Home On the Mutant Range

You watch enough veterinarian shows on Animal Planet and it's hard not to think you too can delivery healthy calves or wrap them in a blanket and rub them warm until they come back to life. Made way back in 2006, Billy O'Brien's Splinter-meets-Dr. Pol horror film reminds me that I actually have none of those skills.

Quick Plot: Dan is struggling to make ends meet on his isolated family farm. Trying to stave off the bank, he's made a dangerous deal with the devil in the from of a shady biological research company that's been experimenting on her heard. 

On a dank, muddy night (something I assume is a redudant description for Irish farmlands), he summons his vet Orla (The Babadook's Essie Davis) to help him with one of his pregnant cows. The fetus somehow manages to bite Orla, who senses something amiss and calls in her higher up for backup. 

Meanwhile, a handsome young before-they-were stars couple on the run, have parked their camper on Dan's property. Played by Sean Harris and Goddess Ruth Negga, Jamie and Mary find their ways into Dan's good graces quickly, which is handy when you're otherwise alone in your battle against evil corporate science and mutant cow parasites. 

Isolation is a small, contained film fitting of its title. Writer/director O'Brien seems well aware that a little goes a long way, especially with a presumed limited budget. The action stays on the farm and in darkly lit barns, with tight shots of the impressive practical effects. Like so many genre films of the last 20 years, I did spend a good amount of energy squinting through darkness, but it's somewhat excusable considering the setting.

Isolation kept making me think of Splinter, a similarly old school horror that centered itself on a handful of characters battling some pretty gnarly special effects. I wish Isolation had a little more of Splinter's screenplay, as the characters themselves never get enough time to truly come alive. 

High Points

We don't get to know too much about our small group of characters, but that's where casting and performance comes in hand. The camera has never loved anyone as much as it does Ruth Negga, and without much specifics, John Lynch manages to make Dan a sadly sympathetic lead

Low Points

Look, I get that there's no reason to waste electricity when money is tight, but how hard can it be to turn an extra light on when you're filming in the dark?

Lessons Learned

Maybe it's just the real-life quarantine talking, but doesn't it just seem OBVIOUS that one should avoid having sex when there's the slightest chance that you might be harboring a mysterious parasite

Rent/Bury/Buy

Isolation didn't shake my world, but it's a solid, very well-made little thriller that will satisfy your itch for some classic horror and crunchy practical effects. You can find it on Amazon Prime. 

When a really big pair of tweezers still isn’t enough...

I swear I’m not reviewing this film simply because I’ve had a mini splinter at the bottom of my foot for a week now. It’s just a coincidence. I am not going to transform into a gooey non-zombie pent on infecting you. Probably not.

Quick Plot: A young couple attempt to celebrate their anniversary under the stars, but plans are thwarted when they discover (bom bom bommmmmm!) they don’t know how to set up a tent! Things only get worse when they’re held up at gunpoint by a pair of fugitive lovebirds heading for a gas station to refuel and eat crackers. Worse becomes worst when the newly formed quartet gets attacked by a few misshapen corpses animated by practical effects and a mysterious parasite.

Set almost entirely in and around an empty gas station convenience store, Splinter is not a film founded on grand ambitions. The cast is small, kills are limited, and explanation never given. For some movies, this generally spells out forgettable mediocrity. Splinter, however, is genuinely good, perhaps because of its very smallness. 

With just four primary characters, we’re never distracted identifying and dismissing token victims or half-heartedly investing in the doomed. Similarly, the two couples are a little more three dimensional than your average pretty people in peril. Within a half hour, we understand the reversed gender politics of Polly and Seth’s relationship and learn to anticipate how they’ll deal with the growing danger around them. While that shouldn’t be such a unique feature for any film, it does stand out in a genre typically populated by dead teenagers, horndog coeds, and paper doll couples.

The other notable feature of Splinter is the style of the special effects, all practical and rather neat. Filmmaker Toby Wilkins gives Splinter an almost Stuart Gordon-esque effect with running hands and loose-limbed reanimated corpses on the prowl. It’s not always scary, but it sure is fun to watch.

High Points

Though the central romantic relationship is refreshing and well-done, but it’s Shea Whigham’s turn as Dennis, a conflicted criminal that really makes us care about the story

Low Points

Some of the more violent attacks--particularly an early scene involving a major character--are unfortunately cut too quickly and shot too dark. It’s a shame that we don’t get to actually SEE all the mayhem.

Lessons Learned

Before going camping, make sure that at least one member of your party actually knows what to do with a tent.

Gun-toting criminals dig firecrackers (in more ways than one)

Police cars do not start without a key. Fancy that!

Rent/Bury/Buy

Splinter is an easy recommendation for a rental, though its small scale may not necessarily warrant a lot of repeat viewings. The DVD includes a few special features worth investigating, so throwing a few dollars its way won’t necessarily be a regret. So far, all director Toby Wilkins has added to his resume is the unseen (by me and I imagine many others) third Grudge film, but I’ll keep my eye out for his future work in the hopes that he continues to develop his style.