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Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Sunday, April 19, 2020

The To-Do List

It isn’t a surprise to most people that I like to travel.  The  reason I like to travel is that I am normally spending time with people that are important to me.  With the current climate of unease, it is not healthy to travel and it is recommended to avoid people to slow the spread of infection. Physical distancing does not mean social isolation, even though it can feel like it.  Just like when I was a kid and we would tell stories around the camp fire to make the darkness of the woods less scary, I think that sharing stories might make this time of darkness a little lighter. 


The To-Do List

Several years back I was cat watching for my grandparents while they were on vacation.  When I watch the cat (Stella- who hates me), I try to spend a couple hours in the house, so that Stella doesn’t feel abandoned.  Normally I putz around the house or sit and read so that she can have some company for a bit. 
The one time I was there I noticed a to do list on the fridge. It was clearly written by my grandmother.  I had to laugh, because it looked like my grandfather may have added something to the top of the list in black.



It looks like to me that on the top of my Grandfathers to-do list was eat the tomatoes. This made me laugh, because I could picture in my head my grandmother getting on my grandfathers case about not doing the gardening and he is sitting there eating tomatoes, telling her that he is following the list. It is one of those things that after 50 years of being married, they still find creative ways to annoy each other.  My grandparents are an inspiration. I can only hope to annoy my husband for as long as they have annoyed each other. 

Monday, February 3, 2020

Marshmallow. Mail

My father cracks me up.  I suddenly feel like I have to up my mail game.

As an early Valentines Day, I received Marshmallows in the mail.


That in itself cracked me up, but to put the icing on the cake was the message on the bag and some interesting graphic design choices. 


I am sure that it was supposed to be an innocent finger pointing sort of thing, sort of saying “You got this” or “Shoot”, but in my brain it looked totally like something else.  Something that would give you the munchies and relax you if you took a couple of hits.   

Dad is totally made check mate in one move. I totally need to up my mail game.

Sunday, March 10, 2019

Horse Feathers

I can’t tell if I should consider myself educated or just well read.  My husband procured a copy of Horse Feathers & Other Curious Words by Charles Earl Funk for me in San Diego, and it is making me laugh. 

Without a doubt they were loose with the “Other Curious Words”, since I don’t think that “Auburn” is a curious word; however the illustrations with the word make me smile and are a little reminiscent of Phantom Toll Booth, which was one of my favorite wordplay books in my younger years.
There are a couple of words that did make me scratch my head. 
 I think the conversation I had with Faye about the definition of huggermugger is more interesting than the word itself. 

Here is the definition:








Here is the conversation










Another amusing word is sesquipedalian. My goal is to work this word into my vocabulary in a grandiose manner this week at work.  

Albeit, my husband has perverse example to which that word could be used in, and I will not repeat it, but it did make me laugh. If it isn’t a hoagie it’s a hero. 

If you stumble upon this book in your travel, give it a gander.  It has amused me and is now a treasured member of my library. 



Sunday, January 21, 2018

I love Erma

When I think of Pinterest, typically I think of craft ideas, food recipes and an endless meandering through word porn and fashions wish lists and art appreciation.  What I do not think of is comics.  My husband is an excellent resource  on finding new comics. Most of the time he has already found and purchased the exact eclectic graphic novel that I didn’t know existed and couldn’t possibly live with out.  Which is why it took my by surprise to find a comic that I adore on Pinterest. 

I love Erma by Brandon Santiago.  Erma is terrifyingly cute and actually makes me want to watch more horror movies, so that I can truly enjoy some of the nuances in the humor. I love the story lines, the weird trivia and the tongue in cheek nods to the classic horror genre. 

If you need a smile, I highly suggest checking out Brandon Santiago on Twitter, Instagram or even order one of his graphic novels.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Scooby Apocalypse

When I was a kid, one of my  I favorite cartoons was Scooby Doo. I distinctly recall waking up and watching a million episodes on Saturday morning and loving every bit of it.  If Scooby Doo or Gilligan's Island were on, I was one happy kid.  I loved the monster of the week feel to it, that always turned out not to be a monster. I found humor in the way that Shaggy and Scooby could out weight their fear in a situation by the rumble of their stomachs and how every bad guy would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddlesome kids.

I am an adult now and I still have a nostalgic love for Scooby Doo.  I loved the episode of Venture Bros that re-imagined  the gang in a much darker light. (Season 2 Episode 11 "Viva Los Muertos!").  I tend to like dark comedy and Venture Bros may be one of my favorite adult cartoons, so that only added to my amusement of that particular episode. It cracked me up to no end, because it shed that feel that nothing bad ever happened in the Mystery Machine and everything always turns out fine in the end.

I know that I am giving a lot of back story, and it is hard to see where I am going, but I felt it was important when I try to explain how excited I was discovering Scooby Apocalypse at my local comic shop.   Despite the huge stack of books and comics that I need to read and finish reading, I had to have Scooby Apocalypse.

I devoured it like Shaggy and his Scooby snacks.  I love the way that the characters were re-imagined. They were fleshed out in a way that was not accomplished in the horrible live action movies and brushed over in the television show.   The comic gives them a rounded character  with history and incorporates in some nostalgic touches, such as well used catch phrases.  (Do you know how weird people at work look at you if you use the word jinkies? Spell check doesn't even like the word, and keeps replacing it with kinkiest.)

I don't want to spoil the comic for anyone, because I think it deserves a spot on the book shelf, but I will say that it does hold true the cartoon in the way that the monsters are people. Of course there is a twist, but that is part of the fun in reading the comic.  I


Sunday, January 29, 2017

Best Friend Quiz



Have you ever looked for something and haven't been able to find it? I was chatting with Nic the other week, and we ended up on the topic of personality quizzes.  The type of quizzes that take very little thought and is most likely going to sort your into Ravenclaw, even if you were sure you were a Hufflepuff.  This brought up a sort of nostalgia of when I was a kid and the quizzes were geared towards if someone was your best friend.  It is normally about 10 questions and if you can answer those 10 questions, you are that persons best friend.

I can not find that sort of quiz that I remember. On the bright side, the internet exists. There are some pretty intense best friend tests out there.  Some of them being over a hundred questions long. I can't believe how intense some of these test are.  TeenVogue was able to provide a simple 20 question quiz, that is deceptively deep.

My cat is one of my  best friends. Or maybe I am one of his, so I thought I would answer  the best friend questions of Dib. Surprisingly (or not surprisingly) not all the questions can be answered by cats. Below are the highlights.

I am helping.

  •  What embarrasses you the most and/or what's been your most embarrassing moment?
    • When I sneeze boogers all over my self and then eat them.
  • What is your biggest fear?
    • Being locked out of any of the rooms.
  • How do you like to be comforted when you're sad or upset?
    • I like to be held or hole up in my cube and left alone.
  • What's your favorite thing you own and why?
    •  My duck, it is special.
  • Where do you hope to be 5/10/15 years from now?
    •  Still alive
  • If money was no object, what would you buy?
    • Gravy, cheese, ice cream, feathers, yarn, opposable thumbs...
  • When have you felt the most challenged?
    • When Iggins joined the household.
  • Do you have any regrets? If so, what are they?
    • 4 feet of string and a weekend of laxatives and enemas.
  • Which celeb would you want as your other BFF and why?
    • Lil Bub or Tardar Sauce (Grumpy Cat ) or a blend of the two, because secret cat reasons.
  • Which family member are you closest to?
    •  Jon or the duck. Most likely Jon.
  • What's the one thing most people don't know about you?
    • I don't like ham or being held by my scruff.


Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Hello Zip Ties

Somedays my brain wakes up and clicks way too fast in the morning and Jon just looked at me as if I am possessed by aliens.  This was one of those mornings. When I woke up this morning, I asked my husband if we had any zip ties.  There were several seconds of silence before he said no and asked me why I needed zip ties.  I quickly explained that I saw this brilliant idea on Pinterest that involved zip ties and DVDs.  Sometimes brilliant ideas are met with a groan and "it is too early in the morning for this" sigh.

I was then told that I was not allowed to zip tie any of the DVDs. That if I did that, I would be a jerk.  I am not allowed to be a jerk.  Part of me really wants to be a jerk to my brother and zip tie weave a lovely pattern on the DVD I bought him. I huge part of me wants to do that. (Last year he opened his DVD's early!!)   That sort of love and torture is what makes the holidays fun. I am sure that booby trapped presents is a sign of love and affection in some culture some where.  If not it could be, given enough time. My brother still laughs and grimaces over the wrench set I got him when we were teenagers. (It was individually wrapped and then laced into a beautiful snowflake shape that took him forty five minutes to open.  It was magical and wonderful and very annoying all in one moment.) (Dont think I am just picking on him, that same year he used a roll and half of packaging tape on my gift.)

My husband is doing his best to make sure I am not a a jerk and refuses to entertain this idea of zip ties.  Even if the idea behind it makes me gleefully happy.   Even though I am not permitted to utilize them at this point; I have been encouraging others at work to utilize that power and festivity of zip ties as alternatives to ribbon, for that extra special person. It seems like there is at least one person in every family, where that little bit effort goes a long way.

Sunday, November 6, 2016

Sticky Conversations

Conversations with my niece are the best.  She might not think so.

Hailey: What is your favorite flavor of taffy?

Me:  Uhh..... Strawberrry?

Hailey: Pumpkin Donut Taffy is mine.

Me: What?

Hailey: Puummmppkiiinn. Dooonnnuuutttt Taffy

Me: I have never heard of it.

Hailey: I'm eating it, right now.

Me: What is the donut part of the taffy?

Hailey: ...What?

Me: You know, the donut.  It is kind of like a cake but frosted or glazed and people eat them for breakfast.

Hailey: Aunt T, I am talking about Taffy!

Me: Me too.  I just want to know what the donut part of the taffy is.

Hailey: It is just pumpkin!

Me:  Then why is it called Pumpkin Donut if there is no donut in it?

Hailey: Because that is the flavor.

Me: I know what pumpkin tastes like, but there are so many types of donuts out there, so I want to know what the donut component of the taffy tastes like.

Hailey: You're weird.

Me: Sprinkles?  Do you think it tastes like sprinkles?

Hailey: Insert exasperated sigh, that only a ten year old can give with conversing with adults that just don't seem to get it.


Laffy Taffy Joke: What kind of shoes do mice wear?    
Squeakers!

Saturday, November 5, 2016

Eat Paint Chips

I think that in my next life, I want to be the person that names paint colors.  Some of these color names leaves me baffled.  My place of employment is really into Halloween, and we did a construction/remodeling theme.  While I was tearing down the decorations, I looked at some of the paint colors samples that were picked at random.

What sort of person names a color Banana Oil?  Does that person hate bananas?  Who could hate a banana?  If a person were to tell me that they were going to paint their kitchen a lovely banana oil hue, I would be hard pressed not to recoil and grimace.  I would not be picturing a blanched out shade of new grass green.  Banana oil makes me think of a yellowy brown greasy color, which is like the residue of fried bananas on a paper towel.  Only a person that hated bananas would name such a lovely shade banana oil. 

I think after a while the person who names the colors gets desperate. After all, they did name a perky peony pink color Apron. What color does Apron make you think of?  It makes me think of warm kitchens and fresh cookies. It would be a mellow off white from being washed over a dozen times with perhaps a soft blue tint to it from a stray sock that ended up in the wrong laundry basket, that is what the color Apron would be to me.   I can’t picture it as a peppy, perky pink that would make bubblegum jealous. 

I will have to look into this at a future date to see what sort of qualifications a person needs to name paint colors. I think I can do this.  I also think I might use my power to name paint to really mess with people.  I would name a paint color Existential Crisis. Can’t you just picture that paint color in your head?  It would be deep and profound and would probably make a great accent wall color. It would certainly be a lot more complex than Banana Oil and Apron.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Mail Slime

Everyone has days that aren't exactly bad days, but they aren't really all that great either.  Within the last week  or so I have locked myself out of the house, left my wallet at the grocery store and stubbed my toe no less than three times and gotten scratched by the cat.  Not great things to happen, but all things that I can recover from.   Then there are things that happen that even if you are having a not so great day that just make everything a little bit better. 

I don't live nearby a fair bit of my family.  We are mostly black sheep that like to roam. Even though we are not in close proximity some of us make efforts to keep in contact without the use of a Ouija Board, others we would have to use the board to get in contact with.  My niece, Hailey  (she's ten) decided to send me not one, but two letters this past week. Her letters certainly turned my not so great days a little bit better.   I have decided that I need to up my creativity when it comes to using parcel post. Sometimes a little bit of weird just makes a persons day that much better. 

You may have heard of people sending glitter bombs in the mail that leave a person covered in glitter.  I may or may not have filled more than one envelope in my lifetime with glitter and mailed it to person(s) to help them sparkle a little more through out the day, but never have I ever sent an envelope with slime in it.  I am not even sure how she got it through the post.  Not only was there green slime in the envelope, there were rock crystals and silly putty. I am impressed with her creativity and imagination.  The letter that came with the gifts was filled with laughter that would rival any joker.  She was clearly pleased at her cleverness and if I had been the one to think of it first, I would have been pleased with my cleverness.  Her fun foray into correspondence makes me want to be more creative with my communications. 

I have no idea what I am going to do with the slime or the silly putty, but it doesn't matter.  They did their job of making me smile and laugh, when it would have been a really easy day to be grumpy.  High Five Hailey! You rock!

Friday, March 4, 2016

No Such Thing as a Bad Card

There is something wonderful about receiving a birthday card in the mail.  It shows that the person was thinking of you and that they took the time to show you in a tangible way.  It shows that you are valued and can turn a bad day into something better. 

There is no such thing as a bad card.  One of my best friends decided to test that theory and send me the exact number of cards to the number of birthday years I was celebrating  over the period of my birthday month. I had no idea what I was in for.


There are a whole lot more cheesy birthday cards than I had ever expected.  I received cards with cats on them, cards with words of flattery and plenty of cake and good wishes.  There was glitter and humor and then really puny stuff.  I am pretty sure the cards all ranged from the good, the bad and the ugly cliche. There came a point that my husband asked if birthday cards were my thing because he was getting tired of finding them tucked in odd areas of the house. 

The best thing about the cards is not in the volume that I received or in the quality of their cheese, but in the fact that my friend took the time to write a personal message in each and every one of the cards that she sent.  Some of the cards had random thoughts that were in her head and other talked about past adventure, but all of the cards received that personal touch. It is that personal touch that made it awesome. It didn't matter if she sent one card or thirty four it was the gift of prose that made me smile from my head to my toes.