Showing posts with label viral. Show all posts
Showing posts with label viral. Show all posts

Monday, March 12, 2018

When You Wish Upon an Evil Chinese Music Box



If Kazaam has taught one thing, it's that Shaquille O'Neal always had bigger career potential as a product spokesman than film actor. 


If it taught us one more, it's that magical wish granters always have a price.

Quick Plot: Teenage Clare hasn't exactly had a charmed life. As a little girl, she witnessed her mother (Law & Order's favorite surprise lesbian Elisabeth Rohm) commit suicide. Dad Ryan Phillippe (yes, we're at the point in time where Ryan Phillippe is dad to a teenager and yes, that makes me feel old) is now an out-of-work saxophonist who makes some cash off his dumpster diving findings. 


Also, she's like, super not popular.


Life takes an upturn when Clare's dad brings home a mysterious box from a cemetery garbage pile. The ancient Chinese writing seems to suggest it grants wishes, leading Clare to give it a go, wishing her high school nemesis "rots." Cue the mysterious skin disease. In a completely unrelated turn of evens, Clare's beloved golden retriever mysteriously dies.


It takes a shocking number of similar granted wish/dead pal pairings before Clare can admit the obvious: the haunted box will grant her seven wishes, but each one must be paid for with the violent death of someone close. With the benefits of Clare's wishes growing bigger each time, can she stop herself from, you know, continuing to murder her friends and family?


Directed by the better-than-everyone-says-it-is Annabelle and way-worse-than-you-know-even-though-you-might-not-know-it-existed The Butterfly Effect 2's John R. Leonetti, Wish Upon is kind of a delight. A good chunk of the credit probably goes to Barbara Marshall, whose script is equally in tune to teenagers as her previous credit, Viral.


Played with a perfectly immature intensity by Joey King, Clare is a selfish, impulsive young woman who makes for a fantastically complicated protagonist. It's easy to judge her (admittedly very irresponsible and immoral) actions, but the film does a successful job of putting us into her mindset. As the poor, motherless artist bullied by the rich pretty kids, we understand why she'd be so easily seduced by something that can make her dreams come true. It's almost like a horror version of Lady Bird.


Wish Upon isn't a modern classic, but it's a solid, well-paced and made little horror movie that's simply much better than it could have been. The entire cast brings something interesting, from veterans like Phillippe and an ill-fated Sherilyn Fenn to the diverse, realistic teenagers (which includes Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt's rising star Ki Hong Lee, Stranger Things' own Barb, Shannon Purser, and the incredibly charismatic Sydney Park). 


High Points
EVERYONE, this movie has a Most Popular Girl montage. A MOST POPULAR GIRL MONTAGE I SAID

Low Points
The Final Destination-ing of the death scenes is fun at first, but by the fourth case of teasing out what random contraption is going to slay which character, it feels a little tired


Lessons Learned
The price of quality ancient Chinese translation is a quality batch of wontons


When it comes to making wishes through evil box genies, use your adjectives wisely


HOW MANY MORE TIMES CAN I SAY TO BE MORE CAREFUL AROUND GARBAGE DISPOSALS BEFORE SOMEONE LISTENS????


Rent/Bury/Buy
Wish Upon is streaming on Amazon Prime and makes a great way to enjoy 90 minutes of your life. You probably won't think much about it after the fact, but it's perfectly engaging during its run. 

Monday, July 3, 2017

America's Next Top Parasite



There was a time in my life when I could tell you everything you never wanted to know about America's Next Top Model. Then Tyra Banks went to the Harvard Business School and decided to make a "college" season which actually just convinced 14 young women to drop out of school to be on an overproduced reality show, teasing them with "scholarship funds" only to take all of it away from everyone except for the winner (who happened to be already wealthy). 


It was the last straw in a long, complicated relationship. And all this is really just a preamble to say that today's feature, Viral, stars an a former contestant. 


Quick Plot: Brainy Emma and her older, mildly rebellious sister Stacey (ANTM's Analeigh Tipton) have just moved to a new Californian town in a suburban development. Their dad (the always welcome Michael Kelly) teaches high school biology, while their mother seems to be maintaining some mysterious distance on business trips. Emma balances schoolwork with a chaste crush on boy next door Evan, while Stacey engages in a more physical relationship with skater boy CJ (played by something called Machine Gun Kelly, which I don't think is any relation to aforementioned Michael Kelly). 


Also, there's a parasitic outbreak and the country is going to hell.
Directed by the team of Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman (they of Catfish and the underrated Paranormal Activity 3 & 4), Viral tells a story we've seen many times from a fresh angle. Normally, I'm the last person to ask for more teenagers in horror, but much like the wonderfully underseen Into the Forest, Viral understands the key to centering your film on young characters is to make them real, sympathetic, and specific.


We don't need too much exposition to understand Emma and Stacey. They come from caring, if distracted parents. Emma follows the rules, occasionally making exceptions if it means helping her older sister. With her blue highlights and eye rolls, Stacey is a wannabe bad girl still good enough to respect most of her dad's requests, while also helping to edge Emma just far enough over to the dark side to ensure she has fun. 


Such a dynamic would be healthy and fine if, you know, there wasn't a highly contagious outbreak of worm things that essentially turn their hosts into hungry zombies. 


Viral does a nice job in balancing its gross-out horror with the very grounded reality of its characters. While it may be frustrating to watch our leads ignore quarantine rules for a nearby keg party, it's also easy to understand why these young women wouldn't put much stock in government warnings. In the last ten years, we've been through swine flu, ebola, and Legionnaire's disease "outbreaks" that were never nearly as dangerous or widespread as the panic-inducing media wanted us to believe. Even an honors student would rather listen to her crush than an anchorman. 


The lack of initial action may be a turnoff for some viewers, but it felt true to the characters for me. Leads Sofia Black-D'Elia and Tipton convey a real connection as sisters, and it helps to drive the film once infection becomes extremely close to home. There's nothing revolutionary about the story or style, but Joost and Schulman know how to tell a story like this in a way that the audience cares. Along the way, they manage to pack in some decently gross parasitic attacks and effectively tense chase scenes. Solidly done all around. 



High Points
I always appreciate when a movie understands just how large or small its scope should be. Viral doesn't aim to tell the end of the world; it simply takes a pair of teenagers and watches the start of it through their limited viewpoint. All the information we know comes from the snippets of news stories they see, so we never have an edge over them in terms of understanding the full nature of the infection or state of the world. It helps to keep the tension exactly where it should be: on this very small, very specific collection of characters

Low Points
I've excused it because the movie overcomes it, but you know, there's not much new here
Lessons learned
On the hierarchy of supplies included in an emergency kit, band-aids are pretty lame


The trick to not vomiting when dissecting a frog is to chew gum

Doing your homework in sweats when school is canceled is pretty uncool



Rent/Bury/Buy
Viral isn't the most memorable of the parasitic apocalyptic subgenre, but it's a solidly made little film that moves well in its under-90 minute running length. If you're looking for a breezy way to kill some time, it's certainly one of the better of the new offerings currently streaming on Netflix.