Legends of the Super Heroes

Here's a re-post from October 2010.

Not a bootleg. Not an imaginary story. Not a hoax.

Yes. The notorious two-part NBC special from 1979 that has lived on in infamy as a bad childhood memory is now officially out on DVD thanks to The Warner Archive Collection. 

Part 1 is "The Challenge" in which several Justice Leaguers take on a cadre of super-villains. Part 2 is "The Roast" where the villains go all "Dean Martin" on the heroes' asses.

This videotaped canned-laughter oddity from Hanna-Barbera brought your Saturday-morning cartoon favorites to life in living color played by actual living, breathing actors!

Adam West, Burt Ward and Frank Gorshin of BATMAN fame recreated their roles from the 1960s ABC campfest. 

They are joined by TV stalwarts Jeff Altman (as the Weather Wizard), Charlie Callas (as Sinestro), Gabriel Dell (as Mordru), Ruth Buzzi (as Aunt Minerva) and Ed McMahon (as the host of the "roast" portion).

Lesser known actors brought the JLA heroes Flash, Green Lantern, Hawkman and The Atom to life. Also featured (in the place of Superman and Wonder Woman) were Captain Marvel and newcomer The Huntress. 

The Black Canary was played by someone named Danuta - who never acted again. Imagine that.

On the villain side, Dr. Sivana, Solomon Grundy and Giganta (played by transexual performer A'leshia Brevard) rounded out the cast.

Other characters appearing included the ridiculous and offensive Ghetto Man, the cringe-inducing Retired Man (aka The Scarlet Cyclone) and Pat Carroll as Hawkman's mother! 

NIGHT COURT's Marsha Warfield has an uncredited cameo as "the phonebooth woman".

As for the storylines, special effects and writing - the less said the better. LEGENDS OF THE SUPER HEROES is best viewed as a product of its time - a time when just about anything could get onto primetime TV. These were the days of the STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL, THE PAUL LYNDE HALLOWEEN SPECIAL and PINK LADY & JEFF (starring the Weather Wizard himself!).

So if you are like me and can't get enough vintage bad TV and men in tights - check out LEGENDS - the legendary program so unwatchable that it HAS TO BE SEEN!

SUPERCHICK

As a Friday the 13th treat, here's a post I originally ran 4 years ago...when I had time to "review" movies...

From the title and poster one would assume that SUPERCHICK was either a WONDER WOMAN parody or a white FOXY BROWN knockoff. In reality, SUPERCHICK has a lot more in common with THE HAPPY HOOKER. A few minutes into the story, we quickly learn that the "joke" of this movie is that things aren't always as they first appear. For instance, at first we see a sexy brunette stewardess...but soon she disappears into a phone booth...and emerges as a sexy blonde in a Black Canary costume. 

Unfortunately the black fishnets do not cover her bruised legs. Ouch. Next we think we are seeing drinks being poured in an elegant restaurant, but the camera pulls back to reveal: it's a bathtub in a fancy suite owned by a brain surgeon who has Thomas Gainsboro "Blue Boy" hanging over his toilet. 

So here we learn that Superchick is sleeping with him in this yellow wallpaper and shag carpeting paradise. I think he asks her to marry him, but I'm not sure since my notes are kinda sloppy tonight. She tells the good doctor - "I feel like an Avon Lady in Sun City." Huh???

From there we see Tom Jones (really Tony Young from POLICEWOMEN as Johnny) in bed with a topless woman who looks like a big-titted Barbara Barrie in her BARNEY MILLER days (actually it's porn legend Candy Samples!). 

Soon Superchick aka Tara B. True arrives in Miami in her stewardess guise. Meanwhile, Johnny puts on a sexy stripe sweater and goes to meet with the Gay Mafia who dress in red and mustard.

They look like plastic condiment dispensers. Johnny gets pissed at them and as they drive away in their fancy car he yells "Fags!" Tara next turns up on Johnny's boat wearing only a fishing net with "floats" on her tits, vagina and ass. Then we think we see skidmarks on Johnny's tighty whities as he mounts her.

This is followed by an endless montage of them doing Miami type things like running on the beach, water skiing, playing tennis, dancing, gambling and drinking. When Johnny asks her to marry him she makes up some Shakespeare quote.

Then Johnny parks in "the white zone" at the airport - and Tara's back in her stewardess uniform (we learn she works for Crown International Airlines - a clever play on the company that distributed the film). 

On the plane, she offers a drink to a rude old man and then fucks a cute marine in the airplane restroom. She arrives at LAX and is greeted by another boyfriend - this one's a rock star who looks like he possibly has Down's Syndrome. Next she's kicking ass in karate class. Huh?

At this point one of my co-viewers declares "I've got no idea what is going on!!!" The rest of us are also confused, so we decide to recount everything that has happened so far...

1) A stewardess gets into a phonebooth and changes.

2) She's brunette, and then she's blonde.

3) She's eating dinner in a bathtub discussing fine art.

4) She flew to Miami.

5) She met the Tom Jones lookalike who was fucking a cow.

6) Tom loses money on dog races and hates fags.

7) He's either a drunk or just tired from the Miami montage

8) She flew to LA to meet the Down's Syndrome guy

9) Oh, she fucked a marine on the plane

10) Oh, she quotes Shakespeare, we think.

11) She met a Chinese guy played by a Hawaiian actor.

We conclude that there is a difference between "actual plot" and "things happening". I think we're all caught up now. But nothing explains this new guy who looks like Norm McDonald playing Burt Reynolds. Then somebody in the movie (I don't remember who) says "Holy shit!" to the camera. He ain't kidding!

At this point, I decide to Google our lead actress Joyce Jillson -pwho turns out to be Joyce Jillson - celebrity astrologer. Joyce was an author of a nationally syndicated astrology column which appeared in nearly 200 newspapers including the LA Times and the NY Daily News! She also was Ronald Reagan's official psychic!!! administration! She died in 2004. Wow...Who knew?

Back to the movie - and her big white stewardess bag. Soon a black guy pays special attention to her. Next we see a woman being whipped - but it's not what you think - it's the set of a porn movie! Tensions are high, especially when the porn actress calls her male lead a "fag". Tara then gets advice from the leading lady "to get into Show Business, you gotta SHOW your BUSINESS!"

Next Tara's at a wild hippy party which looks like it's at a disco - but the camera pulls back to reveal - it's somebody's house! Here she and the black dude, let's call him "Jimi Hendrix", finally hook up as he offers her a joint. (There's even a Hendrix poster on the wall behind them) So then they have a deep moment as she sips a Tab from a straw. 

Things get out of hand when the "heat freaks" (aka "cops") show up and bust everyone, but Tara changes back into her stewardess get-up and escapes. Then she gets "flashed". I think.

So, the rock star guy is playing the piano badly, then they fuck inside of it. NOT on top of it, but INSIDE of it, which must hurt. Downs guy wants to marry her too! EVERYBODY wants to marry Tara! Then she rants over Bolero type music and they fuck more.

Next we meet old John Carradine, who is dressed as a Russian Czar. 

There's fight that involves him and his stunt double, but we can't figure out what it's all about. Then the Gay mafia shows up again on a plane and there's a little boy who also possibly has Down's Syndrome just starring at the camera. What is going on here???

Okay, Tara gets off the plane and it's SO WINDY that her tits pop out of her uniform! Suddenly all three boyfriends are there and she tells them she can't marry them - because she loves them ALL! "Life is made up of people, not ONE person". Oh - so that's what this movie was about all along...now I get it. Wow...I love Superchick too.

But why is she called SUPERCHICK? She doesn't have any powers or fight crime...she just fucks a lot of guys. Super.

9 outta 10 - mostly for the AMAZING soundtrack and fabulous outfits.

Rima, the Jungle Girl

BACK ISSUE magazine just ran a great article on RIMA, THE JUNGLE GIRL, similar to this piece I posted back in March. Here it is again, cause I did it first. 

Comic book fans were treated to a one-page reappearance of Rima, the Jungle Girl in the pages of THE FIRST WAVE a six-issue DC Comics miniseries. THE FIRST WAVE by writer Brian Azzarello and artist Rags Morales is set in an alternate universe that brings together "the first wave" of pulp fiction heroes (Doc Savage, The Avenger and The Spirit) with such DC stalwarts as Batman, The Black Canary and The Blackhawks. Coming along for the ride is the aforementioned Rima, the Jungle Girl.

But who EXACTLY is this Jungle Girl and where did she come from?

Look no further than the 1904 romantic novel, The Green Mansions by W.H. Hudson based on a South American legend about a lost tribe of mountain-dwelling caucasians.

In the novel, Rima is called "the Daughter of the Didi" and considered an evil spirit who has magical powers. She is eventually burned alive by the tribesmen. Yikes! Luckily the character lived on after the novel.

Rima first came back to life in a 1951 CLASSICS ILLUSTRATED adaptation of the novel.

The character was depicted as a beautiful blonde. Not sure if she made it out alive.

A MGM film adaptation of GREEN MANSIONS followed in 1959.

The film was directed by Mel Ferrar.

Beautiful, dark-haired screen goddess Audrey Hepburn was cast as Rima in the film.

Anthony Perkins was cast as her lover.

The film is not as fondly remembered as Hepburn's other work.

Though it was translated into French.

 

Out of print for many years, the film is now available on dvd through the Warner Archive Collection.

Rima turned up next as the star of her own DC Comics series, RIMA THE JUNGLE GIRL in the 1970s.

The series ran for only seven issues, but is well-remembered by fans of the jungle adventure genre.

The series began in May 1974.

The book featured art by the talented Nestor Redodno.

And was graced with gorgeous covers by legendary Joe Kubert.

Rima never interacted with any other characters in the DC Universe in comics.

The series ended in May of 1975, and we thought we saw the last of Rima.

That was until 1977, when Rima showed up on TV!

Yes, Rima joined the cast of Hanna-Barbera's ALL-NEW SUPERFRIENDS HOUR!

Rima appeared alongside new created-for-TV and much-maligned heroes like Apache Chief and Black Vulcan.

But Rima also got to co-star with some of the A-Listers in various episodes - like Wonder Woman and Batman!

And, now over 20 years later Rima will once again be part of a storyline involving Batman!

I'm truly looking forward to the next exciting issue of THE FIRST WAVE and the further exploits of Rima, the Jungle Girl!