A Worry of Bloggers (and other Assorted Madness)

So you know about Misattributing, right?

No?

See, it's my superpower. I can hear what YOU say and give it a new context so it means something different (usually dirty and I wouldn't bother if the new thing wasn't funny)

So last weekend I was reading a link to a blog post and it began, “A worry of bloggers is...”

And I just stopped reading. I would SO MUCH rather think that bloggers, collectively, can be called a worry and that this worry is doing something COOL than to have yet another thing to worry about... So I have dibbed it so. We, COLLECTIVELY, are now a Worry.

My buddy Joris did these

There is precedence, you know...

A flamboyance of flamingos?


A murder of crows?


These names are OBVIOUSLY the result of somebody having way too much fun.


What about An Anxiety of Authors?
A Rascal of Writers?
A Significance of Statisticians?

Go ahead. You try it!

See--aren't these great? He's a talented guy.

In Other News...

Still WriMoing. My sad news of last week gave me some slow days in there when the muse really just wanted to be mopey, but I still wrote at least a little every day, and my super start padded the down time. I have confidence that at some point this week I will pass the mark where I only need to do less than a thousand words a day to make it.

I am experimenting with this one. It is the first true mystery I've done where I am including multiple PoV including the person(s) who dunnit... I'm not sure whether I like it or not, or whether it takes the whole MYSTERY out of the mystery... U is for Undertow (Sue Grafton) did it and I liked the effect, but it may be I need to do something different on the rewrite. Even if I do though, I feel like I understand my killer better this time than I have. I think it will prove a useful exercise even if it DOES get dropped.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 (she is 5'8")

And TOMORROW, my baby boy turns 16. Poor kid has finals Wednesday and Thursday, so it is lousy timing (his high school is on trimesters). Measured him Friday—he is 6'6” tall. He has a driver's permit and has to fold himself into our car—it's not like my husband and I are tiny people, but 5 inches is a pretty big deal.

I have a swamped week at work with deadlines Thursday and Friday, so this will be the only blog, but hopefully once I am past that, I can get back to a little more.

Jessica's New Baby: Degenerate Dictionary

So one of my earliest bonding points--the first big seller where I KNEW Jessica was a keeper, as friends and blog buddies go--was visiting her blog and seeing her alternative definitions in her sidebar.  Arsenic sold me (a cut on your bum)... I LOVE misattributing, I think you all know that, and this is a misattributing tool of EPIC proportions.

So Jessica is putting out a DICTIONARY of these gems... but I should let HER tell you about it...

Okay, let’s have a bit of fun with words. You in? It’ll be short and sweet and funny.

I promise.

And you can win somethin’ for just having a bit of fun.

Jessica Bell and Adam Byatt are celebrating the speedy progress of Degenerate Dictionary. And they are giving away two $20 Amazon gift cards.

Jessica is also throwing in any eBook of hers that you wish to have (i.e. ALL of them if you want them.)

There are two ways you can enter:

The FUN way:

Write an example sentence using one of their Degenerate Dictionary words and tweet it to @DegDic. The author of the sentence they like best will win a $20 gift card + Jessica’s books. With your permission, they will also include it in the book when it’s published. With credit of course!

Example tweet:

Everyone saw my sparkly string while waiting in the *stationary*. @DegDic Join in to win here: http://ow.ly/uEvA8 #giveaway

Note: When you tweet your example sentence, make sure the word in question is inside two asterisks, that the link is included, the #giveaway hash tag is included, and that the @DegDic handle is included. Otherwise they won’t see it. Don’t forget to replace the sentence with your own!

The CLINICAL way:

Enter the contest via the rafflecopter below. The winner selected via the rafflecopter will also win a $20 gift card + Jessica’s books.

You may enter both ways to double your chances.

[RAFFLECOPTER EMBED CODE]
a Rafflecopter giveaway

Good luck! Please spread the word!

Taking Over the World

[Or, an absurd take on the Insecure Writer’s Support Group]

Holy COW! Is it first Wednesday again? I almost blogged on… well, same topic, actually, but I had no plans to cleverly link it to insecurity and support for my fellow writerly sorts… but here we have it. A perfectly appropriate topic!

Be sure to get around to OTHER insecure writers today, too. You will make all of us feel more loved…

Branding a la Tart

So you know how they tell you when you talk about publishing that you need to BRAND yourself? And how they don’t mean burning an image on your skin, though somehow that sounds far less painful?

And you think about what you want people to think of when they think of you?

Well I have a secret. This is BACKWARD. You don’t want people to think of STUFF when they think of you… You want them, when they think of STUFF to have their mind pop to YOU! Then you will ALWAYS be on the brain! And see, isn’t that better than having the mind wander off to another topic when they think of YOU?


So here is the strategy. Find some obscure thing and OWN IT.

I mean it doesn’t have to be THAT obscure… in fact you WANT it to be something that comes up in their life somewhat regularly. But find a couple oddball things you are really enthusiastic about that people might encounter every once in a while…

I will use myself as an example (knowing all my obscure fetishes and all)

NAKED (and hating pants)
LLAMAS (and alpacas)
MISATTRIBUTING (meaning intentionally misunderstanding to create innuendo)

I am vocal enough about loving these things that pretty much anyone I encounter more than a couple times thinks of ME when they cross these topics. I get Facebook posts on my wall ALL THE TIME.

Or take our fearless leader, Alex… I can’t encounter Kate Beckinsale or Ninjas without thinking of Alex.

Now this may not seem like the most sophisticated form of branding you’ve ever seen, but it sure is fun and easy. And you know what? When strangers you meet in person can rattle off a few things that you love? That is REALLY gratifying. And if they think of YOU when they hear about something, they will get regular reminders to see what the heck you are up to… is your book out yet? Have you achieved fame and fortune?

You see, you are tapping the WORLD as your advertising.

And that’s just smart.

Did I mention easy?  Always best to be easy. *shifty*
(THAT was misattributing)

Best Birthday Present Ever!!!

JKRowling made her announcement this morning... It's COMING... I should let you watch HER announce it, but let me tell you... I am SO FREAKING EXCITED!!!

And because it is Delusional Thursday, and my birthday, and she made this announcement, and Misattributing is my super power... I thought I'd give a little history about JKRowling channeling me...

I began writing with fan fiction, right? (the answer is yes, in case you didn't know)



First channeling coup:

My first story, The Other Prince, detailed the life of Eileen Prince, Snape's mum. I'm THRILLED that even though I wrote this before the last book, it holds up to all but the most picky canon examination, INCLUDING that Sirius and Regulus's dad is named Orion and the Black girls' dad is named Cygnus... I wrote that BEFORE the release of the family tree. (my only goof is I made them brothers instead of cousins--that gross man Orion MARRIED his cousin--can you say ick?)

Best Laid Plans (sometimes go awry)

This was the second long one I wrote, and though I wrote it largely tongue in cheek--it stuck to canon anyway (I am wacky that way). It was written as an alternative 7th book BEFORE the 7th was available, and there is shocking overlap with how it turned out. The main highlights:

Page 4 uses the WORDS 'best laid plans' and page 11 uses awry
Nagini occupies the body of a woman
Snape was in love with Lily
Harry is a horcrux
Snape dies to save Harry


And then there is the Tart Coup NOT in BLP

Harry has a NAKED scene!


So you see... Jo and I have a long history of a mind meld... but STILL, I'd love to thank her for this fabulous birthday present!!!

I am off to the spa!!! (a gift from my boss)

Watch Me Have a Three Way!!!

I'm serious... the DIVINE Deb and Barbara have invited me for a three-way at their blog today. I LOVE these women... they are kind, smart, funny, classy, and FABULOUS, so I was really excited to be invited. I hope you'll come over and check us out!

(Looks like they usually post at 8am, so SOON!)


Also...

Don't Forget Tomorrow is the Delusional Doom Blogfest, in which we all predict our own deaths! (or something equally as silly, twisted, or insane) Please don't forget to stop by!

Here is the scoop:

BEHOLD... THE DELUSIONAL DOOM BLOGFEST!

When: The Ides of March (March 15) tomorrow
Where: Your blog and mine
WHAT: SOMEONE WILL DIE!

Let me e'splain...

You can do ANY (or all) of the following:

Predict your own death

Predict someone ELSES death

Write your own obituary

Write someone ELSES obituary

Plot a murder of someone sorely asking for it, step by step

I don't care whether you do it by story, plot list, news article, PROPHECY (any seers in the group?). All I ask is that SAID DEATH be either very strange, unusual, bizarre...conspiratorial... or that the reporting be entertaining.

I am okay with gore, but if you choose to include it, please be considerate of other festers and post a WARNING.  And if you really ARE a soothsayer or seer, keep that stuff to yourself. Nobody wants to know... this is FOR FUN.

So join us!!!


Cold as Heaven (link above not working)


(blogs not using javascript can also join using: Powered by Linky Tools
Click here to enter your link and view this Linky Tools list..

Something Borrowed (The Tart Takes Requests)

So I've been trying to put together my 'Random' blog (Wednesday) over at Burrowers, Books and Balderdash, and... as a statistician... RANDOM has a very specific meaning to me (any individual option is equally likely to all others for selection)... I am applying it there, but differently (I defined my own set of alternatives)... HERE however, I thought... since y'all know me... it might be good for my writing discipline to take ALL SUGGESTIONS, put them in a database and RANDOMLY choose a topic now and again. That allows you to put topics to me and see how I can twist them in my warped mind... so that is an added bonus.

I will add all topics suggested to my database, and I will use a random number selector to determine what I HAVE to blog on. I will do it once a week, though reserve the right to hop days (probably will do it when I am stumped, or Sunday if I don't GET stumped... some weeks are better than others)... And I also reserve the right to commandeer a topic and post on it on an additional day if it is particularly brilliant.

I request you NOT choose something that I know nothing about, unless you want it to post on Thursday and have me just make stuff up (Misattributing IS my superpower, after all)... then again, there is some fun in that... So anything goes! What do you want me to post about?!  And if the topic isn't chosen immediately... it STILL stays in the database... so ask away!

Holiday of Misattribution

I love the Irish. I love the people (though admittedly the ones I know are mostly teenaged boys named Neil—I'm serious), I love their accents *swoon *. I love some of their authors, their Guinness... But this guy named Pat? Not so much. If I were a small, festive country, I think I might have chosen a different holiday to export. Why?


Alcoholidays

Not a problem. My first real exposure to St. Patrick's day was the “Kiss me” stuff, and wearing green or you'd get pinched (a Tart can hardly take issue with an excuse for goosing). And when I was younger, a holiday that was all about drinking was a-okay. El Cinco de Mayo, for instance—pass me the tequilla!

While that's not something I am so into anymore, I can hardly fault people with wanting a break from Lent, which according to [History Undressed] this fabuloulously titled blog, it was—a day during a 40 day fast when people got to have a party and drink a little... okay by me.

So what's my problem?

Misattributing

But the story goes, that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland. You know what he actually drove out? Pagans. He was sainted for all his religious conversion. He's an interesting guy, and being stolen into slavery, escaping, and then going back to where he was enslaved is a pretty cool tale, but I just can't get on board with anything that smells of Inquisition. [Even if NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!]

Now I solidly believe this guy believed he was doing the right thing (saving souls, in his mind). And he was SMART (incorporating things like the shamrock into symbolism for the holy trinity--it had previously been sacred to the DRUIDS). But in THIS day and age, I feel like we are obliged to recognize that as manipulation. It's like Christmas falling on December 25 because it was already a Pagan holiday—taking and absorbing the symbols of another culture/religion to 'prove' something ends up killing the original meaning and a piece of cultural history gets lost. NOT OKAY.  Excellent marketing.  BAD behavior.  I would rather remember that.

Tart Recommendation

I'm not saying don't celebrate. I think you should. I'm just saying be mindful of what really went on, and take a minute to acknowledge lives and homes lost by people unwilling to lightly change their beliefs, and to note even those who changed did so under false pretenses--they were misinformed.  Though it is an interesting colorful piece of the past, it is not something we should ever aspire toward in the future.

Instead we should just get naked and practice tolerance of all people in their current cultures--don't try to change them.  Love them for who they are. Because the world is much richer that way.

And while you are at it, why don't you misattribute a couple times today--that seems to be what the day is really about.

Beware the Ides

[And other such Death Threats]

I gotta say, if someone was gunna murder me, I don't think I'd want to know in advance (unless of course there would then be some chance to change the course of events). But in literature, I LOVE the foreshadowing.




Prophecies, Oracles and Tea Leaves

The full on prediction of death tends to be the stuff of fantasy, because lets face it, how often does anything realistic have something like it? My very favorite kind are the prophecies, which by the hearing, cause action, which in turn is what brings it about—had nobody heard, nobody would have acted, and it then would NOT have happened (and nobody would be the wiser, eh?). But whatever seer, teller, or gypsy that passes on the vision, it is a greater power than is actually found among mere mortals (at least none of my friends can do it, though I know a few Tarot readers).

The More Subtle Variety

Literature symbolism is something that I always love, but generally need somebody with a Literature degree to point out for me: ohhh, the crows on his front lawn means death is coming to his house! Seriously? What do the crows that congregate across the street from me mean? *shivers * There are a thousand things that happen that somebody would tell you foreshadow death, and I'd bet some portion were even done on purpose by the author *cough*. I'm being facetious, because I've had very clever foreshadowing attributions made on my work when I didn't do it on purpose, and I think it can be tempting to misattribute something that was just a detail—not real foreshadowing. And what about the 999 foreshadowing events that AREN'T there? Is there a point lack of foreshadowing means somebody is safe? (I thought not).

I guess what I'm saying, is while I like this, I probably don't have the background to DO much of it, and it is sort of an effort lost on me anyway.

An In Between

What I CAN spot, and may even be able to DO is a little more 'run of the mill' foreshadowing. I can ALSO spot when it is NOT there and point at the 'deus ex machina' as poor writing *cough*Twilight*cough*. Coming out of left field, in the case of Myer, quite literally, with something that had no lead in or foreshadowing is just plain sloppy. How might she have handled it better? Whispered ghost stories among friends that oh... INCLUDE the baseball crap? Or about the dueling tribes (or whatever they are) of vampires—a whispered warning that certain perfumes cause all the supernatural creatures to be drawn to the same freaking girl?

A little foreshadowing could have salvaged that story—made what is stupidly INCREDIBLE into something a person can suspend their disbelief on.



So What Does it Mean for Us?

Two options.

1)  Plan ahead and know where you are going—if you want to only know vaguely? Fine. If you want two or three possible endings? Fine. But if you just write linearly, you have to have some idea, or the hints won't be there.

2)  Or commit to editing in the hints. ReWriting is going to happen anyway—so just plan on putting in a few scenes that give some clue as to later stuff. That way the reader can be an interactive partner, rather than a passive monkey being led by the nostrils. (hows that image for a Monday morning?)

Bondage Cures Sensitivity!

Since Misattribution is my Super Power, I thought I’d relay my morning to you for your own enlightenment.

My Morning Bondage

“Open. Wider,” he says, not understanding that this is as wide as it gets

“Do you need some suction?” My eyes dart, the rest of me trapped, as I notice a woman I’ve never seen before has come in.

“Ow!” I protest.

“Are you sensitive?” (to me) “Hand my some topical.” (to her)

You see… I have some places my gums have receded a little, and the sensitive part of the tooth is showing. My dentist says they are inclined to cavities, which has been proven by one of the little suckers having one, but more important to me is this sensitivity to cold and pressure… The dentist said a couple bonds over the places would resolve the problem. So far, the bondage truly does seem to have helped my sensitivity, but I will have a better gage on the matter when I’m no longer numb from the violation.


Nudist Movement Spreads!

So after the dentist, I was walking to work (I do this every day—it’s about 2 ½ miles and I really enjoy it). I was walking up Liberty, one of Ann Arbor’s major cross streets, if you can call a single lane each direction major. As I approached campus, what do I see, but PANTS in a garbage can! Another person has lightened their clothing load and is running amok in Ann Arbor! I encourage all of you to do the same before it gets too cold!


No Dirty Laundry for me!

Since nudists don’t generate laundry, you all already know it all, but LEGACY has reached chapter 15. The writing is still pretty easy, but has slowed from the manic ‘must write’ compulsion… still ought to get out 3 or 4 chapters a week though, which means I should be able to hand Mari a draft when she visits in mid-October (hear that Mari? Digressionista or not, I expect you to hold me to that.)

Agent front still as fruitless, but still 8 out there… I am debating using one of the blogs that tear apart Queries… the problem with CONFLUENCE is it is a complicated tale, difficult to nail down in a perky 300 words, but I know it is necessary for the sale… I may retackle it though this weekend… I’m thinking I took the guy too seriously who said SHORT (the 3 sentence guy) and that I need more space and it won’t be held against me provided it is all necessary to get my point across…

I hope all of you have an excellent weekend!

Errors of Attribution

I’m a social psychologist by education and so one of my favorite things in literature is relationships that ring true. I happen to know, as the actor, much of what we do is situational, but as the perceiver, most of the attributions we make are personality. We see a person shoplift: they think they are doing it for whatever reason they feel they must, we think they are doing it because they lack morality or are delinquent. The juxtaposition makes for wonderful reading. Juxtaposed Reader and Hero

Lolita, by Vladimir Nabokov features the repulsive Humbert Humbert. He’s a pedophile who marries a woman for the sole purpose of molesting her daughter. He works himself into the position as her only parent and then repeatedly rapes her. But it is written from such a deluded first person perspective that the reader feels where he is coming from. He is the only main character I truly, deeply, loath, where I still LOVE the book, and it’s because Nabokov walked this line so brilliantly. Juxtaposed Pairs I think another case that makes for interesting reading is when the reader really understands where a character is coming from, but another character is badly misattributing. Case in point, Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy--I mean sure he’s rich, handsome, and takes some things for granted, but his self-awareness of his own hotness hardly merits Miss Bennett‘s wrath. Her jade colored glasses cast him in the worst possible light. I have a list of characters who deserve to be thunked in the head with a thimble, and Miss Bennett tops it, in my opinion. So I have a few questions for all of you: 1) Which authors do particularly well, in your opinion, at letting the reader see the juxtaposition of the heroes point of view and the objective truth? 2) Who are your favorite pairs--by favorite, I don’t mean who do you LOVE, so much as who do you love to READ (so dysfunctional pairs are definitely eligible)? 3) Do you use this in your writing at all? I’d love to hear from you!

Misattributing in drabble

Misattributing is such a beautiful thing. It is my very favorite word--the way it rolls off the tongue, it’s my favorite way to exercise my humor (dragging all my friends into the gutter with me), and it’s the only word I can think of that DOES what it says. Can anybody read misattribute without misattributing what they read? And isn’t it a FABULOUS misattribution, all full of innuendo. A while back I set up some extra things on Google so I could follow blogs, and it asked me the question, ‘what is you superpower?’ I responded “Misattribution”, of course. If you'd like to drabble too, here is a handy diagnostic tool for word count that gives you the option to count hyphenated words as one or two, and loses some of the quirks of many word programs (created by Jason Drake, the Burrow's own programming guru) http://www.the-burrow.org/wordcount_diagnostic.html And if you want to READ some drabbles to images, the Burrow (my writing group, an international group of miscreants intent on writing and supporting each other) does this with some regularity. http://www.the-burrow.org/