Putting Down the Bricks

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I'm good at holding grudges. I'm also not shy about telling people how good I am at holding onto things. I can and I will. If someone did you wrong and you need someone on your team, giiiirl I'm there. I'm there taking them down, I'm there reminding you how much better you are without them, I'm there to support you through everything. And if you move on, I'm there for you too, but I've always got that HURT in my head and won't move on completely.

It's the same with people who have wronged me. Oh I'm goooooooood at holding on and remembering why I don't want someone in my life anymore. Or what I would do if they ever talked to me again. I'll forgive, but I won't forget. That hurt, that issue? It sits and stays. And is ready to be called up at any moment.

Which is tiring. And heavy. All those bricks. All those moments in the past I still hold on to because I carry the grudge. What good is it doing me? How is it helping me live a happy life? Easy answer, it's not. I heard a sermon on Sunday where the pastor compared grudges to bricks at the bottom of a pool. How one brick, one problem, one grudge you can manage as you kick back up to the surface. But as you add on grievances and grudges, the heavier the load and harder it is to swim to the surface. The surface is oxygen and happiness and the bottom of the pool is not.

In the past 34 years I've learned a great deal. One of the things I'm learning late in life is to LET.IT.GO. Holding grudges does nothing for the offender, it just continues to poison my life. Take up brain and emotional space I could use for greater, more important things. Happier things for a happier life. So here are the bricks I'm laying down:

To the college boyfriend who chose his fraternity and senior year escapades over me. Who tried to make it work again but couldn't abide by my terms. Who truly did a number on me with regards to opening my heart and trusting men. Who almost ruined my senior year in college. Who never could get over the fact I made the soccer team and he didn't get asked to play. I'm putting down the brick.

To the best friend in college who fooled everyone. Who decided to lie, cheat and steal. Who 'supported me' unless it conflicted with her playing time. Who always tried to talk me into making wrong decisions. Who was a master at manipulation and would never talk honestly about problems. Who chose to keep everyone in the dark to live a double life. I'm putting down the brick.

To the ex-best friend who let her jealousy ruin our decade old relationship. Who constantly tried to push me down a different path than the one I wanted. Who couldn't stand the thought of me being married before her. Who decided one day she no longer wanted to be happy for me and tried to make people choose between us. I'm putting down the brick.

To the trolls on sports teams who enjoy riling everyone up because they can. The ones who decide to post stupid things online, say untrue things about people's character and accuse others of cheating. Who drive me crazy because they know just what to say to push my buttons. I'm putting down the brick.

To the person I cut out of my life four years ago who continues to try and stir up drama. Who's need for constant pump ups and dramatics became too exhaustive for me and who tried to lie about everything after I ended the friendship. You're big and bad behind a computer screen as you continue to rehash the past. Which used to annoy me because it's different from the who you really are in the world, but once again, I'm moving on with my life. I'm putting down the brick

To the extended family members who continue to try my patiences being rude to others I love. You can't choose family and sometimes things get heated and words get said that can never be unheard. I wish we could all get along. I'm putting down the brick.

My shoulders are so much lighter after writing this here. I'm sure I'll still hold a grudge and feel heavy again, but I'm actively trying to change my mentality. Nothing changes overnight, but a single step is where success starts.

Now, please understand. This is not some post to say forgive and forget anything and everything. I don't pretend to know everyone's situation or struggles. As you just read, most of the bricks I carry are quite small compared to many of the world's problems. Which is why I need to set them down.

This post is mostly for me. To finally say the words out loud, to truly get it out of my head and here. And maybe, this post might help someone else put down the brick(s). Maybe lighten someone else's load. What brick do you need to put down?

Real Talk: Relationships

 Relationship...

That's a fun word, huh? Whether they are romantic, familial or a friendship, relationships are what make the world go round and what can make the world stop spinning when they end. I've seen many a post about all relationships around the blog world recently and thought, for once, I'd add in my two cents.

Sometimes people come into our lives forever, and sometimes, just for a page. You can either accept the changes gracefully or sulk, stress and flip out. We've all had that relationship that didn't pan out. That one guy who broke our heart and 'ruined' us for a bit. But, then we grew up, we moved on and we had our own life. Which, is great and wonderful, so don't look back. Cyber stalking an ex isn't healthy, especially when you wish 'bad' for them. Obviously, we want to be doing better than that 'awful' person, but harboring ill thoughts and bad wishes only hurts YOU...not them.

And I'd bet we've all had that friendship that ended, for whatever reason as well. The college best friend that chooses her sorority of you. The girl you've known since elementary school that one day just decided to stop calling you back. Or you've been caught in the cross-roads of deciding whether or not a friendship is too much work or too stressful to be in anymore. Personally, as I've gotten older I've become a lot less tolerant of petty drama and BS. I used to be the constant over-looker, forgiver and 'hey don't worry about it' friend. But then I realized, I only get one life to live and people that don't make me a better person really doesn't need to be involved in my day to day. So, I've become the dropitlikeitshot kinda of girl and am a huge advocate for everyone else to do the same. [sidenote: I get that family is it's own beast and sadly, sometimes we have to keep toxic relationships, purely because they are blood. #stinksIgetit].

Obviously, if there are ways to work things out, then by all means, do what you need to do to make it right and get life back on track. But, sometimes things aren't worth mending and then it's just time to move on and let go. Will you have one less friend [or maybe more]? Yes, but you also won't be surrounding yourself with people you don't care for, or that honestly don't care for you. As I've grown up, the phrase 'quality over quantity' has become my mantra and I'm quite happy with the close-knit group of friends I have around me. Now, I'm not saying that big groups of GOOD friends aren't quality. I know many people that have large groups of incredibly close friends that uplift each other and support each other no matter what and I think that's wonderful. However, I've chosen NOT to force the LARGE group, just for the sake of having a bunch of people to call my 'friends'. People that constantly cut me down are not the kind of people I would want to be around, even if losing them meant losing people I've known for awhile. To me, the heartache and the drama just isn't worth it anymore, so I've removed what I don't need and moved on. Sometimes it takes longer than expected to move on, but trust me, letting it go and getting on with life is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Being upset with someone is fine and human nature. Continuing to talk badly about them, not to their face is a bit hypocritical if that's your issue with them...a lil pot, kettle and black no? #whatsusiesaysaboutsally

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Bottom line, live your life happy and drop what doesn't make you happy. Things might be weird at first, but I'd bet a gobzillon dollars, once the stress is gone you'll feel a ton better. As you read in my bio "life's too short to be anything but happy".

What are your thoughts on relationships and ending? Are you the constant forgiver, or the one that just walks away? Do you actually walk away or still mull it over long after it's over? What advice do you give friends when they are in a tricky relationship situations?

JUST FIVE WORDS {WHO I AM}

Joanna wrote a fun post the other day and its sparked something that I learned in my Communication Studies class in college. We studied the looking glass self, created by Charles Horton Cooley, which states "that a person’s self grows out of a person´s social interactions with others. The view of ourselves comes from the contemplation of personal qualities and impressions of how others perceive us. Actually, how we see ourselves does not come from who we really are, but rather from how we believe others see us" Source.

Now, I'm not trying to be all philosophical or anything here, but the looking glass self always intrigued me, so I thought I'd play along with Joanna's post. These are the five words I would use to describe myself:

loving energetic athlete competitive wife. 

Nothing earth shattering, clearly. I could add more words, some flattering and a few not so flattering, but at this moment in time, those are the five that speak to me, about myself. I thought it would be fun to ask Le Husband and below our conversation.

Me: Honey, describe me in five words.

Le Husband: Oh My God You're Awesome

Me: No [groans] that's not what I meant.

Le Husband: Umm…you can't ask me to do something then not use it on your blog.

Me: Pleeeeeeeaaassseee?!?!!?

Le Husband: Sigh… okay. Loving caring aggressive athletic understanding

I also reached out to my family and friends, because I thought it would be interesting to see their thoughts. Below are their answers:

Daddy: Kinetic, caring, loving, precise, buff.

Sportyspice: Smelly, bossy, rude, obnoxious and ugly {so kind, that one}.
Round two: Dedicated, loving, sweet, passionate, awesome

Babyspice: Loving, diligent, distractible, stubborn, protective.
Round two: Tiger inside a terrier's body.

BFFER, T: Trustworthy, positive, loyal, caring, supportive.

My BOFF: Spunky, devoted, loving, compassionate, inspired.

All of their descriptions made me smile and some of their words seemed almost a lil too kind. I particularly liked aggressive, buff, distractible, awesome, supportive and inspired. My looking glass self seems about on par with how people those closest to me, view who I am and that makes me happy.

How would you describe yourself in five words? Wanna take a stab at describing me!?

If I Didn't Have You...

If I didn't have you... I'd still think baseball boys were wussy, crybabies.

If I didn't have you... I wouldn't be such a kickball freak.

If I didn't have you... I would constantly be moving at MACH BAZILLION.

If I didn't have you... I wouldn't have the best engagement story ever :)

If I didn't have you... love songs would mean nothing to me.

If I didn't have you... I wouldn't push myself as much as I do athletically.

If I didn't have you... being a mom [someday] wouldn't seem as incredible.

If I didn't have you... I wouldn't laugh nearly as much.

If I didn't have you... I wouldn't wake up to the sweetness of tangled up legs.

If I didn't have you... I wouldn't be such a happy cuddle bug.

If I didn't have you.. I'd put up with a lot more BS, thanks for teaching me to know when to say peace!

If I didn't have you... I wouldn't have such amazing arm candy!

If I didn't have you... many things would still be broken in our apartment.

If I didn't have you... I wouldn't care about Ohio...or Kent State.

If I didn't have you...  I wouldn't be as physically/emotionally strong.

If I didn't have you... I don't think I would be SUCH a foodie or food snob ;)!

If I didn't have you... I'd be content with who I am, not striving to be better. 

If I didn't have you... I'd be without my favorite outdoors-man.

If I didn't have you... I wouldn't have my perfect partner in life.

Thank you for making my dreams come true and being the One :)! Thank you for choosing me, four years ago and sticking with me through all the crazy. I'm so lucky to have such an amazing man that provides, supports and loves me as much as you do. To the moon and back, my love!

Inspiration found *here*

Tough Talk Tuesday: LC vs Heidi

Okay I know what you are thinking. 

The girls from The Hills = Tough Talk?!?!

Are you smoking crack?!?

No, I'm not, let me explain.

This isn't regarding the stupid drama on the show,

but rather the pivotal moment in LC and Heidi's friendship.

The tough moment where the best friend doesn't approve

of the other best friend's boyfriend and tells her to her face. 

And then all friendship hell breaks loose.

Y'all know what I'm talking about right?!

So what is the right thing to do as a best friend?

I know we've all been there in some way.

You have a good friend that stays in a relationship that is bad for them, just because they don't want to be alone. Or they keep toxic friendships because they don't want to rock the boat. Or they keep going back to the same bar, to look for mister right and then get upset when it doesn't work out. So you listen to the drama and say the right words to make them feel better, when what you really wanna do is tell them the truth, but you don't because you don't wanna ruin the friendship.

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It's their life and if they make bad choices, keep bad people in their life, or continue to make the same mistake over and over again, it's our job to be there pick up the pieces and tell them it's okay.

That's what being a friend is about right?!?

But what do you do when you KNOW with every fiber of your being
they are making a big mistake?

Or are about to make a bit mistake.

One that you think will bring big repercussion down the road.

Do you bite your tounge, let them carry on with the charade and then when it all falls apart [like you KNOW it will] you just pick up the pieces without saying "I told you so"?

Or, do you put your best friend big girl pants on
and tell them the truth?

That the decision they are making is wrong and they are just acting out of desperation?

That going back to someone doesn't mean that they have changed
and things will be different this time around?

Personally, I think that speaking the truth is the best thing to do,
as long as it's done with tact
and accomplanied by the phrase
"I'm here to support you no matter what,
but I just have to let you know how I feel".

And while I THINK speaking the truth is the best idea,
I am 100% guilty of just saying what I know my friend
wants to hear, because it's not worth
the hurt feelings.

Looking out for a friend is hard because sometimes you
HAVE to say the things they don't want to hear,
because YOU are supposed to be there for them.

And often 'being there' is only acceptable if it's
doing what the friend wants/needs/expects.

How do you know when a friendship is strong enough
to withstand an 'intervention' or 'tough talk'?

The truth could save them from lots of heartbreak,
but it could also turn a friendship into a mess.

Example A:
"He's a SUCKY PERSON"

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What are your thoughts on best friends and tough situations?

Do you hold your tongue or do you speak the truth?

3 Years

YES THREE!

TRES!

III!

 Three interesting,
trying,
wonderful,
fun filled,
laughing,
smiling,
cuddling,
hugging,
kickballing,
loving,
and
A-M-A-Z-I-N-G
YEARS!

******************************

A quick trip down memory lane.

 

When I first met C, never in a MILLION YEARS did I expect

we would be engaged and getting married

September 2013.

The past three years have truly been the best years

of my life and I honestly

can't imagine my life without him in it.

I've known this amazing man for three years

and in two months I will become his wife. 

This will probably be the last time we 'celebrate' 

this anniversary,

since you know, we have a BIGGER one coming up

in September.

So CHEERS to three fabulous years.

My darling handsome C,

I can't wait to become 'yours'

I love you to the moon and back!

"THE ONE" Moment

You know, the MOMENT everyone talks about.

The MOMENT they realized their honeylovemuffin

was THE ONE forever and ever.

I heard about it growing up,

from friends and adults.

I thought I knew what it was,

with different boyfriends.

But, then randomly, I felt it

and I KNEW it...

I had FOUND the one!

And JUST like everyone said,
there really is NO WAY to explain HOW
you know.

It's just the little things
that start to make sense.

They are the one you want to wake up to every morning.

Source: organized-clutter.tumblr.com via Pinky on Pinterest

They are your closest and truest friend.

Source: tumblr.com via Pinky on Pinterest

You don't just imagine a fairytale together, but a LIFE

Source: livinglife1quoteatatime.tumblr.com via Pinky on Pinterest

When you see happy couples
and couples in love,
you picture the TWO OF YOU
TOGETHER!

Source: Uploaded by user via Pinky on Pinterest

I'm a Disney girl at heart and KNEW my prince was out there.

Source: thedisneyprincess.tumblr.com via Pinky on Pinterest

It's amazing, but it's true.

I've found him.

C is the ONE!

The ONE I want to fight with, 

love with, 

have babies with, 

be with, 

sleep next to and 

wake up next to

TILL THE END OF TIME!

Source: ashleighnoel.tumblr.com via Pinky on Pinterest

LINK UP TIME

 

Four Months Ago....

I was the girl dreaming of her fairytale to come.

Source: tumblr.com via Pinky on Pinterest

I KNEW I had found the one and was waiting for the next step.

I was just a girlfriend in love.

Source: prettystuff.tumblr.com via Pinky on Pinterest

I was the girl anticipating the MOMENT.

Dreaming of a bright and shiny for my finger.

I had ideas and hopes and visions.

I was the girl being asked "when??"

I was READY!

 Life was reeealllly good and I was happy.

I KNEW something great was coming along.

I relished the KNOWING.

I wasn't rushed, I wasn't tapping my feet.

I was just waiting and knowing and enjoying.

Basking in that 'right before the big thing happens' moments.

And I'm so happy I did.

 I vividly remember conversations with friends about the pre-moment.

And how HAPPY I was basking in the pre-glow.

Because, ladies, then it ALLL changes!

Fast forward to today....four months later.....

I'm the GIRL WITH THE RING.ON.MY.FINGER!

 
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I'm also the girl PLANNING MY WEDDING!

JIGGA WHO WHAT WHAT!?!

Yep, planning my wedding.

Making appointments, signing contracts, trying on dresses,
deciding on colors, sending out save the dates,
picking invitations etc.
 
Now I'm the GIRL listening to ideas for my bridal shower.

Source: honeyandfitz.blogspot.com via Pinky on Pinterest

MY BRIDAL SHOWER!

MINE!

Four months ago, this was all just a future something.

A glimpse.

A thought.

A daydream.

But now, today, it's a reality.

I'm FOUR months away from being a MRS.

And I couldn't be happier. 

Sigh, the difference four months can make. < 3

I'm GETTING MARRRIIIEEDD!!!!!!

Yes, you read that right,

I'm the FUTURE MRS. C!!!!

He proposed Sunday, February 17th

and I am over the moon excited!

We have definitely been talking about getting engaged

and then married, 

but he TOTALLY caught me 

by surprise. 

I couldn't have asked for a more perfect proposal.

I'm going to recap everything, because I NEVER

want to forget how I felt, so this will be 

a tad bit long. 

Backstory:

He has been working with my sisters for the past three months,

creating the ring and talking about how

he planned to propose.

I play in a soccer league on Sunday nights

and every now and then we have games later

in the evening and if we have subs, I'll sit them out. 

Well, on the 17th I had an 8pm game, 

that I DID NOT want to play in at all.

Unfortunately, we didn't have any girl subs

and my captain said I was needed. 

Being the team player I am, I put on my big girl shorts,

went to the game, hung out with my mom, won then came home. 

Backstory:

C and my sister's had TOLD my captain I HAD to be at the game

no matter what, so he didn't try and find a sub. 

During the game, they were all decorating C's apartment. 

I went back to my apartment after my game,

to drop off my stuff before walking to C's

to hang out before bed. 

When I walked into my place, there was a single RED rose

laying on my coffee table. 

Now, I'm sure many of you would say, 

OH MY GOSH I KNOW WHAT'S happening!

Nope, not this girl.

I walked around my apartment checking 

out all the rooms, thinking C was just being funny,

and trying to cheer me up because I didn't 

want to play in a soccer game.

No C at my place, so I walked to his. 

I opened the door and I knew.

The lights were off, candles were lit and

displayed in hearts, pink tulle was on the furniture

and there were hearts everywhere.

I looked down and there were fake rose petals on the floor
 and then I saw the coffee table with the dozen roses.

I think I lost my breath for a moment.

I walked in and whispered
"What is this?!?!"

C appeared from the kitchen
and from then on everything was a haze.

He said some of the sweetest words,
told me how he asked my father for my hand,
where and how he got my ring,
and how everyone in my family
KNEW about this.
[there may have been a slight
temper tantrum when 
I found that out, shhhh]

The whole time we were hugging and standing together

and it was all I could do to focus on what he was saying.

I can vividly remember thinking

"Oh my gosh this is happening,

this is REALLY happening!"

And then, he walked over to the beautiful table,

picked up the ring,

got down on one knee and 

asked me to marry him. 

I wanted to shout "YES",

but I think I barely whispered "Yes". 

Then it was on my finger,

and I became an ENGAGED LADY!

Once the proposal was over, 

I said "I'm in sweatpants"

and we both laughed. 

SO US! So flippin' us!

I don't remember how, but my sisters were mentioned

and after being coy, he told me

that THEY WERE HIDING

OUTSIDE THE APARTMENT

and were waiting for me to come get them.

OH MY WORD, so special.

The moment was already perfect, but 

having them there to celebrate with immediately

meant the WORLD TO ME!

We spent the rest of the evening calling 

immediate family and best friends

while sipping champagne. 

It was so magical and special,

just truly an amazing moment.

AND one that I can relive over and over

as the sissys were SUPER smart and 

set up a video camera for the whole thing.

That's right, I have the whole proposal on video

along with some stop action pictures too.

Totally amazing!

Now on to the most important thing,

after the word YES of course...

My beautiful, beautiful RING!

I had told him I wanted a vintage ring,

and y'all he 'did vintage'.

He started scheming with my sisters back in December,

about rings and they told him about

the three rings my late grandmother

had given us. 

Through conference calls, they decided

which one fit me best. 

He took the band, changed the setting a bit

and added a new diamond. 

KNOCKED IT

OUT!OF!THE!PARK!

 [cause he's a baseball guy duh]

 Having my grandmother's ring is

SO SPECIAL!

When she passed away five years ago,

one of my biggest regrets was

the fact she would NEVER see me get married.

BUT NOW, she will be there for the moment

and forever and I'm still

teary eyed thinking about it.

********************

I've seriously been on CLOUD NINE the past week. 

Monday morning at work was a haze of

congratulations, texts, phone calls and gchats.

Honestly, the smile has yet to leave my face all week.

God has blessed me with an amazing life,

and He has given me my very OWN

FAIRY TALE!

His timing is TRUE, never doubt it ladies,

never doubt it EVER!

I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!

***************************

 

Portobello Mushroom Pizza {Recipe Files}

I'm not the greatest planner in the world.

I mean, I can plan with the best of them, but sometimes

the action part, doesn't really happen.

One of the BIGGEST problems with clean eating is the

amount of planning involved.

Gone are the days of spaghetti, take out, pizza, hamburger helper and

all the REST of the super processed, but easy foods.

C is pretty good about planning for the day,

but he doesn't have to leave the house as early as I do

and often will be able to

peruse the fridge and plan.

When the "what's for dinner?" text arrives,

he's usually the one that has a plan

and food ready.

So, his "New Years" resolution for me was

 "Pinky needs to get better at meal planning".

[Mine for him was "C needs to get better

at being on time and not LATE"]

I embraced his 'challenge' and claimed I would

plan the meals for a week.

I must say, I'm pretty proud of myself.

Almost all of my dishes turned out well,

save for one.

[ingredients went bad, so C had to cook, but I planned].

One of the recipes I chose to make was

Portobello Mushroom Pizza

and since it's one of my favorites,

I thought I would share it with you today.

*****This recipe is an adaptation from multiple

different recipes I found in books and online.*****

What you'll need:

Pizza toppings [onions, peppers, mozzarella cheese] whatever you
want on your pizza will work.
Tomato sauce, Salt&Pepper,
EVOO

The STAR of the SHOW:

Portobello Mushrooms.
[Already wiped down, gills removed and broiled]
You'll want at least 2 per person, if not 3.

Directions:

*Preheat oven to Broil or 500 degrees

*Clean and wipe down mushroom caps. DO NOT run under water. Use a damp towel and gently wipe down the caps and gills to remove dirt. Adding water with change the consistency of the mushroom and it will retain water making the 'crust' taste gross.

*Use a spoon and gently scrape out the gills, then remove the stem.

*Place mushroom caps on baking sheet. Cover liberally with EVOO, salt and pepper, then flip over and the repeat.

* Broil in oven for 5-7 minutes then flip the mushrooms over and broil and additional 5-7 minutes. I found this trick from Rachael Ray's recipe. Broiling makes the mushrooms extremely tender and gets rid of any extra liquid.

* While the mushrooms are broiling, chop up onions, peppers or any other fixings you want on your pizza. Sometimes I will brown some ground turkey or bison to include in the sauce, to make the dish a lil more hearty.

* When the mushrooms have broiled long enough,
carefully remove from the oven.

*Spoon tomato sauce [with or without meat] into the mushroom caps.

*Top the sauce with your fixings and then add a thick layer of cheese.

*Put the pan back in the oven to brown the cheese.

[I knock the heat back down to 350 and cook for 10 minutes,

then kick it back up to 500 to broil/brown the cheese]

*This is where preference comes into play. I like my cheese
a bit crispy with a tad bit of browning, so I leave my pizza in
longer than stated on different recipes.

*Once your pizza is good and heated and the cheese
delicious and melty, remove from the oven,
plate and ENJOY!

Healthy pizza and glass of red wine,

sounds like my kind of a dinner.

If you're trying to eat clean

and can operate an oven,

this is a healthy, easy and

delicious option.

Let me know what you think

mkkkay?!