My Hood Is Like a Shark Fin

Morgan was one of those films I like to call "the eternal trailer," a distinction it shares (for me) with the Wolfman remake and Shutter Island. All three, possibly due to adjusted release date, seemed to be included in the previews for just about every film I saw in the theaters in the months (and sometimes years) leading up to their release. 

That plus the general apathy that seemed to accompany Morgan put it low on my watch list. Had someone sold it the right way -- i.e., a reimagining of Renny Harlin's Deep Blue Sea -- I may have actually paid for it.

Quick Plot That's Essentially Just Deep Blue Sea Without Sharks: In an isolated green forest (replacing the blue sea), a team of pretty good-looking scientists have spent the last five years raising and monitoring Morgan (The VVitch's treasure Anya Taylor-Joy), a genetically modified young woman who is sadly not quite a shark.

Stepping in to Stellan Skarsgard's shoes as the most physically abused of the scientists is Jennifer Jason Leigh, who opens the film with her eye gouged out by her charge and is later beaten to death with about the same level of pain as having your arm eaten by a shark, then your body rammed against glass underwater.

This initial Macbethian incident is what summons Samuel L. Jackson stand-in Kate Mara as Lee, a risk assessment manager brought in to evaluate the Morgan experiment. Sporting Saffron Burrows strictly serious haircut, Thomas Jane's combat moves, and Jackson's corporate doubt, Lee regards most of the team suspiciously, particularly the too-soft behaviorist Amy (Ygritte the Wilding, aka Rose Leslie). On the flip side, Lee seems most positive towards Skip, the handsome nutritionalist (aka chef).

No, he does not have a pet parrot, but SPOILER ALERT yes, he does (almost) make it to the end, so OBVIOUSLY, he is LL Cool J.

The poor white man's LL Cool J. 

You might think I'm stretching the Deep Blue Sea comparison, but when the REAL Samuel L. Jackson (in the form of Paul Giamatti) strolls in for one scene to be essentially eaten by the super smart, super fast, and super strong Morgan, it's hard NOT to see the parallel. 

It is very possible that forcing this comparison made the exceedingly mediocre Morgan an exceedingly more interesting film. Directed by Luke Scott (son of Ridley), Morgan has a great look and unfairly great cast, most of whom are essentially wasted. The action offers some thrills, especially when the film takes a not-that-surprising turn and delivers entertaining fight scenes. Then again, nothing you see here is that much more exciting than, say, an episode of Agents of SHIELD.

The point is, pretend Morgan the character is a super smart shark and Morgan the movie is okay.

High Points

Hey, I'm an easy mark for a powerful female lead who's good at her job and also happens to fight like a ninja

Low Points

The dire lack of actual sharks

Lessons Learned

Everyone loves lasagna!

Comfort can be a thorn in the side of revelation

Genetic experimentation companies invest a lot in training employees in hand-to-hand combat

Rent/Bury/Buy

Eh, Morgan, in one word, is an "eh" of a review. With its high production values and good action, it's not a waste of 100 minutes, but it's hard to summon much enthusiasm without relying on, you know, Deep Blue Sea. Then you remember that Morgan doesn't end with anyone rapping and everything is terrible once again. 

Go Tell It On a Mountain

Renny Harlin will probably never win an Oscar, but the man's ability to craft true enjoyability onscreen is rivaled only by his ability to grow rock star-like golden locks. Between Deep Blue Sea, The Long Kiss Goodnight, and the often controversial (in horror nerd circles, that is) Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, Harlin is the kind of name that makes me think, 'eh, it's not going to be Shakespeare but I'll probably have a darn good time.'

Following in the footsteps of Barry Levinson's The Bay, Harlin headed up to the hills for Devil's Pass. Twelve production studio logos later, we watch:

Quick Plot: In 1959, a team of nine Russian hikers known as the Dyatlov Party headed up a mountain in the Ural chain only to be found dead of mysterious circumstances. Fifty years later, a team of Oregon college students decide to channel their inner Blair Witch Project to document their own investigation.

Surprise! They discover a happy polar utopia filled with friendly polar bears and displaced penguins. Everyone drinks hot chocolate and quotes A Muppet Family Christmas in between building snowmen and having ugly sweater contests.

Or, I don't know, their compasses freak out, avalanches attack, Russian soldiers turn mean, and Lost-like hatches reveal very bad, very CGI things.

Channeling some of his arctic Cliffhanger blood, director Renny Harlin is an odd choice to helm a found footage film, something that probably explains the screenwriter being Vikram West, a reality TV behind-the-scenes veteran. Harlin is a man who generally works with a heftier budget than your Grave Encounters and Skew crews can ever sell enough internal organs to earn. Found footage, of course, has primarily become the indie horror du jour because it doesn’t require Michael Bay money.  What it does require, however, can be just as tricky.

Found footage needs to justify its status as being found footage, which Devil’s Pass handles well. The film opens with international newsreels telling us the typical basics about a well-equipped team of young Americans mysteriously vanishing in the mountains, cutting to the early ‘we’re making a movie!’ interviews that set up their trip. It’s quickly revealed that the crew’s camera equipment was discovered and leaked online by hackers. Like many of its peers, Devil’s Pass can easily explain why the cameras were always running because hey, when you’re stranded in the middle of the Ural mountains, you need some kind of light source.

The other requirement of found footage involves casting. Here’s the thing about these kinds of films: they’re supposed to be as natural as can be. So here’s the thing about casting non-American actors to play Americans: they ain’t gonna be that natural. Poor British lead Holly Goss comes across as sounding like she has a speech impediment when trying to pronounce certain words. It’s problematic.

Looking--or listening--past that, Devil’s Pass somehow manages to work, and not work, work, and not. The arctic setting holds up its promise, while the threat of everything from a Russian government coverup to deadly radiation keeps things interesting. Ultimately, Devil’s Pass doesn’t quite stick its landing, but there are enough ups and downs to make the journey worth a hike.

High Points

I can’t fault any modern horror movie that finds a way to combine avalanches, time travel, yetis, monster people, and an arctic setting

Low Points

It just would have been nicer if the monster people part of the above statement didn’t feel like such obvious computerized additions to an otherwise real-feeling film

Lessons Learned

When traveling with a group of friends on a mysterious mission, resist the urge to take an adorable group photo just before takeout unless you want it to be prime motivation for an evil force to focus upon how happy you are before inevitable doom

Snow tigers are extinct

-17 degrees isn't THAT cold, so long as you're having sex in a tent

Rent/Bury/Buy

There's a lot of good and a lot of bad in Devil's Pass, something I come to expect from a Renny Harlin joint. Compared to many a found footage horror film, this one is certainly watchable and occasionally, quite enjoyable. There’s ultimately a lot of letdown in the overall execution, but for a good 90 minutes or so, Devil’s Pass is fun. Not Deep Blue Sea fun, but really, what is?

Ear This!

It's a double whammy of podcast punching this week. First up, my 7-episode old show, The Feminine Critique, Christine and I don our glittery synchronized swimming caps and head to the water.

Literally...

And figuratively.

Download us with your podcast ap thingamajig or head here to stream.

Also in podcastland, I guest star on this week's episode of Outside the Cinema, where host Bill By Force and I discuss Mario Bava's pre-giallo giallo The Girl Who Knew Too Much and, far more excitingly, the Mario Lopez star vehicle form 1999, Outta Time.

I don't know how else to say it: Outta Time is the greatest 90 minutes you never knew existed.

Head here  for the full experience. Hurry up! Dive in!