneek aroma ov the good Guard Sock. Gerls, on the other paw, hav been known to parss owt.

Daddy's a pro, an his socks hav a matchure vommitty smell. But if yor socks arnt as traynd, yu can thro them under the bed for a week or 2 or bury them at the bottom ov the washin barsket. Enywhare whare they can hav a good rot undisterbd.

We got bak from football abowt 15 minits ago. Not ownly did the socks werk in that the pressies ar untutchd, but Mummy iz cookin Chikn Curry. She sez she duzzent kno wy she suddenly fanseed Chikn Curry at 11.30 at nite, but yu an I kno: sertain fumes needid cuverin. Wa-heyy! A dubbol result!

Enyway. Yestaday, arfter my If They Weren't Human piktcher, sum ov yu arskt hoo I wud be if I wassent Bob The Bear. Well, folks, Calamity Jane spotted a serten resemblance a few months bak.......

Bye fer now!