Fairy ‘just delighted’ about tree up fanny

Spare a thought this Christmas for the fairy on top of your Christmas tree.

'A CHRISTMAS tree fairy would rather not have a needle-covered branch right up her skirt, it has emerged.

Fairy Eleanor Shaw, who has spent the last 12 months in an attic, just hopes that the Norway spruce branch in her most delicate parts is increasing the gaiety of Yuletide.

She continued: "Does nobody else find the 'tree up fairy fanny' thing a bit weird? It's like some disturbing Japanese comic.

"I could just be tied to the tree with a bit of string around my waist. That would work perfectly well and nobody would need to get chafed.

...

Shaw added: "It truly is the most wonderful time of the year."'

Wise words from The Daily Mash http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/fairy-just-delighted-about-tree-up-fanny-20161214118985

Merry Christmas to all my friends

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Is it time to stuff the bird yet?

In other words... Merry Christmas

"I wonder if I might crave your momentary indulgence in order to discharge a by no means disagreeable obligation which has, over the years, become more or less established practice... as we approach the terminal period of the year — calendar, of course, not financial — in fact, not to put too fine a point on it, Week Fifty-One — and submit to you, with all appropriate deference, for your consideration at a convenient juncture, a sincere and sanguine expectation — indeed confidence — indeed one might go so far as to say hope — that the aforementioned period may be, at the end of the day, when all relevant factors have been taken into consideration, susceptible to being deemed to be such as to merit a final verdict of having been by no means unsatisfactory in its overall outcome and, in the final analysis, to give grounds for being judged, on mature reflection, to have been conducive to generating a degree of gratification which will be seen in retrospect to have been significantly higher than the general average."

As Sir Humphrey put it so memorably in Yes Minister.

Some Christmas Music

Yellowman - 'We wish you a Reggae Christmas'


And also...

Mariah Carey(?) - 'All I Want for Christmas is Jews' The GoGo's - "I'm going to spend my Christmas with a Dalek" Save Ferris's "Christmas Wrap" and the song that that is based on The Waitresses - "Christmas Wrapping"

Something for Christmas Eve

Joy to the world - Butties style

The Butties are a Beatles tribute band, this is their Beatleesque version of the carol Joy to the World. Love it. Thanks to Radio London's Gary Crowley for the spot.

Do believe the hype!

On Christmas DayI blogged about the atmosphere at Casa NotaSheep following our ingestion of the second and third most fart inducing vegetables (according to Sainsbury's). The Jerusalem artichokes were finally consumed last night, along with Savoy cabbage and parsnips - there were other items on the menu - the results have lived up to the hype... The Jerusalem artichoke is now banned from this house and will not be partaken of ever again!

This might explain the 'atmosphere' at Casa NotaSheep

Sainsbury's have marked the festive season by producing a list of the most fart-making vegetables. In first place the Jerusalem artichoke, a delicious tuberous vegeatble that neither comes from Jerusalem nor is an artichoke. I love these roasted but have been banned from eating them for some years now as the effect they have on me is quite incredible. However this year Mrs NotaSheep has relented and they are on the Boxing Day menu! In second place comes my favourite regularly eaten root vegetable, the parsnip, this was on our Christmas Day menu. In third place came the predictable Brussels sprout which we also partook of on Christmas Day. Fourth place was taken by the cabbage which we forgot to serve but there is a dish of red cabbage still waiting for us. In fifth place came the cauliflower which I never eat, except raw.

So yesterday we had the vegeatbles that came second and third in the list and the effects were mild. Today we will be consuming those that came first, second, third and fourth; a scary prospect... I fear the spare bedroom may see some use tonight!

NB: Must make sure all candles are extinguished before dinner!

We wish you a satirical Christmas

Genius, sheer genius...

Thanks to Theo Spark for the spot.

Merry Christmas

Yellowman - 'We wish you a Reggae Christmas'


And also...

Mariah Carey(?) - 'All I Want for Christmas is Jews'

In other words... Merry Christmas

"I wonder if I might crave your momentary indulgence in order to discharge a by no means disagreeable obligation which has, over the years, become more or less established practice... as we approach the terminal period of the year — calendar, of course, not financial — in fact, not to put too fine a point on it, Week Fifty-One — and submit to you, with all appropriate deference, for your consideration at a convenient juncture, a sincere and sanguine expectation — indeed confidence — indeed one might go so far as to say hope — that the aforementioned period may be, at the end of the day, when all relevant factors have been taken into consideration, susceptible to being deemed to be such as to merit a final verdict of having been by no means unsatisfactory in its overall outcome and, in the final analysis, to give grounds for being judged, on mature reflection, to have been conducive to generating a degree of gratification which will be seen in retrospect to have been significantly higher than the general average."

As Sir Humphrey put it so memorably in Yes Minister.

The first song played in space - a day late for the 46th anniversary

16 December 1965:

'On December 16, 1965, while in orbit above planet Earth, the crew of Gemini 6 added another milestone to their already historic mission.

Astronauts Wally Schirra and Thomas Stafford reported sighting an object, a satellite, in a "polar orbit...traveling North to South."


"Stand by, he's trying to signal something," reported Schirra.

The next thing heard at Mission Control was a rendition of Jingle Bells performed by the astronauts using instruments which they had smuggled onboard.

The story is well known. The harmonica and string of bells are now housed at The Smithsonian, and the incident is believed to be the first time human beings ever played music in outer space.

But no recording of the song has ever been made available. Until now.

I've been looking all over the Internet for this recording for more than a year with no success. So I started asking for help.

KUOW reporter Phyllis Fletcher pointed me toward NASA's Media Resource Center in Houston Texas.

After digging around their Web site and calling the phone tree at Johnson Space Center, I eventually reached Librarian Jody Russell. Her contacts in the Audio Department pointed me to the online archive for the entire Gemini 6 and 7 joint mission.

They narrowed it down to 8 audio files for me, which covered about 33 hours of the mission. They also provided me with links to mission transcripts that I could use as reference to find the song.

The message from NASA ended with "...it's in there somewhere."

And it was.

Enjoy!'

An early Merry Christmas from HMS Ocean

Nicely done guys and girls...

HMS Ocean returned to Plymouth on friday after serving off the coast of Libya.

Tracking Santa

Norad are tracking Santa, currently 'Santa's next stop is: P’yongyang, North Korea' which is nice and topical!

Using free speech to attack Christianity

Imagine the furore if a Christian or Jewish group in the UK set-up a website and poster campaign entitled 'Ramadan is Evil'; the BBC would be apoplectic. However thee is not a word when a Muslim group calling itself 'xmasisevil.com' and claiming to be 'Representing the Muslims living in the uk' sets up a website calling Xmas 'the path to hellfire' and including a section headed 'Fruits of Christmas' that runs thus:

'On the 1st day of christmas my true love gave to me an S....T....D.

On the 2nd day debt

On the 3rd rape

On the 4th tennage pregnancy

* Followed by an abortion
* raves
* claiming god has a son
* blasphemy
* exploitation
* promiscuity
* night clubs
* crime
* paedophilia
* paganism
* domestic violence
* homelessness
* alcohol
* drugs...'

There is also a poster campaign

So where's the media fuss? Why are an Islamic group allowed to make such deliberately provocative claims about one of the key dates in the Christian calendar when I am sure any similar campaign aimed at Ramadan or another Islamic festival would be (rightly) attacked from all sides?

Having problems buying stamps for your Christmas cards?

Thanks to Theo Spark for the spot.

Something to put you in the Christmas spirit and 'warm the cockles of your heart'

La Senza presents The Cup Size Choir

Seven girls with bra sizes A to G make up the musical notes of the Cup Size Choir. Have a look, have a play at Cup Size Choir and have a Happy Christmas.

Can you hear the gritted teeth?

The BBC  report that:

'Councils are being urged to celebrate the "Christian basis" of Christmas.

Communities Secretary Eric Pickles said "politically correct Grinches" should not be allowed to obscure the fact the festival marks Christ's birth.

He said festivals like "Winterval" - which combined secular and inter-faith elements in 1990s Birmingham - should be consigned to history's "dustbin".'

Is it my imagination or can I hear teeth being gritted at the, oh so, politically correct BBC?

Blog comment of the day - "What's sauce for the goose..."

I wasn't going to blog about the story that Stoke-on-Trent City Council has issued an 11-page Ramadan guide for schools to help pupils who may be fasting when the school year starts in September. It said swimming was acceptable to Muslims but posed a high risk of swallowing water that may break a fast and suggested a re-scheduling of sex education classes during the Muslim holy month, as Muslim followers who have reached puberty are required to avoid sexual thoughts during this period. It seemed just too typical of the dhimmitude being practised throughout much of the UK, especially as the Muslim school population of Stoke-On-Trent is around 3.2%.

But then I read a comment on Biased BBC that I thought hit the mark perfectly: 'Lets close ALL shops during Christmas as a mark of respect for Christians.'Thanks John Horne Tooke for that. Maybe someone in the multicultural industry could explain the differences between the two situations...