Apple Valley Inn

When I found this TV GUIDE ad, I had to find out more about The Apple Valley Inn.

The Apple Valley Inn opened on Thanksgiving Day 1948. This establishment was a hotel and restaurant built to attract wealthy land buyers to the southern California desert town of Apple Valley CA. The Inn, located on US Highway 18, originally allowed only white Christians as patrons, prompting legendary singer Pearl Bailey to purchase a ranch property a few miles north near Bell Mountain, establishing a small colony of black artists.

In 1965, white Christian movie star Roy Rogers and his white Christian wife Dale Evans leased the Inn and restaurant, which was then renamed Roy Rogers' Apple Valley Inn.

Bob Hope visited frequently, in fact Cabin #153 is dubbed "The Bob Hope Cabin". Other famous visitors (mostly white and Christian) included June Allison, James Arness, Gene Autry, MacDonald Carey, Bob Cummings, Tony Curtis and Janet Leigh, Phyllis Diller, Errol Flynn, Joan Fontaine, Billy Graham, Hedda Hopper, Louella Parsons, Jerry Lewis, Fred MacMurry, Dean Martin, Donald O'Connor, Gregory Peck, George Reeves, Dale Roberson, Caesar Romero, Jane Russell, Barbara Stanwyck, Robert Wagner and Natalie Wood, John Wayne, Johnny Weissmuller, Lawrence Welk and Jonathan Winters. Wonder how Atheist Diller and gay Latino Romero somehow snuck in. 

The Inn closed in 1987, reopening in November 2003 as a business center, with the main building converted into a brain injury rehabilition center.

Dougsploitation: The San Francisco Treat!

A re-post from 2009 (in honor of Doris Day's 90th birthday!) As a child I fell in love with the city of San Francisco. Not even knowing where exactly it was on the map, I often declared that it was a place that I wanted to live. I think my first exposure to the city by the bay was a famous commercial for a noodle product.
Over the years many TV shows I watched were set in the city of cable cars, including several seasons of THE DORIS DAY SHOW.Every week when I saw this classic opening, I knew it was where I wanted to live.
A few years later, PHYLLIS moved from Minneapolis to SF–therefore making my desire to live there even greater.Another TV show from the 1970s that fueled my desire was the Quinn Martin production, THE STREETS OF SAN FRANCISCO.
Many other dramas also took place in SF, notably cop shows like IRONSIDE and McMILLAN & WIFE, soapy shows like FALCON CREST and HOTEL and doctor shows like TRAPPER JOHN, M.D. and PRESIDIO MED. Did anybody ever watch that last one?
Other famous sitcoms that were based in the city included TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT, MY SISTER SAM and FULL HOUSE (which to this day, I'm proud to say, I've never seen one episode of!)
But the show that really pushed me over the top was the original 1993 PBS adaptation of Armistead Maupin's TALES OF THE CITY. Having read the first five books, I was already in love with Maupin's wonderful cast of characters. But seeing them come to life in the city that was a much a character as the people themselves drove me to move to the city in 1995, making it my home for six years.

Since then, there were 2 very good TV sequels for Showtime, plus a dreary film adaptation of Maupin's tangental spin-off, The Night Listener. A 6th Barbary Lane novel, the wonderfully melancholy Michael Tolliver Lives was published in 2006.

Followed by 2010's lovely Mary Ann in Autumn.

All this SF talk really makes me miss the city by the bay. Oh, by the way, if you're wondering...nobody in San Francisco eats Rice-A-Roni. Ever.

MALIBU HIGH

Back in 2009, I had wanted to watch a breezy comedy for a cool summer night, so I decided to pop in MALIBU HIGH (1979, directed by Irv Berwick) - what could be more light and airy than a California & surf flick from the late 1970s? After all–just look at the poster!

Well, MALIBU HIGH was not what I had expected.

The film centers on 30 year old Malibu High school senior Kim Bentley, the crankiest, most mean-spirited, chain-smoking, free-loading and often topless best friend anyone could ever have.

Kim is nasty to her mother, cruel to her schoolmates, bitchy to her best friend/chauffer Lucy, obnoxious to her teachers and just downright loathsome. She refers her ex's new spoiled rich girlfriend Annette as "a piece of shit".

In true John Waters' fashion, every line of dialogue out of actress Jill Lansing's mouth seems to be yelled at another character. And this plucky heroine is who the viewer is supposed to identify with?

Oh, by the way, for some unknown reason, the electronic music from the 1970s version of the PBS logo is used to bridge scenes throughout the film. Honestly, was it free?

After a wild dance party at Jerry's Disco and Mexican Restaurant, Kim decides to take control of her life (and make her ex-boyfriend Kevin jealous) by becoming gainfully employed by Tony, the local pimp and weed dealer.

So Kim starts screwing all the Malibu locals in the back of a van for $$$ while pledging to improve her school grades. She accomplishes this by having sex with all her teachers in exchange for better marks. Why not? In possibly some of the un-sexiest sex scenes ever filmed, Kim goes to town - and it's all about bad tanlines, hairy moles, rashes and back hair.

In attempt to go "big time," she soon hooks up with a more experienced pimp, Lance. Only Lance doesn't want her to just fuck people, he wants her to kill them–starting with Tony. Will she do it? What do you think?Yeah, that's right, high school student by day - killer hooker by night! I told you this movie was no walk on the beach. It gets very dark, that you even forget that it's supposed to be set in sunny Malibu.

Just to remind you of the locale, it all ends with a giant chase scene on the beach that is accompanied by the long-version of THE PEOPLE'S COURT theme song. I guess it was public domain?

What a strange, awful little film. Not a comedy, but unintentionally funny because its so poorly executed. I wonder why it was marketed as a fluffy sex romp, when its clearly a violent psychological thriller. In any case, it's a worth a look just because it's so bizarre. I'll give it a 6.5 outta ten.

Selections from My Library: THE SERIAL

THE SERIAL: A YEAR IN THE LIFE OF MARIN COUNTY was a novel written by Cyra McFadden, first published as a book in 1977, after first being serialized as a newspaper column a year earlier, much like Armisted Maupin's TALES OF THE CITY. A film adaptation, titled SERIAL was released in 1980. The cast included Martin Mull, Tuesday Weld, Sally Kellerman, Christopher Lee, Bill Macy, Peter Bonerz, Nita Talbot, Pamela Bellwood and Tom Smothers. I remember seeing the film in a theater back in the day and liking it tremendously. I forgot that it even existed until I came across this paperback. I think I need to revisit SERIAL very soon.

THE STRANGER WITHIN

Unable to provide you with proposed posts about either PROM NIGHT or HALLOWEEN 2, please accept this previously aired post as my Halloween treat to you.

Let's say Roman Polanski decided to cast TV's lovely Barbara Eden (I DREAM OF JEANNIE, HARPER VALLEY PTA) in ROSEMARY'S BABY instead of Mia Farrow (PEYTON PLACE). Then let's say Polanski forgot EVERYTHING he ever knew about filmmaking...the result would be a 1974 ABC Movie of the Week called THE STRANGER WITHIN.

This rediscovered camp classic comes to us via the WARNER ARCHIVE COLLECTION.

Written by Richard Matheson (THE NIGHT STALKER) and directed by Lee Phillips (THE WALTONS), THE STRANGER WITHIN is a thriller devoid of any thrills. This is the story of Ann Collins (Eden) and her grizzled husband David (the appropriately named George Grizzard), a California couple living somewhere near Lake Hollywood before Madonna moved in and ruined the neighborhood.

Ann is a stay-at-home artist who is blue because she has missed her period and had "trouble" with a pregnancy a few years back.

Perhaps something to do with an astronaut and a purple bottle with throws pillows in it? David is not amused because he went under the vasectomist's knife three years earlier - so the future rugrat cannot be his!

Here is where we see the first of many repeated closeups of a bronze phallic clock with an axe aimed right at the said phallus. Ann swears up and down that she's been faithful, but David doesn't believe her.

He takes her to an abortion doctor (recommended by Dr. Bellows?).

This doc is clearly so popular in sinful Hollywood that he has TWO telephones! Ann decides to go all "pro life" on our asses and keep the baby. David is not amused.

Their marriage begins to crumble, as Ann becomes obsessed with the baby. And starts exhibiting strange behavior. And because it's 1974 (the year after THE EXORCIST), we naturally believe that Satan is the papa.

Ann's best friend Phyllis (Joyce Van Patten) thinks something's fishy and convinces her husband Bob (played by CHARLIE'S ANGELS' creepy sidekick "Bosley", David Doyle) to hypnotize Ann.

A hypnotist isn't exactly a priest but we'll go along with it. Ann then learns that her pregnancy is even further along that she originally thought. What a total slut!

What would Major Healey say? Soon poor pregnant Ann begins experiencing wild mood swings and hot flashes.

You'll pee yourself when she declares "I'm sorry I've been acting so terribly". That's okay Babs, we're used to it.

 After that admission, Ann puts herself on a high-sodium and caffeine diet.

She starts covering all her foood with salt... and begins downing cups, then whole POTS of scalding hot black coffee like a swing shift hooker at an all-night truck stop.

Then when we think things can't get any crazier, Ann goes all Evelyn Wood and starts speed-reading just about any book she can get her hands on.

She also begins going galavanting in the Hollywood Hills at night, returning to her avocado, yellow and brown home all scratched up. Cat fights with Julie Newmar perhaps?

Without explanation her wounds begin to heal, causing Ann to believe that her unborn child is a gift from God. Ummm... right.

Or maybe it's a genie?

Before you know it, Ann begins speaking in tongues (an acting tour de force for Ms. Eden!)...

and starts preparing exotic gourmet meals like pigs feet and guts. (Pipchicks for dessert?)

 Then things turn real dark as she pulls a knife on her husband!!!

Bob/Bosley puts her under hypnosis again and just when we think we are gonna find out who the devilish baby daddy is...we learn the real truth about THE STRANGER WITHIN!!!

SUPER RIDICULOUS SPOILER ALERT: Ann is NOT pregnant with the child of Satan. She was impregnated by an extraterrestrial being...or maybe Michael Jackson. Tests soon reveal that the fetus has not one, but two healthy heartbeats!

Ann flees her home and prematurely gives birth in the woods. No room at the inn?

The next morning, she is revealed to have given birth to a healthy baby boy...but she's not alone!

She is just one of many women who have been going through the exact same thing! It's The Sisterhood of the Traveling Spaceship!

Meanwhile, David discovers the a painting that Ann has been working on. It was her blue period after all.

Creepy! Kinda, sorta. But mostly very, very funny. THE STRANGER WITHIN gets a glowing 8 outta 10 because watching Barbara Eden pour salt on food and drink gallons of coffee is a million times more entertaining than THE HURT LOCKER will ever be. And that's how I see things.