When considering the color of your parachute, I imagine there’s a fine shade between exterminator, MacGuyver, and sadistic murderer. Which profession pays the best probably depends on location and the general state of the economy.
And that brings us to 2009’s The Collector, a slick and soulless torture treat that should in no way be confused with the 1965 Terrence Stamp/Samantha Eggar classic of the same name.
Which you should really just go and watch right now. My feelings won't be hurt. Heck, leave a comment about what an underrated gem that film is and I'll buy you a hot dog!*
*Please note 'hot dogs' in Internet speak are defined as good intentions sent via mind waves.
Which you should really just go and watch right now. My feelings won't be hurt. Heck, leave a comment about what an underrated gem that film is and I'll buy you a hot dog!*
*Please note 'hot dogs' in Internet speak are defined as good intentions sent via mind waves.
Quick Plot:
A mumbling locksmith named Arkin installs new security bars on a country mansion, bringing home his pay to a bitchy wife who inconvenieintly enough, happens to be inexplicably in debt to loan sharks. To save her and his young daughter, Arkin agrees to break into the wealthy home and steal a ginormous dark crystal for The Wire’s Bunny Colvin.
Naturally, the plan goes awry when Arkin discovers every room has been booby trapped, each family member kidnapped, and all exits boarded up in record time.
Naturally, the plan goes awry when Arkin discovers every room has been booby trapped, each family member kidnapped, and all exits boarded up in record time.
The Collector is an efficient man not without a sense of humor. While he starts his trap design with subtle and effective invisible wires, each room gets progressively more ridiculous, slowly increasing to knife-dangling chandeliers and a den entirely carpeted by open bear traps. Give director Mark Dunstan some credit for following Chekhov’s rule of showing a gun in Act I; by Act III, all of the insanely overworked traps are tested and proven.
But is the movie any good? From a technical view, sure. The gore is gruesome. The action welll-staged. It’s as fine a film as Saw III with about the same amount of black spark, meaning The Collector is slick, cold, and about as empty in substance as an airy bag of Lay’s potato chips.
High Points
I kid about the mumbling of lead Josh Stewart, but at least the main character of Arkin is likable enough to draw our sympathy (my general main issue with the Saw franchise)
Low Points
It’s hard to really pinpoint what’s wrong with The Collector. The plot is singular but well-told. Performances are adequate. Ultimately all the elements are sleekly unified, but there’s njust nothing in or about The Collector to leave a single lasting memory
Lessons Learned
If you’re so concerned about securing your masion, perhaps you should be a tad more discrete about the fact that you’re immediately planning an extended vacation
Wealthy family men often collect gigantic jewels worthy of demonic chants or Jim Henson films
Little girls dig basket bears
Rent/Bury/Buy
For a modern theatrical horror release, The Collector is a surprisingly small little entry. A tthe same time, I can’t in any way say I personally enjoyed it or will plan on seeing the film ever again. For my personal taste, it was a tad too empty to register as anything mildly special. The DVD includes a commentary and (I think) featurette or two, so at least it’s packaged with care. If the premise interests you and Saw-style filming is your cup of grog, grab it. If the ugly execution of 21st century torture porn makes you feel old, skip it and eat a taco. Or better yet, do yourself some good and pick up a book. Might I recommend...
Trust me. Have I ever done you wrong?
Posts
