Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Good Things:
Morning walk
Logged and blogged, under on calories
Worked outside in the sun and heat, sweating a lot
Got in my Wii time this evening

Not So Good Things:
Very irritable and emotional today, battling anger
Tired, worn out, little energy or motivation around the house
Scale was up tonight on the Wii. Boo.
Poison Ivy is making me mental

Today was a hard day. I'm so uncomfortable with this stupid rash, I'm doing a lousy job being loving and kind. I just want to get out of my skin.

Today's lunch we had Caesar Salad topped with white beans and homemade dressing. It was, interesting. I'm definitely not going to say I'll be craving that one. ;)  Tonight's dinner needed to be easy, so we heated up some black beans, seasoned them, and wrapped them into burritos. Everyone was happy. Served them with some water sautéed green beans and garlic and we called it Easy and Done. 

We worked in the yard today trimming shrubs, trees, and I worked on some digging. There is never a lack of work to be done in this little yard of ours. Thankfully, this work doesn't involve dealing with poison ivy.

Spent about 30 minutes on the Wii tonight.  I'm having fun with that but have a hard time using it when everyone is around.  Or, maybe I'm simply going through a "I want to be alone" phase and it will get better.

Bummed that that scale was up tonight. It went down again the second time I weighed in, but it was still up from last night. That's why they tell you not to weigh yourself every day, Tracy. I know. I know.

Tomorrow is the Fourth of July. Our company cancelled on us tonight, so I guess we're running solo for any kind of celebration we do. The children are all really excited to have burgers and hot dogs. I'm still undecided what I want to do. All I know is, I don't really want to cook. Fat Chance. ;)

Daniel Fast - Day Seven

June 16, 2013

Amazing day.

The sermon preached today was excellent, as usual. So fitting, though, with our fast and all I'm learning.  Even better, my 11yo son was fully engaged for the first time ever in the preaching. I watched him leaning forward, fully intent on every words spoken.

Then, after the sermon, I watched and listened as he approached our pastor to thank him for preaching on the person of Samuel. He told him how much it meant to him, how he relates to the message of obedience in his life, how he longs to obey and do better at home.  Preacher Gabe was fully of reassurance, courage, and hope for my boy.  Oh, how my heart wanted to dance!!!

I came home and had several great conversations with him.  For one of the first times ever, I cannot wait to wake up to a Monday morning because I get to work with my wonderful boy!!  Thank you, Lord!  Thank you for helping me tune out the wrong voices so I can tune in to the right ones.  I am so very grateful.

We had lunch with David's parents to celebrate Father's Day.  My sister in law was gracious and generous in preparing many foods that fit our Daniel Fast. They have done the fast before, so she knew the ropes.  Such a blessing.

We prepped a week's worth of food for David and Joshua tonight. They are going to be away for the week on a job.  I'm hoping everything we sent will keep them well fed and content.

I'm feeling better and better. Still some soreness in my lower back, but even with all the sitting today in the van and at church, I'm doing well.  David bought me some new shoes to wear at home and they feel so great. I'm noticing that I'm carrying myself more confidently. I have more energy. I'm definitely doing better with my temper and not so irritable.  I am THRILLED that I'm making some strong connections with my children right now. THRILLED.  Including the social networking in my fast has been hugely effective in my relationships.

This week being a single parent will be challenging, but I'm looking forward to it in a strange way.  I little more relaxed. A little less stress. A little more time to get things done.  I'm definitely planning to pace myself so I don't wear out quickly.

Got in all my water today. Easy peasy. :)

Treading Water

Heather, you said that me writing is an encouragement. I'm afraid you may disagree when I finish this post.

I'm beat.  I went to bed feeling icky and woke up the same. I've not been sleeping well at all. Back to my same routine of waking every few hours struggling with breathing and feeling restless and uncomfortable. Often I can't get back to sleep, so I spend a couple of hours in the middle of the night tossing, turning, praying, fretting, and wasting time on the computer.

My days are full, but I am always dragging.  I have so much to get done with packing, cleaning, schooling, and basic life. Yet, my heart isn't in it. I feel like I'm walking around in a fog.  I'm excited about all we have going on, I'm just feeling too worn down to fully enjoy it.

I'm barely eating and not always the best choices.  I'm not eating junk, but I'm not getting in everything I should either by way of protein, vegies and fruits.  Often, I'm just too tired to bother. 

I keep forgetting to test. Though, my numbers are all fine when I do.  I'm relieved on that measure.

Today I'd like to rest. I feel like my body just needs a shut-down for a bit. But, I have many errands to run and an appt. to meet a new OB and check on dear little Kindy.  I'm still brainstorming on how to do that with all the children in tow. I'll be so grateful when tax season is over and my husband is part of our life again.

My bright spot of hope is approaching, though. My amazing man has made arrangements to take me away for my birthday this weekend. (a bit early, but I'll take it!) We haven't had a weekend away alone for many, many years.  We leave on Friday for a hotel with a spa. He arranged for a couples massage for us on Friday night. Saturday he'll be going to work so I'll have that luxurious room all to myself until his day is done.  Whirlpool tub, fireplace, balcony overlooking the lake, quiet...I just can't imagine.  I guess I'll push through today, push through the cleaning for my in-laws that needs doing tomorrow, and enjoy my weekend shut down. :)  I am SO ready to be a bride again and just enjoy the affections and company of my favorite person.

I apologize for not being the encouragement I long to be for your ladies.  My eyes glaze over whenever I get to any kind of reading in blog land. I do pray you are all pressing forward in your journeys. I know the Lord will complete this work He has begun in your lives. I treasure your prayers and thoughts and the kind notes you leave for me.  You are all a great blessing.

Wednesday January 25, 2012

Today's Good Things:
Bible and journal, up early
Packed my husband's lunch and dinner cheerfully
Bible study with friend
Followed menu plan
Declined yummy sweet bread at bible study (knowing I had had a cookie before I left *blush*)
morning stretch and some Wii fit in the afternoon
afternoon nap
pushed to finish the day strong

Today's Not So Good Things:
Didn't resist the cookies
grumpy with children while trying to nap
Still going to computer to busy my hands instead of something more productive

Today's Food Choices:
Breakfast: 2oz cheese, 1 slice rye caraway toast - buttered, decaf coffee, water
Snack: hm cookie
Lunch: 1 cup(ish) ranch beans w/ turkey, 2-3 tbs shredded cheddar, hot sauce, pickle, 2 slices ww italian loaf - buttered (I didn't eat enough at snack, so I was hungry and gave in to a second slice of bread. boo.)
Snack: 1 small grapefruit, 1/2 cup dry roasted peanuts
Dinner: Grilled ham/turkey/cheese sandwich on ww, carrot sticks, 1/2 cup applesauce
Snack: 3/4 cup plain ff greek yogurt & 1/2 cup frozen fruit

Decaf and water throughout the day

This week is a transition time for us. We're getting use to David working tax season hours and last night I struggled a bit. He leaves by 7am, sometimes earlier during the week and gets home between 8:30 and 9pm.  Last night, by 7pm, I was d.o.n.e.  However, the Lord enabled me to motivate the children for a pick up, play a game of Crazy Eights with my 7yo, and send the littles to bed with a smile.  I know these coming months will be hard, but I also see the Lord giving me his view of it and embracing it as a gift.  I do get so very tired, yet I know this is a wonderful season to spend with my children and enjoy building our team. It's also been sort of fun to hang with my husband and the bigs while we watch Dick Van Dyke together before we all head to bed. That's a fun new tradition that these hours have brought about. ;)

I was glad to get in some fun exercise with the children. I'd like to get us all out today for a family walk. The weather is warm enough that we can all do that.  I'm reporting from yesterday today because I didn't want to take up time with my husband to be on the computer last night. So far today I was up earlier than my wake up time and got in my pilates and bible reading. A very good start to my day.  I just need to work through some of the children's attitudes, as a few woke up feeling grumpy today. I've also done well with my food choices so far, even though it's only been one meal. ;)

Disconnect

This week has been strange...difficult...weird...hard.

I am walking around in a general state of Minor Yuck.  It's not pleasant.  Yet, it's not so horrible that I feel justified to go with my emotions and wallow in it.  Not justified, yet I think I have been doing it most of the time.  Sigh.

I don't know if it's simply the hormones of pregnancy that are effecting me and keeping me from feeling well.  I don't know if it's somehow linked to my blood sugar issues that are still not under control. It could very well be linked to following doc's orders and lifting the GD diet for the early part of the week in preparation for the 3 hour challenge.  Good news is, I don't have to take that test. (whew!)  The I Don't Know If It's Bad News news is that I'm going straight to GD counseling, making me an official Gestational Diabetic.  It's what I wanted, skipping the test and getting on with treatment. But, somehow, getting that diagnosis and all that comes with it is hard to accept.  Still working on those Feelings of Failure, I guess.

Yesterday I was quite productive. I got a lot done in the kitchen and around the house and even made good on some schoolwork.  I should have been elated. It had been a long while since I had accomplished a list of any significant size.  Instead, I felt deflated and worn out.  This morning a thought struck me as I was forcing myself through the Get Ready For Church routine. 

My heart is just not into this. 

"This" meaning anything and everything, I guess.  No matter what I set about, I'm feeling like I'm either forcing may way through, finding a way to just "get by", or just completely disconnecting from what is in front of me.  I don't like that feeling.  I don't like the Disconnect.

This certainly isn't a cheerful, uplifting post. That is certain.  I will say that my heart IS completely overjoyed with anticipation of our new baby girl.  I've already named her in my heart and have been enjoying bonding with her this week.  I just wish I was as emotionally attached to the others that are with me and the work the Lord has for me each day. 

However, if taking proper care of myself means that I live in a state of Disconnect and forcing what is right, then so be it.  My feelings do not have to precede my actions.  As I well know, Doing right will lead to Feeling right...eventually. 

So, tomorrow I begin again.  Praying the Lord enables me to push through this fog and get in those simple but important goals of exercise and eating enough and properly.  My biggest struggle is to simply eat as much as I should, *what* I should, and *when* I should. It sure sounds simple. For me, it feels super hard.

If I don't push, I'll give up. This sweet little girl needs a momma that doesn't quit. 

^"And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body.  For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope ; for who hopes for what he already sees?  But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it."  Romans 8:23-35 

Monday January 9, 2012

Today's Good Things:
Followed diet well except for afternoon snack
My husband whisked me away after a very difficult day with the children and schooling
Chose a salad and no dessert for dinner (not always easy to do when we eat out)
20 minutes of pilates this evening

Today's Not So Good Things:
Overslept and missed my bible time
Didn't drink enough water
slice of cold pizza for snack time
Missed my daytime exercise. I just couldn't leave the children at all today. :-/


Today was so extremely stressful and emotional.  The aftermath of me taking Friday to be sick and tired was that no one had finished their work well and we had to bury out way out. That was depressing enough, but add in the bad attitudes to go with it and it was not a good day. I was grateful for a break this evening with the littles who were well behaved. But, now I'm fighting a headache and feel quite exhausted even though I barely moved from my seat all day.

I'm pleased that I got out my pilates video this evening, though. Each workout is 10 minutes, so it's very easy to talk myself into it. I chose two workouts tonight and they are so gentle, that it's hard to believe you are actually working out for 20 minutes. I was remembering, as I was moving, how *good* these exercises make you feel. It is especially helpful when my sciatica and lower back pains start in. It feels new again, so I'd like to try to get in 20 minutes in the morning and 20 in the evenings. I remember now how much better I sleep when I'm using this video.  If I can do that and get in my after lunch walk, I will be doing *amazing* in comparison to the first half of this pregnancy. :)

So, tomorrow I stay on task with my menu.  I don't stress eat, but chose what is best for myself and baby. I see what I can do about that afternoon walk. We have sewing lessons tomorrow, so our day already has a major interruption. However, if we can get over the negative attitudes, I know our day can be smooth enough to get in that walk.  I need to make a plan to wake up at my early time so I can exercise AND get in my bible time. I realized today that I get very grumpy without that alone time in the morning. *blush*

Wednesday March 30, 2011 Feeling Springy

Today's Good Things:
A bit of extra sleep this morning
On track with lessons and chores
I did great with food choices/calories today
Gorgeous weather got me out for my afternoon mile AND another family mile after dinner :-)
Enjoyed using my new washer..yay!
Watched a movie all to myself. That was lovely.

Today's Not So Good Things:
My sweet boy's pet gerbil was found "expired" this morning. Funeral was held after lunch. ;-)
Afternoon snack was too carb-y
Missed my Morning 15
Staying up too late to get this in!

It was simply a lovely day.  (well, not counting the sad details of the burial ;-) ) The weather had that hint of warmth to it. The sun was shining down and in and filling up my mind with thoughts of clean windows and walls and basements and yard. Ahhhh...I can still smell the freshness. It won't last long, as I hear tell we are to have 6-12 inches arriving by Friday. Give thanks in all things, right? Right. :-)

I'm finally finding the groove again of paying attention and caring about how I eat during the day. Two days in a row I took the time to make my own lunch rather than gobble down what was easy at the table.

I did end up feeling a little edgy by the end of the day. I think I was just getting to that spot in the week where I needed a little time to myself to regroup and relax.  I seem to need that alone time every so often to refresh my mind and remotivate my brain.

Tomorrow is Thursday which is our wrap up day for the week. I'm so grateful! I admit, I am the one who is counting down the days until spring break. I am the one who is longing for the freedom of no books, tests, and assignements. I am the one who is wishing it all away instead of enjoying and embracing the moment as I should. Serves me right to have winter blast me yet again. I will be grateful and I will rejoice in the challenges of our days. I wonder how the family would feel about turning this next snow into a Farewell To Winter Party? That sure would turn the frowns around! :-)