Stuck on Monday

The weekend was a little defeating.  Friday I gave in and we ordered pizza from downtown.  I just couldn't seem to move my body off the couch.  Emotionally, it was a rough week.

When we order pizza, we get a thin crust (NOT ETL), spinach, broccoli, mushrooms with tomato sauce.  Then we ask them to put ONLY feta cheese on top.  My husband really likes feta and I can pick most of it off.  That leaves me with less fat and salt, but still not all that nutritious. 

Then we hit the cookie swap on Saturday.  It was so fun.  Great time making new friends.  I brought some yummy raw brownies that we tweaked and renamed, Christmas Bliss Balls.

So, we brought some great, nutritious treats.  But, WOW was it hard to resist the toffee that someone else made!! And...I didn't.  I nibbled a few bites and then fought myself the rest of the weekend.  We packed away all the treats and are working to deliver them this week. 

Church potluck on Sunday but I did to really well there.  Just had my own taco salad for lunch and one of my Bliss balls for dessert.  Still, I was fixing myself toast all through the weekend, leaving me afraid to step on the scale. 

Today, I was at the same weight I've been since last Thursday, I think.  Still, way better than a gain after a weekend of poor choices. 

I was on track today and I'm looking forward to seeing what the scale holds for me tomorrow. I am SO close to the next decade!! And, it was my goal to be there by the 10th. 

Tomorrow is Picture Day!!

In A Rush

Aren't I always in a rush?  I sure feel like it these days.

Problem is, this rushing has left me no time for exercise this week. Not cool.

Went out for dinner last night with my husband. We went to a local place. We shared some fried button mushrooms. Melt in your mouth so good!! Of course, they were battered and fried! We were okay with that as a treat, though.  I also had a spinach salad topped with cucumber, cranberries, and almonds. I'm a big baby and picked off the onions and tomatoes. Sure wish I liked those raw.

I also indulged and had some of the yummy, yet not healthy warm bread.  Again, occasional treat, so no guilt for me. :)

Scale was EXACTLY THE SAME today as last time I weighed in.  I was actually pretty happy to see that considering the salt intake from last night and the lack of activity this week.

Today was a great day for eating. Tried two new recipes and they received mixed reviews. I was proud of myself for keeping up with the kitchen tasks while schooling and wading through my pile of emails and scheduling needs. 

Another new recipe for tomorrow.  Really hoping it's a winner. The children have been having a hard time with some of the new foods we've been eating.

Potluck on Saturday. I'm making Apple Baked Beans and cornbread muffins.  Bringing our kind of food for a potluck is going to be an interesting experiment.  I need to get tough skinned and not mind if no one really likes what we bring. ;)

Friday, August 23, 2013

I juiced most of my day today. 

After going out to that restaurant for dinner, I could not get over that heavy, dragging feeling. I don't know if it was the bread or oils or salt or it all together, but all my body wanted was raw food.  So, I gave it to myself in the form of juice.

By the end of the day, I was feeling more energy and much better. I juiced some things that were needing to get used up, since we were low on groceries.  Zucchini, head of romaine, lime, apples, carrots. It was drinkable.

Just a morning workout again today.  We did walk to the school this evening to watch the fireworks. Did some dancing with the little girls while we waited. That was really fun.

Tomorrow is a big day. I have a lot of food to prep in the morning and then we head down town for hay day. That will give me a decent amount of walking, at least.

In the morning I'm putting together a Brown Rice Lentil Quiche and those empanadas I've been dying to make.  I hope I am!! That's a lot to cram in before 9am. Ugh.

Bummer Day

That stinky little scale was up for the second day in a row!

Yesterday it was only up .2 pounds. No biggie. That could be anything.

Today, up .9 pounds. So, basically up a pound in the last 2 days. What??

I'm eating well and under on calories.

I'm exercising.

Sigh.

So, I was crabby about that today and fought with the "what's the point, just go get a shake" mentality while I was out with my boy today.

I didn't get the shake.

Tomorrow is a new day. 

Today was filled with my regular breakfast bowl, Indian Spiced Lentils served with romaine leaves for dipping at lunch, (I had a very small serving) and White Bean and Barley soup with some kind of funny biscuits Elizabeth made up.  Everyone had those with all fruit on them. I had a small salad.

I'm also feeling frustrated that my fingers are still swollen and my rings won't fit better. Was researching a little on that today.  Not sure what it means, though. Sigh.

Heading to bed soon.

Tomorrow is a new day. His mercies are new every morning...and every night, thankfully.

Wednesday, July 7, 2013

Today felt hard.

I woke up late because I stayed up too late.  I felt tired and dealing with a lack of motivation most of the day.

I still got our schooling done, got in 3 session of exercise. Though, my pre-lunch didn't happen until well after lunch.  I still got in three bits of activity with my three meals.

I'm feeling a little uninspired with food.  Maybe just bored.  We made veggie wraps today. Big bowl of lettuce and all manner of vegetables, fruit, beans, and nuts to fill it.  I was actually REALLY wanting to make a wrap for myself. It was HARD to build a salad and not enjoy that chew tortilla wrapped around it. I took a LONG time to eat my salad.  But, I was glad at the end that I didn't have the bread/grains. 

When dinner came around, I was equally down.  None of the leftovers seemed good to me.  I ended up with a small bowl of beans and a green apple with a few little pieces of walnut. I was feeling bad that I didn't have more greens or vegetables. That apple is a lot of sugar.  But, I was just plain worn out and didn't want to work so hard at feeding myself. At least I stayed on course, right? It wasn't quite the level of nutrition it should be, but it wasn't anti-nutrient either.

I need to find a good balance between prepping foods and getting school done. This is getting hard to do both.

I didn't weigh in this morning. I'm a little scared to see that the number that I was at yesterday go up because it was in error or something. 

I did got with David tonight to try some tennis. First time we've played alone. I need to change the name of that game to Chase-Balls cause that's pretty much all I did. 

Friday, August 2, 2013

Made a big pot of Dr. Furhman's Famous Anti-Cancer Soup.

Not a real big hit. 

I think I have two problems, so likely, it's user error and not the recipe. One, the vegetables didn't cook long enough before I put them in the food processor to puree.  Two, my food processor isn't high-powered enough get the soup creamy.  I ended up with a strange consistency that leaves you thinking it needs to be a sauce, not a soup.

We have altered our cornbread recipe again to fit our nutritarian goals and it tastes great!  I'll add it to my recipe page.

Went grocery shopping again tonight.  I think I'm going to have to resign to being a two-cart family from now on. Or, at least until David is done juicing. We bought the store out of kale and I still didn't have enough for the whole week. Crazy.

I'm tired.  I'm worn out.  I went over my menu for next week and feel a bit defeated.  I think it was the fail on the soup today.  I'm going to set aside those soups and recipes that call for pureeing nuts and such in a high-powered blender, since I don't have one. I dug out some of my own recipes from my box and I think I'll just go with those, nutri-tizing them as I go.  Also, I think I'm just longing for some familiar tastes in my life again.  Nothing so familiar that it's not full of the nutrients I need, though. ;)

I also feel a bit fried from all the food prep and new recipes.  I think I just need a break. Tomorrow the fam is going off in different directions.  That means we'll just keep it simple with leftovers and such for meals.  I'm looking forward to a date with my oldest and youngest daughters and then an afternoon of reading and rest.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Good Things:
Ate well. Under on calories
Workout after lunch
Found a way to get kale into all three meals today, though I didn't eat it for breakfast.

Not So Good Things:
TIRED
unmotivated

I'm worn out.  I don't have that energy surge I normally do.  I have been staying up too late and I wonder if that is what my problem is.

I added some diced kale to the children's scrambled eggs today. I put some in a new salad I mixed up for myself for lunch. (Still deciding if I like it or not) Then I added in some more to the taco salad topping for dinner. That was a big accomplishment for me.

My salad: Shredded beets and carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, peas, tossed in a sweet dressing. 

That's about all I've got for today. I'm tired. I need some sleep and I'm all peopled out, I think.  Tomorrow we prep for the big party on Saturday. Everyone is excited, though I'm just a teensy bit overwhelmed.

Juice Fast Reboot - Day 2

I'm total dropout!!!


Several times today I was heading to the bathroom ready to see that juice come right back up on me. Sorry for the graphic description, but I simply cannot keep that stuff in me. I gave up on the coconut juice today and couldn't even finish half of the juices I had to drink. I was mostly water all day because that is the only thing palatable to me at this point. 

I worked on changing out the recipes a bit, but it still wasn't working.

I'm sad because I really wanted to do this for David.  I wanted to be cheerful and excited and have fun taking this on together.  I prayed this morning, asking the Lord to enable me to endure.  I'm not enduring, though.  Sigh.

I talked with David tonight. He is loving the fast and it is accomplishing for him what he hopes.  He would like me to go back to my regular diet plan the Lord gave to me during my Daniel fast. He feels that coming along side of him, helping him prep the juices and cheering him on is the help he desires to do this well. 

I am so relieved. All that complaining I did about getting tired of chewing salad, I take it back!! I will CHEW my salad every meal just so I don't have to DRINK it anymore!!!

Thank you, Lord, for an amazing husband.  Help me be a blessing to him!!

I got in 25 minutes on Wii Fit today.  Did a little bit of weeding this evening. Worked all morning in the kitchen cleaning it and a bunch of produce.

I can't wait until morning to EAT food.  I guess a 2 day juice fast is all I got in me. Interesting what happens when I venture off the path the Lord put me on.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Good Things:
Made good choices up until dinner time
Got a double meal made for dinner, one for friends, one for kiddos
Schooling complete
Choring directed

Not So Good Things:
Gave up at dinner and just went with the best I could do while eating out
Very little exercise today

I am feeling just blah.  I could not get myself moving today.  I did fine eating-wise up until dinner. We delivered a meal and then went out to eat for our date. I decided to just enjoy and ordered baked fish. More fat than I'd choose, but the fish was a nice treat for the week. I enjoyed a lovely salad of fresh greens but also over did it on the bread.  Sigh.

We went out for a decaf coffee which had cream and sweetener. I decided to just enjoy the treat with my husband and work it off tomorrow.  We did get out for a walk around town when we got home, so I at least got in some activity.

I'm feeling just beat.  I'm sleeping well, but something is making me drag. I'm not sure what it is.  It could be my cycle. It could be the grains. It could be I'm a little low on iron?? I don't know, but I am definitely going to work on loading my plate with greens tomorrow to flush out whatever it may be.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Good Things:
Great choices while eating out after church
Snacked on the way home, but healthier choices than old habits
30 minutes on the wii, added hand weights to my advanced step
Scale is going down again

Not So Good Things:
Too much salt with my snack
Sugar today

I was so glad to be exercising again. The last two days have left me with no activity and I was feeling so sluggish.  I got in a good 30 minutes that left me sweating.  I was down 1.5 since my last weigh-in.  Whew!

David got some greek yogurt bars at the store today. I have such a hard time saying no to him when he gets me a treat. Thing is, I didn't WANT to eat it, it was high in sugar. And, even though I did, it didn't even taste good, so it felt like a waste of a treat. I need to figure out a kind way to decline or at least redirect his efforts. I did the same thing with Josh this week when he saved part of his sub sandwich for me.  

I know I shouldn't rejoice so much over the scale going down. But, well, I am.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Real Quick:

Busy last couple of days.  Some ups, some downs.

This poison ivy has really gotten the best of me. Yesterday I could barely move my arms. I'm on David's meds and it is starting to lift a bit.

I haven't exercised for two days now. Needed to today, but got bogged down with a birthday gift project.  Yesterday was the first day I ended over on calories for the day. Bummer.

I did well today, though.  I made a very yummy French Lentil Soup from my End of Diabetes book. Turned out so good!  Who knew I really did like lima beans??

David ordered a late night pizza for the children to enjoy during bible time. Guess my soup didn't go over quite as well with them. ;)  It was SOOOO hard to resist a slice of that meat lovers delight!  But, he was sweet and ordered some plain potato skins for E and I to enjoy together.  So, we still got a treat. :)

It's been HOT here too, so no walks for me.  With David leaving early in the mornings to work now that the rain let off, I've been lazy and sleeping in.

I need to enter in the recipe for the soup so I can see how my day ended today. I'm feeling pretty confident that I'm close...but maybe over again with those potato skins.

My thrill over the scale going down-down-down ended when it went up that bit.  I need new incentive and motivation.  But, mostly, I need to get rid of this stinkin' rash so I can FEEL better and not be going crazy!!

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Good Things:
Morning walk
Logged and blogged, under on calories
Worked outside in the sun and heat, sweating a lot
Got in my Wii time this evening

Not So Good Things:
Very irritable and emotional today, battling anger
Tired, worn out, little energy or motivation around the house
Scale was up tonight on the Wii. Boo.
Poison Ivy is making me mental

Today was a hard day. I'm so uncomfortable with this stupid rash, I'm doing a lousy job being loving and kind. I just want to get out of my skin.

Today's lunch we had Caesar Salad topped with white beans and homemade dressing. It was, interesting. I'm definitely not going to say I'll be craving that one. ;)  Tonight's dinner needed to be easy, so we heated up some black beans, seasoned them, and wrapped them into burritos. Everyone was happy. Served them with some water sautéed green beans and garlic and we called it Easy and Done. 

We worked in the yard today trimming shrubs, trees, and I worked on some digging. There is never a lack of work to be done in this little yard of ours. Thankfully, this work doesn't involve dealing with poison ivy.

Spent about 30 minutes on the Wii tonight.  I'm having fun with that but have a hard time using it when everyone is around.  Or, maybe I'm simply going through a "I want to be alone" phase and it will get better.

Bummed that that scale was up tonight. It went down again the second time I weighed in, but it was still up from last night. That's why they tell you not to weigh yourself every day, Tracy. I know. I know.

Tomorrow is the Fourth of July. Our company cancelled on us tonight, so I guess we're running solo for any kind of celebration we do. The children are all really excited to have burgers and hot dogs. I'm still undecided what I want to do. All I know is, I don't really want to cook. Fat Chance. ;)

Daniel Fast - Day Twelve

June 21, 2013

Day Twelve

I didn't get to blog last night. With David home, life gets a little unpredictable.  We spent the day resting and got to go out for a short lunch date.  You should be very impressed that while going out to a restaurant with nothing vegetarian on their menu, I was able to stick to my fast. I ordered the spinach salad with dried cranberries, vegies, slivered almonds and a vinaigrette on the side, hold the eggs!  We ordered a baked potato to share between us. (hold the fixin's, of course.)

Okay, you may not be impressed, but with the selection I was offered, I did excellent!  We had to tell them no to the complimentary bread at least three times. Haha!

Last night I was feeling a little stressed and I did it. I didn't go off the fast, but I did eat more than I needed to. I found myself going to food again, munching because those around me were doing the same. Instead of sitting down to a real meal, I just lay on the couch reading and cracking those peanuts. Ugh.  Out of the bag, even, so there was no way of knowing exactly how many I was eating. I know better. 

It's crazy to me how quickly I can change based on my surroundings. I certainly know, now, that one of the biggest factors in my health struggles is based on the relationships around me and how well I handle them.

Journal Notes - Day Five

June 14, 2013

Colossians 2:23; 3:1-17

"These are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against self-indulgence."

 

If then, I have been raised up with Christ...keep seeking the things above...set my mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.

 

For I have died - my life is hidden with Christ in God. I will be revealed with Him.

 

Consider my physical body dead to...impurity, passion, evil desire, greed...

 

Lay aside the old self and it's practices. Put on a new self that is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of Him who created me.

Put off what??

>food for comfort

>indulgence - lack of restraint: portions

>food for motivation

>Sedentary living

Put on what?? (replace what I am putting off)

>compassion: letter, phone calls, words and hugs

>kindness: acts of kindness for others

>humility: choose simple things (i.e. water to drink, simple foods), leave the best for others, take smaller portions for myself so as not to feed my pride

>gentleness: in my voice, my face, my actions

>patience: wait for them to get it, expect them to be slow on things, (prevents my anger and stress which leads to indulgence) go with them in their struggle, don't reach for a crutch to deal with the waiting, don't resist the wait - receive it, embrace it, learn from it, see myself in it

>bear with one another: my time, my attitude

>forgiveness: not blaming

>love: the perfect bond of unity

>peace of Christ

>thankfulness: keep a list

>word of Christ dwelling richly in me: memorization of scripture
   >wisdom teaching
   >admonishing one another
   >psalms, hymns, spiritual songs
   >singing with thankfulness

*all of the above in place of temper, anger, frustration, yelling, food and drink to deal with stress, joys, and struggles.

Whatever I do, WORD or DEED, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father. 

Tracy, ask yourself:

Can I do this thing with gratitude to Christ?

Am I doing this in the name of Jesus?

Can I rejoice in knowing it represents Him and His glory?

Are my choices and actions renewing me?

Are they renewing me to a true knowledge according to the one who created me?

The kinds of foods I eat, will they strengthen me to know Him more?

These ways I respond to stress in my life, are they renewing me and helping me know my Creator more?

Are the actions I chose for my free time, my celebrations, my comfort and rest, do they lead me to true knowledge? Do they bring gratitude? Do they reveal the work of Christ?

Am I hidden in Him?

Are my desires, preferences, passions, delights - are these hidden in the person of Christ?

Let me hide in You, Lord. Hide in your gentleness and love. Let me hide in your patience and peace. Let me hide in your compassion and kindness. Let me hide in you as you bear with me in forgiveness, teaching me humility, gratitude and strength in your power and a mind set on those things which are above.

Journal Notes from Day Four

June 13, 2013

 

"Behold, how happy is the man whom God reproves, so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For He inflicts pain and give relief; He wounds, and His hands heal."

Job 5:17-18

This  verse is my promise of hope.

This fast. This pain and discomfort to my body. This is your reproof to my pride and indulgence. You bring this so that I would see the abuse and misuse I have in my life. I have wrongly fed and tended my physical body and soul. I have wrongly used food to cater to my desires. I am so humbled. First, by the fact that I have seen how a silly cup of coffee or tea makes me feel valued or gives me a sense of worth. That it feeds my selfish desires to feel I somehow deserve praise or reward for my work in day.

Lord, this work I do should be my act of service and worship. I do this for Your praise. I should allow You to bless me - not use Your blessings to reward myself - especially with things that harm me. I see, as my body is releasing whatever it's been holding, this pain in my joints, muscles, head, this reveals the physical damage I've done and the sin that brought me there. So many ways my body cries out, "Sinner! Selfish! Indulgent! Lazy!" 

Lazy.  Oh, how my laziness is revealed. I am always choosing an easier way. Yet, this fast causes me to choose and work for those foods that cleanse and heal. To provide what is healthy for my family I must work and not choose those things which are easy if they are not healthy.

Please continue to work in me. I am, right now, in a time of humility and grief over my choices. I didn't expect to feel so badly. Show me what is hurting me most. Teach me, especially regarding my flesh, teach me and heal me.  I joyfully accept your wounds and inflictions of pain - pain of body and spirit, because I know the promise of Your healing and relief accompany them.

Your wounds bring healing.  This fast (wound) brings healing. The world's wounds (foods and indulgence) bring more pain leading to death. My flesh (choices regarding food and drink) bring pain and keep me from You, which is a life empty and pointless.

Your wounds bring healing.

Saturday January 26, 2013

Not a great day. Yesterday was pretty much the same, only a little less Not Great.

One puker today. My head is killing me. I am FRIED with schooling and parenting tonight. Worried we've got more sickies on the way. My energy is at an all time low.

No exercise today or yesterday. Sleep stinks. No real progress on baby's sleep habits. It's 8pm and we still have children working on school work. Just a rough week afa school goes and today wasn't any kind of break like I had hoped.

I don't forsee an early bedtime in my future, but I'm thankful that my husband will be home tomorrow so I can hopefully catch up on a bit of rest. No church, though. That's a bummer.

Up days, down days. Just do the next thing. Pray through it. Give thanks.

12/12/12 - Last Chance

Today is a unique day. The last day we'll ever be able to match a month/day/year for another 100 years.  Guess I'll take this as a good sign to get back on track with my health and life goals. It feels like it's been 100 years ago that I was here. *rolls eyes*

This past fall I had my gall bladder out. The surgery went better than I expected and I was up and moving fairly normal by the second week. I can eat normally now with the exception of some foods that leave me feeling poorly. Most of those are foods I should avoid anyways. 

That recovery season did a number on me emotionally, though. That and the sleep deprivation I am dealing with right now due to baby's poor habits has me in and out of some pretty dark emotional funks. The last few months has left me struggling to just do the next thing most days. Sleep deprivation is horrible, especially when you feel trapped by it.  My husband has been working hard to help me get extra rest when possible, but it's a season that drives me to my knees. Or, at least it should.

I've gained weight, I can tell by the fit of my clothes. That's depressing enough. I find little time or motivation to exercise right now, feeling a bit overwhelmed by keeping up with schooling and housework. However, a good friend of mine and I are committing to putting our health in higher priority so that we can be better for our families.  We've started an accountability time and have made some goals for ourselves.  Mine are as follows:

>Taking supplements and vitamins daily (started St. John's Wort recently, 5 capsules to start and back off when I see improvement in mood)
>Better focus on nutrition and water intake (I desparately need to up my water intake)
>Add in exercise: I'm working on a walk with my son after lunch daily and a walk with my oldest daughter after dinner daily.
>Focus on daily bible reading, journaling, prayer time, and book reading - morning and evening
>Relationship building with certain family members
>Review and study Super Mom vs. Abiding Mom chart

It's been 2 weeks since I made that list. I've made some improvements in a few areas, but I have a long way to go. They are good goals. I'm embarrassed that they are so simple, yet so hard to meet right now. However, I need to just press on and I'm thankful to have something I'm aiming for at least.

This coming season, I just want to recapture the DESIRE I once had to take care of myself and CARE about how I feel and what direction I am heading. Right now I simply battle such a terrible feeling of complacency, it's causing real damage. I need to keep turning my heart to the Lord and growing in a greater sense of worship to Him so that I can see my heart change.  I am learning, in bits and pieces, that each battle I face is truly a result of a crisis of worship I have in my life.

Please pray I would see the Lord at work and I would join Him in what He is doing in my life.

Guilt.Guilt.Guilt.

It's been a rough week. Starting out, we had a birthday party this past weekend which afforded me far too many sugary options to resist. I also made a batch of cookies to send to church on Sunday night. Unfortunately, they not only didn't get all eaten, but all the leftover sweets were sent home with my family as well. Ugh.

So, I have had more sugar in the last several days that I probably have had in months. I've been feeling awful, to say the least. Physically but emotionally as well. I can't believe I have so little will power with food again.

I'm so tired all the time. I'm usually grumpy and worn and have no energy for anything. I know I'm not fun to be around and I CRAVE sleep.  I didn't get any sort of nap this past weekend, so I'm just dragging this week.  I've had a headache almost every day and I know that is sleep related.

So, all that whining explains why I've been hiding from my blog this week. I've not logged. I've not exercised, except for a little today. I feel like I'm just a mess.

I did, however, get up before my children this morning. I read my bible. I read my prayer book and prayed earnestly for myself and my children. I started breakfast and laundry before they were downstairs. I greeted them with a smile. I directed everyone in their morning chores. I took my 5 youngest children for a nice walk and stop at the school playground. We came home and switched some laundry and tidied the kitchen a bit. I read to them and enjoyed snack time with them. This has actually been my most productive day I've had in a long while.

I'm crashed out now, though. I just wish it was OKAY to let myself be tired and set aside my duties to rest or try to nap. I just can't get to that place where I feel allowed to do it. I either fear foolishness will abound and cause some trouble or I'm depressed over how much further behind we will be by not pushing forward with our schooling or character issues. However, I'm not sure how much real learning is happening when I'm this worn out. Sigh.

Either way, today is better than what I've seen for a while. I'm grateful for my quiet time on my porch this morning. I'm grateful I felt well enough to get up and spend time with the Lord. I'm grateful for a quiet house, at the moment, allowing me to get some of my thoughts and feelings out. I'm grateful for a sweet baby girl that needs her momma so much that I have reason to press forward in this struggle. I'm grateful for the duties that need doing and the children that need loving and the forgiveness that comes when I fail in both of those areas. I'm grateful, ever so grateful, that the Lord loves, understands, and is gentle with those who have young. Thank you, Lord.

Wednesday July 11, 2012

Today's Good Things:
Followed my diet restrictions
Fought off another gb attack this afternoon with apple juice. Found out that really works.
Evening walk and fun at the park with the fam
Making some changes with schooling and really hoping it comes together
Mornings are going better
Logged on mfp

Today's Not So Good Things:
Snacked on a bag of cookies after lunch - wondering if that was my trigger
Major gb attack last night-woke me up even-needed meds. Ouch. :(
Tired. Oh. So. Tired.
More crabby kiddos, extremely so.

Starting to wonder if I need to make some connections on what they are eating to behavior as well. Haven't seen a couple of my girls this way before.  I took them to Wendy's for lunch yesterday as a treat. I had a salad but let them pick what they wanted. Chicken nuggets and then I got them each a Frosty.  I couldn't believe the behavior I saw today. I'm wondering if the food had something to do with it. :-?

I woke up about an hour into sleeping with terrible pain. Well, it was actually nausea but it progressed so fast I was moving like crazy looking for relief. I've been told apple juice or apple sauce works, so I booked it downstairs to get some applesauce down. The relief couldn't come soon enough, though. I didn't have lemon juice or apple juice on hand, so I just went for the meds that they gave me at the ER. Instant relief, I tell ya'. Well, not instant, but within 5-10 minutes. I was really surprised to see it work that fast. Or, maybe the applesauce helped some too? I don't know, but it was really defeating. I had worked hard that day to make careful choices. Especially as my husband took me out that night for dinner and there was only ONE thing on the Olive Garden menu that I could really eat. Yet, I still had a foul reaction. So sad. Then, on the way home from the grocery store, my nausea and tightness started to pick up again. By the time I got home, I was sending my son to the corner store for apple juice. (no idea why I didn't get some while I was shopping.)  That really helped. But, MAN do I HATE drinking so many calories!! I have never liked drinking juice bc it's so empty of fiber and yet so loaded with calories. Yet, juice seems to be helping me right now, so I need to adapt, I guess.

With all that, I've been afraid to eat anything. And tonight, I'm afraid to lie down for fear that will trigger an attack as well. I never had to be so careful, I am so frustrated that I have to avoid so many foods right now. Anyone reading, please pray for me to best understand what is the best course of action regarding this issue. Please pray I can find a doctor to help me make a wise choice. We have no leads on doctors in our area and I'm feeling pressed to find someone I can talk with soon.

On the upside, I had my pp appointment yesterday and all seemed well. The abdominal pain I'm having is likely diastasis, so I'll need to work on that. I'm hoping to start Ttapp again and that may help. Otherwise, I will look into more exercises designed to target that issue. Also, I weighed-in at 208, so at least I haven't gained what I was fearing I gained since Kindred was born. Now to just work at keeping off anymore.  Honestly, the scale isn't as high a priority to me right now as getting my gall bladder healthy and strengthening my body to ward off the aches and pains.

I'm off to try to sleep now. Fear or no fear, I'm completely exhausted and desparately need to sleep.

Best Laid Plans

Sigh. I'm always so full of good intentions. They never get me anywhere, though.  My absence here is a good indicator of the difficulties I've been having the past few weeks.

A list of health issues in chronological order since Baby Kindy arrived:

Incorrect latch/no weight gain for baby = major stress for me
Poison Ivy contracted through the bedding since I never set a foot outside. Ick. :(
Mastitis and recurring clogged ducts
Thrush in baby
Gallstones leading to an attack that landed me in the ER the night before my husband's trip away for a 3 day audit (oh, the drama)

Currently, I'm dealing with what I think is a BV infection and still struggling with yeast issues. Ick. I also have this strange sore spot in my mid-abdomen, feeling it strongly when I bend and sit. I can tell my gall bladder is still unhappy with me.

Right now, I'm struggling a bit with just trying to figure out what I can eat. The ER doc referred me to a surgeon to have my gall bladder removed, but I'm not ready for that step right now. However, as I research, I'm feeling so confused. I read so many varying opinions and advice on the correct way to eat and deal with gall stones, I'm not sure what to do. I don't believe I was eating so poorly before so as to have created this issue, but apparantly I was and still am since I'm struggling to find something reasonable to eat.

Admittedly, I've been eating poorly these last few weeks. I've developed a nasty liking for diet soda. I know *that* isn't good and had just started contemplating the negative results of daily intake of my favored Diet Dr. Pepper. I've also been joining my husband in his great love for chips. He would happily enjoy a bag of chips each day and I've been bad about sharing that with him, though not quite daily. ;)  Sigh.  These things certainly could have triggered the stones to flare up, but likely they've been there a long while.

One bright spot is that I strongly suspect that this is the cause of my sleep disturbances in recent years. I've blogged on that before.  When this attack started, I was convinced it was the same sleep issue I've battled. When it grew worse and became unbearably painful, I didn't know what to think. But, now I would not be surprised if what I've felt in the past is a minor attack.  Knowing that is certainly helpful to me. It could also tip me towards the surgery in the future if I can't find a good way to regulate what is going on in my body.

So, I continue to read and try to find some balance between the ER doc's orders of simply avoiding "fried, fatty foods" to the other end of the pendulum where I need to go vegetarian, no nuts, few beans, and pretty much eat cardboard. One irritation with this wonderful tool called "internet" is the complete frustration over having way too much information filling my head. Just wish I knew of a reliable resource that could walk me through this. In my dream world, that would be a doctor I know and trust. Sigh.

Whatever comes of it, I need to make a plan for adding in some kind of exercise and better eating. I'm hoping to get back to 50% raw food on my menu and *at least* getting in a family walk each day. We're currently working on getting into a new routine for choring and school, so I hope that as we get a groove there, I'll find a natural spot in our day to fit in some exercise.

Sorry I'm so intermittent. I'm tired, tired, tired. Longing for more sleep in my life. Longing for a body that doesn't feel like it's falling apart. Longing for some direction.  Longing for results even though I am doing nothing to bring them about. Longing for your prayers, bloggy friends. Any who are still around to offer.