Mickey Rooney is THE MANIPULATOR

Here's a post from 2008 - in honor of the late Mr. Rooney. Ever wonder what it would be like if Sid & Marty Krofft produced Stephen King's MISERY? Well, 1971's THE MANIPULATOR (aka BJ LANG PRESENTS) is a pretty close approximation of what it might look like.It all starts innocently enough on a rainy night, when we see a dark figure in a hat and raincoat walking on a dark city street accompanied by standard 1970s TV-movie theme music followed by the opening titles "Mickey Rooney...Luana Anders...THE MANIPULATOR". A fancy old car then pulls up to a warehouse and Mickey exits sporting his YEAR WITHOUT A SANTA CLAUS beard. He then gets into a freight elevator as flashes of random Fellini-like horrors begin. This is when we start to know this is no ABC Movie of the Week.

Mickey walks by what looks like a dusty animal carcass and climbs up a ladder into what looks like a Hollywood prop house. He then sits in an old leather chair, takes off his rose-tinted sunglasses and begins talking to himself as if he is various members of a film crew. Okay. He chats with a mannequin named "Wally" in a what could be a scene from ANDY HARDY HAS A COMPLETE MENTAL BREAKDOWN-decides to "put on a show!!!" Too bad Judy wasn't around to help out!

So Mickey begins to describe the upcoming scene to his imaginary "cast & crew". He calls "action!" and turns on a strobe light, imagining a pair of nude elderly actors dancing in the spotlight as he shouts the lyrics to "Chattanooga Choo Choo" at them. Then he showers the naked old folks with flowers. HUH??? The old people soon disappear, then Mickey pulls back a curtain and screams - and a real woman (Luana Anders) screams back at him. She's his "star", Carlotta - and she's hungry. In fact she asks him for food repeatedly. Turns out she's his prisoner and he has her tied to a wheelchair - and it's time for her lunch! Mickey then feeds her water from a silver chalice and baby food from a jar. Classy.

So then we learn that Carlotta has been cast as Roxanne (the Daryl Hannah role) in BJ Lang's film version of CYRANO DE BERGERAC. While Mickey is feeding her, she bites his finger and tells him that she's grateful for his kindness to her. Then he yells at some "crew members" and rolls in a huge spotlight followed by a (believe it or not) a fast-motion dance with a broomstick intercut with insert shots of a growling wild animal. Very Krofft-like. Meanwhile, Carlotta unties herself. Run like the wind, girl, run!!!

I guess she didn't run cause Mickey then shows up in drag make-up...and whispers to Charlotte about when he used to make up Marilyn's eyes. Then her gets all femme as he applies Carlotta's Roxanne make-up. This is a very disturbing scene. What would Judy say???

Mickey hears some cackling laughter in his head and is now sporting a really fake Witchie-Poo type Cyrano nose. I guess he's the director AND star of this production! Then he pushes Carlotta's wheelchair head-on into a mirror and demands that she recite her lines from the balcony scene. Then he yells at the thunder outside to be "quiet". Huh?After playing with some color gels, Mickey gives a pep talk to his imaginary background players (actually a collection of broken mannequins). Then he forces Carlotta to act out a scene - he calls "cut!!!" and breaks into another "Chattanooga Choo Choo" performance. Jesus - please make it stop!!! Then he tells her all about "fear" as he pretends to choke her. That's when I decide that ANDY HARDY MUST DIE!!!

So, Mickey calls "action!!!" again and they act out their big scene and unseen crowds roar with applause and "bravos!" Carlotta then tells him that the audience LOVES him. What follows next is the most bizarre scene in the film - We see a naked baby walking around a cocktail party where we also see the usual assortment of late 60s/early 70s "freaks" - you know - nudists, drag queens, Ruth Gordon-type old ladies, more nudists, pot-smokers, hippies, sex maniacs and others eating Saltine crackers with spinach dip and tripping out on acid. This all culminates with a giant orgy where Mickey is caressed by both women and men...and the naked baby is in the middle of it all!!! Really...I ask again...WHAT would Judy say???

While preparing for his big "duel" scene, Mickey suddenly collapses and Carlotta begs him NOT to die. Huh? She gets herself free and begins kicking the shit out of him. Why doesn't she just RUN??? Of course he manages to pin her down and kiss her! What a MANIPULATOR! Carlotta then begins running in very slow motion down a looooonnnnnggggg hallway while crazy electronic special effects music plays. Soon Mickey leaps out at her with his Cyrano sword. She decides to hide behind some sheer curtains. Smart girl, that Carlotta.

Then Mickey chases her through the mannequin display - and she attacks him with the spotlight. Carlotta then continues to run through the prop house through what looks like a combo wardrobe department and meat locker. She then crawls around the catwalk as Mickey hollers out orders to his "film crew"...and he once again breaks into song - yes, that's right - "Chattanooga Choo Choo" for the third fucking time!!! I beg of you....Please make it stop...please!!!! I will never listen to that song the same way again. Actually, I will never listen to that song again, PERIOD.

As Carlotta continues to navigate her way through the wardrobe, she suddenly stumbles upon "guest star" character actor Keenan Wynn - who Mickey stabs with his sword and kills. I guess it was just a cameo. Suddenly we're in a slaughterhouse, where a string quartet entertains both women in furs and butchers wearing bloody aprons as Carlotta dances for them all. I just can't say "huh?" anymore - I'm totally exhausted.

Mickey tells Carlotta he'll let her go if she tells him that she loves him. She doesn't - but he lets her go anyway. Okay, HUH? She then runs through the damn wardrobe again!!! She climbs down the ladder into the freight elevator...but she can't figure out how to open the door - so she just slams herself against the walls till it opens. Oh my god...I can't take much more of this.

Finally - Carlotta runs out into the rain - and locks herself in his car!!! She starts blowing the horn as Mickey pounds on the car windows - finally smashing the window with a trash can. He unlocks the door. Fade to: she's back inside with him. They kiss - and she laughs. This drives him CRAZY. I mean REALLY CRAZY. Then everyTHING around him begins to laugh. Mannequins, dead animals, boxes, jars of Vicks VapoRub, Chia Pets, etc. Then she starts yelling "No!!! No!!! No!!!" at him and he recites the final lines from CYRANO - and she actually looks at him... LOVINGLY!!!

Then he stabs himself with the sword and dies. She hears applause and takes a bow. The End. After the end credits we see Mickey's sped-up dance with the broom again. I almost expected Pufnstuf to show up and join in. The End for real.

Holy Shit! I really think Mickey thought he was gonna get an Oscar for this "brave" film role. I'm just surprised he ever worked again after it!!! This movie needs to be seen just to show how an actor's ego can lead to bad film choices. I do have to say that Luana Anders was truly compelling as Carlotta - and I look forward to seeing some of her other films. Sadly, she passed away in 1996.

The film really rates a 10 outta 10 - but only deserves 2 outta 10 because by the end you just feel so beat up, mentally drained and MANIPULATED from watching it. Wonder who that poor nude baby at the orgy grew up to be? Jimmy Osmond?

Eydie Gorme (1928-2013)

Ruby

Here's a re-post from 2009... My friend Jeff came by recently to treat me to a movie called RUBY (1977, directed by the late great, underrated Curtis Harrington). This is a film that I've been dying to see for ages, but for some reason or another I never did. Well, I'm glad to say, RUBY was worth the wait!

RUBY stars the awesome Piper Laurie (best known as CARRIE's mother and a star of David Lynch's TV classic TWIN PEAKS) in the role of a lifetime. Marketed as a horror film to capitalize on Laurie's CARRIE success, RUBY is more of a "slightly less than grand" guignol melodrama with some thrilling and hysterical twists. Harrington's other big films, the Shelley Winters double feature WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HELEN? and WHOEVER SLEW AUNTIE ROO? are camp classics and his TV films HOW AWFUL ABOUT ALLAN  and DEVIL DOG: HOUND FROM HELL are also fun. I also recently watched THE KILLING KIND and look forward to seeing the rest of his work. I'm never disappointed by Curtis Harrington!

In RUBY, Harrington blends elements of SUNSET BOULEVARD, BONNIE & CLYDE and THE EXORCIST and it somehow all works! As Ruby, a former moll who runs a dying drive-in theater, Laurie not only chews the scenery - she practically digests it!!! This woman is having a great time onscreen, and you can't help but love her.

I don't want to give too much away because I think people need to see RUBY, but take a gander at the trailer and I'm sure you'll be seeking out RUBY before too long.

Seeing that just made me just wanna watch it again...and again. This is what movies should be like.

Liz Taylor 1932-2011

Let's celebrate the life of the great Liz Taylor by representing a post from four years ago when this blog was called MOVIES THAT MAKE YOU SAY 'HUH?' and I inducted Ms. Taylor into the first "Huh? Hall of Fame".
Well, you just gotta love Liz Taylor. She was a friggin' legend - living a glamourous public life and starring in some of cinema's greatest films like GIANT, CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF, WHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF?– not to mention cherished classics like LASSIE COME HOME, NATIONAL VELVET and FATHER OF THE BRIDE. Outside of film, Dame Elizabeth's devotion to ending the AIDS epidemic is truly inspiring and she really is a INTERnational treasure.

Then there's the other Ms. Taylor, the Liz that mades me say "Huh?". This is the Liz Taylor that was friends with Michael Jackson, (Editor's note: this post originally ran in 2007) markets crappy perfume...and the one that married Larry Fortensky. This is the Liz that starred (or appeared in) some of the worst films ever made. The Liz that played Pearl Slaghoople in THE FLINTSTONES movie. A casting choice so bizarre and inept, that many years later and it still makes me say "Huh?" I mean look at the evidence: I rest my case.

But the craziness did not start in Bedrock in 1994. Let's turn the clocks back a bit to 1960 and BUTTERFIELD 8. Liz actually won an Oscar for this film in which she plays a slutty, drunken "fashion model" (aka prostitute) who falls in love an alcoholic son of a working class family who has married into money. Liz made the film to get out of her contract with MGM, so she could jump over to 20th-Century Fox to star in the epic CLEOPATRA (more on this one later). Taylor's conditions for agreeing to make BUTTERFIELD 8 included shooting the film in New York, having control over costumes, hair and giving husband Eddie Fisher (freshly divorced from America's sweetheart Debbie Reynolds) a supporting role. She publicly campaigned against the film: "I hate the girl I play, " she told the press, "This is the most pornographic script I have ever read!" The public, titillated by Taylor and the provocative subject matter, made the film a hit. "I still say it stinks" recanted Liz. After finishing production on BUTTERFIELD 8, Taylor, and freed from MGM's clutches, shew flew to London to begin work on CLEOPATRA, the biggest budgeted film up till that time.

In 1963, Liz also became the highest paid movie star AND worked with future husband Richard Burton (who was cast as Mark Antony) for the first time. The press had a field day when Taylor and Burton began an torrid and scandalous affair during filming – both stars were married to other people at the time!!! The Vatican even accused her of "erotic vagrancy"!!! That's pretty damn cool The production itself was plagued by many problems, and director Joe Mankiewicz' original cut was six hours long. Fox demanded that two hours be cut, which they were, thankfully. When the film was released historians criticized it's inaccuracies, critics attacked the disjointed script and the over-the-top acting was laughed at universally, causing filmgoers to wonder how a film maker could get such great actors to act so badly.

After a string of better films in the mid-60s, Liz and Dick returned to Huh?-ville in 1968 with a little something we like to call BOOM! Freely adapted from Tennessee Williams' play "The Milk Train Doesn't Stop Here Anymore", BOOM! is the oddest, most pretentious "art film" ever made. It's almost indescribable. But if you EVER get the chance to see it - Run!!!

Liz spent much of the 1970s making mediocre films for theaters and TV, appearing on talks shows, Bob Hope specials and playing herself on HERE'S LUCY. In 1978, she showed up in - of all places - a musical! In A LITTLE NIGHT MUSIC, Liz delivers a poorly dubbed rendition of "Send in the Clowns". Isn't it rich?

In 1981, during the peak of the daytime soap opera fad, Liz showed up for a short stint on GENERAL HOSPITAL, playing Helena Cassadine. The character has lived on, though Liz has never revisited the role. After THE FLINTSTONES debacle, Liz participated in an ill-concieved ABC TV-movie aimed at gay men who missed THE GOLDEN GIRLS. Entitled THESE OLD BROADS, this "event" gathered together for the first (and LAST!) time: Liz Taylor, Debbie Reynolds (Liz's longtime nemesis) , Shirley MacLaine (who had played Debbie in POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE) and Joan Collins (who took over the role of Pearl Slaghoople in THE FLINTSTONES sequel). I can recall this being among the two of the most painful hours ever spent in front of the TV - rivaling the infamous MARY & RHODA reunion movie. To top it all off, poor Liz delivered all her scenes from a sickbed!!!

Well, in spite of it all - we still love her and were were proud to have Dame Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor as first inductee into the "Huh?" Hall of Fame! She was an angel and she will be missed.

Goldie & Liza Together

To celebrate Liza's 65th birthday - Here's a classic post from 2009.

When I think of the great showbiz pairings over the years I think of such duos as Martin & Lewis, Burns & Allen, Hope & Crosby - even Crosby & Bowie. Somehow Hawn & Minnelli don't easily spring to mind. But in 1980, both of these leading ladies were campaigning for roles in the aborted film version of CHICAGO - and CBS thought it would be a good idea to team the two superstars up in a prime-time variety outing.

Both gals already had big film careers and a few TV specials behind them, so why not take America's favorite kookie blonde and the dazzling Studio 54 barfly and give them an hour to prove what good friends they are supposed to be in real life? And so we have GOLDIE & LIZA TOGETHER! By the way, I've had this show on VHS since it first aired, and has entertained me and countless guests ever since.

The hour starts with an hysterical duet as Goldie and Liza drive to the studio (in their own cars) declaring how nervous they are about working with each other. 

"I'm doing a special with my friend Liza..." Goldie's so freaked out she takes a bag of garbage with her in her jeep!

Liza's a mess too - almost causing a major traffic accident because she's totally obsessing on Goldie. 

Well, luckily they both make it to the studio alive in time for rehearsal.

After an implied dance runthrough, Liza insists on Goldie telling her about her big solo number - which turns out to be a cover of the iconic Village People song, "Y.M.C.A.". 

Goldie and a gaggle of scantily clad, but not very sexy, dancers bring the song to life inspiring countless wedding receptions since.

Liza's big solo number is also a disco tune from the same period–Donna Summer's "Bad Girls". 

This tribute to prostitution is a "toot-toot beep-beep" hoot, with Liza taking on the role of a high class call girl, surrounded by several more hooker-ish women. 

A Fosse-inspired solo dance number ensues and lots of slow-motion inserts attempt to make Liza look glamourous. 

I think she looks like a severely damaged drag queen. 

After this number, we visit the ladies in the recording studio where they are recording the vocal tracks for "The Other Woman." After goofy Goldie messes up a few times, they finally get down to business and provide us with a very pleasing performance.Next is an extremely silly and somewhat painful number involving the gals and a pile of leftover wardrobe from what looks like a high school production of ALICE IN WONDERLAND with pirates.

Then comes the big dramatic sequence. A  10-minute character study that borders on lesbianism but really has something to do with unfaithful roommates. I've seen it about 100 times and it kills me every time.

The best part of the show is the finale - the fabulous CHICAGO number in which Liza proves what a tremendous talent she is.For every dance move that Goldie makes, Liza tops her with at least two. 

It's a rousing rendition of "All That Jazz" that causes us to wonder what the film might have been like with them in it. Oh well...we'll always have GOLDIE & LIZA TOGETHER.

The closing number is an out-of-breath "Together Wherever We Go" from GYPSY. I could be wrong, but somehow you can tell that as soon as production wrapped, Goldie and Liza never spoke to each other again.

I really wish they still did shows like this today. Who wouldn't love to see QUEEN LATIFAH & NICOLE KIDMAN TOGETHER? CBS - are you listening?

"Baby June" Havoc 1913-2010

THE JUDY GARLAND CHRISTMAS SHOW

Another vintage Dougsploitation Christmas treat from two years ago...THE JUDY GARLAND CHRISTMAS SHOW (1963) is actually an special episode of Judy's short-lived CBS variety series. When a Christmas episode starts out with snow in Los Angeles you know you're in for a treat. When it's sponsored by Contac time-release capsules - you are in "huh?" TV heaven!

Well, things get off to a nice start as Judy sings her official holiday tune - "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" which she introduced in the film MEET ME IN ST LOUIS. As she sings she cuddles with her young son Joe, constantly touching him and even rubbing noses with him all the while poor big sister Lorna stands by attentively and must settle for a slight tap on the hand. Judy then welcomes the viewers to her "home" and tells them that tonight she's staying home with her family (i.e. - no booze and pills for Mama tonight!). She then confides in us that her eldest daughter, 17-year old Liza is out skating with her "beau".

Judy then leads the kids in a rousing rendition of "Consider Yourself at Home" from the musical OLIVER! as she takes the viewer on a tour of her living room set. This makes me wonder why CBS choose to air this series in black & white - since it was originally broadcast on Sunday nights - opposite NBC's BONANZA - which was brought to you in "living color". Go figure.

Next up is the first Contac commercial - which had a soundtrack that sounds similar to Bernard Herrmann's PSYCHO score. Speaking of psycho, after the commercial break Liza storms in the door, ignoring her little sister Lorna and pretending to not know that she's on Mama's TV show. So they finish up the OLIVER song and hoist little Joe up on the piano where he bravely struggles his way through another song from OLIVER as Judy proudly looks on. Lorna sits quitely and pretends that she is loved.

After Joe's solo number, Liza's "beau" - choreographer Tracy Everitt - arrives wearing a sweater borrowed from LOST IN SPACE and black pants that are tighter than Liza's Capezios. I surmise that Tracy is the first in a string of painfully sexy and marginally talented young men that will break Liza's heart over the years. Today, Mr. Everitt teaches dance classes in Hoboken, NJ. For real. Google him.

Liza convinces the family to watch as she and Tracy perform "Steam Heat" as a pitch for Judy's stage act. The Fosse-like dance steps overwhelm Judy who jokingly asks them how long it took them to learn their little routine. When Tracy delivers his "two and a half years" punchline, you can hear crickets in the studio. So Tracy and Liza take little Joe over to the Christmas tree so Judy can warble a tune from her animated film GAY PURR-EE. No one even wonders where Lorna is - I think she's in her room crying at this point.

Next up is another great Contac commercial featuring characters from THE WIZARD OF OZ in stop-motion animation, complaining of flu and cold symptoms. Amazing.

After the ad, handsome family friend and LOVE BOAT theme crooner Jack Jones shows up singing "Wouldn't It Be Loverly" from MY FAIR LADY and another song called "Lollipops and Roses". He looks at Lorna as if to say "How did the neighbor's kid get in here? Don't you people have locks on your doors?" Afterwards, Lorna tries to get attention from Mr. Jones by convincing him to let her sit on his lap and sing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town." Didn't this happen in LOLITA too? Meanwhile, Liza seems slightly annoyed that Lorna is getting any airtime at all, but decides to let this one slide.

Next up is an ad from Judy's "alternate sponsor" Pall Mall cigarettes! First pills, now ciggies - what's next Jack Daniels? Oddly, the announcer pronounces the brand as "Pell Mell".

After the 'cancer sticks' ad, Liza sings a boring song as Tracy fiddles with a small package he has placed near his crotch. Huh?

After her solo number, Liza steals more camera time by getting under a blanket with Jack and Judy for a medley of snow songs - but they are rudely interrupted by a gang of Charleston-dancing Santas who crash the party - no doubt looking for pills and cigarettes! This is followed by an ad for Thrill dish soap - "it's like getting a new pair of hands in just 14 days!". Wow - what a tagline. There needs to be an episode of MAD MEN about that campaign!

After the dish soap commercial, the caroler's arrive - led by Judy's backstage nemesis Mel Torme (who I think she calls "Mort") - aka the Velvet Fog - aka the bastard who was hired to fix Judy's show. As scripted by Mel, Judy has to convince him to sing "The Christmas Song" (which he wrote) - and he invites her to sing along. Judy looks as if she's up to something. Mel begins to scat and Judy takes over the song - changing the lyrics right in front of the guy who wrote them! Judy rules.

The real lyrics:
"They know that Santa's on his way, 
He's loaded lots of toys
, And goodies on his sleigh
, And every mother's child is gonna spy,
To see if reindeer really know how to fly"

Judy's lyrics:
"They know that Santa's on his way
, He's loaded lots of GIFTS, 
And TOYS on his sleigh
, And every mother's child is gonna spy
,To see if RAINBOWS really know how to fly"

You can tell that Mel is seething inside and Judy's loving it. Mel later got revenge by writing a tell-all about Judy and the show after her death. Next up is another stop-motion commercial - this time for a free Betty Crocker and Gold Medal flour holiday cookbook! It's incredible!

After the ad, Judy's house is now full of freeloaders. Tracy brings out a bowl of eggnog and then they begin an endless medley of sacred carols. The self-important ham known as Mel Torme leads the choir. Then Lorna and Joe sing "Silent Night" - followed by an ad for Head and Shoulders! This ad features a woman well into her 30s worrying about having dandruff in her graduation photo. Honey, that's the least of your problems!

After the dandruff clears up, Judy boots everyone out of her house. Liza and Tracy dash off caroling - but the dancing Santas return to perform a crazy Rockettes-style dance with Judy. Damn - I wish this was in color!!!

So, then Judy shuts off all the lights - but Lorna and Joe come out calling "Mama..." to which she replies, as if annoyed - "WHAT???!!!". Well, it turns out she forgot to sing "Over the Rainbow". Which she then does - and it is a beautiful arrangement! Then Judy says goodnight for good and the camera pulls back to show it's still snowing in L.A.. All is well with the world, until CBS cancels her show...but that's another story. This show is a total 10 outta 10. Just for kicks, here's a recent pic of Judy's kids.

Awww...Lorna.

The Return of THE SINGING NUN

Here's a post a ran about two years ago, but newly enhanced with some new pix to accentuate my points! Maybe it's because I attended 13 years of Catholic school (that includes kindergarten), and got to know so many nuns on a personal level, but I've always been fascinated by movies about "brides of christ".

THE SOUND OF MUSIC, AGNES OF GOD, NASTY HABITS, CHANGE OF HABIT, THE TROUBLE WITH ANGELS...just to name a few - are always required viewing in my house.
As a child, THE FLYING NUN was one of my favorite shows, and I can recall asking several of my nun teachers if they could secretly fly. None of them could - but some could really SING!

Now, the true story of THE SINGING NUN is something that would make a fascinating film. The real Soeur Sourire (Sister Smile), who wrote and sang the worldwide hit song "Dominique" lived a very much different life than what Hollywood would have led us to believe.

Born Jeanne Deckers in Belgium in 1933, she joined a Dominican convent, taking the name Sister Luc-Gabrielle. She became popular among the other nuns for her beautiful songs and was encouraged by to record an album in 1963. The song "Dominique," (about an evangelist and saint who figured prominently in Belgian history) made her an international celebrity, and she adopted the stage name of Soeur Sourire . She performed in concerts and even appeared on THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW in 1964. Imagine if a nun appeared on AMERICAN IDOL today!"Dominique" sold more than 1.5 million copies, and following the success of THE SOUND OF MUSIC, a movie about her starring Debbie Reynolds, was made. Unfortunately, the movie doesn't cover the later years of her life. Around the same time as the film's release, Jeanne stopped performing, Soon after, in 1967 she left the convent and recorded her second album, titled "I Am Not a Star in Heaven". Though she was deeply religious, she grew increasingly vocal and critical of the conservatism of the Roman Catholic Church and she became an advocate of birth control (and reportedly gay rights as well). She even recorded a song entitled "Glory Be to God for the Golden Pill ." Wow.

She later opened a school for autistic children in Belgium with a "friend", Annie Pescher. By the early 1980s the Belgian government began claiming that she owed back taxes almost $50,000. Desperate to raise money, she released an updated dance music version of 'Dominique' in 1983 (need to find it on iTunes) but it failed to set the charts on fire. In 1985, she and Pescher committed suicide together by overdosing on barbiturates and alcohol, and were buried together in consecrated ground.

There is a recent film version which delves into these details. I look forward to seeing it one day.Meanwhile, getting back to the movie at hand - I'd been curious about the film for years - I mean a "true story" about nuns starring Jewish-convert Debbie Reynolds her "best friend" Agnes Moorehead and everyone's favorite sexy 1970s MD - Chad Everett!!! Plus we get pre-FANTASY ISLAND, WRATH OF KHAN and Chrysler Cordoba Ricardo Montalban and a cameo by Ed Sullivan himself! How could things go wrong?

Directed by war movie veteran Henry Koster , things do go terribly wrong. Well, Debbie does as well as she can as the unsinkable Sister Ann, the spunky nun who who can sing like an angel, but has a lot to learn about doing good things and butting in where she doesn't belong. She is always riding around on her motor scooter with her guitar ("Sister Adelle"), playing soccer with the boys and trying to stop peasant girls from becoming strippers - what a scamp! Moorehead is effectively bitchy as "Mother Endora" - a senior nun, who is not amused by Sister Ann's frolics.Sister Ann's real dream is to move to the African Congo to work with children, but in the meantime she befriends a lonely local little boy, Dominic, whose mother has died and whose father is an alcoholic. I think his sister (Katherine Ross) is kinda whore-ish too. Sister Ann doesn't care about the saint like the real Sister Smile, so decides to write a song about the little boy instead. Go figure.

The song goes something like this:
"Dominique, nique, nique
 I will tell of Dominique 
His goodness to acclaim
 And I pray the song I sing
 Will some simple pleasure bring
 That the world shall know his name!"
I think something got lost in the translation.

When Father Clementi (Montalban) hears Sister Ann's song, he see dollar signs and enters her in a talent contest. Before you know it, old friend Everett, apparently channeling Clark Gable, shows up and signs her to a record deal and the whole world is soon listening to her silly light-hearted songs!

The album has become a sensation, and "The Singing Nun" is soon making appearances at parties and engagements, even appearing on THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW on CBS! Ironically, while preparing for the show, the nuns explain that they're forbidden to wear makeup-even though the actresses portraying them are clearly wearing lipstick and false eyelashes! Huh?

Everything seems wonderful and magical, only Sister Ann is unprepared for her new found fame-and her attraction to Everett! This is just like Sister Bertrille and Carlos - I mean what was the deal with those two? And what of the tragedy that soon befalls Dominic and his slutty sister? Does a poor Catholic girl really need to resort to stripping to pay the rent on her cockroach infested shack?

So, if you are curious to see how sugary and fictional a Hollywood biopic can get - see THE SINGING NUN. I'll give it 6 out 10 "Huhs?" because just the thought of bawdy Debbie Reynolds (Miss Burbank 1948) and rumored lesbian Agnes Moorehead as nuns is comedy enough for me!
For the record, Reynolds explicitly denied to film historian Robert Osborne that Moorehead was gay, describing her as "terribly religious." That's not what Paul Lynde had to say about her! Hmmm...