NORMAN...IS THAT YOU?

From 2010...

NORMAN...IS THAT YOU? (1976, directed by George Schlatter of LAUGH-IN fame) is a movie that I've always known existed, even as a kid, but for one reason another never got a chance to see. I always thought Norman Lear was somehow connected because of the title and the casting. I was silly.

Until now. The movie (based on a 1970 play by Ron Clark and Sam Bobrick) opens with Ben Chambers (Redd Foxx, then star of Lear's SANFORD & SON) riding on a bus, as Smokey Robinson croons a Motown ditty about Redd being an “old-fashioned man, living in a brand new world.” Redd then arrives in Los Angeles and transfers to a taxicab which takes him directly to Hollywood (though it looks like WEST Hollywood to me).

Redd arrives at his son Norman's apartment building as his hunky son awakens from his waterbed slumber in nothing but a pair of form-fitting blue undies. Norman (Michael Warren of HILL STREET BLUES), in a panic, directs Redd to take the stairs to delay his arrival. Norman then puts on a paint of form-fitting pistachio green slacks that fit him like the skin on a grape. Norman attempts to awaken the other person in the bed, who appears at first to be a very lazy and annoying woman. But is soon revealed to be an extremely feminine and annoying man named Garson (Dennis Dugan, later of RICHIE BROCKLEMAN, PRIVATE EYE).

Garson just had the "most faaaaaabulous dream” instantly informing us that he is the embarrassing gay character that we've all seen a million times before. The mincing queen who wears caftans and delivers lines like he's Kay Thompson. To the film's credit, in 1976 we probably hadn't seen many characters like this before. But, why on earth would Norman be attracted to this? To each his own, I guess.

Norman, clearly embarrassed by Garson, makes him hide as he lets Redd into the apartment. Redd notices Norman's exquisite 1976 decor and comments on the purple drapes and declares "to each his own." (Just like I did a paragraph above!) After introducing Garson to Redd as his "neighbor" who came by to use the toilet, we learn that pops is here to visit because Norman's mother ran off to Mexico with his uncle, keeping it "all in the family". ;)

Garson, meanwhile, is visiting his puppeteer friend Larry Davenport (Waylon Flowers, later of MADAME'S PLACE). That's right, Garson's friends are even gayer than he is! Not only does Madame answers the phone when Norman calls, but Madame's sassy (nameless) black friend also makes a brief appearance, causing me to scream with laughter and disbelief. Meanwhile, Redd unpacks his suitcase and starts going through his son's drawers. So to speak. First he finds some frilly underthings and then he finds an Asian-style gown and jumps to the conclusion that Norman has a lady friend. Just then, Garson, Norman's lady friend, reappears and Redd begins to put two and two together.

After first declaring that he'll kill his gay son, he then calms down and tries to figure out what he and his wife did wrong. “Maybe we toilet trained him too soon?” Yeah, right...that's it Redd. After taking a walk through Hollywood, Redd pops into a bookstore and asks to see the gay section. He ends up picking up a bunch of books at random and buys them all from Barbara Sharma (of RHODA fame). He then plants himself on a park bench and reads them all. Out loud. He seems to harp on the fact that one out of every six people has had a homosexual experience. Hmmm....

After he absorbing all the knowledge he can, he comes to the conclusion that his son ISN'T gay - he's just on drugs. “Thank God my son is on drugs!” Did Redd ever consider that Norman is gay AND on drugs?
So Redd's denial continues and he breaks up with Garson for Norman, and they he hires CLEOPATRA JONES to fuck the gay out of his son. Yes, the stunning Audrey the hooker (Tamara Dobson) attempts to turn Norman straight, but alas the boy flees for the comfort of his fruit fly Melody (Vernee Watson of CARTER COUNTRY and a hundred other sitcoms), who gets him drunk in order to fuck the gay outta him. Doesn't work, and pisses her off.

Meanwhile, back at gay, Garson comes over and bonds with Redd and the two go to see Madame's drag puppet show. Redd later has a dream where he's decked in glitter and accepting some gay award. GLAAD? When Garson awakens Redd from the dream, the old man yells "Rape!" Yeah right, like Garson is a top!

The next day, Norman's mother Beatrice (the legendary Pearl Bailey) shows up and when Redd tells her that their son is gay, she's not having it. Until Audrey the hooker shows up and Beatrice asks her, "Norman...is that you?".

Then real Norman shows up and announces that he's joined the Navy! What? Yes - so Norman decides to abandon his lover, and his parents by joining the military. Don't ask, don't tell. But what of poor tragic Garson? Well, Redd invites his new "son" to live with him and his wife in Arizona and to work in their shop (I'm thinking it's a dry cleaners for some JEFFERSON-inspired reason). All's well that ends well. Before the end credits Redd looks out to the viewing audience and wonders who out there might be gay as Thelma Houston belts out “One Out Of Every Six.”

Wow.  I actually enjoyed this more than I thought I would. I guess despite all it's internalized homophobia, the film was way ahead of its time. I mean, there are still gay films being made today that deal with this same exact subject and are no less preachy and just as filled with bad stereotypes. The film totally feels like a stage production, though the original characters were Jewish and not African American. I think this was a bold choice by the producers since homophobia was (and still is) very prevalent in the black community. I also think the late actors Redd Foxx and Pearl Bailey deserve to be commended for appearing in a project that was intended to teach tolerance in a time when it wasn't very popular. Despite it's many flaws (and numerous plot holes), the film is certainly a curiosity and should be seen (to be believed!). 7 outta 10.

April Fools...

Here's something I originally ran for April Fool's Day 2009 - When I decided to go against the trend and answer a serious question truthfully. People often ask me, "Doug, what's the single worst movie you've ever seen?" and after I answer "SHREK", then I usually ask them: "Do you mean worst movie ever made? Worst movie disappointment? Or worst movie, but I love it so much I've seen it hundreds of times?" In the case of the third question, it could only be:

Yes, THE BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL - which my friend Tara discovered over 20 years ago in the African American Studios section of her local video store.

Yes, THE BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL - which features an entire soundtrack performed on a Casio keyboard.

Yes, THE BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL - which features a bravura, gutsy performance by Shirley L. Jones as a devoted church-lady who purchases what she thinks is a quaint, harmless puppet. But then is harassed by, brutalized by and finally falls in love with this demonic ventriloquist dummy (play in several action sequences by a small child).

Yes, THE BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL - which features the classic line "I've been with many men, several to be exact".Yes, THE BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL - which features the aforementioned Shirley L. Jones masturbating in the shower.

Yes, the one, the only, the original BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL - accept no substitutes. No foolin'!

WHITE DOG

Today is Kristy McNichol's birthday. Here's a review of perhaps her greatest film performance.As a dog lover and supporter of animal rights, WHITE DOG (1982, directed by the great Sam Fuller) is a film that has always intrigued me. As a birthday tribute to Kristy McNichol, I decided it was time I saw the controversial classic film. The drama starts when actress Julie Sawyer (Kristy) accidentally hits a beautiful stray white German Shepherd with her car. She takes the dog to a local vet and rather than drop him off at the shelter, she decides to take him in until his rightful owners claim him.
The nameless dog seems sweet and protective at first. Julie's boyfriend (Jameson Parker) is glad she's not alone in her Hollywood Hills house any longer. That very night an intruder breaks in Julie's house and tries to rape her. The dog is watching a loud war movie in the other room (seriously) and doesn't hear the criminal. Luckily during a commercial break, the dog finally hears the commotion and leaps to Julie's protection, effectively kicking the shit out of the bad guy.
Days later, the dog–still nameless–wanders off after spotting a rabbit. Julie visits the local animal shelter and in a very powerful scene is disturbed by the conditions there and the use of killing ovens used to put dogs "to sleep". The dog eventually returns her, all bloody from attacking a truck driver. After cleaning him up, Julie takes her boy to work with her and ties him up in the soundstage where she is shooting a scene with an African American actress (Lynne Moody). From out of nowhere the dog brutally attacks her costar, hospitalizing her and sending Julie to a sanctuary for theatrical animals called Noah's Ark to seek help.
Once there she begs Mr. Carruthers (Burl Ives) to help deprogram her attack dog, but he insists it is not possible. Suddenly the dog mauls one of Carruther's workers, an African American man. At this point we learn that the animal is a "white dog" - who was trained from birth to attack people of color! Carruther's top trainer, Keys (the wonderful Paul Winfield) has faced these kinds of dogs before and believes he can break the dog out of it's racist training and takes it on as a personal challenge. Julie agrees to this because she loves the dog, even though she still hasn't given it a name!!!
"Dr. Jekyl" resists Key's training methods at first, and eventually manages to escape from the facility and lives on the streets. In a terrifying scene a small black child is seen playing on a sidewalk while the dog is sifting through garbage just around the corner, luckily the child's mother removes him from harm before the dog is even aware of his existence. An adult churchgoer isn't so lucky as the dog spots him and chases him into the church of St. Francis Assissi, where he rips the man to shreads.
Keys discovers the murdered man and resolves to cure the dog, even though Julie now thinks that "Mr. Hyde" cannot be saved. Keys commits to making headway with the dog, and finally does. (Apparently Mr. Winfield insisted on doing all his own stunts.) Suddenly the dog's original owner shows up a Julie's door, turns out he's an overweight middle-aged man from a trailer park with two freckle-faced little daughters, and he looks very much like Carruthers. In the best scene of the film, Julie lays into guy and calls him just about every name in the book except "racist motherfucker", which is what I would have called him.
When Julie arrives at the compound, she is stunned by the dog's improvement as he is kind with both Keys and another black man. Then there's a shock ending which can be interpreted two ways. SPOILER ALERT!!! After accepting Keys, the dog spots Mr. Carruthers and leaps towards him. Keys shoots the dog dead. So, are we to believe that the dog now hates white people OR does he think Carruthers is his original, abusive owner? I just think the dog is pissed off because he doesn't have a name.
This is a great film. While some of the dialogue is a bit cheesy and Kristy's wardrobe is dated and laughable, the story is as powerful and thought-provoking as it was when it was first made. 10 outta 10. See it.
Pictured: Director Sam Fuller and "White Dog".

Selections from My Library: STRANGER TO HIMSELF and COLD HANDS

He was black...he was homosexual...he was wanted for murder! Joseph Hansen, author of Troublemaker brings us Stranger to Himself! Originally published in 1968 as Known Homosexual. (I am not making this up).
The back reads: "Steve Archer was black and always seemed to be in one kind of trouble or another. When he married a white girl, his family and friends abandoned him. And then his wife betrayed him. Confused and friendless, Steve turned to pretty boy Coy Randol for love and comfort. But when Coy was found brutally murdered, the only person the police went after was Steve!" Actually, this doesn't sound so bad.  The author, Joseph Hansen,went on write 15 crime novels including the Dave Brandstetter mystery series.
Cold Hands by Joseph Pintauro is the story of a "man in a maze of sexual hide-and-seek". The cover reads "She loved him. He loved him–A novel that probes a man's sexuality all the way to the explosive truth..." followed by a quote from The New York Times calling the book "Hauntingly beautiful, moving, splendid".  Wow - not what I might have expected. Maybe it's not so sleazy after all. In fact, the author, Joe Pintauro is an acclaimed writer who used to have a website (link doesn't work anymore).

The Jazz Singer

Here's a vintage post from January 2007.According to Alyn Shipton's A New History of Jazz, Jazz is "an American musical art form which originated at the beginning of the 20th century in African American communities in the Southern United States from a confluence of African and European music traditions. The style's West African pedigree is evident in its use of blue notes, improvisation, polyrhythms, syncopation, and the swung note."THE JAZZ SINGER is another story altogether. 

This 1980 remake of the Al Jolson classic (first mounted on stage in 1925 and filmed 1927) is actually the fourth film version of the story. Here, following in the footsteps of MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY's Danny Thomas...

and THE NUTTY PROFESSOR's Jerry Lewis...

...recording superstar Neil Diamond takes on the demanding role of synagogue cantor Yussel Rabinovich (aka Jess Robin) and proves that he is not a triple-threat, or even a double-threat - just a threat. 

Interesting side note: this film was directed by Richard Fleischer, also known for Disney's 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA and the cult classic MANDINGO. Talk about range!

For 29 years, I've avoided this film, but something finally drew me to it - perhaps the spirit of multiculturalism that is in the air with tomorrow's inauguration or maybe a "bad movie" angel tapped me on the shoulder? Well, either way...bring on it, Neil!

The film opens with a patriotic diversity montage showing New Yorkers of every race, creed, color and stereotype while Neil's hit America, a rousing tribute to immigrants, blasts bombastically into our brains. After the anthem, we settle in on Neil, who is singing a Hebrew prayer in an Orthodox Jewish temple. His African American friend comes to see him - taking a seat in the back - his yarmulke (aka "beanie") keeps falling off because he has an Afro. This is comedy.

After the religious ceremony, Neil's friend rushes him outta the sacred place, and he tries to coax his Jewish lady friend to join them at a club. She refuses. Turns out it's an all black club and Neil is part of the entertainment! Yes - Neil makes his film debut in BLACKFACE! In an obvious homage to the Jolson original, Neil is part of a soul quartet, only he's wearing really bad makeup and wig that makes him look more like an unfortunate mix of Greg Brady, Eddie Munster and the Incredible Hulk.

It would be offensive, if it wasn't so damn ridiculous. So Neil and his band are performing in front of an all-black audience, but the gig is over when someone in the audience notices that his hands are caucasian! A fight breaks out and everyone gets arrested. Luckily Neil's Cantor papa, Laurence Olivier (!) comes to bail him out, and then follows with the question of the day "It's not tough enough being a Jew?". Papa is upset that Yussel is going by the name Jess-denying his heritage and birthright. I think.Next Neil goes to visit his Jewish girl, who, of course, is a Herbew teacher. It it turns out she's his wife - Rivka! We soon learn that his band has a gig in L.A., but Jess doesn't join them because of his responsibilites at the temple. After helping a teen prepare for his Bar Mitzvah, Neil sings Love on the Rocks...and then he gets a call from his black friend (Bubba, played by comedian Franklyn Ajaye) telling him that a powerful producer wants to record that very song - the next day! He tells Rivka that he's gotta go to L.A. cause he's gonna have a hit song. Talk about jumping the gun! What's Papa gonna say? Before Jess can tell Papa, about his L.A.trip, Papa satrts lamenting to Jess about a bad dream that he had in Jess leaves him and doesn't come back. Let the guilt begin! Then Jess tells him about L.A. trip and Papa has a crying tantrum- but Jess quickly cheers him up by singing Hava Nagila - the classic Hebrew folk song (translation: "Let us rejoice").

So then he's off to big, bad Los Angeles to meet producer Keith Lennox! Jess is greeted at the airport by none other than Lucie Arnaz-

the daughter of showbiz legends Lucy and Desi, who looks like neither! As soon as they meet, the requisite palm tree and earthquake jokes begin. Once at the recording session - we discover that British madman Lennox has turned Jess's beautiful ballad, Love on the Rocks into a hard-edged new wave tune. In response, Neil sings the crap of of the tune in his inimitable style. Lennox reacts by telling Jess to "piss off..." and to take the four clowns with him. Lucie (Molly) tells Lennox thats the way the song should be sung - and she gets fired too! To celebrate their unemployment, the fivesome have party where Jess sings a song about Robert E. Lee. He asks Molly if she has any Charlie Parker records (finally somebody mentions JAZZ!) She replies "are you kidding? "Bird" is my middle name!" So, Molly Bird decides to take Jess under her wing and champion his talent (based on his one song). He tells her he's next in line to be the Cantor, and he eventually tells her he's married, so he can't live in sin with her. Molly has a plan - first she carjacks a booking agent, forcing him to listen to a tape of Jess's song. After this, Jess sings part of a new song, Hello, Again to Molly - proving he has more than one song in his bag. They almost kiss - but they don't. Molly tells him to finish writing the song, for her. She tries to seduce him, by offering him her body, but he refuses - he'd rather have pizza.

What would mama Lucy do? Probably cry "Wahaaaaaaaaa!"

So Jess books a gig opening for popular stand up comic Zany Gray - but his wife Rivka gives him a guilt trip over the phone. He starts his set by playing an harmonica and gets heckled by an audience member who calls him a "turkey". Harsh. Jess then breaks into a lounge-y ditty called Summer Love - suddenly his wife Rivka shows up! Like, she just jumped on a plane and knew exactly where to find him! She introduces herself to Molly backstage and asks her if they've slept together. Molly says he ate pizza, but didn't touch her. Rivka's pleased.By the second song, the auidience is in his hands - he gets a standing ovation. For just two songs? Highly unlikely. After the show, Rivvy (what he calls her) tells him she wants him to come home to NY to her and Papa - and they have the most polite argument ever filmed. She leaves, he stays.  The next day Molly introduces Jess to her hairy friend named Tommy who she's planning on sailing to Mexico with. Jess gets jealous - leading to a calypso-themed montage of them falling in love. Through the montage, we learn that Lucie is just like her zany redhead mother  after all - because she cooks him a ham! Oh Lucie!!!! They also attend a recording session, ride a bicycle built for two...and then she puts a schmata on her head and holy lights candles just like Lucy in MAME during Open a New Window! They kiss. Then they do it. And just when things seem to be going good for Jess, Papa shows up in L.A.- at Molly's house- to give Jess a guilt trip! Oy vey!  Jess introduces Papa to Molly - and he immediately starts crying! Again with the waterworks? "No, No!!!!!!!" he excalims and then he begins tearing at his clothing as the music swells. Apparently when a Jew tears at their clothes - they are in mourning. Who knew? Then Jess records a song called When Does Jerusalem Close? More like - When Does This Movie End????

All this family drama causes Jess to become super cranky, and to make things worse we learn that Molly is pregnant! But before she can tell Jess, he takes off on a road trip – driving out into the desert until his car breaks down. Then he hops on a bus to Laredo, Texas - missing his big chance to be on Zany Gray's big TV special. Oh well. Over the course of time Jess grows a beard, hitchhikes, smokes and wings up in a bar. A bartender (who I think is Charles Durning) asks him to sing You Are My Sunshine and the next thing you know he's on stage performing with a Honky Tonk Band. Still not jazz. Of course, Bubba miraculously tracks him down–without the help of Twitter. He tells Jess that Molly had his kid and named him after Charlie Parker. Jess then goes back to LA to see Molly and meet his bastard son. Wonder if the kid is circumcised? Hello Again soars.

Molly gladly welcomes him back. Turns out  while he was traveling the biways of America - his album went gold! Luckily Zany Gray's having another TV special likethat very day. Here's his second big chance. Only Papa has high blood pressure and can't sing at the temple...on Yom Kippur!!! So he sends a Jew-a-gram all the way from NY to L.A. to convince Jess to sing at the temple, therefore missing another opportunity to perform his music on TV. Can't a guy get a break???

So, he decides to honor his father and returns to New York - then after 20 minutes of Hebrew songs-he tells Papa that they have to talk. I begin to wonder where Rivka is. So, on the day of atonement, all is forgiven and Jess performs America to standing ovation - including Papa and Molly. The End. I just wanna know two things: where's the promised jazz and...where the hell is Rivka?