Epic Sex

So I don’t write sex scenes very often, and I’ve never written a YA sex scene before, but I find myself facing my first of these. Now nobody panic, I am not jumping into kiddy porn… I will focus on the first-person emotion of it because that is what matters to my story. Still, it is intimidating.

I mean I want to get across…

Hot.
Scared (a little).
Wonder.
Insecurity.
The sort of out-of-body experience it can be when you don't know what you're doing...

That’s a lot.

This book has been fun to write so far. I’m about half done with my BuNoWri goal, but probably only a third or less done with the overall story.

So wish me luck! Or orgasms… wait, no… first timers don’t get those… at least the girls… poor things.


On the TOPIC of Epic Sex…

A friend of mine who shall remain nameless sent me a note last week… “uh, erm… I’ve written this book…”

I knew she was a writer—we’ve been friends for years and it was always one of our common interests—but I DIDN’T know she was writing fiction. She’s not online a ton and is not the attention whore I am. But she asked for a little guidance and help getting her book out there. I am thrilled to give her some introductions, but that ‘must remain nameless’ thing makes it a little tricky. You see… she has a job and a child… and has written erotica…

So FIRST, I want to introduce her book, but then ask you guys some advice…

High Stakes Chattel
by Andie Blue
When Lord Nico Chattel tackles an intruder on his property he is surprised to discover the captive beneath him is a voluptuous wild-eyed beauty seeking his help. Samantha is determined to win the grand prize at the Chattel game tournament that will save her family farm. Now all she needs to do is dress like a man and convince the game’s creator, Lord Chattel to mentor her. The dark and handsome Lord Chattel wants nothing to do with the silly game that once defined him or the woman pursuing him. He agrees to play but only if the victor can claim a sensual prize he is sure will scare her away. The stakes of their game get higher until Samantha is left standing naked before him and Nico must call her bluff.
This erotic romance mixes Downton Abbey with a touch of Fifty Shades of Grey.

If you are an erotica reader, I’d love it if you’d check her out.


Next—any of you have experience with this incognito stuff? How would you go about starting from scratch? I mean I have a separate online persona, but it is more about branding than secrecy—My real friends know both and I don’t mind my professional colleagues learning. I just wanted a clear line between my fiction and my science. (thus dropping my first name for my fiction).

I’d just love to pass on some advice about balancing privacy and/or secrecy with promotion.

The Dark Ages

Okay... so maybe not as brilliant as previously promised... and not appropriately 'dayed' anymore... this was the one lost for Tuesday that you are now getting on Thursday. But YAY! Computer is back up and running! Special thanks to my buddy Kevin who is smarter than me on all things computer (and on a number of other topics, besides)

But since I now CAN... didn't lose (at least much) of it... here goes TMI Tuesday's post.

BECAUSE NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

*cough *

So what the hell is going on with the Republican Party these days?

Sorry to get political, but it IS (read: WAS) TMI Tuesday, after all. And there is a serious meltdown in sanity going on. I mean honestly, I never much understand the Republican party. But this stuff is BIZARRO world stuff. All this repossession on women's rights stuff...


Now I don't want to get into the abortion issue. I get both sides of that argument, and so while I have a political side (which ironically is NOT the side I would choose personally, though the operative word is probably CHOOSE) that isn't where I want to go.

Where I DO want to go is the very strange things that have happened of late.



What the heck is all this about birth control?

The religious organizations arguing about paying for something they don't agree with, I get. But then Obama said, “Okay, I see your point. Instead we will turn it to the Insurance companies to pay for.” And you see... paying for birth control is CHEAPER than paying for pregnancy, labor and delivery and all the pediatric care of a child, so insurance companies LIKE this... and several religious institutions cheered to have this burden taken off of them... to be able to 'provide' what they know employees want without being culpable of providing it themselves... It allows them to compete for the full spectrum of employees without crossing fuzzy lines.

But there is the ultra-conservative strand of congress and the religious leaders who are significantly MORE conservative than the population they mean to lead making this about something else.

Religious freedom is the right to practice ones own religion, but it is NOT the right to impose that religion on anybody else. Now if you work for a church directly, you may expect some imposition. But say you live in... South Bend, Indiana and just want to work for your largest employer in the county... (I believe Notre Dame was actually one of the institutions that cheered the compromise, by the way).

Now in the US, some 99% of women use some for of contraception at some point. Heck, 98% of Catholic women will or have at some point. The fact of the matter is, it takes resources of time and money to raise children well. Should sex be a privilege of the wealthy (who can afford to raise as many children they might create)? Should sex DOOM a woman to a shorter life? (because after child #1, every child lowers life expectancy). Jon Stewart had a very good point when he stated that Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum both used the rhythm method and had five and eight kids respectively. (which... and I really hope I don't offend too many, though i know I will and a few are people I really love, but in the spirit of TMI, I FIND IRRESPONSIBLE--from a space on the planet perspective, I mean). But Santorum has said 'birth control is not right'.

Is anybody else seeing Margaret Atwood as a prophet? This sounds very Handmaid's Tale to me. That is a book where chemical disaster creates infertility and collides with ultra conservative social values for a scary scary scenario. Do you SEE how this is possible?  Tell me I'm nuts. I dare you.

I have seen a number of posts on facebook of women outrages here, but this is hardly the only incident.

Several states have passed 'personhood' laws, siting personhood begins at conception. And as anti-abortion legislation, I see the brilliance of this tactic, but some of these have opened doors for women who suffer miscarriage to be prosecuted for negligent homicide.

Did you know HALF of conceived babies miscarry?
Did you know a significant portion of babies that miscarry do so because of defects to the baby—the baby would not have been viable and our bodies KNOW and so self-terminate.

Do we really want to blame women for that?

Have you ever known anyone who has miscarried? It is a DEVASTATING ordeal. The women I know who have experienced this are so sad for a very long time—many still quietly acknowledging what would have been birthdays years later. Do we REALLY want to add a layer of legal threat to this already abhorrent experience? Is our society's misguided need for sanctimonious moralizing so great we would do this?

I will tell you an unintended effect of this. Women who suspect they are pregnant will delay care. After all, if nobody knows they are pregnant, nobody can fault them if it doesn't work out. It will INCREASE the proportion of pregnancies that don't make it because SOME early caught things are preventable.

So there I go, ranting...

Slut Love

I figured TMI Tuesday falling on Valentine’s Day was a sign I ought to talk a little bit about my philosophy on love, sex, relationships, and values. So you’ve gotten a reprieve from Jungle Rot… You may want to hold off on rejoicing just yet though.



All That Purity Nonsense

I know there are a lot of people clinging to those Puritan values and all, and if you’re one of them, more power to you… which is to say, more to go around for the rest of us, eh?

I am not quite sure where my feminist leanings got their first big fuel burst, but it was well before I was political, and before my religious leanings got an overhaul from their Presbyterian roots. Basically I figured if BOYS are allowed to admit they like this stuff, what is wrong with GIRLS admitting it?

Now I ‘get’ the ‘save it so I have something to give my spouse’ thing on some level. But there is a conflict here… I don’t think anybody should wait until age 30 to become sexually active, or you end up stunted on that front (IMHO), but I ALSO don’t think people should be making such an important decision as who to spend FOREVER with until about that time. And I think the consequences of becoming sexually active pre-marriage are a lot less severe than marrying in the late teens or early 20s. People that age have no business making that kind of decision.

*cough*

And don’t you know… I had a boy or two in my past where things got… you know… intense… the first time I met them… and later they would act as if somehow I’D done something wrong. HELLO. I was not the only one there. Why do these goons think THEY get a pass, but I don’t? That definitely fueled that inner feminist and my belief that what is good for the gander is great for the goose. (even goosing)

Manipulation versus Honesty

See, the OTHER thing that has always really bothered me is the simultaneous attempt to woo and hold at bay of a potential lover. A person who WANTS intimacy but pretends not to because they are holding out for a long-term offer is just dishonest in my opinion. And I hold the value of HONESTY far above some silly notion of ‘virtue’. In fact the virtues I care about ARE honesty and integrity. NOT chastity.


Now I don’t mean to disrespect anybody who has made different choices or whose values line up differently. I’m just saying it isn’t in me to pretend I agree. I think that is what we all need to do—be honest with ourselves about what is important and why, and try to live that way.



Sluts are NICE

You know... people who really LIKE everyone, even if they are also willing to sleep with everyone, are really more fun to hang out with than uptight people. I mean I GET that some people are nice withOUT the slutty thing going, but I haven't met many self-righteous people who are all that nice. They are too busy judging everyone else for not living by their standard. Live and let live, I say. So long as people aren't intentionally hurting each other.


Yeah, I’d rather live with aspersions of ‘slut’, ‘tramp’, or ‘tart’, than 'proper', 'classy', or ‘tease’. (though my value of not hurting people DOES mean monogamy… so anymore, this is all just in theory).


So there you have it. More than you ever wanted to know about me...

Really Great Sex: A Writing Lesson

So an old friend and I were sharing an innuendo filled conversation recently, and it occurred to me that the KEY to really fabulous sex has been wavering and floating me around all this time. Really fabulous, mind-blowing sex is NOT about specific technique (oh sure, that can't hurt)--it's about KNOWING what your partner wants, or... more subtly...getting them to want what you have to offer. And the communication of what they want is NOT necessarily transferred right there on the spot, or, if you are ME, what you are going to end up with is GIGGLING sex, not mind-blowing sex. Boys seem to like all those naughty words... to me they are mostly a bit of ridiculum.

No, the REAL answer is to have been paying attention all ALONG to the kinds of things your partner likes... What hints are to be found in every day conversations? Do they linger over dessert or ravenously gorge? What are their visual stimulations? Aural? Audio? Is there anyplace you can TOUCH that sends shivers through them? Mostly though, talking about it and sharing when NOT engaged, and BOTHERING TO REMEMBER--what suggestive comments give them a happy blush? And then pulling all those cues into that big action sequence.


Doesn't that tickle your writing brain?

*cough* Just me then.

Anyway, I'm going to share it with you, because I'm kinky that way.



Sex and the Final Action Sequence.

So in order to have those things PULLED into the final sequence (PUSHED in, even--can we say THRUST? *giggles*--I warned you.), the communication and observation has to have happened already. There are TWO WAYS this can happen, and the effect of the two is different, but complimentary.


THE PIECES

This is the trail of information that, in the final action, can then be pulled in without a 'Deus ex machina' accusation. Does an earlobe nibble make his knees weak? Do they adore visual stimulation? (leave the lights on) Literarily... Nobody previously UNintroduced should have a pivotal role.  No OBJECT or EVENT without history comes in here.  The ACTION can be fresh, but the props and participants cannot (use only what you have good reason to think your partner might enjoy).  If there is a sister given up for adoption that is going to donate the kidney, this CAN'T be the first time we have AT LEAST gotten a hint about it. Since it is the series I am most familiar with, let me pull a couple Harry Potter examples.

JK Rowling is a master at mentioning an idea that will matter later in the most casual of way—she repeats ideas, upping the role... things like polyjuice potion, or the room of requirement. Dragons in Gringots are mentioned in the Sorcerer's Stone... and FINALLY come into play in Deathly Hallows. Goblin distrust of wizards is discussed in detail in Order of the Phoenix... (as is the Goblin parallel to Swizerland and their role in cutlery, time pieces and dairy products *shifty*) Deathly Hallow payoff. The WHOLE BOOK of Chamber of Secrets lays the groundwork for books 6 and 7.

These hints should register on emotional, sensory, and cerebral levels, though the first can be taken care of if you've just made people CARE about the characters and the second can lead to the third... something observed can lead to a clue clicked into place.


And THEN, there is SWEET ANTICIPATION

This is the hint of what is GOING to happen... in real life, it might be a whisper at the restaurant, or a flash of your sexiest lingerie. Maybe it is as obvious as a phone call saying, “I'm on my way!” or as subtle as a smoldering look across a crowded room. In literature, this is foreshadowing. I prefer the variety that AFTER the fact you can spot, but BEFORE, it doesn't help you guess.

So in action and in... action... start paying attention, picking up and dropping clues, and thinking about how the audience is going to want to be tempted prior... and for the ACTUAL event, bring it all to the table...

So there.

Along those lines, I got an award yesterday from Alex Cavanaugh that has a related theme.

Imagine the world was ending when the Mayan's predict, December 21, 2012... What would you do between now and then?

1)  Edit my books that are done but not clean, so I can share them with pride.

2)  Go on the FANCY SCHMANCY version of the book tour, in spite of it being a bad investment.

3)  Quit my job in June of 2012 to spend the last 6 months with friends and family in my beloved Pacific Northwest. (if the house sells, go sooner)

4)  Write my grandpa's story. Never mind it would probably never be read. It is something I need to do.

5)  Eat all the things I enjoy, drink what I like, and shoot all that foreshadowing and plotting into my sex life.

6)  Laugh A LOT--I have a few lifetime reliable laugh-makers and i would definitely fit them in.

7)  Read all the Harry Potter books again, as... in this life, those have had the biggest effect, and I am pretty sure I could summon a group of people I truly love to read them with me to relive the anticipation... MAN that was a good time.

And I am going to pass this on to:  Ted Cross because much of what I mentioned above was driven home by how well he did it with a significant section of his book, and RaShelle Workman for being a superstar commenter and to Leigh Moore, my most recent kindred spirit!

Creative Id

An unfamiliar muse has awakened recently, undoubtedly freed by this waiting game. Not a darned thing I can do without answers. Query status stands as 1 not taking new clients, 2 rejections (both to eQueries) and 10 still out there… It’s day 22. Each anticipatory thought that ‘no news is good news’ brings a fresh rejection, but still, at the close of the day I will still have 9 hot queries out there. Waiting… nothing to do yet… Back to the Muse Thankfully, this ‘not touching CONFLUENCE again until someone professional tells me how to improve it' has freed this strange muse… one I’m not sure I’ve seen before (might be Melpomene, but I never knew I’d like her so much! I’m going to keep calling her Id though). She is lusty and violent! She likes murder and sex and characters in mortal peril! Man, is this fun?! I truly think the first chapter I wrote Monday will be a ‘send me the full’ first chapter (if I could only hurry through the whole book with such confidence, I could sell it now! (Id is impatient… did you know?) Actually, other than one chapter intertwined with back story that I have to get just right, I think the whole first half, or at least third, can be written in a matter of weeks. I have plot plans and characters who are in such an interesting situation that it nearly writes itself. What would the word be? Wrorgasm? I’ve been assured Borkgasm conjures all the wrong images… Seriously—I come off writing each night (and yesterday even before work! Eeek!) on such a high. I’ve written two chapters in two days and fit in two previously written to a cohesive plot. Wow! (not bad considering I spend 9 hours a day at a day-job). The problem is the Id has no discipline. A book that is first half adrenaline, second half manual labor will disappoint. And the Id Muse is bad for family life (can you say neglect?) But better a torrid affair and blocks to build on than celibacy, I always say… (okay, I’ve never actually said that, but I would, had the situation arisen…) At the moment though, I feel a little like a junkie; poke me with a quill and let me mainline the ink… [side note: Mr. Tart is 47 today. He requests you entirely ignore that fact.]

Bad Boys in Women’s Clothing

PG-13 content warning. One of my Facebook friends, Carola Dunn, shared a link yesterday that caused me to giggle. http://www.statesmanjournal.com/article/20090812/NEWS/908120415/1001 This man was caught sneaking into a woman’s garage and stealing her panties out of her dryer (which apparently is hooked up in said garage), but he didn’t stop there. He removed all his OTHER clothing and put the panties ON before leaving. There are so many fetishes involved here I can’t even begin to count. First, he HAD to know she was at home—she was doing LAUNDRY! So there is the cross dressing thing, the getting naked thing, the impulsiveness of not being able to wait, and the risk of getting caught. Surely there are more, but it is just a truly bizarre crime (that happened in Oregon, no less). Now I had a friend who had her studio broken into when we were in our early 20s, and that guy got in her underwear drawer too, so I understand how disturbing this is for the victim… but I still can’t help but chuckle at the confluence of the cross-dressing and the Darwinian Award nature of this crime (Darwin Awards being those awarded to people who remove themselves from the gene pool through sheer stupidity). But it reminds me… Cross-dressed Death Eaters My infatuation of the idea of cross dressed Death Eaters was born when I first spotted the following song on a HPANA thread dedicated to Monty Python (my two favorite things in one place! *fangirlsqueal*): I'm a Death Eater, and I'm okay. I plot all night and I teach all day. He's a Death Eater, and he's okay. He plots all night and he teaches all day. I take house points. I yell at kids. I go to my dungeon. On Wednesdays I'm at Hogsmeade. Have butterbeer alone. For those of you not familiar with the original, here is Monty Python’s ‘I’m a Lumberjack” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zey8567bcg Now Dumbledore is obviously a guy who is naked under his robes… but Lucius Malfoy? No way! Corset, garter belt, fishnets… the man is all about the trimmings! (heck, he keeps albino peacocks in his garden!) I’m not sure why it makes me chuckle so much, but it does, and clearly I’m not alone, as my friend Stacy found the above avatar for me. Maybe it is just the juxtaposition of soft, pretty, sexy things with irredeemable villains that is so delicious. But what about Real Life? I confess that I lose some people here. I have friends who love the idea of cross-dressed death eaters who cannot abide by my insistence that men in touch with their feminine side are actually more appealing, so I should clarify. If anyone were allowed to wear pants at my house, it would probably be me—don’t get me wrong, I’m not masculine, and my husband isn’t feminine, but I’m the wage earner, and I drive our big decisions (buying a house, moving across the country). My husband has been largely an at home parent, and he is the only one competent to keep track of appointments, schedules, and where our children are. We have reversed roles. So maybe there is SOMETHING in me, a little more inclined to switch things up. But the reality of it is, I find men willing to gender bend a little, are generally more open minded and playful and THAT is the actual turn on of it—no rules, no hang ups. A performer like Steven Tyler is infinitely more sexy to me because he can put on a boa. That’s not to dis Chad Kroeger, because he is clearly the hottest person on the planet, but he balances his lack of feminine with an obviously dirty mind and that voice that sends shivers down my thighs.

After the Climax

Should I bask in the afterglow? Or is it better to sneak out while the memory still has him breathing heavy? Is he asleep now, anyway? (Is the preference gender specific?) In my process of shortening CONFLUENCE I recently did some serious analysis of my last chapter. Some of it is totally necessary to how things end up, but a lot of it was the tidying up of ‘what happened to so-and-so’. Do I mention the trial? Do the bad guys go to jail? Does the nut get therapy? What is the best way to end things? Is all that matters that it’s OVER, or is there a need for some closure? My son is ten and I still read with him almost nightly. We’ve read some GREAT books together and there is a noticeable trend. He is COMPLETELY uninterested in the prologue and the epilogue. Just read the book, mom! You see, he doesn’t consider the prologue or epilogue as part of the story. I, on the other hand, want the juicy set-up of the prologue. I love that anticipation of where it will fit in. I like to get a little tingly before dive in. And I want the tie-up of the epilogue, maybe just to make sure the Author really remembered all the plot strands, but I definitely want to know how it REALLY ended up. I don’t know whether these preferences are his maleness, or his ten-ness (or my femaleness or forty-somethingness), or if they are just stylistic preferences. It DOES, however, offer a solution to my own dilemma. I’ve pulled out the extraneous stuff from the last chapter and put it into an epilogue. The people who don’t want it, don’t have to read it—their story will be complete without the pesky aftermath of who is supposed to call whom, but those of us who prefer he spend the night spooning us, will have the option. I’d love to hear others’ preferences on how a book ends!

Sexy is as Sexy Does?

Er… Or not. I have very definite opinions about sex in literature, and oddly, they are more conservative than my opinions about sex in film. I can watch Eyes Wide Shut, or even Caligula, and feel rather hot and bothered (Dick of Death not so much, pornography still needs a plot). But the point of reading, in my opinion, is to let the imagination take some of the slack. I’ve been trying to analyze this… Why would a tart be annoyed with sex in literature? The analysis leads me to the conclusion that I am not offended by sex. (Seriously, how could I be? Without sex, there goes the human race.) I just usually find it fairly ridiculous when the details are put into words. Further circumspection reminds me that at age 15 the love scenes in Princess Daisy were very gratifying. Romance novels offered a taste of what I had yet to experience for myself. Now however, I just find such scenes laughable. Why? The eye of experience? I haven’t tried everything (rumors to the contrary notwithstanding) so even a very descriptive scene, if truly unique (think the Clockworks in Even Cowgirls Get the Blues--Yam oil--an email heading a likeminded twisted freak once sent with nothing in the body… yeah… I can get worked up if you truly appeal to something that has never occurred to me before). In fact Tom Robbins nearly always arouses me in ways the romances don’t. Why? Because he writes sex so fabulous it sends a stick, an old sock, and a can of beans on a transcendental journey. Who has sex that great? I know I’d like to. There are some song-writers who get it. Red Hot Chili Peppers and Cherry Poppin' Daddies both have songs that hit it right. Sir Psycho Sexy and Dirty Mother Fuzz are my favorite examples. In fact just this morning I heard Chad Kroeger from Nickelback singing, "I'd like to cover you with jello in the tub, and roll around for hours like we're never coming up." Now that is hot. (Then again Chad Kroeger could probably say 'I'd like to watch you folding laundry, scrubbing floors and pulling weeds' and I would get hot and bothered. Still. It's a good line) The point is, it is the outrageousness that crosses the act from ‘been there, so what?’ to ‘oh my god, I need to shower.’ Most sex, even with a glorious, hunky stranger, is just sex, as adults have had sex. My other issue is typically parts. Is there a word for penis that isn’t more funny than sexy? Tell me ‘throbbing member’ doesn’t make you laugh. You can’t can you? How about a ‘sizable shaft’? Are you giggling? These are words that distract from what it is they are meant to display (pun probably appropriate, if not intended). I would rather experience a sex scene from an emotional perception level of one of the parties (I could feel his eyes undressing me from across the room), or occasionally from a physiological perception level, but not from a bird’s eye view. And honestly… it still needs to move the plot forward. Oddly, in fantasy I often like sex because it is associated with some magic or atrocity or spell. Dark fantasy in particular I seem able to overlook all but the most ridiculous descriptions. But again, it is the fact that there is some component that makes it unreal. My mind even goes there inappropriately (am I the only one to wonder what the Imperious Curse was REALLY used for?) My conclusion is that sex in fact is a rather silly, ridiculous thing, unless we are in fact one of the participants, or it is written to appeal to a very personal angle. It involves unattractive parts and awkward movements that require high levels of hormones to overlook. It isn’t like what is written, though it is close enough to what is written to remind anyone who has been there that it is in fact impossible to get from point A to point B without adjusting ones self in an embarrassing way. In twenty-five years I’ve had maybe a dozen sexual experiences that would make somebody ELSE hot to read about were I to write them play-by-play (and I’m not sharing)--and those mostly because of scene or situation. Mostly it is only because we are in the moment ourselves, and not thinking about them, but rather experiencing them, that we enjoy it so much. I know a great many people disagree. The romance genre is very popular, so perhaps I’m the freak. I just prefer to be entertained with outrageous details, or given an idea that has never once occurred to me, or else invested in the emotions of the moment. I’m not interested in heaving bosoms or electrified loins. I mean, seriously? If it is just normal sex, I will be far more aroused if my own imagination can fill in the blanks.