Motherly Ponderings

Totally me (they were rescued btw)

I sometimes feel like a bit of a fraud as a mom. I am not the selfless, put others ahead of me at all times person it seems mothers are known for. I sometimes joke that if it weren't for my husband, I would forget I HAD children.... which is of course a gross exaggeration. I'd never forget them. Just their appointments, commitments, assignments, events... My tunnel vision can be immense and my short term memory (or lack thereof) doesn't help in the slightest.

Thankfully I married someone much better at all these details. He is a nurturer, a caretaker, a worrier... by traditional definitions, HE is the mom. I am the play parent, the joke parent... the easygoing one you tell when you are worried about getting into trouble so the blow can be softened. It's in no way fair to the one who does most of the work and is stuck being the disciplinarian, but those are our personalities.

But today my REAL pondering is to give credit to MY mom, without whom, I wouldn't have had a strong enough personality to see the way things usually were and assert that it wasn't for me. She raised me wanting me to have choices. She urged me to get a good education so I COULD stay home, but I could have a good job, instead if I wanted—so I didn't have to be dependent on somebody else--because you never knew what would happen. Never mind that now it really TAKES two incomes... I managed—I've been my family's primary wage-earner ALWAYS. I like what I do and while I'm not making remotely GREAT money, it isn't bad. It is almost enough my husband doesn't need to work.

But she didn't just talk the talk.

Mom and I, not long before my dad died

She went back to college after my dad died because she wanted a strong skill set that would always help her have a reliable job. Now she got an accounting degree, and since then has said she wished she hadn't been QUITE as set on stability—I mean you can have an education that leads to a FUN skill set. But I think that is the greatest service she could have done as a mom--PROVE how important an education was to the options a person had. SHOW ME how hard work really paid off. I really admire my friends who are or have been students AFTER the family piece because I KNOW what dedication that takes.  She somehow managed to BOTH set a career in motion AND be a mom who put her child first. I'm not sure how she did it. She also kept things very clean and organized—something so far out of my skill set I don't even ASPIRE to it.

I guess we do what we have to. My dad died when I was little, so she HAD to do it all. But I don't think that makes it any less heroic. And on top of it, she instilled in me a (nearly obnoxiously) strong self-esteem and set of values to keep pursuing what I intend to do no matter what. Oh, sure... a bit of my father's sense of play hasn't hurt (I wouldn't be me without that), but I wouldn't be SUCCESSFUL without my mom's work ethic and the belief she instilled in me that I can do anything.

So THANKS, MOM! I love you!

This was 8 years ago, but the last 4 generation with my grandma

What Do You MEAN High School?

Does he look ready for high school to you?

Last night we went to the first of what will be three high school visits to choose where my BABY—My Youngest Child... the LITTLE ONE, will go to high school. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

And whose idea was it to give thirteen year-olds CHOICES that will impact their lives for YEARS?

And how did I get so OLD?

OK, so mine weren't this cool...

Okay, that last may be the crux of the matter. And it shouldn't. Among my high school class I know GRANDPARENTS for Pete's sake. But somehow these milestones of the younger close a chapter that was my last grasp at young hipness... erm... never mind that I've never given a fig about being hip. (except maybe that badass Doc Marten phase in my late 20s)


The school we went to is the one my daughter attends. It is one of the original magnet high schools in the US, nearly 40 years old, but housed in a hundred year old stone building that was once an elementary school. It has been a great fit for my daughter, but I think it is flexible enough to also be a great fit for my very DIFFERENT son.

OK, no pom pon, either...

Speaking of which... how is it children from the same two parents can be so completely opposite? I've got my affectionate, artistic, passionate (possibly dramatic) daughter who likes hippie beads and incense (though country music, among other things) and my sarcastic, smartass, booksmart skater child [not that he has any sarcastic, smartass parents *shifty*]. (who is looking an awful lot like Where's Waldo these days—it is the combo of the new glasses and the striped hat—and yes, the swirly hair... Though Waldo wears his pants too high (gotta make sure the girls know you are a boxers guy, after all. Briefs are lame. And binding.) Son ALSO has four fingers on each hand, not three. Um... and blond hair. And prefers hoodies.

But I digress... [and there was much rejoicing].

So that isn't much of a blog. But YOU try to think straight when you get hit with your baby going to high school! Can't be done!

Happy Birthday Babaloo!

No scanner, so I just took pics of pics...

My son turns 13 today. This means all my kids are teens (yes, all two of them). The other one has been a teen since she was 4, so the formal turning wasn't such a big deal. My son, though... has taken on the obnoxious teen boy things very recently.

He was a tidy child. When I would get out a pair of socks and put them on my shoes to put on later, the socks would disappear... he'd put them in the laundry... we're talking age two.

Clean no more... now I can't get him to bring his snack dishes up from the basement for anything. And he's gotten more disagreeable...

But as children go.... he is definitely mine.

He has been making word jokes and using deep sarcasm since he was very small. He is a number guy and can be logicked through most things (like me: the other half of our family, not so much—they are more emotional). He and I have common book tastes.

You know... he was a difficult very small child. He didn't like to be away from home, so he would periodically melt down... badly enough strangers would ask if they could help. He liked things predictable and was anxious and misbehaved if they weren't. He is a lot more flexible now, but in spite of how cute he was, I never worried ANYBODY would be tempted to take him. (Unlike my daughter—I was paranoid about her).

Whatever the case, once he got into school, he calmed down a lot and was extremely pleasant until about 6 months ago. I suppose this just means he is doing that thing that teens do. Hopefully that logic thing holds... at least for the most part.  All that sounds sort of negative, looking at it now... not meant to. I adore him. I love his humor in particular--it makes him fun to spend time with.

So I spent last night baking a birthday cake instead of blogging... so this is what I got...

Samadoo, I wish you a very happy birthday!!!

How to Cause a Heart Attack

(in either the case of WANTING to or the case of hoping to avoid it. Note, however, that having published this, if you use it in the 'to cause' category, this knowledge MAY move you from negligent homicide to Murder 1)


First, if you are stopping by as a part of NaBloWriMo, WELCOME!

Second, if you don't know what NaBloWriMo is and you think you might want to Blo a little among friends this month, check out here  *shifty * (and understand that around here, innuendo is par for the course)


THIRD: I turned in my 2nd Cozy (Begonia Bribe) to my Editor yesterday (and there was much rejoicing). I still have Kahlotus revisions ahead of me... I've had a really unfocused week on that front... rain, work, this other deadline... so I have probably a week left there. Then, instead of a rewrite on What Ales Me, I've decided getting that 3rd Garden Cozy (dibbed Chrysanthemum Campaign) going is a higher priority. I don't want to have that rushed revision thing where my agent ends up with an unreasonable amount of cleaning again. So I am going to PLOT it this month and start writing. (November is still committed to Medium Wrong—I just want to finish my first draft of the Cozy before the end of December so there is time for the revisions and peer reads and such)



Okay... and NOW

How HWMNBMOTI (He who must not be mentioned on the internet for the uninitiated) Almost Killed me.

The Chicago Trip

My son is an 8th grader this year and the BIG DEAL special thing their class does as they finish middle school is a trip to Chicago in May—3 days, 300 8th graders—it is a fun, bonding before high school, not some mamby pamby learning experience. They have a dinner cruise and go to Six Flags... you know... the stuff they WANT to do...

But it is a privilege... something hung over their head all year to prompt good behavior, citizenship, volunteering, earning some of their own money (okay, so maybe there IS some learning related to this venture)... and the demands are stiff—you have to learn what is expected, sign off (literally), pay up front (almost $600)...


The Part Where I Died

So I get home from a FABULOUS night (my neighbors and I, of the Couch to 5K project, ended last nights jog at Wolverine, our local Brewery for a beer—we decided we will do it the last Friday of every month), and when I walked into the house afterward, HWMNBMOTI said, 'so I guess you're going to school at 7am tomorrow?'

Being me, I responded, “What?”

“For Chicago. You didn't go to a meeting earlier this week. It said tomorrow is the make-up.”

“What are you talking about? It was October.”

[see, there is a parent/child MEETING for the signing I mentioned... required attendance]

“Look on the pink sheet on the bulletin board.”

So I do... believe me. It is much easier to do what he says when he gets grouchy... And the pink sheet lists meetings... September 27th or 28th at 7pm... make up 7am, October 1st. CRAP! (only I probably used a worse word)

I have to tell you, I died a little. And I did what any woman in my position would do... I whined... and complained that the middle school weekly email had said NOTHING... that my son, who I KNEW wanted to go had said nothing...

Son was in the shower, so I had a good 15 minutes to continue dying. Then he got out and we had the chance to give him a solid questioning...

“They changed it. It's on that green sheet.”

“Um... what green sheet?”

He swore he handed it to me. My memory sucks, so he may have... It listed NEW dates in mid October... So I think the INFORMATION registered, just not the transmission of it (my brain often works this way... it is why nobody believes I know what I'm talking about—I don't remember where I heard it)

But MAN, did I breathe a sigh of relief at not having to be at the bloody middle school at 7 am with my son (who said he'd give up the trip before going at that hour)

So I hope you all have a great weekend!

Back Atter!

Getting going can be tough, eh? But how much harder is it to get going AGAIN? You know... after a break... Well I am trying to get at it in a couple domains at the moment, so I thought maybe I'd talk about THAT...


Couch to 5K

So I've got 4 days under my belt now... 3 with my peeps and on Saturday, by myself on the elliptical, but I DID alternate more speed/tension with slower... I really did the spirit of the workout, but it was HOT and there were some hundred thousand extra people in town for a football game.

It's possible I might die.

Okay, hopefully not. But I am sore... achy... my legs. My hip joints. Even my back is stiff (I think from the extra compounding stuff?)

But on the positive side, Tuesday's run was easier.... And also on the positive side, another neighbor is joining us so we get to do the first week again (did you hear my sigh of relief?)

But I think it will work... I think it will take... I think it's taking already. The youngun (Oliver's person) is a fabulous cheerleader. I think she's doing the rest of us a great service, as I know I would have only run some small portion... I also notice the days I do it, I don't feel as much like snacking late. So that is a side bonus... So YAY for getting back to it...

Childings on 1st day 2011

Back to School

My childings started the 2011-2012 school year on Tuesday... They seem to be enjoying it so far... I guess for me the tough transition is sharing space in the morning (no hitting snooze, as I need to be done for daughter to shower) and making blasted school lunches... (okay... only do it for son... daughter always complains—she inherited that trait from her non-maternal parent, but never mind—the rule around her is if you aren't content with what is done FOR YOU, you can do it yourself). Whatever the case... I'm a little tired and I haven't even hit parent night (tonight for son, next week maybe for daughter). It will take a little time to get settled, but I guess we're there...



Begonia Bribe

I am trying to do a last mad rush clean-up... this hasn't gone exactly as I thought... I hoped to send a very clean draft to my agent, but it really needs a clean a read and a clean... I hate being behind, but there it is. I am mad rushing... first clean THIS WEEK, hopefully a read in a week, and then back to Ellen in just about 2 days...

Kahlotus

When I am done with the first of those cleans and sent to a couple readers, I have FEEDBACK from my agent for some changes on Kahlotus... a couple bigger and a lot of smaller, but all manageable in maybe 10 days... or that's the plan... Hopefully Amy will have a submittable draft by October 1....


Are the rest of yibus getting back to it, too? It is September, after all...

Last Gasps of Summer

So school starts Tuesday. My children will be in 11th and 8th grades... no school changes, but my son will be king of the roost, in a way... I know even though the 8th graders don't change schools, there is a transition of sorts this year... My daughter worries that Junior year is rumored to be the most intense—it is the last one that plays hugely into college applications... it is a year of tests...



So GRASP IT ALREADY!

Yeah?

Cedar Point Long View

Well Hells, yeah... So in my full irresponsibility as a parent, I sent my children to ride roller coasters today... They are going to Cedar Point, which is about 2 ½ hours from here... they are going with daughter's boyfriend who is 18 and an experienced driver... I thought about going, too, but between finances, other obligations and back pain, it seemed better to send them off. A little nerve wracking, sure, but they prefer it this way, and it works better for us, other than a bit of worry.

You know, it's a funny thing—when I was 17, I went with a friend from Northern Idaho to Southern California for a week. But times are different... and the population out here is a lot denser... well, not denser than LA... I still can't believe my mom let me go, honestly... the trouble we got into, though, was not of too different a sort than we would have gotten into closer to home...

Cedar Point Juggernaut

Okay, that's a lie... there was Ray... but some characters in life are worth the trouble and he was one of them. What a character. Definitely not the sort of trouble I got into at home... but as we maintained an...erm... whatever it was... for a couple years... it AT LEAST was lasting trouble...

uh... yeah...

And so I guess we reach my belief that growing up is best reached in bits... that liberties and freedoms should be tried while still under guidance. I went to college at the University of Oregon, and while the kids from urban areas were better prepared academically, they were LESS prepared socially... you see... they'd been protected (for good reason, I might add). The rural kids were exactly the opposite. I am trying to balance the two... academic advantages, but some real life decision-making.

But as for the kids going to Ohio for the day... they should have a great time. Ohio is in school already and there are cheap tickets for Michiganders (trying to keep business running high as long as possible) so lines should be short and tickets a little cheap (about $10 off). Daughter's boyfriend isn't as keen on rides, so my daughter and son will do many together, making a threesome a better fit than if all of them liked them all...

Cedar Point's Cyclone

As for my OWN Final Grasps...

I have gotten feedback from the fabulous Jan, expect it soon from Leanne and Tara... and so will spend MY last weekend of summer cleaning up Begonia Bribe to send to my agent (Ellen in this case).

I've BEEN finishing the typing and initial read through of What Ales Me, taking notes on main plot points, so I can write a synopsis and plan the bigger edits, as it MAY be appropriate to pitch to Emily, my Berkley editor—Once I have a synopsis, Ellen will let me know, but I need to fill out the story a little first.

My plan there *BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA* is to send the first 50 pages and synopsis to Ellen as she sends me back Begonia...--a trade... so it is ready to present to Emily this fall...

I also am waiting for feedback from Amy on Kahlotus, but I know her reading plans had a hurricane aimed at them. She's in NYC (or nearly) and so I don't know if she has power—I really hope she didn't have big life interference... most of my NYC friends I've heard from have been by cell phone (I wonder... I guess they are using their cars to charge their phones... either that or they've made deals with some phone god we haven't met yet... none of our phones stay charged for days.)

Is that pathetic that the season doesn't matter much? I don't think so, as if I can:

Turn in Begonia

Get Kahlotus shaped up for fall submission

Get What Ales Me shaped up for a fall discussion

then I've met my summer writing goals and I can get back to WRITING. I will consider it a success.


So do you like roller coasters? What's the best one you've been on? Did you meet your summer writing goals?

Customer Primer

Rule Number ONE: Don't be an ass!!!

Now if you are like most people, you might have thought I meant customer service primer, but I don't. My darling daughter started her first job this week—standard service counter job—providing customers with what they ask for, taking their money for it. Her second shift was on Monday. A lady came in, made her order, paid, daughter rang it up and then started making change... THEN the lady said “Oh wait. I have change.” This flustered daughter who was a bit nervous, not very confident about her math skills, and who then needed to calculate change in her head...

This moron proceeded to reprimant MY DAUGHTER about needing math skills for this job WHEN HER BADGE SAID TRAINEE. It wasn't a friendly jibe. It was rude. Mean, even.


Now the mama bear in me would like to track this woman down and thunk her in the head good. But instead, as supreme world leader in my Naked World Domination Plan, I am submitting to you:


A PROCLAMATION.

To achieve PERSONHOOD, ALL people must work three years in the lowly, minimum-wage service industry. This includes but is not limited to: fast food, coffee counter, waiting tables, convenience store. It does NOT include high-end retail or sales. This is service to hundreds of people a shift payment, not six figure commission work.

Until such a time as a person has put in their three years in the service industry, they must have a chaperone to shop who is to thunk them in the head every time they are rude to service people. They will pay this chaperone well, thereby stimulating the economy, and they will pay double price, difference to be kept by mistreated people. If a person cannot afford to pay the chaperone, then the person must wear a badge reading:

“I am a pampered princess who's never had to work. Please correct me when I make an ass of myself as a customer.” and when they DO make an ass of themselves as a customer, they are to pay DOUBLE for their good or service, money to be claimed by the mistreated person. And they must then perform the grimiest task in the establishment.


So THERE.

I just can't believe somebody would be such a miserable lowlife as to give a hard time to a TRAINEE. For Pete's sake, encourage the bloody work ethic.

On the plus side, it was only one bad egg. Everyone else was nice. She likes the job. She is excited about earning money and being very responsible about it. I think it will be a good experience for her.

But in absence of supreme power, I am calling on all of YOU... if you see a pampered biotch or jerk giving a bad time to a young person who is working hard, PLEASE, tell them to cut them a break (in fact if you can do it without a fistfight, tell them they're an ass). Those of us who work for a living are the ones who hold this world up. Those who are just handed everything TAKE TAKE TAKE. They are a pox on us all.


JOIN THE FORCE!!! MAKE PEOPLE BE NICE!!! BY FORCE IF NECESSARY!!!

Accidents Happen

So my daughter called me yesterday at work... the first time was to ask for reimbursement for something she wanted to buy school clothes-wise... then, not ten minutes later she calls back.

“Mom, you're gunna be so mad.”

He doesn't LOOK dangerous... the little trickster...

Okay... for those of you hoping to NOT give your mom a heart attack, I don't recommend starting with these words. Maybe start with... “Mom, it was an accident.” No... not much better... “Mom, something happened...” Yeah, that's better. Start with that.


But I could tell she was scared, and while I miss a good 80% of human cues, I can recognize fear in my children and most of the time managed to not compound it, so I drew out the WHAT of what happened.


“I tripped over Joel and I fell... and the next thing I knew it, my elbow went through the wall. There's a big hole!”

Well see... I'm across town at my desk and am picturing a GIRL SIZED hole... It's not so bad... it is more an elbow sized hole...


It got me thinking about intent.

The elbow-sized hole...

There is a psychological test of children to test moral development... it boils down to “You break a dish” but you do it sneaking a cookie, or trying to help mom clean the table... There are variations where it is a small plate versus an expensive bowl... younger and less mature children think the size of what is broken makes the difference... but at a certain point of maturity, people come to understand that accidents happen and INTENT is what matters. (okay, even some adults don't get this—zealots, in particular).


But what a fabulous thing to play with in writing.

There are good characters who can have accidents, or do bad things for the right reasons... and there are bad characters who do bad things for the WRONG reasons... and then there are morally gray characters who do the right thing, for perhaps dubious reasons.

Also in shades of gray are people who THINK they are doing things for the right reason (often some authority—an institution, religion, belief system).


I feel like a one trick pony because I can think of Harry Potter characters for each of these profiles, but I am coming up short in the other books I've read... So I will go with it...


Good who has occasional accidents: Harry is most obvious, though one could argue with Sectumsempra he KNEW it was 'for enemies' so there was negative intent there, even if it was NOT the deadly intent that might have come out.


Full on BAD characters: Voldemort and Bella are the worst of it...

Right thing for perhaps dubious reasons: I am going with Narcissa who saved Harry NOT to save Harry, but to get into the school to reach her SON (not a bad reason, but not a good reason in that good versus evil battle—had Draco already been dead, she would have ratted Harry out). And I know there are people who'd disagree here, but I'd put Snape in this category. He didn't help Harry because it was RIGHT. He helped him because of Lily.

People who THINK they do right: Dolores Umbridge seems this way in OoP, though later seems truly evil in DH. Fudge, though, we can argue is willfully ignorant, which is wrong... Percy sticks to his guns


Do you have any favorite tales that center around INTENT?

Zing

You've heard a few times this month about Child the First (of whom I am enormously proud), but I haven't really had an opportunity to talk about Child the Second. If I were a 12 year old boy, this child would be my twin. Child the First looks a lot like her mama (only prettier) but Child the Second got a clone of my BRAIN. That is to say... he is an odd child... (prides himself on it, in fact)

I got him hooked on Harry Potter... he got ME hooked on Percy Jackson... Our humor tends to dwell in wordplay and absurdity. I'm pretty sure he mastered sarcasm at age 5. He is a little inclined to frustration or sadness, but NEVER the raging, self pity or drama the other half of our household undertakes. He can power-logic through most things, once he detaches a little. Math comes easily and he enjoys being smart.... yes, everything about him says he is my son... erm... (except the skinny thing... that comes from his dad...)

*snort*  Oh, the mellowdrama...

There may be a large number of you who don't get this, but there are days I look at him and am SO THANKFUL not everyone in my house hates me (hubby and I have highs and lows and Child the First, inclined to drama, holds a grudge against ANYONE not giving her her way). He is also my writing cheerleader... I am married to a skeptic, and Child the First, while she is supportive if I MENTION it, I think sees this as some 'way out of poverty' rather than a personal accomplishment.

So tonight he was talking to me... pleasant conversation, but suddenly he said 'Zing!' and points at me. I turned to look and laughed. He explains that he does this to people regularly. I tried to explain mainstream popular ANNOYING culture, versus being himself, but it seems that, like the Justin Bieber hair, this is just something he needs to try for a while. I don't think you are in any danger, unless you start hanging out in his middle school... but it reminds me we ALL have to try on different personas... even is they are annoying and strange, and we are destined to be our parents in the end.

And as it is the ZED in A to Z... this round of it has been AMAZING.  It will take a little while to recoup and get back to normal, but I will... and I have met some truly fabulous people... So THANK YOU, Lee! (and all the others involved) and Thank YIBIS for playing and making it such a great month! (see yesterday if you don't know what that means) 

I will see you all Monday.  Have a great weekend!

Umbilical

NoNo last summer at her friend's Quincenero

Sixteen years ago today, I became a mom for the first time. Life changing experience would hardly cut it. There is nothing so humbling, so frustrating, or so rewarding as parenting. And this particular child has not been without her own set of special challenges. I think though, I will give you some darned cute stories instead of kvetching on her birthday.

1st story:  I was REALLY good when she was little. I didn't yell. (we didn't eat junk, I didn't swear--no commercial TV)... but we had a puppy with anxiety issues. When we'd leave, he would chew up stuff... like... you know... couches... He would strew garbage from one end of the kitchen to the other... so the 'no yelling thing' had a limit...

Henry (best dog ever)

NoNo, when I was getting her ready for bed one night, was unhappy to be going to bed, so when I picked her up and said 'let's get your pajamas on' her response was “You're a dumb dog.”

Yup... that is what she'd learned someone said when they were really mad (she was two)


Second story... (about the same age)  I didn't go out much... I didn't wear make-up often... but one night I had a work party and so I was dressing up. I picked her up when I was almost ready and she scrunched her face. I said 'what's the matter?' and she pointed. “What's that?” “it's make-up. Don't you like it?” She shook her head and said, “It's too spicy.”

I love that she could always exactly express herself, even when she didn't have the words for it.


Happy Birthday NoNo! I love you!

Unnerved

So tomorrow is the next ABNA cut. I don't expect to make it, but I am nervous nonetheless. I'm having a great time getting to know my fellow ABNAers better, and many of them have been out for a while, so in or out doesn't matter on THAT front. It's not like they are going to kick me out of the social circle. But at the same time, semi-finalist status would change some stuff. I think that is when people NOT participating or friends with someone participating will start to pay attention. And MAN, I'd love a little attention.

That said, I've been clear all along that Kahlotus Disposal Site is not as polished as I'd like it to be. I DO think, though, that it is ultimately salable. And I am excited to see the feedback I get on it from the Publisher's Weekly review. (real, professional feedback—an AMAZING prize)

I mean seriously--the underwear ruin this picture

Underwear

Let's break this down. Wear—after a word, this implies it is what you wear to do that thing. Un—this prefix makes something not so anymore. So obviously underwear is what you wear if you want to stop being a Der. If you were NEVER a Der, it is not necessary.

Say it with me. Pants are evil! Down with Pants!

Q is for Passed!

I know... I have never been one to keep my Ps and Qs straight, but yesterday I explained good and well, so I am not going to repeat myself (much). If you want the full scoop, yesterday is where to find it...

I spent last evening PANICKED!

You see, my daughter will be Sixteen on Monday, and last night was... her driver's test. She's had her permit for a year now—Michigan has a graduated license system, so they take driver's ed, get a PERMIT and then spend at least 50 hours driving with a parent in the car. That parent was usually me, as the other one can be persnickety. Certainly he is patronizing. Perhaps he is even a pest. It's a good thing he has a cute pompi. *shifty *

So Primary Progeny and me went... with all the paperwork to the parking lot... of the WRONG CHURCH (my bad—oops—I get something in my head sometimes and am sure I'm right and don't doublecheck) There were certainly palpitations, but we managed to call little brother and get it sorted and the person performing the test was a prince. He nodded, had to get the poles back out (the cones hadn't gotten put away yet, so we had that going for us)

Primary test was parking, parallel and pulling in backward. Then primary progeny DROVE... She performed like a pro. I think she only had one point marked off but it was because some pompous prick pulled into her lane—she went into the next lane (surely full points would have been given had she just popped him the bird)-but the point takage was about turning into the wrong lane (I don't know—avoiding being hit seems like a redeeming quality)... but students can have up to six point off before they fail to pass... so she PASSED!


When we got home I called the insurance to add her, and now I need a Percoset.(which is not remotely like a marmot).

You know what... I'm PROUD. She worked her tail off for the Lifeguard Certification that she earned last week, and has been so diligent and cautious (if perhaps a bit bossy) learning to drive... and next week she will be 16 and perhaps I'm a bit pensive... she is growing up.

Love you NoNo!

Dieting with Daughter

At Niagara Falls in August 2009

Thing One, my first born, will be sixteen soon and she's at that... age... you know the one—self-conscious, full of comparisons against impossible others... But she also had the misfortune to inherit some of my unfortunate features... We did not spring from pixies.

We live in a place with a high rate of overweight, and as much as I hate to think it, I'm very thankful for that. There have been moments of concern, but she hasn't felt she was fat from age 11 as I did (when honestly, I wan't overweight until I was 14 or 15, but I was tall, so I felt significantly LARGER).

Daughter expressed it for the first time in 8th grade (“mom, am I chubby?”)

A parent dies a little when that happens. I think I did okay with my response though. “I think you look really good when you are swimming regularly.” And it's true. A fit form can hold whatever size it is well, and besides that, swim season always saw about a ten pound drop.

After that she stayed active. Her freshman year she did 3 water sports—more overlap than down time. This year though, she thought to give up one... and then felt our family's financial pinch and started thinking about a JOB so she didn't do another too...

So there was some gain.



My Own Sordid Weight Tale

I've always struggled. The only time in my life it was ever easy was college, as someone else allotted my meals and I ran 6 days a week. My weight has gone up and down since I was about 14 with my more recent successes at 50, 60, and 40 pound losses... You can see if I'd kept all that off I'd weigh nearly nothing... No. The sad fact is when I weighed in last Tuesday I was only 6 pounds shy of my highest weight ever. My attempt at the New Year didn't even remotely get off the ground.


Teaming It

I feared I might hate this, but it's actually really good. When daughter first suggested it, she said her science teacher had lost 30 pounds on the South Beach Diet and did I think dad would let her eat something different for dinner. (he is our cook--anything he doesn't condone, doesn't really work)

I (CAREFULLY) went into the danger of extreme diets and the SANITY of Weight Watchers—real food—whatever you want—but in accountable combos and portions... splurging is okay if you PLAN for it—have to eat your minimum (the thing with a teen I knew I had to be very clear on—no starving). I talked her through planning the day around 'not sure what dinner is'--he is willing to warn us when it is something BAD,  like pizza, but really there is no NEED to cook special--most meals fall between 8 and 12 points... if we leave 12 open, we are fine... if it is 8 points, there is room for a snack.

She's been funny—she's called me a few times every day to ask how many points this or that is. She doesn't like how much I ballpark it—she wants me to look stuff up, but honestly... I've done this weight watchers thing successfully about 5 times—if I am working the program, I can WORK the program. It's when I stop working the program that I have trouble. (for instance telling myself wine doesn't count is a problem... perhaps a habit)

And you know what? Doing this together makes me feel more accountable. Cheating makes me feel like I'm cheating on her. I've done better this round than I have for a while... granted... today is just one week, but I have that 'I CAN' feeling, and the scale is edging... There is only the faintest envy of youth, as dear daughter has dropped 13 pounds to my 3...


Drabbles:  My writing group, the Burrow, has our spring feature posted.  We Drabble to images and would love it if you wanted to check us out.  http://www.the-burrow.org/


As for my D blogs to share...

Daily Dodo Laura is one of my new buddies—we just connected through the Blogger Crusade, but her sense of whimsy is a ton of fun.

Donna Hole shares daytime AND writing interests with me—she is a social worker by day and brings a lot of heart to her stuff (even if it can be dark disturbing stuff) (see... social science by day, dark disturbing at night... LOOK at that overlap *teehee*)

Fly On The Wall

These are real scenes and snippets of conversation you might have seen and heard at my house last night.

On the Box

Brief history: Cat gets in box all the time... ALL the time...

Thing 1: Cali's gunna kill you.

Tart: Peeks into living room

(Thing 2 is sitting in the box)

Tart: Stay there.

Thing 2: NO! You're going to take a picture!

Tart: Don't move!

Thing 2: No way!

Tart: Why not?

Thing 2: Because you wouldn't take me to Meijer.

Tart: Come with N. and I tonight. Now get in the box.

(as you can see, he cooperated)

On Dog Walking

Thing 1: Look at dad, he looks like a dufus,

Tart and Thing 2 *come to window and look out*

HWMNBNOTI is in front with the dog, ready for a walk.

Thing 1: Look at that hat.

(hat is knitted hat with ear flaps)

*HWMNBNOTI starts walking*

Joel *sits in front yard*

*HWMNBNOTI keeps walking*

Joel keeps sitting

Thing 1: Dad's clear down the block

Joel keeps sitting

*Tart and Thing 2 lean to look down street*

(HWMNBNOTI is out of site)

(Joel has walked clear to the neighbors front yard)

Thing 1: Why does dad keep going?

Tart: He needs to put Joel on a leash.

Thing 2: He tried that. You literally have to drag him. He just sits there.

Thing 1: Dad's still going.

(Joel is still sitting in front of neighbor's house)

Thing 1: Finally. Dad turned around.

(Joel sees this and turns back toward the house)

Thing 1: No wonder Joel's fat.

On Trip to Target

Thing 1: Can I drive?

Tart: yup *grabs keys and glasses * (I'm near sighted)

Thing 1 *reaches and grabs end of glasses *

Tart frowns

Thing 1: Oh, sorry. *grabs keys *

Thing 2: Shotgun!

Tart: Uh... no.

Thing 1: Where is the... erm...

Tart *shows Thing 1 the windshield wiper options*

*Thing 1 backs out*

Thing 2: Does it bother you that I don't feel safe?

Thing 1: No. Get used to it. When I get my license, I'll be the one driving you places.

Thing 2: So mom and dad can just sit at home

Tart *rolls eyes* *savors idea of not having to run errands*

(drive a couple blocks)

Thing 2 *does something obnoxious*

Tart: *Reprimands* Never distract your sister while she's driving.

Thing 2: What if I'm 40 and I've broken my leg and I'm screaming in pain. Can I do that?

Tart: No.

Thing 1: Silver one. (slug bug, that is)

At Meijer

Thing 1: Can I have a doughnut?

Thing 2: I brought money for a doughnut.

Tart: I'll buy you each a doughnut.

(we then meet as I come out of the booze aisle)

Tart: You can each pick a 2 liter pop—no caffeine (weekend starts tomorrow and I know we're out).

(Thing 1 picks red-pop—a delicacy unheard of on the west coast. Thing 2 picks Cream Soda)

Tart: You like Cream Soda?

Thing 1: Everybody in our family likes Cream Soda. (how did I not know this?)

Thing 2: Oh, oh oh oh... Can we get like 900 bags of jelly beans?

Thing 1: Yuck! There's only like one good flavor.

(Jelly bean debate ensues until....)

Things in unison: Oh oh oh oh oh... Can we get cream eggs?

Tart: One each. Get me one too.

(at check out)

Tart: *rushes to open check out * (woman behind has cart pushed into our space)

Thing 1: Way to not leave any room!

Tart *mortified* *scolds*

Thing 1 *mortified* I meant you! I was talking to you! (lady had moved her cart) Now I feel like a jerk!

(we walk out)

Thing 1: You know he has to run like that or his pants will fall down.

Tart: It's true.

Thing 2: What was that?

Tart: *explains to son about olden days when people pulled their pants up*

At Target

There is a kerfuffle walking in as Thing 2 is trying to squeeze between Thing 1 and I, claiming if he walks behind us, he has to step on our heels

(Thing 2 has gone to get iPod headphones. I am standing in front of dressing room waiting for Thing 1)

Thing 2 *finds me and approaches with strange side-stepping thing *

Tart: You're a strange child.

Thing 2 *singing* Cuz your friends don't dance and if they don't dance then they're... no friends of mine.

Tart *snort *

(Thing 1 comes out)

Tart: Men's section?

So none of that looks as amusing as it seemed at the time.  I laughed quite a bit, but my memory stinks... I suppose if we survive a trip to Target with all three of us and I come away laughing, I can call it a win.

Anyone find odd bonding moments with your kids lately?  And HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

This and That

I saw a couple blog posts yesterday that not only made me stand up and cheer, but gave me that URGE to respond...

Digression: In California there is a burger chain famous for a variety of things... the double double cheeseburger (double burger, double cheese) among other things... but I am not a fast food connoisseur, in fact, though I can enjoy a burger now and then, hubby makes them often enough that it is EXTREMELY rare I eat one out, and THEN only from McMenamin's in Oregon, because the Captain Neon Burger is worthy of being my exception (a burger with bacon and bleu cheese dressing)--but it is a BIG burger... fast food burgers... NOT happening. I order a chicken sandwich or some other thing.

But I went to the University of California in Eugene... that is to say... California has so many colleges that the really GOOD ones feel no obligation to let in any but the BEST students. Oregon, with its significantly smaller population, will take students down to... say a 3.0 average (that will not get you into Berkeley my friends)... so instead of going to a LOWER tier California school, MANY California students came to Oregon's tier one institution... and complained for four years... There was too much rain. There was no fashion sense... There was nothing to do... You call this a BEACH? You can't SURF. (boy howdy on that one, rocks, logs and a riptide will get you, even if the wet suit made it comfortable—no mamby pamby beaches in Oregon, though I will wrestle ANYONE who claims a boring all sand beach is as gorgeous as Oregon's amazing coastline, and a person can walk from Coos Bay to Astoria and not find so much as a cigarette butt because Oregonians LOVE their beaches so much that they will even pick up litter left by losers (because ALL litterers are losers—no exceptions) *cough*. Say! That was a digression within a digression, which is just hot...

Anyway... along with complaining and rooting for hated California teams such as the HATED LAKERS and the San Francisco LOSER 49ers, the boys all had these SIGNS.... doors of their dorm or fraternity room... that read 'In and Out Urge' with the corners cut out on the bottom... signs that USED to read In and Out Burger... (nice phallic arrow and all). So I will concede one redeeming point to California students for use of innuendo, and another for my friends Vic and Kara (sure, Vic complained, but she also pointed out to me that chips and salsa and margaritas at El Torito covered all the food groups, and Kara never complained about anything... she was just groovy.) [note:  honestly I had a ton of Cal friends... but the complaining part is true]


So Back to My Urges

Extreme Parenting

Several of you know my buddy I'm Not Hannah... Heather (who isn't Hannah) is one of the most articulate people I know about life messing with us sometimes... about hard-to-admit truths like Parenting being hard. I think it went up Monday, but I saw this yesterday: Adventure Parenting talking about the difficulty we seem to have anymore letting kids... be kids... you know—the run off, get into stuff, explore, maybe find some trouble, fight with friends without a parent to make everyone be nice... SOLVE IT themselves... The stuff that was a part of most of OUR childhoods... We don't DO IT anymore. Some of this is rational... the world is more dangerous... some of it is parents trying to give their kids a leg up and scheduling EVERY FREAKING MINUTE. But I agree with what I took for her point... kids who don't venture out on their own are AFRAID, unable to adjust to the unexpected, unable to problem solve, they lack creativity. We are doing a VAST disservice.

My son's best friend has a mom who, like us (HWMNBMOTI and I), sees the value in letting kids go a bit rogue on occasion. Let them ride off on their bikes and find what they can.

I admit there are risks. My son has been seen out on ice that surely he shouldn't have been on, he's been busted (by another parent) for buying a BB gun he wasn't legally old enough to purchase, he's gotten caught in downpours CLEAR THE FRICK across town on his bike... but they make do... They figure it out...

I was a latchkey kid... I generally had a 'babysitter' until I was about 10, but that was generally a neighbor not much older than me. My mom just didn't want something to happen and nobody to know (as I was an only child). Kids supervised by kids get into stuff... and I did... And I'd venture to say the loose reins meant when I got to college, though I went a little wild (because I was experienced at it and... you know... I'm me...) I knew HOW to go a little wild without consequences. I didn't get pregnant or arrested, or have anything horrible happen. The Portland girls who, for understandable reasons, seemed to come from much more supervised environments, went a little nuts... Some made some mistakes. I think PRACTICE at making mistakes when a person is close to home makes for less drastic mistakes when the consequences are bigger.

That's my story and I'm sticking with it.



On a Completely Unrelated Note

Amanda Hocking has been all over the internet, yes? I've had several (non-writer) friends stick her out as an example of 'what I should do' *rolls eyes* (if only... I know they mean well... heck, one was my MOTHER). I was prepared to write her (Amanda) off (I can be a reverse-snob about that kind of success). I would have been wrong. Yesterday Kristen Nelson posted a link to a blog Amanda wrote last week that was WONDERFULLY articulate about the the 'freak incident' component of the overnight success she's had. She talks about the YEARS of work she's put in and the MANY hours a week she spends promoting, but also points out writers doing the EXACT SAME success formula... writers she says write BETTER, but she was the one to hit... whatever... the publishing lottery. After reading the blog, I think I love her. I have no idea if her books are any good, but her humility and realism in addressing this make me think she is a superstar.


So Happy Hing Day Everyone!

Stalker Generation

But FIRST... a digressionary outing!!!

Y'all know I started writing with fan fiction, yeh? and among my Harry Potter peeps I met some people who will stick FOREVER, yeh?  Well among those... in high placement (though honestly, I love them one and all) is a woman who from the first moment I met her felt like a kindred spirit... truly as wonky and twisted as I am (or more, if you can believe it)... far MORE charisma... and we bonded over Harry Potterness... but then she was a fabulous encouragement when I started that first timid experiment...

In November of 2006 (when I'd known her about a year online) I had a conference in Texas and a chance to meet her in person... While I was eating Pedro (seriously... my seafood enchilada dish was called Pedro) she encouraged me to REALLY write. I confessed I had written about six chapters, and she confessed (out of the FREAKING BLUE) that she'd been writing romance for years, but had been disheartened by an almost deal where the smaller publisher sold out and the new BIGGER one passed on a number of the unfinished projects.  She gave me a copy of 'Guide to Literary Agents 2007' and our already solid kinship was cemented.

Anyway, Stacy Gail got her first official contract for a novella recently (one I beta read--aren't I cool?) *cough*  and is making her blogging near debut with Burrowers, Books and Balderdash today (I say near debut because she guested once before, but that was before she came out.)  So go check her out (post goes up at noon GMT)

Back to this Stalking Business....

So Justin Bieber is following me on Twitter now. Twice. I'm not sure what I did to merit his attention, but there you have it. It's got me thinking about the strangeness of the way people relate these days. Don't get me wrong. There are aspects of it I adore, but... it is a little odd.

Just yesterday I got all excited about Peter Straub, one of my very favorite authors, making an appearance on One Life to Life (he has a periodic guest role) and what did I do? I did my nutty fangirl excitement thing on facebook, then again on Twitter, where I included @PeterStraub... you know... in case he wanted to KNOW I was a nutty fangirl... I've done the same with Nathan Fillion... (yes, I'm aware I'm a freak, but I suspect I'm not the only one)

I don't know the odds of them ever seeing it (caring if they do)... I don't know how creepy they'd find it... but MAN is it a world different from even a decade ago.

But I have some observations and thoughts on the matter (which surely is shocking--I'm usually so opinion-free...)

Frenemy Relationships

I have a teen and a tween. Both of them (by requirement) are Facebook friends of mine so I can watch a little of how they interact with their friends. I also have HEARD some bullying stories (girls are THE WORST), but without getting into THEIR business, I would like us all just to imagine our OWN teen years...

Imagine being the ONLY kid the most popular girl won't friend.
Imagine someone statusing your secret because she overheard something.
Imagine the PICTURE of you in the locker room being posted for the entire high school.
Imagine having a conversation with a friend and every comment you make gets a nasty remark from some biotch you AREN'T friends with.


MAN, what a scary world of possibilities (I think I might have just gotten a book idea).

On the positive side, imagine being a shy writerly type and having a crush TO DIE FOR on a boy... imagine you post a link to a song and it starts a *gasp* conversation with him.

Imagine (or maybe this would have only been me) taking care to read all cute boys favorites and developing these as your OWN favorites so you had something to talk about... (whether you actually liked these things or not)

Obsessions

I have a confession. There was a boy I liked for a good part of middle school. I used to make a point of walking past his house OFTEN. It rarely paid off, but I got my dose of butterfly adrenaline. THINK of the possibility on Twitter! I mean on facebook the person needs to accept your friendship, though of course unless they block you, you can still see them talking to other people. But TWITTER... Oh, I suppose there is still blocking... I'm completely convinced I would have been a total scary stalker, since I had no guts for... you know... conversations... then again, I wasn't bad in writing... and I think I only really scared a couple people (most of whom had no reason to fear *rolls eyes at egos of some boys*)



The Real Problem

I think my biggest issue with this age is the speed at which things like rumors can spread... the BUILDUP of armies when there is a fight that should stay between two people... the 'in your businessness' of it, so a FRIEND who gets jealous of your OTHER friends always knows what the heck you are up to...

(don't ask. The movie is a representation--if you tried to guess which one is me, you'd be wrong.)

My high school best friend had three (or more?) people who claimed her as 'best friend' (she was one of those charisma girls) but even in the 80s this situation was high stress... ONE of her 'best friends' was terribly possessive and the BFF of us all got grief when she spent too much time with any OTHER friend. I can't imagine how she would cope today... well I can... she probably wouldn't have been on FB much, but of course if any of the rest of us posted what we were doing... there would be hell to pay... Now the other two of us 'best friends' were not the rotten sorts and wouldn't have done it on purpose (and were good friends with each other, besides), but I have certainly seen this among my daughter's friends... somebody announcing activities in order to 'one-up' the other friends.

I have no idea whether this will harm their (meaning the current teens generally and my kids specifically) ability at relationships in the long run, or will help them deal head on because otherwise they get isolated completely. Maybe it is a Darwin moment, and only a certain sort will survive this.

I know. Dark thought. But it DOES seem like we are in an evolutionary moment, so far as human interaction goes. I just hope mine will have what it takes to thrive without victimizing anybody else.

So what would it have done to YOUR teen life to have grown up with the stuff that is around now?

Image of Stacy Gail created by Marissa Montano the FABULOUS.

Fuzzy Lines

I will get to my Sunday Status NaNo Stuff last paragraph, but mostly this is a parenting blog, so feel free to skip ahead if my insecurities aren't a cheerful way to end your weekend.

How many of us had parents we felt were TOTALLY CLUELESS? A fair few, yes? If you didn't, chances are you had a friend or two who had them... Oh, not all were clueless—some were permissive and just let you (and them) get away with stuff. My mom had a weird radar and if she figured anything out was far LESS permissive. Oh, she could be generous in letting me bring a friend of vacation or something—but that was where we could (sort of) be watched. My friend Tam and I had a couple adventures out of town that might have gotten us into a little trouble (in fact one did—her phone number ended up in a stolen car that ended up in a river). But mostly I had to have legitimate arrangements elsewhere to get in much trouble (at least until I got my job that kept me home weekends when my parents went to their lake cabin.)

My point? I think I might be clueless.

A Pushover

I don't lie. I've been known to omit facts, but if somebody flat-out asks me something, I am a really bad liar—red-faced, shaky voiced—dead giveaways. My daughter on the other hand... has a convenient memory. I honestly think she remembers things the way she would have LIKED them to have happened. She's a revisionist, and it can be VERY hard to sort out what is what—especially quite a while later. But STILL, when she swears to me... I believe her.

A few years ago she had some trouble with some friends. I won't get into details, as it's her story, but they did 'an intervention of sorts' and she swears she reformed (and I believe her). Recently however, she was accused of doing some of the same... we've gone over all the evidence, and it looks to me like she is just an easy scapegoat. I went round and round with another mom who swears I'm being snowed, but it's something I can check a lot of the facts on, and they support my daughter. In other words, I believe me kid.

(Not my kid, just a google image to illustrate)---->

Well now some girls have been harassing her about this thing she supposedly did. It looks like bullying to me (cyber and text), and I keep wanting to take the evidence to the high school and have these girls get in trouble. My daughter just wants it to go away. She's blocked them on Facebook and we called to have their phone numbers blocked so they can't call her. She goes to a DIFFERENT high school, though she is at theirs a fair amount because that is where she does sports and her boyfriend also goes there (and it is where she catches the bus to her high school).

How do I DO this? Do I let her fight the fight when what I WANT to do is squash these girls like bugs? I know letting it 'blow over' will actually have less repercussions in the long run—but there is a part of me that really likes social justice... however, I think at least a COUPLE of these girls really BELIEVE my daughter did what she is being accused of. Still, the ganging up is lousy. And there are a couple girls involved who have NO BUSINESS. In fact one really caused a lot of it because she ACTED, when the girl who felt wronged would normally have TALKED and it probably would have been sorted quickly.

And a Related Issue

When she started getting these calls, she called and asked for me, but I was in the tub. Her dad wouldn't bring me the phone until she explained... then he asked me for more...

The trouble? He overreacts. In fact overreacting is almost always his first response. He usually eventually calms down, but my daughter often asks me not to tell him stuff. I told him... having been asked, but he was mad I HADN'T talked to him earlier.

Okay, how the hell do I draw THAT line? If I tell him, she will no longer tell ME and then nobody knows. But if I don't tell him he's mad he's out of the loop. He doesn't seem to grasp the importance of there being a parent that will take the secrets and keep them... help, but quietly... or that's how I've seen it... *sigh * It causes some trouble now and again... that I believe in keeping quiet most of the time and he thinks I should always share.


Okay, so enough of my parenting insecurities... Yesterday was a good day, Badger Bashing aside. Hit my 40K mark for NaNoWriMo, so I am down to needing an average of 974 words a day to finish—a relatively normal pace for me. When I am writing, as opposed to editing or querying, I typically write 750-1500 words a day. I DO however, want to finish the book, and 2000 words a day is possibly not quite enough, BUT if I finish with a few holes (leaving notes for the rewrite) I should manage...