Based on fleeting memories of watching Class of 1984 at a far-too-young age, I had no actual anticipation of writing about it here.
A pile of punky corpses later--one of which belonged to my favorite teenage Antichrist of all time from a little Doll’s House classic known as Fear No Evil--and I realized I’d be missing out on one supreme slasher.
Quick Plot: Meet Mr. Norris, an optimistic high school band conductor making his debut at Lincoln High, the kind of institution where metal detectors are just a formality and the teachers are expected to maybe have a certificate and college education but to definitely have a black belt or revolver.
On his very first day, Norris manages to make enemies of Peter Stegman, the baby-faced underachiever who spends schoolnights running prostitution and drug rings despite his natural intelligence and piano skills.
Because Norris is kind of a dolt, the enemyship escalates with every passing weekday, leading to a few of the following:
Biology teacher pal Roddy McDowell’s class pets slaughtered
Norris’ car blown graffitied and, well, exploded
Teacher’s pet Michael Pre-J. Fox stabbed in the gut
Norris is falsely accused of beating a teenager up
Michael Pre-J. Fox’s pal climbs up a flagpole in a drugged out mania and falls to his pledge of allegiancing death
And his even dafter pregnant wife gets gang raped
These are terrible things to have happen to you, but am I a bad person for having to say the dude *kind of* asked for it? Questioning wimpy student Fox in front of the stab-happy gang? Hauling the drug dealers into the principal’s office without any real solid footing for how to punish them? Smashing the bully’s car? Abandoning his loyal band students at their biggest hour?
If I had one problem with Class of 1984, it’s that it was awfully hard to get behind the protagonist when he came off as the biggest idiot this side of the border. Or that side, since it’s fairly clear that Class of 1984 was proudly made on Canadian soil. It’s a minor issue...
Oh, and the last 15 minutes are about as gory and violent as Fear No Evil, minus the bully boobs and dodgeball deaths. See Low Points.
High Points
As the baby-faced sociopath building a mob-like empire in high school, Timothy Van Patten’s Stegman is a truly unique and layered villain, part genius, part low-life, part mama’s boy and all fascinating charisma
Goodness can Roddy McDowell elevate material! His most infamous scene waving a gun in front of his laxer students’ faces is easily the heart and high note of Class of 1984, lending a deep, sad, and disturbing weight to what could have been a mere exploitation film
The film apparently won a British Oscar for its costume design, which might surprise you until you really look at some of the styling going on in Stegman’s gang
Low Points
It’s probably more a testament to the many other youth-gone-wild films that have made some common sense seem more possible, but it truly is occasionally straining to accept Norris’ naiveté, particularly on the third ‘why don’t you go stay with your mother?’ plea made to his even airheadier wife
No death by dodgeball or bully boobs.Though credit to this guy for trying:
Lessons Learned
It was incredibly easy to blow up automobiles in the 1980s
Shimmying up a flagpole is easier than you think, at least if you have a sniff of cocaine helping you out
The human heart has four chambers and if you don’t know that, Roddy McDowell will blow your face off
Child labor laws have evolved much over the last 20 years, particularly that whole amendment about not allowing 14 year olds to stab classmates on orders from their place of employment
Rent/Bury/Buy
I was impressed at how much I enjoyed Class of 1984. It’s gritty and dark, but also incredibly watchable and occasionally quite humorous. Though it’s true that I’ll probably watch this far less than Mark Lester’s lighter, more ridiculous(ly amazing) semi-sequel Class of 1999, it’s still a high recommend for a rental or purchase, particularly since Anchor Bay’s release is loaded with extras. A making-of featurette includes interviews with cast and crew while the director and Anchor Bay producer commentary track is both informative and intersting, demonstrating most importantly that Class of 1984 was a film that everyone fully invested their energy into making. We don’t get enough of those.
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