E is for eBookasaurus

HA! Right?!

I should probably introduce my theme first... the theme is I bring up a promotion topic and YOU tell me what you know... (since I know nothing).

And I have a confession for you, since that's what we do around here... I was stumped for an ePromotion, so I went to this site and scanned the ones with the most green checks, but I fell in love with this name... and it looks pretty good in theory, but that is the most cursory glance.

Has anybody used this before?

How does it work?

DOES it work?

Does it have the best name ever? *shifty*

So what do YOU know about eBookasaurus?


Any OTHER promotional stuff that starts with E?


Now don't forget to go visit other A to Z bloggers!

B is for BookBub

No, not Bubba

For anyone who didn't see my theme posts, this month I will be bringing up a tool for book marketing or promotion and asking all of YOU for experiences, knowledge, and ideas.

So what is BookBub?

I learned about it from my neighbor... she asked me if I'd heard of it, then proceeded to tell me about how she would go and get free and cheap books...

FREE BOOKS!

Now we don't want to give ALL our books away, but a high profile site to give away one or two so people want to buy our OTHER ones is a great idea.

What I don't know... what I hope some of YOU might be able to help with, is: 

HOW DOES ONE GET THEIR BOOKS ON BOOKBUB!?  

Anybody know the process? 

How much does it help sales?

Have you done this? How was the experience?


And because this is a group event, don't forget to go visit OTHER A to Z bloggers this month!

SHE: Jessica Bell and a Chance to Give Back

Halo, fine friends!  Today I'm featuring someone you all know and love (or at least should). Jess has written a book in prose about abuse and is donating proceeds... but I should probably let HER tell you about it...

Did you know that in the U.S., 16,787 people have said that they were abused as children by priests between 1950 and 2012? (Read more about this here.) That’s a shocking statistic.

In light of this, author and poet, Jessica Bell, has written and published SHE (a short story in verse), and has decided to donate 100% of the profits made on SHE, until the end of 2014, to ISPCAN.org. SHE is only $0.99 cents on Kindle. The cost of a few sips of coffee.

If you don't have a Kindle, you can download the Kindle Reader App onto your computer or your Android phone, tablet, iPad, iPhone, Mac, Windows 8 PC or tablet, BlackBerry, or Windows Phone.

I hope you consider purchasing and spreading the word.
 

EASY TWEET:

SHE by @MsBessieBell—an exploration of religious institutions & #ChildAbuse—100% profits go 2 @ISPCAN. $0.99 #poetry http://ow.ly/z1YWz

About SHE:

Note: This short story is an experimental work of fiction written in verse. Page count: 30. Word count: 1500.
A girl’s brief encounter in limbo, following a suicide attempt, after being sexually abused by a priest. God in limbo is represented by She. She has been misinformed about how faith is advocated on Earth, and sends the girl back for another chance at life, in the belief that she must repent for her sin.

*Disclaimer: This story is not in any way a direct criticism of religion, or a representation of the author’s beliefs, but simply a creative exploration of the concept.

BIO:

Jessica Bell, a thirty-something Australian-native contemporary fiction author, poet and singer/songwriter/ guitarist, is a the Publishing Editor of Vine Leaves Literary Journal and the director of the Homeric Writers’ Retreat & Workshop on the Greek island of Ithaca. She makes a living as a writer/editor for English Language Teaching Publishers worldwide, such as Pearson Education, HarperCollins, MacMillan Education, Education First and Cengage Learning.

Connect with Jessica online:

Website | Retreat & workshop | Blog | Vine Leaves Literary Journal | Facebook | Twitter

So isn't a book for a good cause a good idea?

Newses you can Uses!!!

Or something...

Seriously. I am finally finding my feet again after grant hell. Today is only my 3rd day off in 3 weeks and between Sunday, Monday and Tuesday I put in 35 hours. I WILL say the team we've assembled (my boss and I—she brought me with her for the new Department and we've hired about 15 people in the last year) is AWESOME. We are brilliant. Seriously. We were there until after midnight Tuesday (frantically trying to find a service to get the damn thing to DC by the next day, because it wasn't assembled until about 11:38... and I work with a GREAT GROUP. The volume was just too much in too short a time.

But it's done. Hopefully we can convince the Grand Poobah we don't need to do another until at least October, and when we DO another that we have more lead time and it isn't quite so large.


But what I am here to do TODAY is share a bit of book news.

FIRST, our Blog Buddy Sean McLachlan is offering his book FREE from today until April 8. Hear that? FREE!!! So if you could BOTH go get it AND share the news THAT would be fabulous!!!

The Scavenger – A Toxic World Novelette


And don't forget to review if you like it!!!


And Now... It's all about ME!

*cough *

Should I reiterate my miserable last couple months because of the overworked day job? No?

I am a month later than I intended with Book 8 of my Shot in the Light Serial, but Belly of the Beast went up YESTERDAY!!! Nine and ten shouldn't be NEARLY as long in between, and hopefully 11 and 12 will ALSO be in line, though for the 3rd time I got diverted WRITING 11 with work... But once May gets here, I should be able to take a little time off.

March Madness went BRILLIANTLY for me for the first 18 days and then got shot all to hell... work. AGAIN. I'd like to have a goal of just continuing into April Madness, but as it's the 4th and I've only managed a little... and I have to work Sunday...

See, I'm a big whiny baby right now. I really should not be made to work so hard or I will complain you all to death and NOBODY wants THAT.

Be Careful What you Wish For!!! (Cover reveal: Warning: SPICY)

So one of my FABULOUS go-to beta readers and supportive writing buddies has a book release coming. But I ALSO really relish the chance to display a nice pair o' pecks if the opportunity arises...

Be Careful What You Wish For (Wishes, #1)

Jade C. Jamison

Forbidden desire is just the beginning...

Jessica, a college student struggling with day-to-day bills, is given an offer she can’t refuse. A married woman who is convinced that her husband Kage is cheating on her offers Jessica enough money to repair her dying car in exchange for Jessica’s attempt to destroy the woman’s marriage.

Jessica succeeds but discovers something else—she and Kage are soulmates, destined to find each other.

But as they attempt to carve out their places in each other’s lives, Jessica finds herself plagued with doubts, and she begins to suspect that Kage is once a cheater, always a cheater. Can their relationship survive or was it doomed from the start?

Jessica's New Baby: Degenerate Dictionary

So one of my earliest bonding points--the first big seller where I KNEW Jessica was a keeper, as friends and blog buddies go--was visiting her blog and seeing her alternative definitions in her sidebar.  Arsenic sold me (a cut on your bum)... I LOVE misattributing, I think you all know that, and this is a misattributing tool of EPIC proportions.

So Jessica is putting out a DICTIONARY of these gems... but I should let HER tell you about it...

Okay, let’s have a bit of fun with words. You in? It’ll be short and sweet and funny.

I promise.

And you can win somethin’ for just having a bit of fun.

Jessica Bell and Adam Byatt are celebrating the speedy progress of Degenerate Dictionary. And they are giving away two $20 Amazon gift cards.

Jessica is also throwing in any eBook of hers that you wish to have (i.e. ALL of them if you want them.)

There are two ways you can enter:

The FUN way:

Write an example sentence using one of their Degenerate Dictionary words and tweet it to @DegDic. The author of the sentence they like best will win a $20 gift card + Jessica’s books. With your permission, they will also include it in the book when it’s published. With credit of course!

Example tweet:

Everyone saw my sparkly string while waiting in the *stationary*. @DegDic Join in to win here: http://ow.ly/uEvA8 #giveaway

Note: When you tweet your example sentence, make sure the word in question is inside two asterisks, that the link is included, the #giveaway hash tag is included, and that the @DegDic handle is included. Otherwise they won’t see it. Don’t forget to replace the sentence with your own!

The CLINICAL way:

Enter the contest via the rafflecopter below. The winner selected via the rafflecopter will also win a $20 gift card + Jessica’s books.

You may enter both ways to double your chances.

[RAFFLECOPTER EMBED CODE]
a Rafflecopter giveaway

Good luck! Please spread the word!

NakedStorm! Or should we say CassaTart?

Today is a HUGE day! Alex Cavanaugh is releasing his third in his Cassa Trilogy and he let a bunch of his buddies ask him questions... What do you think I asked about?

Tart:  In the future universe you've created, where would a Tart go to find her favorite dress code? Which is to say UNdressed?

Ninja:  I think you’d enjoy visiting Arella. The Arellens wear light clothing and underwear is probably optional. It’s a lush planet with numerous bodies of water, so lots of opportunities for skinny dipping.

(Oh, I know... Ninjas are always naked)

Comment on Alex’s blog this week for a chance to win a Cassa mug, mousepad, magnet, and swag!

CassaStorm

By Alex J Cavanaugh

From the Amazon Best Selling Series!

A storm gathers across the galaxy…

Commanding the Cassan base on Tgren, Byron thought he’d put the days of battle behind him. As a galaxy-wide war encroaches upon the desert planet, Byron’s ideal life is threatened and he’s caught between the Tgrens and the Cassans.

After enemy ships attack the desert planet, Byron discovers another battle within his own family. The declaration of war between all ten races triggers nightmares in his son, threatening to destroy the boy’s mind.

Meanwhile the ancient alien ship is transmitting a code that might signal the end of all life in the galaxy. And the mysterious probe that almost destroyed Tgren twenty years ago could return. As his world begins to crumble, Byron suspects a connection. The storm is about to break, and Byron is caught in the middle…

“With a talent for worldbuilding and a compelling cast of characters, Alex J. Cavanaugh combines high powered space battles and the challenges of family dynamics to provide readers a space opera with heart.” 
- Elizabeth S. Craig, author of the Southern Quilting and Myrtle Clover mysteries

“I thought the revelation was going to be one thing and I was completely wrong … CassaStorm pushes the limits…”
- Tyson Mauermann, Speculative Reviews

$16.95 USA, 6x9 Trade paperback, 268 pages, Dancing Lemur Press, L.L.C.

Science fiction/adventure and science fiction/space opera

Print ISBN 9781939844002 eBook ISBN 9781939844019

$4.99 EBook available in all formats

Find CassaStorm:

Barnes and Noble

Amazon 

Amazon Kindle 

Goodreads

Book trailer

Alex J. Cavanaugh has a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree and works in web design and graphics. He is experienced in technical editing and worked with an adult literacy program for several years. A fan of all things science fiction, his interests range from books and movies to music and games. Online he is the Ninja Captain and founder of the Insecure Writer’s Support Group. The author of the Amazon bestsellers, CassaStar and CassaFire, he lives in the Carolinas with his wife.

(And he's a ninja)

Website – http://alexjcavanaugh.blogspot.com/

Twitter – http://twitter.com/AlexJCavanaugh  

Goodreads - http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4287922.Alex_J_Cavanaugh

Go Alex, Go!!!

A Small Favor and a Bigger One...

So this week I get a reality check. Anyone want to take bets on whether I'm delusional or if I might be onto something. Say WHAT? You say...

Well see THIS WEEK I am offering up my first FOR FREE and releasing my second in my Shot in the Light serial.

The questions go something like this:

Can I give it away? (how many downloads will I get with that FREE pricetag?)

And if I DO give it away, will it lead to PURCHASES?

I could use all of your HELP on that front. [Note: This is the BIGGER favor] Anyone willing to share THIS, would be HUGELY appreciated!

Buy Link

The LITTLER favor:

Could you please, even if I sent you one for free, click BUY on Thursday. It's free. It's easy. And I am HOPING that click will help me get a good ranking on the old free book thing... It is one of those things Amazon adds to their promo algorithm.


In Other Attempts...

I sent a copy of book 2 to anyone who reviewed book 1 by yesterday—I don't know what the 'sweet spot' is for number of reviews, but I DO know that Amazon takes it into account when they are promoting. I think if there are enough reviews, then THEY do my advertising FOR ME. That's where I want to be. But I think the number of reviews needed is like 30.

It got a couple people to post reviews, so it worked on some level.

Mark Your Calendar!!!

I have a bunch of buddies with September book releases, so I thought I'd put them in order of release so you can just look HERE and keep track of what's coming...

September 2:  Jade Jamison (one of my reliable sprint buddies and first readers for my Shot in the Light Series) Is releasing Rock Bottom, sequel to the Best-Selling Bullet. Note for the release weekend, Bullet is only 99 cents--these are rock and roll... I want to say love stories... they are, but NOT typical romance... sexy (some erotica level scenes) but REAL... Your inner groupee definitely wants to read these.

Sadly, as an Indie, no pre-orders, so don't forget!!!

September 15: Witch Land: The Cindy Chronicles Book 2 (of 6) by RaShelle Workman

After RaShelle's wildly successful serial Blood and Snow (about Vampires) RaShelle is taking on Witches!

POSSESSING MAGIC DOESN'T GUARANTEE A HAPPILY EVER AFTER. OR DOES IT?

Life sucks. 
Possessing magic sucks. 
What doesn’t suck? Fashion, Cindy's boyfriend Gabe, and her best friend, Snow White. 

Cindy (Cinderella…shhh, don’t tell) was born a witch. It’s part of who she is. But there’s more to her than that. She loves deeply. And has a big heart. She’d do anything for those she cares about, including risk her own life to save theirs. 

September 17:  Alex Cavanaugh (who needs no introduction around here) is releasing CassaStorm.  This is the third in Alex's triology that began with CassaStar and continued with CassaFire. If you want to look in on the CassaStorm blog tour, details are here.

Byron thought he’d put the days of battle behind him. Commanding the Cassan base on Tgren, his only struggles are occasional rogue pirate raids and endless government bureaucracies. As a galaxy-wide war encroaches upon the desert planet, Byron’s ideal life is threatened and he’s caught between the Tgrens and the Cassans. 







October 1: Gwen Gardener  is releasing A Guilty Ghost Surprised. Okay, so not quite September, but very nearly!

An Angel Among Us

Paranormal happenings at the Eady household are the norm. Recently, things have become downright peculiar. Childish giggles at odd hours of the night lead Indigo Eady to her little cousin, Bryan, a guileless cherub spirit, complete with Spider Man pajamas and a set of faux angel wings. The problem is that Bryan died nearly three years ago in a hit and run that killed him and his mum. The driver was never found.  Now the gang must solve the mystery of his death in order to send him back to heaven.  But where to start when the trail is three years cold?

Indigo Eady

Indigo Eady is not clumsy. At least, that’s what she keeps telling everyone. Can she help that the overactive spirit community of Sabrina Shores causes her psychic abilities to short-circuit? It’s unfortunate that her cute friend Badger is often on the receiving end of her mishaps. At times, she is positively hazardous to his health. Even so, sparks fly in more than one direction.

Late September/Early October

Janet Oakley is the award-winning author of Tree Soldier and sets her historic fiction in my favorite locale, the Pacific Northwest. She's carved herself a niche with her books--she is a history expert in this area and most of the books on the time and place seem to lack the heart Janet puts into them. You should read one or both. If you like EITHER historic fiction OR the Pacific Northwest, you will love these.

Timber Rose:  1907. Women climbing mountains in skirts. Loggers fighting for the eight hour day. The forests and mountains of the North Cascades are alive with progress, but not everyone is on board.
Caroline Symington comes from a prominent family in Portland, Oregon. Much to her family’s dismay, she’s more interested in hiking outdoors and exploring the freedoms of a 1907’s New Woman than fancy parties and money. She plans to marry on her own terms, not her parents. When she falls in love with Bob Alford, an enterprising working-class man who loves the outdoors as much as she, little does she know how sorely her theories will be tested. Betrayed by her jealous sister, Caroline elopes, a decision that causes her father to disown her.

The young couple moves to a rugged village in the North Cascade Mountains where Caroline begins a new life as the wife of a forest ranger. Though she loves her life in the mountains as a wife and mother, her isolation and the loss of her family is a challenge. As she searches for meaning among nature, she’s ushered along by a group of like-minded women and a mysterious, mountain man with a tragic past.
Eventually, her relationship with her mother and sister improves and things seem to be taking a turn for the better. That relationship is tested again when her uncle and her sister's ruthless ex-husband muscle their way into the national forest, threatening the nature she loves, and more importantly, the man she loves. Though Caroline desires to reconcile with her family, she knows she must take a stand. 

TIMBER ROSE is about gilded society, thugs and big timber meeting the newly formed Forest Service, mountaineering clubs and a young woman's desire to make her own way in a changing world.

TIMBER ROSE is the prequel to the award-winning TREE SOLDIER.

Epic Sex

So I don’t write sex scenes very often, and I’ve never written a YA sex scene before, but I find myself facing my first of these. Now nobody panic, I am not jumping into kiddy porn… I will focus on the first-person emotion of it because that is what matters to my story. Still, it is intimidating.

I mean I want to get across…

Hot.
Scared (a little).
Wonder.
Insecurity.
The sort of out-of-body experience it can be when you don't know what you're doing...

That’s a lot.

This book has been fun to write so far. I’m about half done with my BuNoWri goal, but probably only a third or less done with the overall story.

So wish me luck! Or orgasms… wait, no… first timers don’t get those… at least the girls… poor things.


On the TOPIC of Epic Sex…

A friend of mine who shall remain nameless sent me a note last week… “uh, erm… I’ve written this book…”

I knew she was a writer—we’ve been friends for years and it was always one of our common interests—but I DIDN’T know she was writing fiction. She’s not online a ton and is not the attention whore I am. But she asked for a little guidance and help getting her book out there. I am thrilled to give her some introductions, but that ‘must remain nameless’ thing makes it a little tricky. You see… she has a job and a child… and has written erotica…

So FIRST, I want to introduce her book, but then ask you guys some advice…

High Stakes Chattel
by Andie Blue
When Lord Nico Chattel tackles an intruder on his property he is surprised to discover the captive beneath him is a voluptuous wild-eyed beauty seeking his help. Samantha is determined to win the grand prize at the Chattel game tournament that will save her family farm. Now all she needs to do is dress like a man and convince the game’s creator, Lord Chattel to mentor her. The dark and handsome Lord Chattel wants nothing to do with the silly game that once defined him or the woman pursuing him. He agrees to play but only if the victor can claim a sensual prize he is sure will scare her away. The stakes of their game get higher until Samantha is left standing naked before him and Nico must call her bluff.
This erotic romance mixes Downton Abbey with a touch of Fifty Shades of Grey.

If you are an erotica reader, I’d love it if you’d check her out.


Next—any of you have experience with this incognito stuff? How would you go about starting from scratch? I mean I have a separate online persona, but it is more about branding than secrecy—My real friends know both and I don’t mind my professional colleagues learning. I just wanted a clear line between my fiction and my science. (thus dropping my first name for my fiction).

I’d just love to pass on some advice about balancing privacy and/or secrecy with promotion.

Visiting Diana Wilder Today

So today I have an author interview of a little more serious nature than the one I barely survived Tuesday... Although I had a BLAST.  Still, it's a relief to be able to relax a bit and have a great conversation with the lovely Diana Wilder.  Come by and see us!

In the meantime... I showed up last night to my author chat with Writer Space... that actually occurred on Tuesday.  GAH!  I had it on my calendar, but the reminder came to me AFTER I was off the computer for the night, so I missed it completely!

Any of you make any bonehead moves like that?

In the meantime, I will leave you with tattoos for some of my favorite books, inspired by a FB share I saw yesterday.

An Amusement and a PLAN *BUWAHAHAHAHAHA*

So you know how it's a big giant pain in the booty to write a bio? How you feel like a tool saying all these fantastic things about yourself, but you have a vested interest in it coming out okay? Well I ran across a solution this weekend thanks to my friend Marjorie... It's a random artist bio generator!!!

Here was mine:

My work explores the relationship between gender politics and UFO sightings.

With influences as diverse as Wittgenstein and Roy Lichtenstein, new combinations are created from both orderly and random dialogues.

Ever since I was a teenager I have been fascinated by the unrelenting divergence of the zeitgeist. What starts out as vision soon becomes corroded into a hegemony of power, leaving only a sense of decadence and the prospect of a new undefined.

As undefined derivatives become distorted through frantic and academic practice, the viewer is left with a statement of the inaccuracies of our culture.

Go here to generate your own! http://www.artybollocks.com/


And as to that PLAN!!!!! *BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA*

Plan for WHAT, you ask...

Well, see, TOMORROW is the release date for my second book, The Begonia Bribe... so HERE are the places I've booked to visit on my blog tour! I am writing something different for each, so hope you'll get a chance to visit these fabulous hosts and hostesses.

Blog Tour
May 8: Jessica Bell
May 10: Alex Cavanaugh
May 13: L. Diane Wolfe
May 14: Ms. Snark (aka: Laura Eno: bring any items you might need for personal defense) 
May 16:  Diana Wilder
May 17: Tote Bags-n-Blogs
May 20:  Johanna Garth
May 22: Writer Space
May 22: Dru's Musings (A day in the life of Rob Columbus)
May 24:  Fresh Fiction
May 27:  Helena Soister
May 30:  Patricia Stoltey


Huge huge THANKS to those hosting me!!! And if I snuffed up and got lines crossed with anyone who offered, please accept my apology. I've been inordinately scatter-brained of late.

May Day May Day

Whereby I shamelessly ask you to PLEASE love me...

{forgot until midday that it was insecure writer's first Wednesday, but this seems fitting... definitely want to send you off to find the other folks though, here}


I am feeling so scrambled and out of sorts, but I am now counting down to book release date (6 days) and other than 8 or 9 guest spots have just not done my legwork...

But YOU have legs!!! (erm, and by legs I mean fingers) *cough*

So I was hoping you might help me out. Pretty please?

It's easy peasy. Just do one or to of the following:

Like my Facebook Author page

Mark The Begonia Bribe as a 'to read' book on Goodreads

Like The Begonia Bribe on Amazon (drat!  No more Ammy likes?)

And Barnes and Noble 


And... This is the most time consuming, but could be big... would you mind emailing or calling your local library and 'recommending' they carry The Begonia Bribe?


You guys ROCK! And remember, only one week to Hurray Hurray the 8th of May!!!

Umbrellabird, Underwear, and Uaro

Umbrellabird

I have a confession. I had to cheat to find my animal today. I feel pretty good that it took me until U and when I looked up U animals, I decided it really was not that shocking I'd had such troubles. The options were Uakari (a South American monkey), Uguisu (a small Asian bird), and the Umbrellabird (South American). I liked the others, but the Umbrella bird looked most interesting to me, so he won.


Underwear

You DO understand that Underwear are really just small pants and I can't really condone them, yes? Say it with me: PANTS ARE EVIL! DOWN WITH PANTS!

*cough *

But there are two acceptable usages in my opinion...

These:

shexy dahlink

Oh yeah...

Or, in the MANSE, which is my home thread at ABNA, we've determined that underwear may be used THIS way:

And that's enough silliness for TODAY.

Now for my U-Author... who is a bit too shy to wear panties on her head, but she is one of my ABNA buddies:


Ia Uaro and Sydney's Song

Blurb:
Olympic fever runs high in the Australian summer of 1999 and 17-year-old Sydney has caught it. Little does she know taking a holiday job in the beehive that is the Olympics' public-transport call centre will be life altering. Shaken by her parents’ divorce, the sheltered Aussie is further plagued by abusive callers, obnoxious government agencies, constrictive office rules, and liberated friends. She is trying to negotiate these challenges as her own personal Olympics when Pete finds her. Pete, Boston's former child prodigy whose soothing voice floats across her workstation, sees through Sydney's tough outer shell. Pete knows what it takes to present a dignified front when all you want to do is howl at the moon. Treating their friendship like an art, he invests time and creative effort to pull Sydney out of her despair.

Tragedy strikes when an accident leaves Pete with a major brain injury in a Boston hospital. Their families think Sydney is too young to cope with all the complications, but she doesn't agree. After all that he has done for her, Sydney refuses to leave Pete with people who view him only as an endless chore. Deferring her university studies, alone in a foreign land facing new trials, Sydney stays at his side—even when he doesn't recognise her.

Set in Sydney and Boston where heartbreaks are juxtaposed humour and based on true story and real events, this novel with an Australian accent also shows the world that living with disabilities does not prevent a person from attaining happiness.

Tortoise, Toast Man and Talli

Look at this teeny tiny tortoise!!!

Tortoises

You know... I really identify with tortoises. Some astrology substitutes a tortoise for the crab in cancer, so maybe this is why. Tortoises go SLOW, but if you'll remember the tortoise and the hare... it is the tortoise who keeps going without getting distracted. This is a good thing. Tortoises ARE inclined to hide in their shells if they don't like what's going on, but that is sort of the way with writers, too, eh?

And then looking for images, I kept running across all these pics of this tortoise and this hippo that are best buds! Aren't they fabulous!?

Talk Talks to Toast Man (POWDERED Toast Man that is)

This is a bit of a coup on my part. Powdered Toastman is difficult to pin down (at least if you don't catch him by surprise, but I managed to get him to talk to me recently.

Tart: At what point did you learn you were a superhero? When you were a wee babe? Somewhere in the awkwardness of adolescence?

Toast: When I was about 5 and I farted cinnamon sugar.

Tart: Does being a superhero help you get chicks? By which I mean girls, because chicks in a literal sense, I'd imagine, you could just buy, and I can't help but think a superhero has no real advantage there...

Toast: I don't get any girls. Most girls aren't attracted to a guy with bread for a head unless they have a weird fetish.

Tart: And the name... Powdered Toast Man... were the other superhero names taken? Or is there something about your superpowers that makes this fitting?

Toast: You haven't seen my youtube video? If you need some powdered sugar on your toast, I will be there.

Tart: And is there a romantic counterpart to Powdered Toast Man? A Lois Lane to your Superman? Do your superhero abilities help you do anything kinky?

Toast: Why do you ask? Do you want to be Mrs. Powdered Toast Man? I can get very kinky but I've been told that this is a family show so I can't share. Stop by my house if you want to know the details.

Tart: As a representative of toast, tell me... which do you prefer to be covered in: butter, jam or peanutbutter?

Toast: Jam is too sticky. Peanut butter actually gives my skin a nice shine. Strangley enough I am allergic to butter.

Tart: I notice you made some guest appearances on Ren and Stimpy back in the day. Do they still pay you royalties when those come on the air? If so, what have you done with that income over the years?

Toast: I was actually quite drunk when I signed that contract so I screwed myself out of any royalties. Ren does give me 10% of his drug dealings though so that's good.

Tart: Do they ever talk about casting you for a movie with real people? Who would play you?

Toast: There was talk about 10 years ago about possibly doing a movie but I haven't heard any since then. I would want Dustin Diamond to play me, I'm sure he needs the work.

Tart: Do you have any embarrassing habits you'd be willing to share?

Toast: I still suck my thumb occasionally but only when I'm nervous or horny.

Well there you have it!  You saw it HERE! 


And finally... I MISS TALLI ROLAND!

*cough*

She's had a busy year, being a new mom and all, and I've had a busy year being overwhelmed, but I was glad for this chance to look in on what she's up to.

I decided to feature The Pollyanna Plan, as it came out last June, about the time I got overwhelmed, so I hadn't given it a proper perusal...

Blurb: Thirty-something Emma Beckett has always looked down on 'the glass is half full' optimists, believing it's better to be realistic than delusional. But when she loses her high-powered job and fiancé in the same week, even Emma has difficulty keeping calm and carrying on. 

With her world spinning out of control and bolstered by a challenge from her best friend, Emma makes a radical decision. From here on in, she'll behave like Pollyanna: attempting to always see the upside, no matter how dire the situation.

Can adopting a positive attitude give Emma the courage to build a new life, or is finding the good in everything a very bad idea?


(Love the sound of this! I tend to be a bit of a starry-eyed optimist, so I am all for everybody giving it a whirl)

Squirrels, Song and Smith's Shoes

SQUIRRELS!!!

Squirrels may be very commonplace, but they still make me happy. Michigan squirrels are quite fat. I think it is the 'in case it's a bad winter' thing. Squirrels in places with mostly mild winters don't need to store enough fat to survive a long spell with nothing to eat, but here they are mostly pretty good sized. The Red Fox Squirrels are most common. Like this little fellow here.


Song of Ice and Fire

Source

OH, to be obsessed... SERIOUSLY obsessed. I love when literature mercilessly does this to me. I think about this world and these characters ALL the time... I want to talk to like-minded others about them... I submitted to the more expensive cable for it... Anybody who knows how cheap I am knows this is a very big deal.

The Starks are OF COURSE my favorite, my VERY most favorite being Arya, whose journey is fascinating, terrifying and amazing. But Martin does an amazing job ESPECIALLY of writing PoV characters who are NOT the heroes—of infusing delusion so even as the reader knows it for what it is, it's clear the character doesn't get it. It's some seriously brilliant writing.

I especially love, that on the re-read, I am spotting all this support for favorite theories. There is symbolism, symmetry, foreshadowing... Just freaking AMAZING.

And... ONE WEEK, until my buddy and fellow Burrower Tara (aka: Amber T Smith) Releases 
If the Shoe Fits

The blurb: There’s nothing wrong with Ella Gibson’s life— it just isn’t very exciting, despite being surrounded by lingerie. Working for Cardiff’s top modelling agency should have been glamorous, but most of the time Ella is running around with memos and cups of coffee. It’s a far cry from living the dream, but skirting the edge of her fantasy life is enough.

Then comes the day when her cat starts to talk, claiming to be Ella’s fairy godmother. As if that weren’t crazy enough, the pesky puss becomes a fashion advisor and behavioral expert, too. Add an evil ex-stepmother, a hunk called Charming, plus a looming party-cum-ball, and you have all the elements of a classical fairy tale. There's even a couple of ugly sisters—the fact that they are two gorgeous gay men being neither here nor there.

Ella’s not your typical fairy-tale princess though, and it will take more than a discarded glass slipper to get her man. It’s quite possible she may have to curb her enthusiasm for cursing a wee bit, not to mention her love of vodka. And can Muse, her surprisingly straight-laced feline friend, overcome her prudishness long enough for Ella to sneak a kiss or three with her intended beau?

My Review:
I had the good fortune to be a pre-release reader on this book. This fun twist on the Cinderella tale was just right for my slightly twisted sense of humor. It was laugh-out-loud funny, and I gave it the full five snorts on the laugh-o-meter.

Ella is a common receptionist for a lingerie company with a penchant for swearing and underwear mishaps, but she is good-hearted and easy to like--just ask her sisters--a pair of gay male models who double as her best friends.

Enter Muse... a cat... and a new sort of Furry Godmother... Muse has decided Ella needs a little bit of a makeover if she is ever to catch a suitable match. A manners makeover, in addition to the other sort. The Cat's prudery, the 'sister's' helping on this makeover project... it all is just REALLY fun and hysterically funny.

Rabbits, Rascals and Reich

Rabbits

They're just LITTLE rabbits!

My friend Stephen mercilessly posts the CUTEST baby animal pics on FB every day, and OFTEN he has a rabbit theme. I've called him a marshmallow, but still he continues.







And it's Saturday... we need a break, so I thought a photostream of some of my favorite Rascals would do the trick:

Oh, Rhett...

See how he's undressing you? Even from the computer screen...

Right?

You can SEE what he's thinking... and it's NAUGHTY...

And my FAVORITE...

I aim to misbehave *swoon* No sexier words

Cherie Reich's Nightmare Collection

Blurb: A child monster will get its first taste of blood in Nightmare at the Freak Show. Four friends will enter the forest one December night, but only one can survive in Once Upon a December Nightmare. Almost ten years after Cassie's December nightmare, the monster awakens to hunt again in Nightmare Ever After.

The pieces:

Once Upon a December Nightmare:
But their plans go astray, and friends Cassie, Mary, Denise, and James decide to take a detour down a lonely mountain road. A felled tree blocks their passage and forces them to turn around in a clearing containing a disturbing arrangement of four deer carcasses.​

Then their truck breaks down, and their cell phones don't work. They must brave the cold December air, nightfall, and a long hike. Yet their troubles are just beginning. Tension runs high between the four young friends…and they are not alone. Each step brings them closer to safety, but will they make it to the main road alive?​

Includes the monster's origin story "Nightmare at the Freak Show."

and Nightmare Ever After

Almost ten years have passed since that fateful December night.

But the monster is hungry again.

As the killings start again in New Haven, Virginia, FBI Agent Timothy “Tim” O’Conner sends for the lone survivor from the ’02 murders to help him catch a killer. Cassie Richards wants nothing to do with the monster that killed her friends or the agent’s investigation, but she can’t forget the night that has haunted her nightmares. She returns to Virginia in search for closure, but will she be able to catch and kill a legend in time?