Death Chair: The Chair That Drags You Into a Hell Dimension

The more closely I watch films, the more pretentiously observant I come to think myself as being.

Damnit! In typing that sentence, I just broke another monocle. Good thing I get these things in bulk!

What I was trying to say--sorry, I should pause the Chopin so you can hear me--is that lately, I’ve been paying closer attention to things that make a film rather than just the film itself. I started thinking about this back when I watched Fabrice Du Weiz’s Calvaire and continuously thought, “this is an incredibly well-made film sitting inside a mediocre one.” Full thoughts on that over on episode 18 of the Girls On Film Podcast. It made me want to seek out more from the director, and now having seen his fairly incredible followup Vinyan, I get why.

I bring this up because last year, I watched a frustratingly nasty but quite well-constructed torturesome flick called Broken, made by Adam Mason and co-written by Simon Boyes. It made me miserable, but I couldn’t deny it bore the promise of an intriguing filmmaking team with better work ahead.

Hence, today I test that theory with their 2007 feature, The Devil’s Chair.

Have a seat.

Quick Plot: A pair of horny drug doers named Nick West and Sammy head to an abandoned lunatic asylum to pop some LSD and have kinky sex in a mysteriously rusted torture-ready chair. 

Some of us call such events ‘Thursday.’

It’s all very sexy in a grungy and not actually sexy way until the titular apparatus closes on Sammy, tearing at her flesh before evaporating the screaming addict into thin air.

Flash forward a few years to West as a patient in a mental asylum. Experimental psychologist Dr. Willard decides to cure his delusions by bringing West back to the site of his lady love’s disappearance, dragging a few assistants along the way.

Before you can hum the opening bars to “Sit Down You’re Rocking the Boat,” everyone is taking turns popping a squat and subsequently getting sent into an alternate Hellraiser-ish dimension where a freaky demon is on the hunt.

Different, right? Throughout the film, West narrates with an amused tongue-in-cheek attitude, something that rounds The Devil’s Chair in a self-aware state. We don’t quite know how seriously to take the Silent Hill-esque horrors lurking on the other side and while it might subtract something from the scare factor, it also gives the film a unique and wicked sense of humor that pays off well in a rather horrifying finale.

High Points

To go into too much detail on the performances may lead to spoilers, but I will say some of the hammier acting might be more clever than you think and throughout it all, lead Andrew Howard (the sheriff from the I Spit On Your Grave remake) is pretty fantastic

Low Points

Though the hell side of The Devil’s Chair has its moments, it also, unfortunately, has a whole lot of shabby CGI

Lessons Learned

A typical psychological research team will, without any question, include exceedingly attractive females

British people have odd ideas of pajamas, unless skeleton t-shirts, white riding pants, and boots are actually comfortable

In alternate hell dimensions, it’s very hard to hear giant monsters sneaking up on you, even when there’s nothing else anywhere near you making a noise

Rent/Bury/Buy

The Devil’s Chair is quite a confident little slice of genre fare that has some mean fun with tried and true conventions. Like Broken, it’s not for the faint of heart but it hits you hard with an interesting lead character, brutal imagery, and an effective twist that will most likely divide its blood-covered audience. It might not be for you, but if the style and story sound like your grog, have a seat (not in anything with rust) and give it a try.

Marchness!

Raise the ceilings folks! We’ve survived the onslaught of evil children, deadly dolls, German dwarfs, lustful dummies, petite clowns, itty bitty cowboys, puppet people, manitous, angry fetuses, homicidal incarnations of aborted fetuses, and babies possessed by the angry spirit of cabaret dancing little men. The First (Probably) Annual Month of the Vertically Challenged Villains hath ended, so stretch your legs stand tall.

But don’t brag about it. Some of us still need to buy capri pants in order to not have to hem, thank you.

Anyhoosers, March will get swinging soon with a potpouri of upcoming reviews but before that, I’ve got a pile of announcements in need of being shared. Among them:

-Paracinema, my favorite magazine of all time (no conflict of interest was contained in that statement) has a new issue out, and my friends, it is something truly special. Issue 11 is composed entirely of genre film articles written by those rare and mysterious beasts known as Women. 

You might have noticed I never really addressed the fact that February was Women in Horror Month. Part of it was my preoccupation with a more endangered minority (the shorties) but the other is that I don’t have any overwhelming amount to say about it. The idea is great, but when I think about all the incredible bloggesses I get the pleasure to read, I don’t necessarily see a need to single them out as a rarity. I like to believe we’re in an age where having estrogen doesn’t negate or validate your genre film parking ticket, and I think Paracinema’s Women’s Issue is further proof that smart, literate, and cinematically minded females are in no danger of disappearing. 

Head over to Paracinema's pretty new website to get your copy, and expect true happiness (and fine, maybe your period) to follow. Read such luminaries as The Horror Digest’s Andre Dumas, The Blood Sprayer’s queen Kristy Jett, Buried In a Book Crypt’s Ashlee, and yeah, Me as we pontifiicate on a variety of filmic magic. On my part, you get the chance to finally hear how I feel about George Romero’s evolutionary feminism. I’ll leave it there and expect you to complete the rest.

-Elsewhere in the Interworld, it’s Marcharaimi over at a blog that most definitely does not suck, and not just ‘cause it’s called Things That Don’t Suck. The extremely talented Bryce is dedicating the tail end of March into April to the gooey mind behind Evil Dead with a blogathon of epic Deadite proportions. I urge and implore you all to give it a gander. Raimi fans can’t lose, and readers who dig smart commentary on books and film can find few better resources than TTDS.

-Another field trip! March is a new month at Rogue Cinema, and as always, a new batch of indie film goodness is baking in the oven known as That Website. As always, it’s a great way to learn about some under the radar fare. Head on over and see what you find, paying, I would hope, special attention to my interview with the smart and promising Steve Gibson, director of the new clever ghost story-meets-Ghost Hunters chiller The Feed.

-As always, there are GleeKasts and Girls On Film Radio Podcasts floating around the Internet for your ears to experience. Hear the impassioned GoF Oscars show, where we beg the gods in vain for a Winter’s Bone victory (apparently we should have been asking for The Best Film of The Year to get ANY MENTIONS WHATSOVER in the many montage-y bits compiled on select nominated films). There was also a divisive episode on Calvaire that led to intense girlfights. Pillows were abused. And John Hawkes was sainted.

-Also, March marks a certain extravaganza known as HorrorHound Weekend and by golly, let the extravagance begin! If you're planning on being anywhere near Indianapolis in the last weekend of the month, be sure to stop by for the festivities, and I don't mean a photo op with Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys star Corey Feldman. Sure, you can spend some time pondering how small your hand looks inside of Ken Foree's mitty handshake, but I'm more excited to have the chance to see some of my favorite bloggers, podcasters, and general Internet entities. Fun will be had, so drop a line here if you're planning on going. Just don't expect me to hold your place in the line for Boondock Saints' autographs.

-Finally, now comes the time where I address that small but vital portion of the Doll’s House readers who have suffered in silence for two years: the knitters. My dear friend and GleeKast cohostess Erica has joined the esteemed Order of the Bloggers with her own site, Knit’s a Small World. Now I don’t know a cross-stitch from a lower level Disney movie set in Hawaii, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to share Erica’s adventures in yarn with those who do. The site’s here and will be added to the blogroll. Knit’s official.

On that note, it seems fitting to toast one of my usually least favorite months with a bowl of Lucky Charms soaked in Guiness. That’s how we non-Irish do it, and trust me: we do it well.