The Fast & the Fabulous

In 2008, Paul Not the One That Directed Boogie Nights W. Anderson "remade" 1973's Death Race with Jason Statham's torso, which apparently got a sequel that nobody ever heard of two years later called Death Race 2.

But we're not here to talk about that.

In 2017, it would seem, the House that Roger Corman Built went back to the well for another remake closer in tone to the original and pleasantly far from the movie that I once described as "a video game for people with arthritis."

Although it does have ample Jason Statham torso

Quick Plot: It's the year 2050 and the United States of America is...different. Or maybe it's just exactly what it will be like in 33 years. 

Actually, that can't be the case, because science has been allowed to progress far enough that cancer has been eradicated. The downside? People are living longer, leading to overpopulation in a dying economy.

President Tru--

eh, excuse me, "the Chairman", aka Malcolm McDowell done up in the most glorious futurized  dead-bird-toupee we've seen since, well, the latest presidential (er, I mean presidented) news conference.

So. The Chairman, played in juicy full-teethed glory by the always game McDowell, runs the country like a busy arcade that just discovered virtual reality. In order to help reduce the masses, an annual death race is held across the country. Like the 1975 original, the best way to rack up points is to kill pedestrians along the way.

Our contestants are, quite literally, a colorful bunch. Roll call:

Jed Perfectus, a genetically engineered superhuman specifically designed to win the death race, although one has to imagine the scientists were a little distracted by crafting their version of Alan Tudyk playing Rocky in The Rocky Horror Picture Show

A.B.E., a robot car designed to show that technology is all you need (until he experiences his own form of an existential crisis)

Tammy the Terrorist (YellowBrickRoad's Anessa Ramsay), a southern blond psychopath who has created her own form of a cult that, not surprisingly, does well in the red states

Minerva Jefferson, an enthusiastic black rapper with a mission of her own

and of course, Frankenstein, the seasoned masked champion. In this iteration, Frankenstein is played by Manu Bennett, formerly Crixus (or as I liked to call him, Studdicus) from Starz's delightful, highly underrated Spartacus series.

Extreme operatic violence ensues, all with a biting wink and Idiocracy flavor you expect from a film that encourages the murder of children and the elderly. As the race takes us across the America of the future, the film gives us a mix of obvious jokes, massive CGI decapitations, sly political commentary, and even a pair of TV personalities shamelessly mirroring Effie Trinket and my REAL favorite Hunger Games character, Stanley Tucci's Caesar.

It's a good, cheesy, violent, and gloriously stupid time if there ever was one.

High Points

Much like the first Death Race, this one's most interesting characters are its women, particularly Ramsay's Trumpette-From-Hell messiah and Folake Olowofoyeku's layered gangsta rapper with a conscience

Low Points

As much as I loved Minerva's hit single "Drive Drive (Kill Kill) Drive Kill", the fact that I haven't been able to get it out of my head for a week has been a tad inconvenient for daily life

Lessons Learned

Math is for heathens and nerds

Turning global famine into clickbait is harder than you think

Winter was just a myth

Rent/Bury/Buy

Maybe I was just in the perfect mood, but I enjoyed the hell out of Death Race 2050. Watching politically relevant movies these past few months has generally been a sad, troubling experience, but this one pairs the timely analogy with such gleefully over the top vengeance that it hit me in just the right spot. It's on Netflix Instant and so long as you're in the right mind space, its' quite a ride. 

On Your Mark, Get Set, Probably Die

As much as the humans hunting humans subgenre is a popular choice for genre film, it seems a little daunting to attempt when working with an indie budget. Let's see how newcomer Paul Hough handles the challenge.

Quick Plot: 80 people who happened to be on the same street corner one day find themselves inexplicably standing in line. Before they have time to ask names or Google map themselves, a voice that even the deaf characters can hear announces that they must compete in a race to the death. Actions such as stepping on grass or being lapped by other ‘runners’ will lead to, we learn, messy head implosion. No doctor’s note gets you off the hook.

It’s a simple enough premise that most genre fans are well-acquainted with from such works as Battle Royale, The Hunger Games, and The Long Walk. I’ve spoken at length about how such storylines are, pretty much my favorite thing ever (perhaps because I saw The Running Man in the theaters at the age of five, or just because I’m actually something of a very twisted human being). Naturally, the plot description of The Human Race was enough to make me put it at the top of my queue.

Boy am I glad I did. Written and directed over the course of four years by Paul Hough, The Human Race finds some fantastically innovative ways to tell a story we’ve all heard before. There are some simple decisions that render it notable--major characters are deaf and speak with sign language, while the star (Big Brother winner Eddie McGee) happens to be a war veteran with one leg and some mean crutch skills--proving so simply how easy it can be to instantly make your movie more interesting. 

It doesn't stop there. The film has plenty of fun with its structure, alternative character flashbacks with the race to keep the pace moving. There are a lot of genuine surprises with where some of the action and characters go, and most importantly, some strong attempts at bringing depth to some of their interactions. 

The Human Race isn't a perfect film. The budgetary restrictions are occasionally quite clear, and the brisk 90 minute running time almost seems too short to adequately capture such a large group of canon fodder. Some viewers with harsh standards might find qualms, but I was happily impressed with how Hough and his crew handled the story. It's involving, shocking, and filled with the kind of touches you want to see from new filmmakers. Also, it's about a race to the death. I’m always in for that.

High Points

It would be a shame to spoil one of the best twists (especially since it occurs within 10 minutes of the film's opening) so I'll just say that The Human Race is quite cheeky about character introductions

I've said it time and time again: movies are more interesting with diverse casts. It's something Stake Land's Jim Mickle seems to have learned, and it's great to see Paul Hough incorporate the young, the elderly, the Christian, the Muslim, the deaf, and so on

Low Points

Pity the DVD that doesn't come with subtitles, particularly when it's tough to keep a large cast's character names straight

Lessons Learned

Stay off the grass. Seriously.

Cardio, cardio, and cardio

Crutches have some pretty nifty use when you happen to be thrown into a cruel and unusual race to the death

Rent/Bury/Buy

I thoroughly enjoyed The Human Race and eagerly look forward to Mr. Hough's output. The DVD includes a dynamic commentary with several cast and crew (many of whom did double duty) and it's an enjoyable listen for any film fan with an interest in crafting a low budget genre picture. Those viewers with a mild allergy to low budget cinema might occasionally sneeze, but this is a strong little genre film that makes good on its ambitions. 

I Liked The Hunger Games. Wanna Fight About It?

According to the rules, there can only be one winner, but that doesn't mean we can't have multiple pieces of film and literature following sadistic reality television programs that pit civilian against civilian in hand-to-hand combat to the death. As The Hunger Games feasts its way through box office records, I'm noticing an irksome fanboy retaliation against a franchise-in-the-making, as if Suzanne Collins were Stephanie Meyers' pedicure buddy. I found Gary Ross's film to be thoroughly enjoyable and when placed in the larger context of its audience, extremely refreshing.

Stop looking at me like that! I saw The Running Man in the theaters when I was FIVE YEARS OLD! I was hyping Series 7: The Contenders before Jeff Probst hosted VH1’s Music Jeopardy. I have watched, read, written about, and invented games for my current ninth favorite film of all time, Battle Royale. In no way does The Hunger Games come close to nipping at its schoolgirl kneesocks.

But for those of you who don't know, I'm something of a cockeyed optimist when it comes to movies. I don't like hating things, and not just because I was raised to not use the word 'hate' at home (we replaced it with loath, which is actually stronger but sounds more elegant). I want to believe in the future of cinema, I want to know that there are original artists out there with brilliance in their path, and heck, even that the occasional unnecessary remake can be handled with cleverness, originality, and understanding. 

Wait, what does that have to do with The Hunger Games again?

Right, genre fanboy snobbery. It’s so negative.

Look folks, The Hunger Games ain’t Battle Royale. It’s a PG-13 rated (but harsh one at that) adaptation of a juggernaut young adult novel primarily aimed at females in the eighth grade. 

And you know what? I think that’s awesome. I think it’s positively spectacular that the most popular teen literature of the day is a dark ride into a terrifying, morbidly fascinating future featuring a powerful female lead. The movie isn’t without its flaws (hey Woody, hope you have enough minutes left on your bill to phone that performance in), but I can think of at least 7 reasons why I rather dug it:

  

1. Further evidence that one should never eff with Isabelle Fuhrman

Don’t you wonder how Jodelle Ferland feels about that OTHER brunette child actress-turned-teen who specializes in playing sociopaths...and playing them better. I dare anyone to pit the blander than rice cakes Case 39 against the trashtacular Orphan. Come now, that’s like betting on the wimpy curly haired kid over the brute from District 1! Or, I don’t know, Ferland’s supporting vampire in Twilight 3 to Fuhrman’s KNIFE THROWING BADASS Clove in The Hunger Games. 

And before you say it, yes, I was happy to see the young Ferland get some decent work in Cabin In the Woods. But it’s rare that I could watch a 15-year-old girl HURL KNIVES and believe it. You can be my cat’s laser pointer that I will never piss off Isabelle Fuhrman. 

2. Not the genetically manipulated bees!

True, The Hunger Games has nothing on Battle Royale’s machetes, axes, crossbows, uzis, or pocket knife deaths but you know what it DOES have? Killer bee thingies. That's groovy, right?

3. Slaughter in 17 seconds

Let me explain something to you: I find the idea of hand-to-hand combat-to-the-death incredibly disturbing. Part of it is my own lack of coordinative abilities, and the rest stems from the simple truth that stabbing or choking a person a person two inches from my own face is simply horrifying on the very most primal of levels. That in itself is probably why these kinds of desperation murder stories make me so uncomfortable. As those pedestal pods rise up for the arena’s opening ceremonies, the threat becomes real: these children are going to have to kill each other with whatever tools are at hand, most of which are muscles or knives. Sure, we don’t SEE much in the PG-13 rating, but implied horror is there, particularly when we get quick glances at scrawny 12-year-olds before never seeing them again...

Because Orphan has knifed them to death.

4. It will forever make Project Runway Innovation Challenges way more intense

Sure, Heidi Klum's fashion-obsessed, quip-forcing slaves have been forced to create beautiful clothing out of garbage, candy, and car parts, but even setting aside the recent all-star blacklight challenge, none of the Project Runway contestants have come close to putting live fire on their scrawny model cutlets. Now that Katniss and Peeta blazed that trail (hehe, pun!), how can future contestants with artificial names and distracting jewelry DARE to play it safe?

5. The Future 1% In Fluorescent

I’m not about to fumble through a political interpretation of the universe created by author Suzanne Collins. I’ll leave that to high school English teachers who should be excited to get their students’ hands on a decently written book that they’ll actually WANT to read. 

Collins and Ross’ universe isn’t the most imaginative place created in literature. It’s a 1984 inspired society that bares a reference to The Lottery, Survivor, The Long Walk, and plenty other sources. But hey: it’s well-crafted and relevant, no matter how simple it is. More importantly, it means we get fashion like this:

So quitcher complaining

6. Best. Facial Hair. Ever.

‘Nuff said

7. It’s not Twilight

What, was that a low blow? Please. Any parent who's been wondering why their daughter has taken to wearing a permanent flannel and fartface should consider the odds forever in their favor if said teen is now braiding her hair and taking up archery. As I've explained before and again, Twilight isn't just bad cinema: it's dangerous. In no way do I believe in the burning of books, but if a local brushfire just so happened to wander into Little, Brown and Company’s warehouse, the future of feminism might be grateful.

See, Katniss, as played exactly like Ree Dolly in the magnificent Winter's Bone by Jennifer Lawrence again, is an admirable heroine. She fights. She thinks. She takes care of herself and actually cares about others. Remember my favorite scene in Twilight 2, where Bella and Edward sauntered past a line of tourists about to be unknowingly devoured by Italian vampires? Bella looked mildlly concerned, but Edward's simple "Move on" had her seeing the sunlight while the audience caught a sample of screaming civilians. Yeah, that's someone to look up to.

One of the main reasons The Hunger Games has (forgive the pun) caught fire with a young audience is, I hope, because Katniss Everdeen is the kind of literary narrator young women want to be, like Nancy Drew, Scout Finch, Cathy Dollanger, Elphaba or a founding member of The Babysitter’s Club (with the exception of Mary Anne; grow a pair girl). In Collins' writing, Katniss is even funny and sarcastic, something that doesn't quite translate on film. I forgive that because, you know, girlfriend is fighting for her life from the likes of these people:

Look: The Hunger Games isn't perfect. It's not necessarily ground-breaking. And yes, it's now become as mainstream as Bella Swan moaning about not being understood. But just because something is popular does not mean that it's not good, or entertaining, or simply much smarter and scarier than legions of pessimists want you to believe. 


Now if you'll excuse me, I have this Pavlovian condition that requires I pop in my Running Man Blu Ray anytime the title comes up in conversation. I'll be back.