Goldie & Liza Together

To celebrate Liza's 65th birthday - Here's a classic post from 2009.

When I think of the great showbiz pairings over the years I think of such duos as Martin & Lewis, Burns & Allen, Hope & Crosby - even Crosby & Bowie. Somehow Hawn & Minnelli don't easily spring to mind. But in 1980, both of these leading ladies were campaigning for roles in the aborted film version of CHICAGO - and CBS thought it would be a good idea to team the two superstars up in a prime-time variety outing.

Both gals already had big film careers and a few TV specials behind them, so why not take America's favorite kookie blonde and the dazzling Studio 54 barfly and give them an hour to prove what good friends they are supposed to be in real life? And so we have GOLDIE & LIZA TOGETHER! By the way, I've had this show on VHS since it first aired, and has entertained me and countless guests ever since.

The hour starts with an hysterical duet as Goldie and Liza drive to the studio (in their own cars) declaring how nervous they are about working with each other. 

"I'm doing a special with my friend Liza..." Goldie's so freaked out she takes a bag of garbage with her in her jeep!

Liza's a mess too - almost causing a major traffic accident because she's totally obsessing on Goldie. 

Well, luckily they both make it to the studio alive in time for rehearsal.

After an implied dance runthrough, Liza insists on Goldie telling her about her big solo number - which turns out to be a cover of the iconic Village People song, "Y.M.C.A.". 

Goldie and a gaggle of scantily clad, but not very sexy, dancers bring the song to life inspiring countless wedding receptions since.

Liza's big solo number is also a disco tune from the same period–Donna Summer's "Bad Girls". 

This tribute to prostitution is a "toot-toot beep-beep" hoot, with Liza taking on the role of a high class call girl, surrounded by several more hooker-ish women. 

A Fosse-inspired solo dance number ensues and lots of slow-motion inserts attempt to make Liza look glamourous. 

I think she looks like a severely damaged drag queen. 

After this number, we visit the ladies in the recording studio where they are recording the vocal tracks for "The Other Woman." After goofy Goldie messes up a few times, they finally get down to business and provide us with a very pleasing performance.Next is an extremely silly and somewhat painful number involving the gals and a pile of leftover wardrobe from what looks like a high school production of ALICE IN WONDERLAND with pirates.

Then comes the big dramatic sequence. A  10-minute character study that borders on lesbianism but really has something to do with unfaithful roommates. I've seen it about 100 times and it kills me every time.

The best part of the show is the finale - the fabulous CHICAGO number in which Liza proves what a tremendous talent she is.For every dance move that Goldie makes, Liza tops her with at least two. 

It's a rousing rendition of "All That Jazz" that causes us to wonder what the film might have been like with them in it. Oh well...we'll always have GOLDIE & LIZA TOGETHER.

The closing number is an out-of-breath "Together Wherever We Go" from GYPSY. I could be wrong, but somehow you can tell that as soon as production wrapped, Goldie and Liza never spoke to each other again.

I really wish they still did shows like this today. Who wouldn't love to see QUEEN LATIFAH & NICOLE KIDMAN TOGETHER? CBS - are you listening?

Strange Fiction Double Feature

This post is dedicated to the late Jill Hayworth (1945-2011). Way back in 2009 my dvd player was getting repaired, so I decided to watch a couple of flicks that were sitting on my dvr for the past few weeks. I choose two movies that I thought would have nothing in common. Boy was I ever wrong! The first film was Alan J. Pakula's THE STERILE CUCKOO...

...the other one was Michael Armstrong's HORROR HOUSE (also known as THE HAUNTED HOUSE OF HORROR).

Okay, you may be saying, "wait a minute there, Doug - one is a poignant character study and the other is a schlocky horror film - how could these two have anything in common?" And you would be right, because on the surface these two films exist in different universes, but in the Dougsploitation world, they are kissing cousins. I will now present my evidence.

Exhibit A : Both films were released in the same year - 1969.  THE STERILE CUCKOO was distributed by Paramount Pictures.

...HORROR HOUSE was distributed by American International.

Exhibit B : Both films feature a star who is known for musical comedy in a rare dramatic role. Liza Minnelli in THE STERILE CUCKOO...

...and Frankie Avalon in HORROR HOUSE.

Exhibit C : Both films are about a group of experimental college-age young adults. Liza has an awkward sex scene...

...and Frankie has an awkward hex scene.

Exhibit D : Both films feature extensive scenes set at a party where drugs, booze and cigarettes are consumed in great quantities. Liza gets drunk and carries on with her boyfriend's roommate....the HORROR HOUSE gang all get drunk and carry a search for their missing friends.

Exhibit E : Both films have characters that are dealing with tragic childhood events. Minnelli's Pookie had a mother who died in childbirth...

...and HORROR HOUSE's Richard had a family incident from his childhood that left him an orphan.

Exhibit F : Both directors were nominated for prestigious screenplay awards in 1983 for subsequent films - Pakula for SOPHIE'S CHOICE......and Armstrong for HOUSE OF LONG SHADOWS.

Exhibit G : Both films feature scenes of orgy-like behavior. Will Liza cross the threshold of pleasure?

Will Frankie cross the threshold of terror?

Exhibit H : One film features a character named "Dorothy" who looks like Goldie Hawn...

...the other features an actress whose mother played a character named "Dorothy" and co-starred in a terrifically terrible CBS TV special with Goldie Hawn!

Exhibit I : Liza gives a gripping performance which highlighted her acting chops and set the stage for the Award-winning performance in the film version of CABARET...

...while Frankie gripped a flashlight, setting the stage for his role of Teen Angel in the film version of GREASE!

Exhibit J : Both films featured stunning wardrobes......and hair styles!

Exhibit K : Liza's storyline has a tragic ending.

Frankie's storyline has a MORE tragic ending...

I rest my case.

Friends of the Environment?

And you thought that "going green" was something new...
Here we have 5 of Hollywood's top stars and Olivia Newton-John (oh come on, you know I love Livvy, but she's no Meryl Streep!) appearing on a one hour-long network special to promote environmental concerns. Apparently Lily Tomlin was also on the show, but not even mentioned in the ad. This special aired in 1990, which is almost 20 years ago. Isn't that depressing?

The One and Only, Genuine, Original Family Band

You'd think I would have learned my lesson with THE HAPPIEST MILLIONAIRE. Well, here's another late 1960s musical from the Disney studios (directed by TV western vet Michael O'Herlihy) featuring subpar Sherman Brothers songs and performances by Lesley Ann Warren and John Davidson. Once again, Warren and Davidson are young lovers. She's again the eldest daughter of a wacky family (they have a band-hence the title) and he's the handsome suitor that someone in the family doesn't approve of. Just like in MILLIONAIRE, her father is portrayed by another beloved TV star (Buddy Ebsen), and the mother character (Janet Blair) is sadly underdeveloped. Seems like awfully familiar territory. Like MILLIONAIRE, it's also based on a true story!The difference this time around is that Grandfather Bower (Walter Brennan) is the problem. You see, Civil War vet gramps is a staunch Democrat - he's even written a song honoring President Grover Cleveland for the 1888 Democratic Convention which he wants the "family band" (including a young Kurt Russell) to perform. Only young Republican Joe Carder (Davidson) shows up and one by one seduces the family (not literally) with the notion that they should pick up and move to Dakota. The family moves and the political division between the family members intensifies when the old coot starts preaching to anyone who'll listen about how evil Republicans are. Normally I would agree with him, but the character is so pathetic and annoying that you just kind feel sorry for him. Grandpa really gets his knickers twisted when the Dakotans decide to split their territory into two states, thereby doubling their amount of Republican senators!You might be asking - does this really subject really make for a fun, freewheeling family musical? My answer is a resounding NO. As I continued to watch, I wondered - just where the HELL is this One and Only, Genuine, Original Family Band I was promised? I was expecting a silly, mindless comedy about a 19th century Partridge Family, but what I got was two long hours of an old man whining about political issues that seem relatively simple compared to what we have going on the states today. I guess it might have been interesting in 1968, but 40 years later it just seems un-entertaining. Once again, as with MILLIONAIRE, I wonder who the studio was aiming this film at - kids certainly could not care less about these political issues. There were no cute fluffy animals or magical British nannies to be seen - just a lot of yelling and pontificating about how politics should never be discussed in the home.It was fun seeing a young Goldie Hawn (at 1 hour and 32 minutes in) in a small role (though it would have been fun to see her interact with future lover Kurt) and other child stars like Pamelyn Ferdin (THE ODD COUPLE) and Jon Walmsley (THE WALTONS) as members of The Family Band, but overall this effort was a major disappointment - I guess I still haven't found what I'm looking for in terms of a Disney musical that even comes close to be being as wonderful as MARY POPPINS.