My Hood Is Like a Shark Fin

Morgan was one of those films I like to call "the eternal trailer," a distinction it shares (for me) with the Wolfman remake and Shutter Island. All three, possibly due to adjusted release date, seemed to be included in the previews for just about every film I saw in the theaters in the months (and sometimes years) leading up to their release. 

That plus the general apathy that seemed to accompany Morgan put it low on my watch list. Had someone sold it the right way -- i.e., a reimagining of Renny Harlin's Deep Blue Sea -- I may have actually paid for it.

Quick Plot That's Essentially Just Deep Blue Sea Without Sharks: In an isolated green forest (replacing the blue sea), a team of pretty good-looking scientists have spent the last five years raising and monitoring Morgan (The VVitch's treasure Anya Taylor-Joy), a genetically modified young woman who is sadly not quite a shark.

Stepping in to Stellan Skarsgard's shoes as the most physically abused of the scientists is Jennifer Jason Leigh, who opens the film with her eye gouged out by her charge and is later beaten to death with about the same level of pain as having your arm eaten by a shark, then your body rammed against glass underwater.

This initial Macbethian incident is what summons Samuel L. Jackson stand-in Kate Mara as Lee, a risk assessment manager brought in to evaluate the Morgan experiment. Sporting Saffron Burrows strictly serious haircut, Thomas Jane's combat moves, and Jackson's corporate doubt, Lee regards most of the team suspiciously, particularly the too-soft behaviorist Amy (Ygritte the Wilding, aka Rose Leslie). On the flip side, Lee seems most positive towards Skip, the handsome nutritionalist (aka chef).

No, he does not have a pet parrot, but SPOILER ALERT yes, he does (almost) make it to the end, so OBVIOUSLY, he is LL Cool J.

The poor white man's LL Cool J. 

You might think I'm stretching the Deep Blue Sea comparison, but when the REAL Samuel L. Jackson (in the form of Paul Giamatti) strolls in for one scene to be essentially eaten by the super smart, super fast, and super strong Morgan, it's hard NOT to see the parallel. 

It is very possible that forcing this comparison made the exceedingly mediocre Morgan an exceedingly more interesting film. Directed by Luke Scott (son of Ridley), Morgan has a great look and unfairly great cast, most of whom are essentially wasted. The action offers some thrills, especially when the film takes a not-that-surprising turn and delivers entertaining fight scenes. Then again, nothing you see here is that much more exciting than, say, an episode of Agents of SHIELD.

The point is, pretend Morgan the character is a super smart shark and Morgan the movie is okay.

High Points

Hey, I'm an easy mark for a powerful female lead who's good at her job and also happens to fight like a ninja

Low Points

The dire lack of actual sharks

Lessons Learned

Everyone loves lasagna!

Comfort can be a thorn in the side of revelation

Genetic experimentation companies invest a lot in training employees in hand-to-hand combat

Rent/Bury/Buy

Eh, Morgan, in one word, is an "eh" of a review. With its high production values and good action, it's not a waste of 100 minutes, but it's hard to summon much enthusiasm without relying on, you know, Deep Blue Sea. Then you remember that Morgan doesn't end with anyone rapping and everything is terrible once again. 

First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, Then Comes the...

My honeymoon was not a horror movie. It involved Domino’s cheesy bread served with champagne, the Saved By the Bell Lifetime movie, and a day ogling baby gorillas at the Bronx Zoo. 

In other words, it was pure bliss. 

But a horror movie called Honeymoon released the year of my marriage? I’ll take it.

Quick Plot: We open on gooey excerpts from the sweet wedding video of Paul and Bea, a happy young Brooklyn couple celebrating their titular honeymoon in Bea’s parents’ isolated lake cabin. Left without cable, internet, or cell phone service, the happy pair plan to spend the next few days making each other breakfast, swimming in ice cold pre-summer water, and obviously, having lots and lots of married cuddle time.

This being a horror film, things don’t quite go according to plan. Paul catches Bea in an unusual sleepwalking detour to the woods, later revealing some mysterious bug bites and a trail of sticky goo. Shortly after the pair bumps into Bea’s hotheaded childhood friend and seemingly abused wife at the town’s only restaurant, Paul starts to notice Bea acting slightly...off. 

Is it an affair? A demonic possession? A dark childhood secret yet to be revealed?

Obviously, I’m not going to tell you, though I will say Honeymoon is well worth finding out. This is a small film, the feature debut from director Leigh Janiak centered almost entirely on two performances. Rose Leslie (aka Ygritte the WIlding) and Harry Treadaway could probably have used an extra American dialect lesson or two, but they establish a sweet and more importantly, believable chemistry that is absolutely vital to selling their plight. There is no doubt in our minds as the audience that these two people are in love, making what befalls them all the more heartbreaking.

What’s also quite impressive about Honeymoon is its minimalism. This is a film clearly crafted with a small budget in mind, and as a result, Janiak wisely generates her atmosphere with nothing more than her actors and a smudge of goo. We eventually get a little Cronenbergian action, but it’s been earned in such a way that we only need a little to sell the horror. Much like another low budget marriage-based cottage-set horror film that I loved, Honeymoon doesn’t try to do anything it can’t. This is a story of marriage, paranoia, and some supernatural darkness that gets paid off well. It’s not feel-good, but it’s definitely, well, good.

High Points

So much of Honeymoon depends on its two leads, and while there’s nothing spectacularly unique about Bea and Paul (I’ve lived in New York long enough to know a thousand couples like them), Leslie and Treadaway establish their connection so well that you can’t help but believe in their affection

Low Points

If you’re working with two British actors who aren’t necessarily experienced with an American accent, maybe you should just...I don’t know, let them be British?

Lessons Learned

One must first apply the batter before throwing your french toast on the griddle

When stuck in the middle of nowhere, pack A LOT of moisturizer

Hockey is the one with the ice skates

Rent/Bury/Buy

Honeymoon is an extremely solid little genre film that brings a very disciplined energy to its brisk 86 minute running time. I definitely hope to see Leigh Janiak continue to work in the field, especially if it means seeing more of this kind of perfectly balanced tone of intimacy and human to human horror. The movie is streaming on Netflix and makes for a solid and effective time. Give it a go.