Thoughts on a Thursday {Water Your Own Grass}

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Let's talk comparison, shall we? Everywhere you look it seems someone is skinnier, better, prettier, smarter. They have more accomplished, have more followers, more opportunities and post perfect content. How quickly what we have looks less shiny when we see what everyone else has. How quickly we forget what we've worked for what we have. How quickly the demons in our brain can come out and play, leading us down a destructive path.

Full discourser, I had a moment last week when audition results weren't what I wanted. I spent a few moments looking online at all the people who made presenter last year, or who have been trainers for years. I looked online and thought 'wow, must be so nice. they have it all and I don't. I want to be them'. Which of course, was ridiculous. And stupid. And just a wallow of a wallow.  But, it got me thinking. How often do we look and covet something we see on the other side? How often do I worry about the grass in someone else' lawn, instead of looking at my lawn and taking care of it myself?

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I used to know someone who publicly supported people but quietly, judged them. Behind backs it would be constant comparison and judging comments. At first it was nothing, just chatter. But then I started to talk back, saying nasty things too. And suddenly I wasn't as content as I used to be with life. Suddenly things were competitions and nasty thoughts when someone was doing well. Talk about gross right? I managed to pull myself out of the toxic mentality after both sisters made a comment to me about my attitude.  I remembered, talking smack about and worrying about other people did nothing to help me get better. This person continued to kept on and on which soon became so draining it added to why I realized I needed to end our relationship. Being sucked into this daily 'comparison' game messed with my perspective and it was a breath of fresh air when I was able to remove the mentality.

If you see something go for it. Put in the work. Do the tough stuff. If you get knocked down, take a breath, recite an affirming mantra and stand right back up again. That will get you closer to your goals, not wishing or knocking down people who have already done the time. If you see someone hustling and rocking, tell them. If you have a question, ask someone. Women are uniting more and more and in this great big world there is enough sunshine for everyone. I am cheering for you to succeed and so willing to help you anyway I can if you want help.

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One of my favorite quotes is "Your vibe attracts your tribe" because it easily reminds me of what I want in my circle of friends. I want people who work hard for their dreams. Who support each other instead of being envious behind backs. People who get up and dust themselves off after they fall flat on their face trying something new. Life is tough and can be really hard. When things are the darkest dark you need those people to help you find the light the way you need. Sometimes that's commiserating in the dark, other times it's thrusting you into the light and sometimes it's just texting 'love you'.

I heard a quote the other day which said '50% of our happiness is chalked up to DNA disposition'. Some of us are born Tiggers and some of us are born Eyores and that's okay. If everyone were a Tigger life would be waaaay to crazy, right? Ten percent of our happiness is circumstances in life and the rest of the 40% is our attitude in how we handle this circumstances. We have a choice, to covet the beautiful green lawn of someone else, or water and care for our own grass so it grows, too.

It's the FRIDAY Countdown..........

Hooray, it's Friday! I'm so excited. This weekend is going to be super ridiculously crazy and I'm stoked but nervous at the same time. Please send me good vibes if you can, I'm attempting something way outside my comfort zone and appreciate any and all support. We are also celebrating a good friend's retirement from the Army [HOOOO-AH] and Mama B's half birthday at the pool. Talk about packed, phew!

Alright, let's get into some favorites.

Favorite quote of the week: Amen and amen!

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Favorite meal of the week: Full disclosure, it's a deliciously unhealthy meal. Tuesday was a bit of a mess for me and Le Husband and we weren't prepped for a dinner and neither of us had a craving. So, we drove into Clarendon and I remembered this delicious burger joint we wanted to try. Enter the most delicious dinner from Citizen Burger. The onion rings and cocktails were on point and my truffle brushed brioche bun with sweet potato fries were foodgasmic. My waistline isn't happy with me but my taste buds can't wait to go back. #nomnominmybellynom

Favorite activity of the week: Yes, I enjoyed another massage and I am still feeling the rewards and ouches from it. My back and legs were a mess after last weekend and with all the activities I have Saturday/Sunday I knew I needed my body to get right. My masseuse did a fabulous job, but did let me know I need to start coming in for 90 minutes instead of 60. Something about needing more time to workout my knots. #musclesonknotsonknots

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Favorite funnies of the week: Get your laugh on, y'all!

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Favorite links of the week:

+10 things you didn't know you could put in the washing machine.

+ Ways supermarkets trick you into spending more money. #jerks

+ Reasons to be thankful I died of dysentery and navigated high school without social media.

+ Yummy avocado recipes for the summer.

+ I worry for the entitlement generation and the future of our country.

+ This woman had nerves and brains of steel.

Wah-wah-wah-waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahuuuuuuuuurk it out, ladies...

 **linking up  Here  here , here, here, here and, here this week**

Oh-Oh-Oh OWN IT

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I raid napkins from fast food joints or Starbucks EVERY TIME I visit to stock my car. I have napkins stashed everywhere for that unexpected spill that always happens. #napkinhoarder

Last week I burnt something in our work microwave but totally passed it off on an 'unknown'. I was so scared the fire department was going to come in because of the smoke so I just walked away. Nothing happened and I 'helped' clean up someone else's mess with my boss. #oops

I am not a big rule breaker. I like to know what I can and can't do and get nervous when I have to stretch those guidelines. 

Having notifications and unread emails drives me batty. I sometimes miss emails because I'll read them on the phone just to get rid of the red notification number.

I talk to myself in the car sometimes. With  my hands. And big faces.

Traffic makes me rage, literally. I go zero to aggressive driver in point five seconds.

Even though I am a hard worker, I'm not invested at my job and sometimes I'll slack because I'm bored.

I can ONLY eat food in even batches. If I have five M&Ms I'll grab one more so I eat an even number.

Planning is not my thing and something I don't enjoy very much. Well, I enjoy the big aspects but the nitty gritty details is so not my thing. My wedding planner was my saving grace and I felt like such a bad bride because I wasn't all "I LOVE THIS PLANNING THING" like everyone else.

I am jealous of my husband's athletic ability.

When I'm really bored at work I'll cue up old DCC  Making the Team episodes for background noise. Kelli Finglass is my woman crush and it's fun watching the hair flips and high kicks.

Being fake to people I have to deal with is extremely tough. I hate not being able to tell it like it is because I've chosen to take the high road and not start drama. Work fakeness is the the worst to me, though.

I will pull up blogs I no longer follow just to check and see if the author is still as cuckoo bird as when I last read. Seeing how fake people are online makes me realize how good my life is because I don't have to 'pretend' for others. #sadyouthinkthatsspecial

Linking up with *christina* *megan* *kristin* *annie*

I'm Afraid to Tell You

As bloggers we for the most parts are open books. Sure, 90% of the time we only share the rosy here but no one wants to read the mundane blahs everyday. However, I know I keep things from y'all because even though we have a friendship through reading we don't 'know' each other for the most part. There are things we all hide, that we are afraid to share and put down on paper or computer. But today, I'm doing something scary and telling what I've always been afraid to share here.

I'm afraid to tell you...

I'm a huge grudge holder.You cross me once, I'll forgive you but I won't forget your action. And I might make you pay for it down the road, way after the fact. Is it nice, nope, but after being a constant forgiver growing up I realized I don't like being walked all over so I'll make you pay. I'm even worse at holding grudges for my family and friends. Yes, you read that right, FOR my family and friends. If you hurt them, I'm the first one to mention cutting the bad and moving on with life.  

I suck at math. Like am really bad at it suck. Like have to use a calculator all the time suck. Like adding annoys me suck. I used to be good at math growing up, but a 7th grade math teacher really took the joy out of it so I stopped paying attention and now I'm here sucking at math. I have a free math practice app on my phone because I want to get better.

I have no problem cutting people out of my life if they aren't worth my time. Life is too short, I don't need drama about Facebook or blog posts and I certainly don't need constant negativity cluttering up my joy. Peace out, cub scout.

That I cheat on my healthy lifestyle more than I admit here. No one's perfect, and I don't think anyone expects me to be perfect in my eating habits. But, sometimes I don't want to share the bad food I eat because I try to be an example of clean eating. I'm sure no one here cares, but sometimes I don't post food because it's not healthy at all.

Manipulation is something that comes easy to me. I like to get my way and will try and make it happen whenever I can. When I was younger I was much more ruthless, but even though I'm not as bad now I still manipulate people to get what I want. I know when to turn on the charm, when to go cold, when to not include people and when to just act like nothing is wrong. Clearly this isn't nice or a good habit, but it's something I revert to when I don't like a certain course of action that is taking place.

I occasionally read GOMI. I know I shouldn't because most of the comments are way too mean, but sometimes I go there to make sure I'm not the only one seeing crazy things with big time bloggers. I don't participate in the snark, but I'll still read the threads.

The Hunger Games series has always seemed disturbing to me so I won't read it or watch the movies. I know, call me crazy but I have never been on the HG bandwagon. Babyspice read the books when they first came out and tried to get me on the train but when she told me the premise I almost threw up. I understand Katniss is a great role model for young girls, [especially compared Bella of Twilight] but, the thought of kids killing kids makes me literally sick to my stomach.

I think I'm on the verge of losing one of my best friends and am not fighting for the friendship anymore. It's become more and more obvious that we are two different people on two different paths and while that normally would make me sad, now I see it's just life. [this was a hard one to share because I know there are those out there that would judge this decision. Or use the word karma as a way to wish bad things on others. #yourenobetter]

Nine times out of ten I'll choose a Disney repeat over a new just released movie. Total child at heart here. I like watching happy Disney movies because I know what happens and can sing/talk along with my favorite parts. When I watch a new movie I never know how I'll feel about it and I hate being scary surprised. Plus, I own many Disney movies so I don't have to pay for them like I do for current movies.

I can be a silent judger. I'll listen and smile to your face but I'll internally make my own judgements. Sometimes it's just as small as thinking "this is totally going to backfire, but I'll let you figure it out on your own" or "Interesting you're commenting on blogs at 6am when you're on vacation on an island, what are you trying to prove?". And then there are the big judgements I make in my head and keep to myself because I know my opinion isn't going to be received well.

My political affiliation. I don't pay attention to politics enough to keep up with new legislation or the ever changing social political scene, so I don't like to engage in political debates.. I've always associated with a certain party, but it's not something I want to talk about. I'm proud of what I believe, but I don't feel like defending why I believe what I believe.

I wore a 00 until four years ago. So yes, I know I'm tiny and petite but I'm no longer a size 00 and that size jump has taken a toll on my self confidence. I get mad when people don't understand that going up from a 00 to a 2/4 is just as tough as going from a 6 to 8/10. Sure I'm smaller than many women but adding on an extra 5/10 pounds is just as noticeable if not more on my frame. When people find out HOW small I used to be they often don't feel that I can relate to them which baffles/frustrates me to no end.

What are some things you're afraid to tell people or blog about?

linking up with melissa

"All You Have to Do is Call My Name"

...and I'll be there. I'll be there...

Friendship is a beautiful thing. 

A wonderful, joyful, fabulous thing. 

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 Many times friends become part of our family. 

Or, they become our family. 

True friends can recognize the look in our eyes

when our smile fools everyone else. 

They keep our darkest, hidden secrets. 

Friends tell us when we're being ridiculous,

but let us fall if we need, so we can learn. 

Friends send flowers just to brighten bad day.

Or send cupcakes, screw that diet. 

A friend is someone you can turn to, no matter what. 

No matter the situation, time of day or night.

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They cry with you or hold you while you cry..

Friends pray for you when you're sad and when you're happy. 

They are the first people to rejoice in your achievements,

no matter what is going on their lives. 

A friend knows when to go the extra mile, even if it makes 

their day longer, harder or tougher. 

Distance only makes a friendship stronger.

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Friendship makes my soul happy. 

To all my friends, new and old, I < 3 you!

Why Can't I Be Happy?

Well, I mean I am happy. Life is really, really good. Not perfect, but I've never expected perfection. Good and great is perfect enough for me. 

Except when it comes to my physical appearance and physique. I've always been hard on myself when it comes to how I look or how people perceive me. It drove me crazy when I was in high school and college and people told me how 'young' I looked. Or, always assumed I was in MS when I was in HS or in HS when I was in college.

Even though I resented the 'you look so young comments', I was always told 'One day you'll love it". Haven't gotten there yet, shocker.

While I was never seen as the hot lil thang within my group of friends, I was always the one that was in shape. I never had a six pack that showed without flexing [a la babyspice and sportyspice. yes you can hate them too haha]. But, I was solid and enjoyed a flat, toned stomach. I didn't let the fact that I had tiny tatas and no curves really bother me, because most girls coveted how in shape I was and the fact I had the ability to eat whatever I wanted. I was solid and strong and that was what I wanted.

I've never wanted to be the thin, slender girl that looks like the wind could blow her over. I knew those girls in college and never envied them. They'd get winded running up a flight of stairs or lifting 2.5 pound weights. I played soccer in college so I needed to be able to muscle girls off the ball and run for days. The two a day practices made it quite easy to stay fit and eat whatever I pleased. Now, as a woman in my 30s I'm struggling with the gut that most girls complained about in college.

Yes, gut.

I feel that I look like all the prego mama's that are six to ten weeks along that haven't popped yet. I constantly feel like I'm sporting a food baby [causethereaintnootherbabyinthere] and it's caused my self esteem to take a major nose dive. I've had to give away skirts/pants because they don't fit me anymore. I just feel big and massive and gross. The scale is showing a weight I never expected to see until I became prego my eggo [whichiainto] and I just feel like crap.

I don't know why, but I can't seem to A C C E P T the number on the scale, despite knowing I've put on muscle. I'm okay with my pants that are too tight on my legs, because I'm lifting them heavy [squatting 135] so obviously they are bigger. I've also grown out of some shirts because my back and arms are too big now. This too is attributed to the amount of weight I'm choosing to lift [benching 95-100 consistently]. Looking through my workout book you'd seen an incredible increase of weight in the last four months, which should be cause for celebration, but it's not because of how I feel.

Why can't I be happy when Le Husband tells me my arms are yoked? You know what I think when he says that "But, they aren't cut enough, because you can only tell when I go like this".

I couldn't even just take the compliment my lady doctor gave me when she was feeling up my sides, making sure I didn't have any lumps in my humps. She asked me "What are you doing? [towhichIthought awkward untilthesecondpartofthequestioncame] How much are you working out, because you are SOLID!"

SOLID! Which is what I want to be right?!?!

Well, yes. But I want to be solid. And cut. And a size 2. And strong. And 112 pounds.

Obviously, I can't be all things because being 112 pounds would cause me to lose the muscles I've worked so hard for. I'm just realizing I'm not like Le Husband that can just lift and have his body change. Damn it don't feel good to be a female.

This isn't a pityparty post. There is something to be said for putting something in writing and not just having it in my head. Something to be said for putting into the universe what I want to do and how I'm going to hold myself accountable. Because now, I can't hide from my feelings or thoughts. It's out there, for y'all to read and for me to reread when I'm feeling like I want to cheat.

It also isn't a post to get comments saying 'you're crazy, you look great', because I don't want that at all. I know I'm smaller than many women, but I'm not happy with myself, physically. I'm still in my winter body mode. The body that can be hidden with clothing that covers what I don't like. But, now we are getting into spring and summer wear, which means more of my body exposed. I wish I were there already and I wish it would just take comments to make me feel better, but it's going to take more.

It's going to take strict diet action and an increase in cardio. It's going to take a lot of intentional eating and strict will power too. All while continuing to pump iron like a dude, to ensure I can kick a bad guys @$$ in a fight ;)! And to keep my ancestors from being ashamed. 

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A Look Inside My Brain...

{During a Flight}

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I've written here before how I'm not the most confident flyer.

I think I know where it stems from, but I haven't been able to shake it.

While waiting to get on the plane this Thursday,
I caught myself thinking about my unnecessary fear of flying
and how everything flows when I fly.

I thought it might be a fun/funny post too.

So, here is a look inside my brain, while flying.

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At the airport.

Okay, I have everything right? Hopefully security isn't filled with knuckleheads that don't know the rules. Crap, are my toiletries in the right bag? Check. Yes, they are we are golden, let's get this party started.

We breeze through the security checkpoint, as usual. Now it's time to find our gate and relax until boarding begins. This is where the apprehension starts.

Do I have everything?! I hope so. Oh snap, I need to buy a water. Oooh, did I pack a snack in case I get hungry, yes, okay we're good. Well maybe I'll grab something else just in case.

Once all snacks and drinks are purchased, it's time to stretch and wait. And think about the flight ahead.

Oh man I hope our flight is easy and smooth.

No turbulence please.

Ugh lets get on the plane I just want get there.

Why are all these people staring at me while I stretch? Whatever.

Time to begin boarding. 

Why oh why do people rush to get on the plane to just sit? The less time I'm on the plane the better. 

Oh look, it's down to the last three people at the gate, guess we should start making our way too.

Hi, thanks for scanning my ticket.

Smile, so they don't know you're nervous.

Okay, where are our seats?

Boom, found em. Now let's get settled.

Water. CHECK! Chapstick. CHECK! Lotion CHECK!

Book to read. CHECK.

Gimme that safety manual. 

Exit is behind us, yup, feel the the preserver below my seat
and I think I'll use THIS bracing position.

Le Husband, it's safety time. 

Gosh, I'm so lucky he plays along with my nervousness.

Alright, now it's time to chill until the door shuts.

Oh, there it is. Time to watch the flight attendant for the safety video.

Poke C. Are you paying attention honey?

Saftey presentation is over, and now we are taxing. 

Okay, this time I won't get nervous. It's okay. This is an industry that is incredibly safe, that has a bazillion flights every year without any issues. People do their jobs well, because they know what's on the line, trust them. Yeah, I can trust them.

Thrusters on, engines rev and we are cleared for take off.

Eeeeeeeiii....oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, here we go. Dear Lord, PLEASE keep us safe. Please keep us safe, please let this takeoff be safe. Please, please, please, please, pleaaaaaase!

Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.

Thank goodness my husband let's me hold his hand.

Bump. SQUEEZE!

No more bumps, please no more bumps.

Okay, just keep your eyes closed until the dingding for the flight attendants.

Ding ding.

Phew, we're past the scariest part. Now it's time to try to relax.

Where's my book?

Man I hope the rest of the flight is easy.

Eek, what was that?

Normal turbulence.

Man, why didn't I pop a pill? Or ask for a pill? UGH!

Chill OUT! The flight attendants are in the cabin preparing drinks, obviously nothing can be wrong. Turbulence is natural. Turbulence is natural. CHILLAX!

[This trying to relax and getting freaked out by turbulence continues for the rest of the flight. If it's mega turbulence you might find me resqueezing C's hand really hard.]

Then comes the best part of the flight...the initial descent!

YES! YAY! WOOP! We're almost on the ground.

Let's all keep it together now. 

Oh look, there's the ground, wee!

And here we go....down....down...BOOM LAND YES!

Thank you Lord, for a safe flight. Phew!

Yes, friends, that is just a teeny peek into my brain

in the wild blue yonder. 

Please feel free to call me crazy, I know I am :)!

Tough Talk Tuesday: LC vs Heidi

Okay I know what you are thinking. 

The girls from The Hills = Tough Talk?!?!

Are you smoking crack?!?

No, I'm not, let me explain.

This isn't regarding the stupid drama on the show,

but rather the pivotal moment in LC and Heidi's friendship.

The tough moment where the best friend doesn't approve

of the other best friend's boyfriend and tells her to her face. 

And then all friendship hell breaks loose.

Y'all know what I'm talking about right?!

So what is the right thing to do as a best friend?

I know we've all been there in some way.

You have a good friend that stays in a relationship that is bad for them, just because they don't want to be alone. Or they keep toxic friendships because they don't want to rock the boat. Or they keep going back to the same bar, to look for mister right and then get upset when it doesn't work out. So you listen to the drama and say the right words to make them feel better, when what you really wanna do is tell them the truth, but you don't because you don't wanna ruin the friendship.

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It's their life and if they make bad choices, keep bad people in their life, or continue to make the same mistake over and over again, it's our job to be there pick up the pieces and tell them it's okay.

That's what being a friend is about right?!?

But what do you do when you KNOW with every fiber of your being
they are making a big mistake?

Or are about to make a bit mistake.

One that you think will bring big repercussion down the road.

Do you bite your tounge, let them carry on with the charade and then when it all falls apart [like you KNOW it will] you just pick up the pieces without saying "I told you so"?

Or, do you put your best friend big girl pants on
and tell them the truth?

That the decision they are making is wrong and they are just acting out of desperation?

That going back to someone doesn't mean that they have changed
and things will be different this time around?

Personally, I think that speaking the truth is the best thing to do,
as long as it's done with tact
and accomplanied by the phrase
"I'm here to support you no matter what,
but I just have to let you know how I feel".

And while I THINK speaking the truth is the best idea,
I am 100% guilty of just saying what I know my friend
wants to hear, because it's not worth
the hurt feelings.

Looking out for a friend is hard because sometimes you
HAVE to say the things they don't want to hear,
because YOU are supposed to be there for them.

And often 'being there' is only acceptable if it's
doing what the friend wants/needs/expects.

How do you know when a friendship is strong enough
to withstand an 'intervention' or 'tough talk'?

The truth could save them from lots of heartbreak,
but it could also turn a friendship into a mess.

Example A:
"He's a SUCKY PERSON"

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What are your thoughts on best friends and tough situations?

Do you hold your tongue or do you speak the truth?

What Would I Change?!?

Today I'm using a prompt from yesterday via NaBloPoMo. Blogging on the weekends has been a bit of a struggle so far and I kind of needed all the help I can get. 

Nov 15: If you could quit one bad habit instantly without difficulty, which would it be?

Hmmmmm....what bad habit would I change?

I would change the fact that I'm easily distracted

and I allow myself to be lazy when I could be getting

bit things done.

Take this post for example, I've been trying to write

but have gotten distracted by my phone,

a tv show and just other parts of the Internet.

Looking back on my life I see so many squandered opportunities

with athletics,

school,

friendships

and jobs.

I've mentioned my 'lack of drive' a few times

and it is usually tied to things I 'regret'.

The only person that can change this is me,

so I just need to DO IT!

Rambbbbbbbbbbblin' Rose and Tattoos

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Or I guess I should say, rambling peony with this picture. Eh, whatevs.

If you couldn't tell, today's post will be a bit random. Shocking right?

I feel like my blog lately has been a hodgepodge of mishmashed wedding posts, with some randomness through in there for good measure. I can't lie, there have been days where I've just thought about going dark for the next few weeks until the wedding is over because things get stressful and busy. And really, this blog is just for fun, it's not a job, I'm not really bringing in money or anything, so if I go dark nothing will really be effected.

But, then I think about looking back in a few years and not having the posts to look back on and then I end up posting something. Because to me, something is better than nothing. A random post [like this one] will remind me what I was feeling and will be fun to read later on in life. Well, at least I think so.

I wish I was more organized in my posting though. I wish I could write posts that are informative for others and not just this is what I did. I never really laid out what we registered for or much of the planning. I've given snippets here and there but really, I don't think I'm sharing enough information, just stuff. That's not all bad though, this is the Internet and I'm pretty careful about what I choose to share and what I don't.

Which leads me to my next random point....HOW am I going to share all of the wedding stuff, without revealing mine and C's name? I ADORE my invitations and am pretty much in LOVE with my wedding programs and want to share it here, but if I do, our real names will be 'public' and I'm not sure I want that yet. There are very few IRL life people that know I blog and I want to make sure it stays that way. I'm confident in the pictures I post of others, that they are flattering and aren't anything that anyone would be upset about being online, but that doesn't mean I want everyone knowing what I do. I know C doesn't want his name on here, and I respect that, but am unsure how I'm going to share our special day and keep things anonymous.

KEYCHANGE [or subject change. all you musicians know what I mean]

We're down to crunch time and I'm seeing every missed gym opportunity as a chance of unhappiness with my appearance on my wedding day. Yes, I'm petite, but I don't want to look frail. That is not who I am, and it's not a look I'm a fan of on anyone personally. I'm much more into the seksi, fit and strong look for women. I lack curves for the most part, so looking fit and strong is the only thing I've got. Yes, I know I'll look lovely and beautiful on my wedding day, but I don't want flabby arms or chicken cutlets spilling over the top of my dress. I'm working HARD to get the gym six days a week, to try and BLAST the fat and tone up the muscle. It's been rough getting up in the mornings though, I'm tired after work and wedding prep. I literally dragged myself to the gym late today, just to make sure I got in a good workout. I've been doing pretty well on my diet [yes, post still to come], hoping the WOOOSH happens soon.

Damn, I miss my college body....come back for the 7th mmmmkay?

Lastly, as much as I've semi-complained about the big move and the big changes coming my way, I'm really excited. Nervous, but excited. I'll be living with a MAN, who will be my husband, CRAZY! I'll be a wife and hopefully someday a mommy, WOW! It's all coming together, God is SO GOOD!

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Today I'm also linking up with my gal TORI, for Tattoo Thursday.

What, you didn't know lil miss Pinky and all her glitter and unicorns had a tattoo?!?!

Yes, ma'am I do!

I just have one, small tattoo that I had done on my 25 birthday.

I had wanted one since college and figured my 25th birthday was the perfect occasion. I hid it from all of my family and close friends, and just went with my good friend and coworker to get it done. There is a stigma attached to tattoos and I didn't want ANYONE forming an opinion I was doing this to 1] get attention, 2] to be a bad@$$, and I didn't really want people to question why.

It took about a month for me to tell friends and family and surprisingly they were all pretty cool with it. Minus the parentals of course, but hey, who didn't know that?!? They came around when they realized it is always covered and was just for me, nothing else.

So you wanna know what my tattoo is????

........ANGEL WINGS...........

Ummmm, yeah no!

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 Not that kind of angel wings, shudder.

Mine is very small and very very simple.

And no, I won't tell you where it is, that's my secret :)!

Tori had some questions posted too, so here are my answers. 

1.) What was your first tattoo? My angel wings :)
2.) What is the tattoo you want to get and where? Possibly a special/secret one with C!
3.) Have you had a bad tattoo experience? Nope
4.) What tattoo that you have is your favorite and why? Only have one and I love it.
5.) Why don't you want a tattoo? I GOTS ONE WOOPWOOP!

Blog Every Day in May [Day 24]

Day 24, Friday: Your top 3 worst traits

What, I don't have ANY!!!!

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 okay, I'm sure my friends/family would disagree, haha!

LazyslashProcrastinator

Ok, well I DON'T sit around and smoke, let's get THAT POINT straight right now. But, I am a queen procrastinator, and often I'll be lazy and then HOLY GUACAMOLE something has to be done. I look back on my life and realize how much I missed out on or how much BETTER I could have been at something if I had taken more initiative. I still catch myself being lazy or wasting when I KNOW I shouldn't [cough cough, wedding planning, cough cough], but I think I've gotten better and doing what needs to be done. But, I think I will always be a procrastinator, I'm not like all you type A women who check things off your list immediately.

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Judgmental

 

I make ^ face more than I should and it's bad. I'll judge people walking in weird outfits. I'll judge the super put together girl. I'll judge couples. My sisters and I will sometimes play the 'make up a story' game, and mine aren't always the nicest-est of stories. I admit when relaying stories I can be judgmental and embellish to make myself sound better. If I don't agree with someone, I often won't tell them but will then rant/chat about it to someone else. I judge others there, I've said it. This is constantly something I try to work out, but I very often fall short.

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Grudge holder

I never thought of myself this way, but it has been pointed out by certain people[ahem sissys ahem] that I tend to hold grudges. Personally, I don't believe this one bit. Eeeeeeeeeeeh, ok, maybe a lil bit. I have found that I hold grudges more FOR friends/family than for myself. If someone has wronged them, they are enemy #1, despite the fact the person wronged has offered forgiveness. I am fiercely loyal to those I truly care about and sometimes get Mama Bear protective, even if they don't need me to protect them. I wear my heart on myself, so I've been burned....A LOT! I still show my heart, but if you've seriously wronged me, I'm less abot to fully forgive and move past the situation. Annnnnnnnd, yes, I do hold grudges with close friends and family and SOMETIMES they come out when tempers flare. I'm USUALLY a very fair fighter [usually], but yes, I can hold a grudge with the best of em. 

PLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEASE don't JUDGE ME

now that you've read my dirty laundry.

Blog Every Day in May [Day 20]

Day 20, Monday: Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now.

I'm struggling with that HORRID

SIX
LETTER
WORD
 ..
..
..
..
..

WEIGHT! 

I've blogged about it MANY times the
past two years.

As mentioned in previous posts,I know I'm petite and in decent shape,so this issue might strike you as way outta line. BUT! I don't wanna be in decent shape and look okay. I wanna look HOT! I wanna look FIT!

I wanna feel and look
 how I felt/looked three years ago.


I'm struggling to get back to that body and that girl and it's driving me nuts. I feel like every step forward I take, a few weeks/months later I take 230482308 steps back. This blog has become one of those blogs
where every month or so I'm complaining about my weight or lack of fitness.

And honestly, I hate it.

I was never that girl.

I was always the girl craving curves.

I was the girl who could eat WHATEVER she wanted and still stayed trim AND FIT! I never understood why girls in college complained about their weight and had issues keeping bad weight off. Well, now I get their pain. What's really killer is the fact I don't have the willpower and strength to stay the course when it comes to food and fitness.

I'm not someone who can change just one THING and see results [side eye to all you ladies that can]. I have to constantly manage and watch calories in to calories out with fitness if I want to achieve MY GOAL. It's annoying that this bothers me so much but being fit and athletic has always been HOW I'VE DEFINED MYSELF in the secular world.

There is a plan in action and so far this week has been pretty good. I'm just hoping I can keep it up
for the rest of the summer so I can FEEL comfortable in my own skin and in a swim suit.

Blog Every Day in May [Day 16]

Day 16, Thursday: Something difficult about your "lot in life"
 and how you're working to overcome it

I'm going to be honest, I've got NOTHING
for this prompt.

Has my life had challenges? YES!

Were there really rough times? SURE!

But, I was raised in a loving family,
with two amazing parents and two
fabulous baby sisters.

Until I was in third grade I had
three great grandmothers,
one great grandfather,
three great uncles,
three great aunts,
and ALL of my grandparents alive.

 Amazing right?!?!

No one in my immediate family is/has suffered
from a terminal disease.

Both of my parents and my sisters
are in good health and we have good genes
on our side from both family trees.

 To be honest, and probably a bit trite,
the only thing I can think that would make
' my lot in life' better or easier would be
$MORE MONEY!$

Incredibly superficial and selfish, I know.
But, if my family had 'more money' our lives
would be much easier.

But who's wouldn't?!?!

Not to humble brag, but we are a comfortable
middle class family that is able to enjoy
the fun in life, but without the luxury
of being extravagant.

I can't imagine the burden of raising three daughters
on an Army salary the way my parents have done.

I am sure there were sleepless nights,
fears and times of feverish prayer,
but we are all grown up and have 'made it'.

My family and myself have share our times
of hardship, where we've had to
'Lean on Jesus a bit more'
and work really hard.

Yet, over all I can't say we have
a 'difficult lot in life'.

Being in the upper class would be great,
life would be easier
and less stressful.

But at the end of the day I am fully aware:

Source: google.com.sg via Career21st on Pinterest

Blog Every Day in May [Day 7]

Day 7, Tuesday: The thing(s) you're most afraid of.

No pictures, because then I'll scare myself.

1] Death
Thinking about death, scares me to death, figuratively. Being a Christian, I believe in Heaven and I believe that accepting Jesus [along with other things] is the ticket to those pearly gates. However, I have not met anyone who has gone to Heaven and returned to tell me about it. The unknown of our spiritual world scares me to know end. I have faith, but that doesn't make it any less scary.

2] Snakes
This fear is almost to the point of a phobia. I am so scared of snakes. Not, I don't like them, not they give me the heebie jeebies, I LITERALLY FEAR THEM! I even hate cartoon snakes, I look away when they show up in Disney movies. Don't even get me started on nature channel snakes, ugh! Friends like to play tricks on me, and I've almost fought someone because they tricked me. I'm pretty sure if I were to see one in real life, I'd have a panic attack.

3] The Dark
I don't like not being able to see, so the dark is not my friend. When I sleep I LOVE the dark, but walking a dog in the dark, coming into my apartment in the dark, no thank you. I know nothing is hiding in the dark to hurt me, but the childish fear has stuck with me to this day.
 
4] Family members passing away before me
I have awoken in a dead sweat and unable to move after dreams of my family members dying. I know they are just dreams and I KNOW they hold no truth to what actually happens in life, but that doesn't make the thought less scary. I literally think I would die if something were to happen to those I love.

Fearless Fashion Fridays

This Friday I'm trying something new and linking up with

 the uber fabulous Kelly of Messy.Dirty.Hair for:

Kelly from Messy Dirty Hair | Lindsey from Peace Love Sequins

Kelly is my girl, I just love her and her fun fashion projects. 

Have you checked out the Messy Project yet?!?!? DO IT, so fab.

Anyhoodle, today I'm sharing one of my Fashion fears/crushes.

LEOPARD PRINT!

I've always admired the girls that wear it, because they look tre chic. 

However, I've always been too scared to wear it,

in fear of looking

like this

Source: extratv.com via ExtraTV on Pinterest

instead of this!

Source: mydailydoseofinspiration.blogspot.com via Dawn on Pinterest

I've never tried on leopard print ANYTHING and probably 

never would have if I hadn't been gifted

an amazing leopard print piece. 

ENTER SECRET SANTA SWAP 2012!

My fabulous fabulous wonderful secret Santa

sent me a gorgeous leopard print infinity scarf

and I LOVED IT IMMEDIATELY!

The DAY I received it. LOVE LOVELOVE!

This leopard print scarf has now become my GO to item.

I wear it with anything and everything.

Dressed up for work.

Dressed down and traveling.

Hanging with some creeper kids ;).

 

Sportin stunna shades with the Gpa.

Not only is this scarf fashionable, 

it is incredibly soft and warm.

WIN WIN I'd say.

I'm so glad I'm over my fear of leopard print. 

I won't be buying many more pieces, 

just because I don't wanna look 

like a jungle cat. ;)

However, I'm thinking I'll invest in a nice 

pair of flats or heels and maybe 

a skirt or shirt.

What do you think ladies,

is leopard your go to or your fear?!

HAPPY FRIDAY FRIENDS!

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Today is my daddy's bday!!!!

LOVE YOU DADDYBEAR!