TV GUIDE September 1984

Every September I get a little nostalgic for the old TV GUIDE magazine, you know the one that came in digest size and had good, intelligent articles in the two color sections and exhaustively complete TV listings and crazy black & white display advertising sandwiched in between. Supposedly there is still some sort of weekly entertainment magazine that goes by the name "TV GUIDE", but strangely it is very hard to find in Los Angeles. Go figure. Anyways, in celebration of 25 years since September 1984, I ran this smattering of unusual print ads from my collection last year at this time. And now I run them again. Who better to host an important Special Report about heart disease, cancer and auto accidents than Tony Randall, star of THE ODD COUPLE, THE TONY RANDALL SHOW and LOVE, SIDNEY? Tony sure looks serious in the ad, he must have just lost a round on PASSWORD or some other game show where he was known to be a very competitive player.
Peter Popoff was a popular TV evangelist minister and "faith healer" in the 1980s, until he went bankrupt in 1987 after he was exposed as a fraud. How can that be, when that lady in the ad looks so, um, healed.
The 1st Annual MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS - when the music industry was all about white folks over 40 (and Tina Turner). And nobody wore a disgusting dress made outta meat back then.
"Miss Continental" wasn't even a TV show, but yet they took out this ad - making me wish it was a TV show!!! I wonder if it's still around? I just did a Google search for "Miss Continental" and all that came up were websites for drag competitions. Oh well.
This ad freaks me out - it's like the who's who of conservative America gathered in one place to celebrate liberty??? What the fuck? If you cared about your family, country, financial future and religious liberties you'd have watched this.
A SALUTE TO LIBERACE with David Bowie and Elton John. Nuff said.
Oh no, WELCOME TO THE FAMILY sounds like some sort of cult recruiting program, but it's really about "love, laughter and trust–cementing the bonds between parents and their children." You know, family values. Host Gary Collins has been charged with three counts of "driving under the influence" since 2002. Performer Barbara Mandrell later became an unwelcome stranger in a town where corruption ran deep and tempers burned hot!
Then she co-stared with DUKES OF HAZZARD star Tom Wopat in this TV-movie about the whole sordid experience.

PUFNSTUF Revisited

Isn't summer supposed to be about reruns anyhow? Having just re-watched the PUFNSTUF movie, now that it is officially released on dvd, I've decided to repeat my original post from way back in 2007 (with some added extras!)Based on the smash hit Saturday morning kiddie series, PUFNSTUF brought the trippy Sid & Marty Krofft creation to the big screen in 1970. Hollingsworth Morse, who directed the TV series (and later many episodes of THE DUKES OF HAZZARD) expanded on the formula of bright colors, fast edits, sped-up film, and LSD-inspired musical numbers that made the NBC series so successful. To appeal to parents and gay men, they added Mama Cass Elliott and Martha Raye to the cast. Yay!This story begins with Jimmy (played by Jack Wild of OLIVER! fame), a young English runaway, frolicking near the edge of a river with his flute. Suddenly the flute comes to life and begins talking - naming itself "Freddie". It also transforms into gold and grows diamonds on it's um, shaft. Jimmy them hops aboard a beautiful magic talking boat that wants to take him out to sea. Of course, Jimmy decides to take "the trip"...not a drug reference in any way, shape or form.
We learn that this boat actually belongs to Witchiepoo (Billie Hayes - giving her performance 1000%), who then turns the pretty boat into a dark, evil boat (i.e. a "bad trip") that traps Jimmy! Jimmy somehow manages to escape from the boat and is aided by a magical go-go boot wearing talking dragon named Pufnstuf (sounding here like Huckleberry Hound) and two "cops" named Cling & Clang (don't ask). Jimmy ends up on the shores of Living island - where everything is alive!
We soon discover that Witchiepoo is after Freddie the Flute to impress Boss Witch (Raye) and her friend Witch Hazel (Cass) - who are coming to visit for an annual witches' convention! What follows are actually some terrific musical numbers- the best being the anthemic "Different" by Mama Cass and "Zap the World" (which sounds amazingly like the WONDER WOMAN theme song, also written by Charles Fox). Oh - there's also a scene with Jimmy in drag. Very, very disturbing. For that alone I give it 9 out of 10 on my scale.

Overall, not a great film for today's kids (who would not have a clue who or what Pufnstuf is), but if you grew up watching the TV show, this is certainly a curiosity worth checking out. I was actually not a big fan of the show - something about the mix of real people and oversize puppets interacting always freaked me out. I preferred my weekly Krofft dosage in human form like ELECTRA WOMAN & DYNA GIRL and DR. SHRINKER, thank you. Also, I was never really sure what Pufnstuf was supposed to be - he looked more like Mayor McCheese than any dragon I ever saw. I also had it in my head that the show wasn't made in Hollywood - but in some strange European country where things weren't quite right. Oddly enough, the shows were show right here in the San Fernando Valley.

Exhibit A: Do these this theme song lyrics make ANY sense? "H.R. Pufnstuf, Who's your friend when things get rough? H.R. Pufnstuf Can't do a little cause he can't do enough." I rest my case. Besides, characters are always singing the praises of Pufnstuf as if he's some sort of messiah, but he actually doesn't do much more than hang around and look creepy.On a side note, any true Cass Elliot fan should seek out this movie, since it was her only big-screen appearance. One wonders what would her career had been like if she didn't die so tragically young? Would she have made more films? Would she have become what Bette Midler eventually became? Would she have attracted legions of gay fans and made Disney films? Would she have hosted her own Sid & Marty Krofft variety series? Would she have played Mama Rose on Broadway? Or would PUFNSTUF become the high point in her post-Mamas & the Papas career? Sadly, the world will never know...

HBO's MR. SHOW did an excellent parody of the Pufnstuf called "The Altered State Of Druggachusetts". You can watch it here.

Friends of the Environment?

And you thought that "going green" was something new...
Here we have 5 of Hollywood's top stars and Olivia Newton-John (oh come on, you know I love Livvy, but she's no Meryl Streep!) appearing on a one hour-long network special to promote environmental concerns. Apparently Lily Tomlin was also on the show, but not even mentioned in the ad. This special aired in 1990, which is almost 20 years ago. Isn't that depressing?

Tragic Halloween Costumes (magic edition)

Since I'm already on the subject of BEWITCHED, let's take a look at some magically themed Halloween costumes. Starting with the lovely Samantha Stephens herself...Well, looking a bit like a drunken drag queen, Sam came in two un-fabulous versions. Both with garish mustard yellow capes and old school witch hats. Why not make the costume match the famous animated Samantha from the opening titles? Oh Ben Cooper, you were such a tease! Well, at least they got her hair color right, unlike...Jeannie from I DREAM OF JEANNIE! Why on Earth would they give her red hair? And again with the yellow! Yuck! Jeannie was known for wearing PINK, not yellow! It's almost like they went out of their way to make her look nothing like the actual character. And these were official licensed products! Ironically, the mask looks more like Barbara Eden today...Getting back to witches...
Here's Witchiepoo from Sid & Marty Krofft's psychedelic kiddie classic H.R. PUFNSTUF. This costume actually works for me. The mask looks like the character and the trippy graphic is kinda cute, even though the illustration makes her look more like 70s era Bette Midler than Billie Hayes. I think this is the best costume I've come across (so far).

THE LAST OF SHEILA

This 1973 film was co-written by actor/PSYCHO Anthony Perkins (gay) and musical theater legend Stephen Sondheim (gay). Directed by Herbert Ross (not gay, but was a choreographer, and also directed STEEL MAGNOLIAS and was married to Jackie O's sister!) and it turns to be quite a gay old time! Especially since the Bette Midler song "Friends" was originally recorded for the soundtrack. Who knew?

The plot involves powerful Hollywood producer Clinton Green (the ever-frightening James Coburn) and his manipulative game of "who's who" that he somehow manages to get his "friends" to play over the course of a week...all while crusing the Mediterranean on his luxurious boat.

His friends just happen to include an sexy up-and-coming actress (Raquel Welch), her sexy English boyfriend (Ian McShane), a messy showbiz agent (Dyan Cannon), a very gay-looking writer (Richard Benjamin), his stuffy rich wife (Joan Hackett), and a cranky gay-ish old director (James Mason). A great cast and a great set up - so far, so gay.

We learn that a year earlier, after a cocktail party, (seen in flashback) there was a hit-and-run accident that resulted in the death of gossip columnist Sheila Green, who was also Clinton's wife! The plot thickens...

Clinton dubs the cruise "The Sheila Green Memorial Gossip Game" and hands out index cards containing a secret that each player must keep concealed from the others. The object of this sick and twisted palour game is to figure out everyone else's secret while protecting your own from being discovered. Okay - sounds like fun. I guess it's better than Cranium.

Okay, this is where it gets ridiculous - each night one of the six secrets is revealed to all the players, then they are given a cyptic clue, which will help them detect which player has the card with that night's secret. Ouch - my head hurts. I should not have to think this hard while watching a damn movie!!!

The gossip cards reveal things like "You are a SHOPLIFTER," "You are a HOMOSEXUAL" and of course "You are a HIT-AND-RUN KILLER." You can guess where this is going - one by one - as the cards are revealed, we learn that they are actually about one of the OTHER players. What's started out as fun (?) has become a game of intense paranoia, with lots of delicious revelations and red herrings along the way. Oh yeah - then there's a murder!

The cast is enjoyable, especially Dyan Cannon, who I think they really tried to drown during the filming. If not, she's a better actress than I ever thought. Richard Benjamin has the gayest moustache and wardrobe ever committed to film, hmmm....wonder if he is given the "You are a HOMOSEXUAL" card?

So, in conclusion, if you just love a good mystery and MURDER SHE WROTE reruns on the Biography Channel (what's THAT all about?) aren't cutting it for you, check out SHEILA. 7 out of 10 "Huhs?"

PUFNSTUF

Based on the smash hit Saturday morning kiddie series, PUFNSTUF brought the trippy Sid & Marty Krofft creation to the big screen in 1970. Hollingsworth Morse, who directed the TV series (and later many episodes of THE DUKES OF HAZZARD) expanded on the formula of bright colors, fast edits, sped-up film, and LSD-inspired musical numbers that made the NBC series so successful. To appeal to parents and gay men, they added Mama Cass Elliott and Martha Raye to the cast. Yay!

This story begins with Jimmy (played by Jack Wild of OLIVER! fame), a young English runaway, frolicking near the edge of a river with his flute. Suddenly the flute comes to life and begins talking - naming itself "Freddie". It also transforms into gold and grows diamonds on it's um, shaft. Jimmy them hops aboard a beautiful magic talking boat that wants to take him out to sea. Of course, Jimmy decides to take "the trip"...not a drug reference in any way, shape or form.

We learn that this boat actually belongs to Witchiepoo (Billie Hayes - giving her performance 1000%), who then turns the pretty boat into a dark, evil boat (i.e. a "bad trip") that traps Jimmy! Jimmy somehow manages to escape from the boat and is aided by a magical talking dragon named Pufnstuf (sounding here like Huckleberry Hound) and two "cops" named Cling & Clang (don't ask). Jimmy ends up on the shores of Living island - where everything is alive!

We soon discover that Witchiepoo is after Freddie the Flute to impress Boss Witch (Raye) and her friend Witch Hazel (Cass) - who are coming to visit for an annual witches' convention! What follows are actually some terrific musical numbers- the best being the anthemic "Different" by Mama Cass and "Zap the World" (which sounds amazingly like the WONDER WOMAN theme song, also written by Charles Fox). Oh - there's also a scene with Jimmy in drag. Very, very disturbing. For that alone I give it 9 out of 10 "Huhs?".

Overall, not a great film for today's kids (who would not have a clue who or what Pufnstuf is), but if you grew up watching the TV show, this is certainly a curiosity worth checking out. I was actually not a big fan of the show - something about the mix of real people and oversize puppets interacting always freaked me out. I preferred my weekly Krofft dosage in human form like ELECTRA WOMAN & DYNA GIRL and DR SHRINKER, thank you. Also, I was never really sure what Pufnstuf was supposed to be - he looked more like Mayor McCheese than any dragon I ever saw. I also had it in my head that the show wasn't made in Hollywood - but in some strange European country where things weren't quite right.

Exhibit A: Do these this theme song lyrics make ANY sense? "H.R. Pufnstuf, Who's your friend when things get rough?
H.R. Pufnstuf Can't do a little cause he can't do enough." I rest my case.

On a side note, any true Cass Elliot fan should seek out this movie, since it was her only big-screen appearance. One wonders what would her career had been like if she didn't die so tragically young? Would she have made more films? Would she have become what Bette Midler eventually became? Would she have attracted legions of gay fans and made Disney films? Would she have hosted her own Sid & Marty Krofft variety series? Would she have played Mama Rose on Broadway? Or would PUFNSTUF become the high point in her post-Mamas & the Papas career? Sadly, the world will never know...

HBO's MR. SHOW did an excellent parody of the Pufnstuf called "The Altered State Of Druggachusetts". You can watch it here.