Showing posts with label antm. Show all posts
Showing posts with label antm. Show all posts

Monday, July 3, 2017

America's Next Top Parasite



There was a time in my life when I could tell you everything you never wanted to know about America's Next Top Model. Then Tyra Banks went to the Harvard Business School and decided to make a "college" season which actually just convinced 14 young women to drop out of school to be on an overproduced reality show, teasing them with "scholarship funds" only to take all of it away from everyone except for the winner (who happened to be already wealthy). 


It was the last straw in a long, complicated relationship. And all this is really just a preamble to say that today's feature, Viral, stars an a former contestant. 


Quick Plot: Brainy Emma and her older, mildly rebellious sister Stacey (ANTM's Analeigh Tipton) have just moved to a new Californian town in a suburban development. Their dad (the always welcome Michael Kelly) teaches high school biology, while their mother seems to be maintaining some mysterious distance on business trips. Emma balances schoolwork with a chaste crush on boy next door Evan, while Stacey engages in a more physical relationship with skater boy CJ (played by something called Machine Gun Kelly, which I don't think is any relation to aforementioned Michael Kelly). 


Also, there's a parasitic outbreak and the country is going to hell.
Directed by the team of Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman (they of Catfish and the underrated Paranormal Activity 3 & 4), Viral tells a story we've seen many times from a fresh angle. Normally, I'm the last person to ask for more teenagers in horror, but much like the wonderfully underseen Into the Forest, Viral understands the key to centering your film on young characters is to make them real, sympathetic, and specific.


We don't need too much exposition to understand Emma and Stacey. They come from caring, if distracted parents. Emma follows the rules, occasionally making exceptions if it means helping her older sister. With her blue highlights and eye rolls, Stacey is a wannabe bad girl still good enough to respect most of her dad's requests, while also helping to edge Emma just far enough over to the dark side to ensure she has fun. 


Such a dynamic would be healthy and fine if, you know, there wasn't a highly contagious outbreak of worm things that essentially turn their hosts into hungry zombies. 


Viral does a nice job in balancing its gross-out horror with the very grounded reality of its characters. While it may be frustrating to watch our leads ignore quarantine rules for a nearby keg party, it's also easy to understand why these young women wouldn't put much stock in government warnings. In the last ten years, we've been through swine flu, ebola, and Legionnaire's disease "outbreaks" that were never nearly as dangerous or widespread as the panic-inducing media wanted us to believe. Even an honors student would rather listen to her crush than an anchorman. 


The lack of initial action may be a turnoff for some viewers, but it felt true to the characters for me. Leads Sofia Black-D'Elia and Tipton convey a real connection as sisters, and it helps to drive the film once infection becomes extremely close to home. There's nothing revolutionary about the story or style, but Joost and Schulman know how to tell a story like this in a way that the audience cares. Along the way, they manage to pack in some decently gross parasitic attacks and effectively tense chase scenes. Solidly done all around. 



High Points
I always appreciate when a movie understands just how large or small its scope should be. Viral doesn't aim to tell the end of the world; it simply takes a pair of teenagers and watches the start of it through their limited viewpoint. All the information we know comes from the snippets of news stories they see, so we never have an edge over them in terms of understanding the full nature of the infection or state of the world. It helps to keep the tension exactly where it should be: on this very small, very specific collection of characters

Low Points
I've excused it because the movie overcomes it, but you know, there's not much new here
Lessons learned
On the hierarchy of supplies included in an emergency kit, band-aids are pretty lame


The trick to not vomiting when dissecting a frog is to chew gum

Doing your homework in sweats when school is canceled is pretty uncool



Rent/Bury/Buy
Viral isn't the most memorable of the parasitic apocalyptic subgenre, but it's a solidly made little film that moves well in its under-90 minute running length. If you're looking for a breezy way to kill some time, it's certainly one of the better of the new offerings currently streaming on Netflix.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Travel Tuesday

It's here...




A whole hour on the new greatest film of all time. GleeKast cohostess Erica and I detail the plot, music, styling, and Cher-induced crying of a former Goonies star directed masterpiece, Burlesque. Get it on the iTunes feed for GleeKast, or stream here: http://gleekast.podomatic.com


And be sure to dress like a whore when you do!


Also in the world, I stopped by the Gentlemen's Blog to Midnite Cinema to review the late Irvin Kershner directed, Mommie Dearest starring Eyes of Laura Mars. Though I didn't love the film, I did find the chance to reference the following:


AMC Pacers
Tenebrae
America's Next Top Model
Showgirls




All of which, when mixed, tastes like the lips of Brad Dourif



And that my friends, tastes goooooooood.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Dawn of the Not Zombie



The biggest problem with mummy movies is the sheer fragility of those ancient bodies. How can anybody fear a monster that’s as easy to destroy as a home-knit Christmas sweater?
Dawn of the Mummy makes a valiant attempt to change this, namely, by cashing in on another early morning titled cult favorite from the late 1970s. Not a bad approach. Not a not-fun movie.
Quick Plot: 
In ancient Egypt, a high priestess enslaves a bunch of servants in an undead allegiance to an entombed king. I think. 
Flash forward to “the present day” where a trio of bandits led by a very tall white guy (Barry Sattels) who finds everything hysterical seeks to rob the familiar pyramid of its gold. They laugh. A lot.


Meanwhile, a group of NYC models with less personality than a bottle of foundation and their jerky photographer head overseas for a sandy fashion shoot. Eventually--and I stress that word ever so much--they stumble upon the tomb being inconsistently guarded by the maniacally laughing giraffe of a thief and his googly limbed sidekicks.

Having watched my share of America’s Net Top Model (by share, I mean the entire series and I’ll thank you not to judge), I know that any wacky locale makes for great editorial shots. Seriously, Tyra’s minions once posed lowered in coffins, on top of elephants, and inside a meat locker while wearing nothing but raw steak. It was amazing.

So the movie. Well...to be honest, the first hour is a tad more compelling than Tyra Banks’ performance in Halloween: Resurrection. Nothing really happens, save for awkward photo shoots featuring close-ups of the camera lights slowly melting open mummy pores. There’s a weird hesitation to venture into exploitation territory. Pretty models skinny dip, but no skin is shown. A woman faints, is carried to safety, and later awakened by the man who caught her lurking in her bedroom. They kiss. End of scene. For the film’s time and nature, it’s surprisingly tame.
At the same time, director Frank Agrama stages some visually stirring moments of shambling monsters against the cinematic skyline of Egypt. Why the mummies rotate between limping, speed walking, and shooting across time and space to beat frantically fleeing jeeps isn’t quite explained, but quibbling with details in a zombmummy hybrid is a waste of time. This, coupled with the overenthusiastic dubbing, is WHY we love these kinds of buried treasures.

By the time we come to Dawn of the Mummy’s climax, i.e., the wedding feast to put all cocktail hours to shame, we can’t not be content. Yes, we had to suffer through an incredibly dull first half, but the film’s tail end offers one of the better noshing attacks I’ve seen in a while. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s great; just that I haven’t seen many man-eating zombie mummies onscreen.
High Points
As just mentioned, the wedding feast to inspire any Egyptian a quiet elopement is wonderfully executed
A rather messy paper mache-ish dummy who gets axed is...

wonderful.
Low Points
Aside from Rick, not a single character has any real discernible personality (unless you count clipping your toenails and being offended by the clipping of toenails)
Zack Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead shares this irk: why is it that the undead’s faces rot like fruit left for a month on a heater, while their torsos seems to have the impenetrable strength of a Twinkie?

Lessons Learned
Seducing a model is incredibly easy, providing your have dangerously blue eyes and a hyena-like laugh
Comforting a model is almost as simple: just cradle her head, then roll it back and forth with the soft touch of a polar bear
Do I really need to tell you to always heed the warning shouted ominously by the black toothed witch woman who just happens to hang out near the undead?
Egyptian weddings are a great time as long as you don’t invite the flesh-eating mummies
Rent/Bury/Buy
Here’s a sample from the notes I kept while watching this film: 
disco AND folk music....yay...and ugh
lyric: “there’s a rainbow that suits the color in your eyes”
wow
something happen, please
dude laughs a lot
huzzah! feast!
That sums up a lot of Dawn of the Mummy. Awful for many reasons, and yet somehow charming for its time (1981), subject matter, and shy approach to exploitation. The DVD includes an entertaining and self-aware commentary from director Frank Agrama, but overall, this is probably more of a one-time rental to pop on when you need some low-grade cheese. Enjoy it for what it is. In the right mood, you won’t be disappointed.