I'm Thankful For the Lightning House/Doll's Lair Thanksgiving Swap!

At the risk of sounding sappier than The Christmas Shoes, there are a lot of treasures that make me grateful this Thanksgiving season. Chief among them are some of the joys I get on a daily basis from blogging (or .comming, if you will) and chief among THAT (there's a very complicated hierarchy going on here) are the people I've met through this wacky activity called writing Internet reviews of horror films. Thusly is it my pleasure to revive the monthly(ish) movie swaps with one of my favorite bloggers and all around dudes, Zack of the Lightning Bug’s Lair. For the Bugg, I recommended the bizarre (and conveniently streaming) Bad Boy Bubby, while Zack went much more seasonally appropriate. In his words:

"When I think about Thanksgiving there's a few things that always spring to mind, jellied cranberry sauce, the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade (which I preferred to call the Macy's day parade when I was a kiddo), and Arlo Guthrie’s Alice's Restaurant. I was first introduced to Guthrie’s tale in song form when I was probably six or seven (the more explicit movie which Emily is looking at I didn’t see until later), and his story of a hippy Thanksgiving, the debacle of garbage disposal, and the draft, never fails to make me laugh. The same goes for the movie. While it does move slow in some parts, director Arthur Penn captured the spirit of the song, the somber mood among the hippies as the Sixties drew to a close, and an honest look at an era of protest that doesn’t seem all that distant now. So this Thanksgiving, I’m giving thanks for so many things, friends like Emily, my family, and all the people who support horror writing, but I also want to give thanks for Alice’s Restaurant where you can 
get anything you want (exceptin’ Alice). Happy Thanksgiving, folks. "

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Quick Plot: Arlo is a young musician with floppy anti-establishment hair but a pleasantly laid back demeanor. When he gets his draft card right square and center of the Vietnam War, he attempts to circumvent service with a college education. When that proves to be a bust, Arlo moves on to visit his friends Alice and Ray, a free-spirited couple opening up a restaurant in a deconsecrated church.

I can't tell you how many times I've walked by or through a decadent cathedral and imaged what a great performance/hangout space it would be. What I didn't know in all this fantasy decorating was that churches had to OFFICIALLY be un-holified in order for that to happen. Not being a Christian, this doesn't bother me from a soul safety point of view or anything, but I must say, doesn't the act itself seem rather, well, UNChristian? As if heathens can move into your architecture, but dangit if they get any leftover good vibes or vampire protection?

Moving on...

Actually, there aren't that many places to move on to. See, Alice's Restaurant is a film about hippies and if there's two things hippies don't generally care for, it's cops and barber shops. But if there's a third thing, then the third would be plot.

And that's kind of fine. This is not a film about growth or destination, but more a string of episodes that follow Arlo and his friends through biker races and Thanksgiving dinners, sort of like a much better version of George Romero’s Knight Riders only with less Renaissance Faire action. There’s minor tension regarding Arlo’s draft card, which ultimately culminates in a rather hilarious (and extremely Catch-22-esque) army physical complete with a giddy psychological exam and surly young M. Emmett Walsh. A subplot regarding Arlo’s recovering heroin addict pal raises some stakes, but the film never wants to commit to any real story or conflict. Since Arlo--not an actor by trade, but a likable presence onscreen--& co. are fun to watch, the movie is too.

Upon rewatching Harold and Maude a few weeks back, I was disappointed at how much I no longer liked the characters. They were selfish and destructive people who put others in harm’s way--or just extreme inconvenience--for no real reason other than that’s what they felt like doing. I worried that I’d feel the same way about Alice’s Restaurant, but I didn’t because these characters--none overly nice or revolutionary or special save for some musical talent--weren’t out to hurt the world. They simply had their own way of life and for the most part, it didn’t have the slightest bit to do with anyone else. When generations of friends sit down for Thanksgiving dinner, you take it as an imperfectly perfect moment for these people at this time. One year later, some might be fighting in Vietnam, others might be dead of an overdose or happily raising children conceived in a haze of pot smoke and burnt pumpkin pie air, but on this particular evening, life is about a good meal with your friends.

I’m sure there’s plenty more to the subtext of Alice’s Restaurant (and no, I’ve not plunged into the 18.5 minute song just yet) and maybe a few years from now, I’ll see Arthur Penn’s film in a very different light. Perhaps because of my current mood--it’s THANKSGIVING for goodness sake--I’m only looking for and at the happiness, of which there’s plenty. Having just seen Lars Von Trier’s Melancholia, I don’t need a depressing tale about how ugly the world we live in really is. Not when there are musical interludes and soft satire, free dessert and blind judges. Yes, there’s also unhappy marriage and drug addiction, but the smell of sweet potatoes can cover a whole lot if you’re hungry.

High Points

Alice's Restaurant is a genuinely funny film, often from Guthrie's exaggerated (yet still dry) narration contrasting with the rather calm onscreen action. What keeps it refreshing--at least to me--is that the humor never feels overly mean or anti-establishment for the sake of hating the establishment. 

Your enjoyment of this film will depend in big part on how you feel about folk music. I dig it, so I dug the film and all of its ‘let’s sit back and sing’ moments, but if that type of thing ain’t your cup of cocoa, then you might want to try different brew

Low Points

For the first half or so of the film, we see Arlo spurn the advances of several attractive women, usually with good reason (like the lasses being 14) but also with such detachment that we start to wonder if he's simply asexual. And then a pretty but not overly interesting young lady shows up and it seems to be love. It would have been nice to know what it was about this particular love interest that made Arlo care.

Lessons Learned

Girdles feel funny

Weddings are way more kickass when top hats and blue velvet are invited

There was an awful lot to dig in the 70s

When free food is on the line, a hippie will do almost anything

Town dumps are generally closed on Thanksgiving

Rent/Bury/Buy

I’m not overly familiar with all the backstory involved in the making and reception of Alice’s Restaurant (and that includes the 18 1/2 minute song it’s based on, because if I still haven’t watched the 3 hour Saving Private Ryan, where am I going to find time to listen to an 18 minute song?) but I think the film holds up regardless as both a strangely sweet portrait of friendship, dryly funny satire on the draft, and hauntingly subtle tale of unhappiness. I have the feeling this is a film that will deepen for me with time, one that might mean something different to me five or ten years from now than it did upon first viewing. Time will tell, and I look forward to it.

Don’t forget to hear Zack’s take on Bad Boy Bubby at The Lightning Bug’s Lair, complete with my lawyer talk argument for why it’s kinda sorta almost a little bit a Thanksgiving film. Ride the kangaroo on over!

Would you like some fries with your face?

So within the first five minutes of Drive Thru, we get to watch a jumpsuit wearing clown butcher two urban talking white boys that spew out every possible stereotype of ghetto speak (holmes, dog, busta cap in yo ass, etc.) before dying wonderfully exciting painful deaths (face fries and all). Naturally, I’m instantly convinced Drive Thru is the best piece of cinema ever to include a cameo by Morgan Spurlock and Sean "Aawon Buhh" Whalen. Screw that, the best piece of cinema ever made by mankind.

Quick Plot: In the quiet, wonderfully named town Blanca Carne, a hip hopping van of weed smoking teens orders some artery clogging dinner from Hella Burger, a greasy fast food chain best known for its popular Horny the Clown mascot. I never understood how such an ambitious venture like McDonald’s could succeed despite 30% of the greater population being absolutely terrified by the face that graces every Happy Meal, but apparently, I’m just not that smart.

Anyway, our stoners don’t make it to their milkshakes because Horny, accompanied by some intensely annoying metal music, slices or fries them up while making excruciatingly awesome puns. Meanwhile, high school senior McKenzie (Gossip Girl’s Leighton Meester) is partying with her friends (including another Gossip Girl actor, Penn Badgley, in a glorious curly afro) and playing with a Ouja board in the hopes of contacting Marilyn Manson. Instead, they receive a mysterious bunch of letters and numbers that later proves itself to be the license plate of the ill-fated diners.

Before you can say ‘xoxo,’ McKenzie is receiving all sorts of ominous warnings through her retro toys, including a Magic 8 ball and Etch-a-Sketch. Like a straighter haired Nancy Thompson wearing eye liner that would give Blair Waldorf hives, McKenzie pieces together a mystery involving her former hippie mom (Jan from The Office) and a typical prank gone wrong from many years ago.

If there’s a fatal flaw to Drive Thru, it’s that the film overplays its hand during its incredibly American cheesy opening. The ridiculous joy shown in those first five minutes just can't quite be matched once the (sigh) story kicks in, even if it means we get Blair Waldorf singing rock ‘n roll and calling the preppy Bush supporters Banana Republicans. In fact, Drive-Thru kind of has an insane case of identity crisis all the way through, selling itself as urban horror but primarily focusing on rich white people. Even Horny himself makes the Leprechaun look like the little guy belongs in the hood. It's strange.

But also, simply great. Great. Great. And kind of okay. 

   

And great.

High Points

Kudos to a movie that finds a more realistic way to show a microwaved head than Last House On the Left, providing one could poke a hole in the bottom of a microwave, stick someone's head through it, and make it explode. That's how it works right?

Low Points

Obviously, the soundtrack wasn’t going to go on my iPod, but that doesn’t mean it has to be played at 10 decibels louder than the rest of the film

Buddhist Question of the Month

Does the pope shit in the woods?

No seriously, does he? When using this expression, is it rhetorical in the affirmative or negative? I. Don't. Know.

Lessons Learned

It takes about 10 seconds to realize that your body has been severed in two

Taking a secret to the grave is a great way to guarantee your presence in a horror movie

Psycho killers usually keep shit in the garage

All you can really hope to get out of fancy college is a designer drug addiction or stalker

Today’s youth are quite retro, using dark rooms to develop photographs and making hip references to Greg Brady and Captain Kangaroo 

Rent/Bury/Buy

Look, some of us really love these kinds of movies, and God clearly loves such people because Neflix/God puts them on Instant Watch. If logic follows, those of us that adored Drive Thru will enjoy watching such films on fluffy cotton candy clouds up in heaven. I kind of can’t wait for that, even if it means I have to be sliced up by a 7’ tall clown making bad puns in order to get there.

In other words, add to queue, queue up, watch, rate 5 stars, and move on. Your afterlife will be better for it.

Death By Disco (& Blue Sunshine)

In twenty years, I imagine my generation will be suffering from poor ipod damaged hearing, widespread carpel tunnel syndrome, a terribly warped Michael Bayesque interpretation of physics, and a grab bag of other physical impediments brought about by the current daily doings of the 21st century.


That may be a pretty dim view of the future, but at least we won’t have to deal with the after effects of Blue Sunshine.


Made in 1976 by Squirm director Jeff Lieberman, Blue Sunshine is a product of its time and for once, that’s a good thing. The 60s were over. Joplin, Hendrix, and Morrison were dead. Love beads were crushed and made into disco balls (right?). Peace and love looked antique and drugs were now about escape rather than freedom. Since Reefer Madness proved to be more a great movie to get high to than a warning about drugs, it was time for a real horror about the consequences of doing illegal drugs.


Quick Plot: A swinging cabin party comes to a halt when Fran the Man’s hair is revealed to be...gone! The sudden baldness unleashes a fury in the smooth-voiced photographer, who promptly tosses a few wallflowers into the fireplace. Poor Jerry (Zalman King, the future maestro behind Showtime's late night The Red Shoe Diaries), an underachieving, quickly aging Cornell alumnus, is a little too slow to save the ladies and too fast to kill Fran without seeming guilty of the rest of the murders (because running away sometimes can do that). Jerry goes on the lam with a little help from his girlfriend and doctor pal. Meanwhile, a few other thirtysomethings of varying economic and professional status display signs of anger mismanagement and Rogaine prescriptions.

As Jerry attempts to find some evidence clearing his name, he slowly unearths a weird little mystery involving Stanford, LSD, politicians, baldness, and rage. This is where Blue Sunshine both shines and gets cloudy. The opening scenes are effectively staged, with the initial killing so manic, you can’t help but feel unsettled. As more characters are slowly introduced with foreshadowing symptoms--a pining castoff wife in need of Pantene, a parrot owning policeman with a tense wife and pudding stealing kdis--we get the sense that something very bad will befall this bevy. Unfortunately, the film is far more concerned with the fugitive aspect of the story, following Jerry’s mission and barely skimming the surface of what’s happening to these people as they descend into manic fits of homicidal rage.

It’s a little bit of Romero’s The Crazies, but slicker and with an added detective angle that never quite takes the film where it needs to go. The idea of these now powerful former recreational drug users becoming ticking time bombs is frightening, especially when we see just how insane they will eventually become. I enjoyed Blue Sunshine quite a bit, which is probably why it feels more of a letdown in the end. A strong opening, a great concept, and some true skill makes it worth a watch, just not the true cult classic I was hoping to find.


High Points
The instrumental score utilizes everything from bells to trombones, and all of it is incredibly effective


I’m no doctor, but I imagine surgery is something that should be carried out by well-rested professionals in a relaxed and ‘indoor voiced’ kind of mood. Hence, the tense operation scene, in which we as the audience are just waiting for another bald rampage, is truly suspenseful


The steady build of bratty babysitting charges taunting the slowly unwinding Wendy is wonderfully built up and even better delivered

Low Points
The abrupt ending followed by fake epilogue text feels rushed and stunted, especially when there are too many characters’ whose fates are left hanging


Zalman King’s performance is far too moodily odd to be the likable leading man we follow and cheer for, something Lieberman acknowledges in his critique of his own directing choices in the commentary track. It’s not that every film needs a vanilla intentioned Will Smith type, but it’s just too hard to root for a character too awkward to like (and I swear my taste has nothing to do with my aversion to men in Christmas reindeer sweaters)

Lessons Learned
When you’re feeling lonely, desperate, and bald, have some coffee

Nothing says senatorial fundraiser like a Frank Sinatra and Barbara Streisand marionette performance


When trying to dress incognito, avoid wearing cowgirl hats, dangly earrings, pinstriped coats, and gigantic sunglasses. Not only will you NOT blend in; you’ll also look rather stupid (except to bodyguards, who will be inexplicably turned on)

“If you jerk, it won’t work.” Sound advice for firing a gun and everything else in life


Stray Observation
If a man ever asked me out on a first date to a marionette emceed discotech called Big Daddy’s and located in a shopping mall, I would probably marry him

Rent/Bury/Buy
As I compiled my High Points, I realized what worked and what didn’t: individual scenes of transformations scored to unique sound design = great. The overall story that limps with the lead and ends without addressing the main issue? Not so much. Blue Sunshine is a fascinating film, with a great premise that should have been seized upon more in the 70s. There are some aspects, such as the score and infamous disco climax, that are truly well done and/or incredibly entertaining. At the same time, the films is certainly lacking a strong focus as it loses its footing towards the second half. Still, it’s worth a watch for its uniqueness alone. The DVD includes a very self-critical commentary track and interview with Lieberman, along with a short film I didn’t get a chance to watch. Give it a try and share your thoughts. Just don't lick the box or anything. Your hair looks great the way it is.