BAD RONALD

Here's a post from a while back...

Another ABC MOVIE OF THE WEEK gem from the Warner Archive Collection, BAD RONALD (1974, directed by Buzz Kulik, a veteran TV director, who would later helm over many epic miniseries including FROM HERE TO ETERNITY, RAGE OF ANGELS, GEORGE WASHINGTON and JACKIE COLLINS' LUCKY/CHANCES) is based on a novel by John Holbrook Vance.

BAD RONALD tells the tale of geeky Ronald Wilby (Scott Jacoby, later Dorothy's son Michael on GOLDEN GIRLS), who lives with his overbearing and obviously ill mom (PLANET OF THE APES star Kim Hunter) and has an over-active imagination.

Mom gives Ronald a new toolbox for his birthday, but things start to go bad for Ronald when he dresses to impress a popular girl at school, who snubs him when he shows up at her pool party.

On the way home, Ronald encounters the first of many Jan Brady lookalikes.

This bratty blond on a bicycle teases Ronald so much that he schmushes her face.

During the schmushing, the girl accidentally falls backwards and cracks open her head on a cinderblock.

Ouch!

What does our boy Ronald do? He buries her and goes home, where his mom is waiting. When he tells mother what he did, she comes up with a plan!

Mom decides to hide Ronald in the downstairs bathroom - and soon Ronald uses his new tools to put up a wall where the door should be - HGTV style!

 A small doorway in the kitchen pantry is Ronald's way into and out of his luxurious new studio apartment!

When the cops show up looking to question Ronald, Mrs. Wilby tells them he's run away.

It's not all bad for Ronald. He gets to skip school and eat chocolate all day.

He also gets to work out and write his epic fantasy novel.

And he gets to paint life-size murals featuring characters from his dreamworld Atranta, an added bonus is that since there's a toilet in this middle of his room - he gets to crap whenever he wants!

Things take an unfortunate turn for the worse when his mom has to go into the hospital for a simple gall bladder operation. Unfortunately, Mom never makes it back home.

That's when Mrs. Kravitz-like nosy neighbor Mrs. Schumacher becomes the bane of his existence.

Ronald uses his drill to forge holes throughout the house, and soon a new family, the Woods, with three Brady-like daughters moves into the house with dad Dabney Coleman (9 TO 5).

 Ronald watches the Woods and takes an interest in one of the Jans.

It's interesting how he is able to pan and zoom from his peephole.

While the Woods are out of the house, Ronald decides to drink their milk and see how they've redecorated.

Of course, Mrs. Schumacher catches a glimpse of him...and falls backwards to her death.

Luckily he knows how to bury people real good. So, now Ronald is responsible for two accidentally deaths. Bad Ronald! Bad!

It turns out that one of the Woods girls is dating the brother of the dead bicycle girl. So what happens when the Mr. and Mrs. Woods parents go away for the weekend?

I'm not gonna tell, but let's say it involves some light bondage involving the said boyfriend,

some of Ronald's life-size paintings and a screaming teen-age princess (who looks like Jan Brady).

All while I'm wishing that Ronald would have taken advantage in being trapped in a bathroom and cleaned up a bit.

 Check out BAD RONALD, an enjoyable and twisted 9 outta 10 old-school thriller.

Also, if you want to read the original novel, it is back in print - in hard cover from a publisher called Andreas Irle. You can purchase the book here and buy the exclusive dvd here.

Fucked Up Religious Pamphlets - 2nd in a series

Marjorie (to her neighbor Rona, who is visiting) : Awww, isn't she adorable? All dressed in her new pink jammies and crawling on the carpet. I'm so glad we recently had it shampooed! No nasty germs for our little girl.

Rona : She's such a doll, Marj. You and Bob are wonderful, Christian parents. Opposite sexes and all.

Bob (from the other room) : Hey honey, have you seen my hypodermic needle? I haven't shot up all day and I'm really jonesing for a fix!

Marjorie : Oh, Bob - you and the black tar heroin! You're always searching for satisfaction! No - I did not see your needle - I suggest you check in the last place you shot up!

Rona : Men! My Jerry is always misplacing his crackpipe!

Bob : Thanks, honey– I think if I retrace my steps...hmmm...I think it was the living room.

To Be Continued...

The Witch Next Door

Happy October! Another fun childrens' book that had a profound effect on me was THE WITCH NEXT DOOR - a sweet Scholastic paperback from 1965. I acquired this book circa 1970 through the school book club and it's been in my library ever since.The story is told from the point of view of a brother and sister who befriend a green-haired witch who moves into their neighborhood. The witch soon paints her house black, hangs her all-black laundry out to dry, and casts some harmless spells. The nameless enchantress throws wild witch parties and has the neighborhood kids over for tea and cookies. She's a bit different, but a very good neighbor. Unfortunately there's some (obviously Republican) folks who want the witch to leave. These intolerant bigots look past all the good things about the sorceress and declare that they "don't want witches in our neighborhood." Fuck them, I say!
Our witchy friend at first responds with anger, as do the neighborhood children–but then casts a terrible spell on them...a wonderfully terrible hex which transforms the hateful right-wingers into a handsome young royal couple! Basically - she gives them an extreme makeover–both inside and out!
When the kids ask to be turned into a prince and a princess too, the witch tells them no, they are perfect the way they are. Awwww...The End. What a incredible way to teach kids about prejudice and tolerance-in 1965! I guess TV shows of the time, BEWITCHED, THE MUNSTERS and THE ADDAMS FAMILY were all kinda sending out the same message - it's okay to be different or eccentric. I guess that message became a way of life for me. Thanks Norman Bridwell!

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state...

What is it about THE BIG BAND THEORY that makes it positively addictive? It it the spot-on casting? The witty geek-centric dialogue? The clever nerd-culture filled plotlines? The aggravating, yet endearingly neurotic Sheldon (Jim Parsons-at times channeling Felix Unger)? The adorably pathetic Leonard (Johnny Galecki)? The polar opposites of undersexed, but sexy Rajnesh (Kunal Nayyar) and oversexed, but unsexy Howard (Simon Helberg)? The sudden intrusion of smarter-than-you-think outsider Penny (Kaley Cuoco)? All the DC Comics references? Or is it the wonderfully ridiculous and informative theme song by Barenaked Ladies? Maybe it's just this photo of Sheldon and Leonard...

Well, whatever it is - it seems to be working for me. The fact that I'm watching a CBS three-camera comedy with a live audience/laughtrack is a scientific miracle within itself! Which causes me to pause and ask, have I finally entered the CBS middle-age demographic? What's next for me, GREATEST AMERICAN DOG?


THE BIG BANG THEORY theme lyrics:
Our whole universe was in a hot dense state,
Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started. Wait...
The Earth began to cool,
The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools,
We built a wall (we built the pyramids),
Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries,
That all started with the big bang!


© Barenaked Ladies - The Big Bang Theory lyrics are copyrighted to their respective owners.
The Big Bang Theory song lyrics are restricted for educational and personal use only.

INLAND EMPIRE

I love David Lynch. BLUE VELVET and MULHOLLAND DRIVE are two of my all time favorite films. I still think TWIN PEAKS was one of the best network TV series ever. THE ELEPHANT MAN is a masterpiece, WILD AT HEART is a blast. I even liked DUNE!

So, why did it take me this long to see INLAND EMPIRE? Well, the Netflix disk arrived in March, but somehow I managed to make all sorts of excuses why I couldn't watch it. Mostly, at 3 hours long, I couldn't imagine a time when I could actually be able to watch it in one sitting without having any interruptions. Well, thanks to a knee injury that required R.I.C.E. (Rest, Ice, Compression and Elevation) I finally had the time to watch it!

Well, I have to say there were parts of the film that I totally loved. A subplot featuring clips from a "sitcom" about talking rabbits (complete with an inappropriate laughtrack) was astounding. In several roles (I think), Laura Dern gave the performance of her career (I'd say Oscar worthy) and her mom Diane Ladd was an absolute hoot as a TV gossip maven! Other Lynch regulars like Justin Theroux, Harry Dean Stanton and Grace Zabriskie were also fun to watch.

So, what was INLAND EMPIRE about? Well David Lynch has said it's "about a woman in trouble, and it's a mystery." And that pretty much sums it up. You start off confused and then every time you think you finally know what's happening, everything changes and you get confused all over again. It's both frustrating and mentally challenging, but never dull.

The film has Polish prostitutes, talking rabbits, a wacky dance number to Little Eva's "Loco-Motion", a Mrs. Kravitz-like nosy neighbor (Zabriskie), a ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT parody, a movie within the movie called "On High in Blue Tomorrows", a screenplay with a gypsy curse, a deadly screwdriver, a hypnotic phantom with a lightbulb in his mouth, and an amazing monologue from a japanese homeless girl about her friend in Pomona who has a pet monkey!!! Need I say more?

The thing about Lynch is that while some directors like Jonathan Demme and Steven Soderbergh started off with smaller, odd films and have graduated to big-budget mainstream studio stuff, Lynch has made his latest feature film every bit as strange as 1977's ERASERHEAD. You just gotta love the guy for that.

Do I recommend INLAND EMPIRE? Sure - but you gotta be in the mood and have three hours of free time, and be prepared to say "Huh?" about every three minutes.