Unusual Advice Source

You can get advice from all sorts of places. Some people ask friends, family or even write their question down for a newspaper personality to answer.  About a month ago, I was with my mother in law and aunt in law at a John Edwards show and received some really good advice. 

For those that are not familiar with John Edwards, he used to be a television medium on the show Crossing Over.  (He speaks with the dead. Or maybe the dead speak with him. I am not 100% sure how this works. I am hoping it isn’t like 6th Sense sort of stuff.) If you were to look him up you would find a bunch of YouTube videos and a South Park episode dedicated to him.

I should probably clarify that this is not the usual source type I would go to for advice. My belief level is closer to Dana Scully than it is to Fox Murder on this. However, I digress.  As I sat there in the crowd of people, hoping that John Edwards focus would not rotate to my corner pocket of the room, I was to pick out some really good advice he was giving to the room full of grief stricken people.  

Here is the advice I was able to take home with me.

1. The best way to defuse a situation with another person on a difference of opinion is to acknowledge the situation and then walk away.  The best phrase to use is, “Oh, that’s interesting.” It acknowledges the opinion but doesn’t agree or disagree with the opinion, thus making the person feel listened to and taking the wind out of their sails. 
2. Just because you ask a question, does not mean you will get the answer you want. To solve any problem, you have to be open to all possible answers, even the answers you don’t want to hear. 
3. It is okay to give yourself time to grieve. Everyone does it in their own way, but the important part is to do it.  It isn’t just people, it can be a change in situation that can shock the senses, and sometimes a person just needs time to digest. Allow yourself to adjust to new situations and people. 

While I might not recommend a medium as a source to answer all of life’s questions, it is important to recognize that when you receive good advice, it doesn’t really matter the source.  I think the key is to be open to new ideas that challenge the current pattern of thinking.   What do you think?

Dreams of Work

Last night I had a dream that I was at work.  Dreams like that normally leave me feeling unrested and normally running my tongue across my teeth to make sure they are still in my mouth.(I once read if you dream about teeth, you are anxious) The dream I had last night left me feeling happy when I woke up. 

The dream started out sad.  It started out with being notified that my favorite customer from when I worked at the bookstore had passed away.  I haven’t worked at the bookstore for little over half a decade, but I can still remember my favorite customers. 

This particular customer liked to come at the end of the night. He had long dark hair, a small smile and walked with a limp and a cane.  He like to come at the end of the night, because it was less crowded and he was less self conscious of his limp and sometimes it would take him all day to get his limbs to work.  I remember him telling me once that he was once in service and things didn’t go well.  He loved music, and when he was in pain and couldn’t go anywhere, he was able to escape into music. If it was slow , we would chat for a bit about music as I applied every coupon he had to the latest additions to his already extensive music collection. 

In my dream, my favorite customer had died.  It was sad and I was shocked. I was even more shocked to find out that he had left me an inheritance to the amount of double the value of my home, so that I could pay my house off and still be comfortable. I had no idea.  The solicitor handed me a note and a check.  I opened the note (and listened to it being narrated by the recently deceased,) that stated they had included me in their will, because I had always been nice to them and treated them with respect and kindness and those were rare qualities to find in a person.

I woke up feeling really good about myself. If I could be remembered for anything, I think I would want to be remembered like that. I would want to be remembered as a person that treats other people with respect and kindness.   It doesn’t matter what you do or where you work, it matters how you treat people. 

Today when I went to work, I tried to be a little nicer and chat with my coworkers a little more. I want my dream self to be just as nice as my awake self. 

Laughing or Crying

I took an unintentional break on recreational writing. Instead I had to write  something rather serious,
and completely outside of my comfort zone.  I had to write my brothers obituary.  My brother expired his last breathe unexpectedly and it was like aftershocks of a major earthquake. You never knew when the next ripple was going to hit.

It was during this, that I discovered that I am one of those people that will laugh when it is probably more appropriate to cry.  While assisting with all the nitty gritty details of setting up a memorial service, I couldn't help but think about how this is just one more adventure that I could have with my brother, and he couldn't say anything to stop me from being an utter idiot or calling him an idiot.

My fit of giggles started when I was asked if I would want any of his ashes. It turns out that they have these little keepsakes that you can keep a piece of your loved one with you always. It is sentimental, and I can completely understand why people would want to do it.  However, the first thing I thought of when presented with this option was the Dib Cat making off with it and trying to bat it around the house like a cat toy.  It isn't like I would give it to the Dib Cat, but more like he would steal it out of the display case in the hall like a thief in the night, or perhaps like a cat burglar. Then it would be just my luck, because I have that sort of luck that the keepsake would break, and I would have nothing but my brother spread out all over the place, because of course the Dib Cat would bat it around all over the place like a professional hockey player.  I feel that it would probably be in bad taste to vacuum him up and try to sift him out of the cat hair and what not that gets caught in the filter.

Of course I could put him some where the cats could not get to him, but I feel really weird about putting him in my underwear drawer. That borders lines along really really creepy. Let me store human ashes with my polka dot underwear and stockings. Nope. Not doing it. I don't want to stumble across him when I am looking for my garters. It sort of kills any mood  may be going for at that time.  Can't keep him in the kitchen, because that would also lead to some questions that I would rather not answer as to my prowess in the kitchen and if my brother died from my cooking.  I want people to eat in my kitchen and at my table, so having him hang out there next to the kangaroo bottle opener would not be a wise idea.  

When the memorial came about, it was still a lot to take in. Honestly there is so many aspects to a person that it is hard to focus on just a small part of them. There were tears and there was laughter, and that is probably the best way to sum his life. It was a combination of tears and laughter. I did end up with a keepsake, even thought I did not plan on it. A large part of me is not really sure what to do with it.  I know for a fact that I am not putting it on a key chain because it is one of those things that you really don't want to lose on your day to day travels. Until I figure out the best spot to put the keepsake, it is in my jewelry box for safe keeping until I can get my fit of giggles as to where my brother will pop up next out of my system and enjoy the combination of tears and laughter this one last adventure with him has brought me.

We do not remember days, we remember moments.

Cesare Pavese