Monday, July 29, 2013

Quick report in.  Ate ETL all day. A little short on water.

Today we were all crabby and tired.  Too much Sunday maybe? We worked on cleaning the house and then I took the children to swim for a bit at the lake.

Had a great dinner of Red Lentil sauce over broccoli with a side of yellow and green beans topped with water sauteed mushrooms.

I ate really well the last few days but I'm not seeing the scale go down. Feeling a little bummed about that.

I'm wearing my smallest sized swimsuit, though.  Haven't fit in that comfortably for a few years. :)

My notebook computer died on me. I may have a harder time updating if it stays dead. Got in 30 min on wii fit tonight trying to sweat out my stress and B.A.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Good Things:
Morning walk
Logged and blogged, under on calories
Worked outside in the sun and heat, sweating a lot
Got in my Wii time this evening

Not So Good Things:
Very irritable and emotional today, battling anger
Tired, worn out, little energy or motivation around the house
Scale was up tonight on the Wii. Boo.
Poison Ivy is making me mental

Today was a hard day. I'm so uncomfortable with this stupid rash, I'm doing a lousy job being loving and kind. I just want to get out of my skin.

Today's lunch we had Caesar Salad topped with white beans and homemade dressing. It was, interesting. I'm definitely not going to say I'll be craving that one. ;)  Tonight's dinner needed to be easy, so we heated up some black beans, seasoned them, and wrapped them into burritos. Everyone was happy. Served them with some water sautéed green beans and garlic and we called it Easy and Done. 

We worked in the yard today trimming shrubs, trees, and I worked on some digging. There is never a lack of work to be done in this little yard of ours. Thankfully, this work doesn't involve dealing with poison ivy.

Spent about 30 minutes on the Wii tonight.  I'm having fun with that but have a hard time using it when everyone is around.  Or, maybe I'm simply going through a "I want to be alone" phase and it will get better.

Bummed that that scale was up tonight. It went down again the second time I weighed in, but it was still up from last night. That's why they tell you not to weigh yourself every day, Tracy. I know. I know.

Tomorrow is the Fourth of July. Our company cancelled on us tonight, so I guess we're running solo for any kind of celebration we do. The children are all really excited to have burgers and hot dogs. I'm still undecided what I want to do. All I know is, I don't really want to cook. Fat Chance. ;)

Daniel Fast - Day Seventeen

June 26, 2013

Day Seventeen.

Sigh.

I'm still feeling slump-ish, unmotivated, irritable. I don't know what the change is for. The weather has been rainy and stormy. It would be strange for that to make such an impact on me. I just can't figure out why I'm feeling so extremely different than I was last week. Sigh.

Today I made up a new something yummy for breakfast. I tried my hand at water sautéing and it turned out delicious. I cooked up some cauliflower and a few carrots sticks that needed to get eaten.  I love how they browned a bit in the pan, almost crunchy.  I topped it with some hot sauce and crunched on my lovely little plate of breakfast vegies.

David and I went out for our date tonight. We decided to try Chinese food since they have a vegetarian section on their menu. We enjoyed two different dishes of mixed vegies. I'm not sure what the sauces were made of, but I'm hoping it was fine since it was labeled vegetarian. Then we headed over to Tropical Café for fruit smoothies, hold the turbinado.  Very yummy. 

Came home and played some wii games together.  It was nice to get in something active with all the rain we are getting this week. Cheered me up some, I think.

Hoping to get to bed before 10pm tonight. I've been up late the last few nights.

Day 5 Vice-Busting

February 2, 2013
Day 5 Vice-Busting

Scripture Affirmation:
God does not ignore my prayers or withhold his unfailing love from me.
"Blessed be God, which hath not turned away my prayer, nor his mercy from me. " Psalm 66:20

I admit it. When I work hard to lose pounds and they aren't coming off, I feel ignored. When I fail to follow my plan or do a good thing for my health, I fear he will withhold his mercy because I feel so undeserving of it. 

Strengthen me to see my sin and confess it, Lord, that I will not prevent my prayers from being heard. Strengthen me to see your love and mercy, that I will not reject it with my own selfish pride and shame.

Action:
Keep building the habit of water with me at all times; drink plenty, choose water over any other beverage. The choice I make to do this is cleansing my body, helping it begin to do what it is meant to do: be an efficient, functioning, healthy, and energetic system.

"Another common mental block has to do with something entirely different that many people aren't even aware of, and it's called self-sabotage or deliberate acts of failure. Many things in your past, recent or distant, may be keeping you from succeeding and may fuuel the desire to fail. If you have had one or more emotional experiences that have left you feeling angry, depressed, resentful, or spiteful, it can translate into a desire to fail." p50

Interesting. I was challenged last night in dealing with anger issues as a mother. Then I read this and find it difficult to process. I'm guarded against some of the psychology terms and thought behind it. Yet, I wonder how this relates to our battle with sin and our ways of dealing with hurts. Is there something that I do to cope with my emotions that sets me up to fail my best efforts. Thinking and praying on this. I think I need to pay attention if I'm being presented material regarding the same struggle in several venues. Are the issues that cause me to struggle with anger and depression also connected with my struggle to be healthy and strong? Boy, just typing that out makes the answer sound like a no-brainer.

Marriage Action: I've been thinking on this all week...well, longer than that, but I always had an excuse why I didn't need to act.  Two things are obvious that I can begin doing to serve my husband in his life. Make healthy lunches for him daily and tend his wardrobe specifically.  I'm making that commitment now.

Thursday January 17, 2013

Today's Good Things:
Logged and blogged
Under on calories for the day
Exercised
Family Fun Night
Didn't stress-eat/good food choices

Today's Not So Good Things:
Didn't do well with emotions/stressful situations today
Still struggling with sleep
Baby is acting strange, doesn't want to eat other than nurse


I've got two nights in a row on the elliptical machines this week. :) The first night I used a Smart Stride machine (or something like that) and it felt hard to press on for the full 20 minutes, but I did it including a 3 minute cool down after. I had to go pretty slow, though, so I only burned 127 calories when it was all done. Tonight I used a regular elliptical machine and was able to go much faster, burning 187 calories in 20 minutes. I had to hurry out after that, though, to get the little ones for Family Fun Night. We were all a little disappointed because the games didn't involve much movement. But, we had some fun getting to know the other families and doing some silly stuff together. I really like it that we have some time carved out in the week to just have fun together.

So far, the Y has been great. It's a little stressful getting there. It's a little crazy dropping off so many in the kidzone when I go to work out. But, wow, do I love having some time to just move myself and not chase people around. I think that Benjamin is a little young for the room and I need to keep a close eye on him. But, when David and I are able to go alone, it's just awesome. It feels like such a great escape.

I weighed in last night at the Y and then again at home on the wii. The scales are different, but I am up a bit, which I expected. Not up as much as I expected, though, so that's good. Maybe this month of sugar free and yeast free is helping a little. Not sure. But, I'm motivated to keep it up and see what the scale says again next week.

Guilt.Guilt.Guilt.

It's been a rough week. Starting out, we had a birthday party this past weekend which afforded me far too many sugary options to resist. I also made a batch of cookies to send to church on Sunday night. Unfortunately, they not only didn't get all eaten, but all the leftover sweets were sent home with my family as well. Ugh.

So, I have had more sugar in the last several days that I probably have had in months. I've been feeling awful, to say the least. Physically but emotionally as well. I can't believe I have so little will power with food again.

I'm so tired all the time. I'm usually grumpy and worn and have no energy for anything. I know I'm not fun to be around and I CRAVE sleep.  I didn't get any sort of nap this past weekend, so I'm just dragging this week.  I've had a headache almost every day and I know that is sleep related.

So, all that whining explains why I've been hiding from my blog this week. I've not logged. I've not exercised, except for a little today. I feel like I'm just a mess.

I did, however, get up before my children this morning. I read my bible. I read my prayer book and prayed earnestly for myself and my children. I started breakfast and laundry before they were downstairs. I greeted them with a smile. I directed everyone in their morning chores. I took my 5 youngest children for a nice walk and stop at the school playground. We came home and switched some laundry and tidied the kitchen a bit. I read to them and enjoyed snack time with them. This has actually been my most productive day I've had in a long while.

I'm crashed out now, though. I just wish it was OKAY to let myself be tired and set aside my duties to rest or try to nap. I just can't get to that place where I feel allowed to do it. I either fear foolishness will abound and cause some trouble or I'm depressed over how much further behind we will be by not pushing forward with our schooling or character issues. However, I'm not sure how much real learning is happening when I'm this worn out. Sigh.

Either way, today is better than what I've seen for a while. I'm grateful for my quiet time on my porch this morning. I'm grateful I felt well enough to get up and spend time with the Lord. I'm grateful for a quiet house, at the moment, allowing me to get some of my thoughts and feelings out. I'm grateful for a sweet baby girl that needs her momma so much that I have reason to press forward in this struggle. I'm grateful for the duties that need doing and the children that need loving and the forgiveness that comes when I fail in both of those areas. I'm grateful, ever so grateful, that the Lord loves, understands, and is gentle with those who have young. Thank you, Lord.

Thursday July 12, 2012

Today's Good Things:
Logged: ended the day under on calories
My new neighbor came by with cookies to welcome us to the neighborhood. I enjoyed one after dinner and so far, so good on gb reaction status.
My husband sent me to bed after dinner and I snuck in a tiny, but needed nap.
Worked on my new summer school schedule for the coming weeks
Schooling AND choring got done today

Today's No So Good Things:
Wasn't able to get in the exercise on the wii I had been planning all day
Woke up dragging and crabby today, leading us to a very late start in our day
Not getting in enough water

I feel like today was good, now that everyone is in bed and I've had some rest. Earlier I wouldn't have had the same response. I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a bus. I could barely function to use the bathroom at 5am this morning. I sent myself promptly back to bed and didn't get up until 8:30. Mind you, I'm not sleeping all that time, as baby is with me in bed doing her famous Latch-On/Latch-Off Karate Kid style.  That's her preferred method of sleep from about 2am on.  Leaves this momma catching an intermittent z here and there. But, mostly playing zone guard so Daddy doesn't roll over on her and I don't suffocate the sweet little thing. Doesn't produce nourishing sleep for me.  Alas, this too shall pass, as I well know.

I'm working on a summer school schedule for the next couple of months. We started back to school a few weeks ago, but it isn't going very well. Everyone is having a hard time concentrating, most of all me. I'm not doing well keeping little occupied and bigs on track. A mentor friend of mine suggested we try one subject each week instead of trying to cover multiple ones each day. I think this may just be what my tired, foggy brain needs at this moment. To only have to think about one subject all day long sounds like a tremendous relief and will eliminate a lot of guilt. So, I'm building my spreadsheet this week in hopes that it will be useful instead of just make me feel depressed because I'm now seeing in black in white just how far behind we really are. It's an intimidating document, that's for sure. But, without vision the people perish, right?

I'm pleased with my food choices today. I feel better than yesterday. One more day to push through until the weekend when I can get a bit of extra rest, I hope. I'm going to hold out hope that we can have an earlier start tomorrow and just possibly I could get in some wii time along with our regular activities.

Saturday February 25, 2012

Today's Good Things:
Big rest day
Date night with my three oldest

Today's Not So Good Things:
Still feeling emotionally spent/stressed/worn/you name it

Nothing much happened today other than me catching up on some sleep this morning, spending some extra time with my girlies, dealing with some more attitude issues with my son, and a feeling of "I really don't care" regarding the rest of life.  I need to get out of this funk soon.

My numbers have been amazing low. Strangely low.  I don't get it low.  But, I'm not complaining. I'm just confused on how I can be not exercising, not *really* eating according to plan and seeing numbers like I am.  The one thing I can think of is that I'm not eating enough at each meal. I know I'm not getting in the variety I should or the amounts I should. However, I'm feeling full.  It's odd, but at least it means all is well for now.

I had a really nice time out with my three oldest tonight. I think we all needed the break since being under this month-long quarantine.  I can definitely see how a basic case of cabin fever could be aggravating everyone's moods right now.  I had a really nice talk with my boys and felt like they even liked me a bit for a little while.  Baby steps, just like everything that really matters and lasts.

My daughter has been losing a lot of weight and you can tell by looking at her. She's becoming so much stronger and developing such great habits. I'm very proud of her. My husband has also been faithful in his workouts and eating choices. They are both doing so great.  Now I just need to catch some of their stamina and pray the Lord pulls me out of this muck once and for all.

Wednesday February 8, 2012

Today's Good Things:
ummmm....I rested...a LOT
I ate along the lines of my meal plan

Today's Not So Good Things:
I keep forgetting to test!! Argh.
Woke up feeling blech and just stayed that way

Today was just a gray day. You know, like that Dr. Suess book about colors?  A gray day...nothing moves today.  That's how I felt and acted. Pretty much just kept up with checking school work and directing children.  Not sure if I'm feeling as physically ill as just emotionally worn.  Maybe I just needed a day to rest and tomorrow will find me up and ready to go.  This week is high stress for our family, especially my husband. He sits for his final exam on Saturday, so he's quite preoccupied and feeling anxious about that.  Your prayers are greatly appreciated for him to finish strong. It would be so wonderful to have this year of testing behind us and not have him have to retake it again this summer while we adjust to a newborn.

I'm looking forward to a quiet evening until I can eat my snack, take my shot, and finally crash.  I hope you ladies had a *much* more active day than I did here! ;)

Monday February 6, 2012

Today's Good Things:
Up on time
A full hour of bible, journal and journaled in Baby's book
Lovely family devotions
Numbers perfect all day

Today's Not So Good Things:
Had the most difficult day ever with my boys.  Sigh.  I'm feeling so completely defeated with them.
My husband had to come home early to work through the issues. That = guilt on my part for him having to leave the office during this busy season.

Today was so incredibly hard.  I am emotionally fried.  No sense in going into great detail. But, I covet any prayers you have for me as a mother and our family.  My husband and I are both at the end of ourselves and feel so lost.  If we don't find the right way to handle things soon, I'm sure I'm going to be dealing with blood pressure issues too. :(

I started using the new meter last night because my after dinner number was so insanely high I just couldn't believe it was correct. Sure enough, the new meter is reading at least 10 points lower than the one I've been using all along.  This morning the old meter read 93 at fasting while the new read 79.  Needless to say, I've switched to the new meter for now. But, I can't help wondering if the new meter would have kept me away from the insulin altogether.  I will probably make myself crazy thinking like that. The counselor is calling this week, so I'll talk it out with her.  For now, I'll stick with my current amount of insulin, since this morning's number was well below the goal.

Disconnect

This week has been strange...difficult...weird...hard.

I am walking around in a general state of Minor Yuck.  It's not pleasant.  Yet, it's not so horrible that I feel justified to go with my emotions and wallow in it.  Not justified, yet I think I have been doing it most of the time.  Sigh.

I don't know if it's simply the hormones of pregnancy that are effecting me and keeping me from feeling well.  I don't know if it's somehow linked to my blood sugar issues that are still not under control. It could very well be linked to following doc's orders and lifting the GD diet for the early part of the week in preparation for the 3 hour challenge.  Good news is, I don't have to take that test. (whew!)  The I Don't Know If It's Bad News news is that I'm going straight to GD counseling, making me an official Gestational Diabetic.  It's what I wanted, skipping the test and getting on with treatment. But, somehow, getting that diagnosis and all that comes with it is hard to accept.  Still working on those Feelings of Failure, I guess.

Yesterday I was quite productive. I got a lot done in the kitchen and around the house and even made good on some schoolwork.  I should have been elated. It had been a long while since I had accomplished a list of any significant size.  Instead, I felt deflated and worn out.  This morning a thought struck me as I was forcing myself through the Get Ready For Church routine. 

My heart is just not into this. 

"This" meaning anything and everything, I guess.  No matter what I set about, I'm feeling like I'm either forcing may way through, finding a way to just "get by", or just completely disconnecting from what is in front of me.  I don't like that feeling.  I don't like the Disconnect.

This certainly isn't a cheerful, uplifting post. That is certain.  I will say that my heart IS completely overjoyed with anticipation of our new baby girl.  I've already named her in my heart and have been enjoying bonding with her this week.  I just wish I was as emotionally attached to the others that are with me and the work the Lord has for me each day. 

However, if taking proper care of myself means that I live in a state of Disconnect and forcing what is right, then so be it.  My feelings do not have to precede my actions.  As I well know, Doing right will lead to Feeling right...eventually. 

So, tomorrow I begin again.  Praying the Lord enables me to push through this fog and get in those simple but important goals of exercise and eating enough and properly.  My biggest struggle is to simply eat as much as I should, *what* I should, and *when* I should. It sure sounds simple. For me, it feels super hard.

If I don't push, I'll give up. This sweet little girl needs a momma that doesn't quit. 

^"And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body.  For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope ; for who hopes for what he already sees?  But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it."  Romans 8:23-35 

Thursday January 12, 2012

Today's Good Things:
Stuck to my menu
Cleaned my room
All but one child completely ready for Friday work

Today's Not So Good Things:
Emotional
Felt lousy
Accomplished little
No exercise

Today's Food Choices:
Breakfast: 2-3 oz slice of grilled turkey-ham, 1/2 english muffin - buttered, 8oz skim milk

Snack: english muffin- buttered w/ peanut butter, water

Lunch: hm turkey soup, slice of sourdough - buttered, 1/2 apple, water

Snack: 3 sugar free chocolates (30g carbs total), shared a snack size bag of sun chips with my toddler, water

Dinner: Chicken Cacciatore (1/3 cup vegie noodles, 1 chicken thigh w/ sauce), 1/2 cup green beans, 1 slice ww bread - buttered, water

Snack: I have my 3/4 cup plain ff greek yogurt and 1/2 cup frozen mixed fruit waiting for me.


Today was hard.  I woke up at 5am, spent some time with my husband before he left for work but ended up going back to bed at 6am.  My morning was so emotional, I just couldn't do much besides pray and sleep.  I woke up feeling nauseous and fighting that same headache.  I gave in and spent the day in my room keeping the littles with me, working on school with them while the bigs did their thing.

This transition to a new career/job for my husband is hard.  Really hard some days.

Tomorrow we see baby and meet another OB on the team of 6.  I'm nervous. Nervous about the u/s. Nervous about meeting the OB and wondering how she'll receive us.  I hate feeling like I have to prove myself somehow. I so wish I didn't have all the negative baggage from previous doctors and hospital experiences to taint this pregnancy. Still praying the Lord helps me lay these fears at his feet and leave them there.

ETA: Blogger still isn't giving me access to the comment page so I can respond to the notes being left. Thank you, Angie and Tanya for your encouragement.  Tanya, up until my last pregnancy, I always felt amazing while pregnant (after the initial 15-18 weeks of morning sickness wore off.) In fact, I used to feel *better* while pregnant than not.  I'm sad that's changed.

Monday January 9, 2012

Today's Good Things:
Followed diet well except for afternoon snack
My husband whisked me away after a very difficult day with the children and schooling
Chose a salad and no dessert for dinner (not always easy to do when we eat out)
20 minutes of pilates this evening

Today's Not So Good Things:
Overslept and missed my bible time
Didn't drink enough water
slice of cold pizza for snack time
Missed my daytime exercise. I just couldn't leave the children at all today. :-/


Today was so extremely stressful and emotional.  The aftermath of me taking Friday to be sick and tired was that no one had finished their work well and we had to bury out way out. That was depressing enough, but add in the bad attitudes to go with it and it was not a good day. I was grateful for a break this evening with the littles who were well behaved. But, now I'm fighting a headache and feel quite exhausted even though I barely moved from my seat all day.

I'm pleased that I got out my pilates video this evening, though. Each workout is 10 minutes, so it's very easy to talk myself into it. I chose two workouts tonight and they are so gentle, that it's hard to believe you are actually working out for 20 minutes. I was remembering, as I was moving, how *good* these exercises make you feel. It is especially helpful when my sciatica and lower back pains start in. It feels new again, so I'd like to try to get in 20 minutes in the morning and 20 in the evenings. I remember now how much better I sleep when I'm using this video.  If I can do that and get in my after lunch walk, I will be doing *amazing* in comparison to the first half of this pregnancy. :)

So, tomorrow I stay on task with my menu.  I don't stress eat, but chose what is best for myself and baby. I see what I can do about that afternoon walk. We have sewing lessons tomorrow, so our day already has a major interruption. However, if we can get over the negative attitudes, I know our day can be smooth enough to get in that walk.  I need to make a plan to wake up at my early time so I can exercise AND get in my bible time. I realized today that I get very grumpy without that alone time in the morning. *blush*

Thursday January 5, 2012

Today's Good Things:
Busy and productive
Felt better than the day before
I did better emotionally today than yesterday
Talked with nurse and am pleased with their attitude regarding my glucose test
We're doing well with our new MOTH schedule, considering it's new ;)

Today's Not So Good Things:
Didn't have exercise time this morning
Should have been a little more strict with my menu - the fridge is getting bare so my choices aren's so great
I'm up late

So, my results from the 1 hour glucose challenge came back and my number was high, 157. Anything over 139 shows risk for GD.  No surprise on my end.  I faxed over the results yesterday and they called me right back. I spoke with the nurse today and she was very pleasant. She went over the plan for the 3 hour test that I now need to take. Again, no surprise on my end. ;)  But, I was surprised to hear her say that it was not a big rush. She wasn't concerned at all about me getting it done by my next appointment on the 12th.  That was pretty cool. So far, this office has been way more laid back than I expected.

So, at some point next week-ish I'll have to do a carb load for 3 days. Yuk. Then I'll go in for the 3 hour test. At this point, I'm resigned that I'll fail it and then see what they'll want to do from there. Is it a lack of faith on my part that I haven't even prayed and asked the Lord to help me pass this test? Honestly, it just doesn't even seem possible in my mind. I've been praying for the grace and strength to get through this pregnancy without fear and abuse. I haven't even thought to pray that my body would just work right.  Why am I not doing that?  I think I've been so intent on working through accepting the GD that I haven't even considered praying it away. I've been WORKING it away. Yet, I know it is not by works, but by grace that He is glorified.  Help me be faithful in DOING what is right, yet still TRUSTING in your ability to deliver and accomplish your purposes in this.  Forgive me for failing to bring all aspects of this to you, Lord. Forgive me for not walking in the hope that you give.  I know that I've been afraid to truly hope because I don't want to be disappointed and go through the mourning of a normal pregnancy again.  Help me work through these emotions, Lord.

Saturday December 24, 2011

Today's Good Things:
Lovely morning opening gifts with our family
Made wise choices for dinner, avoiding the unhealthy carbs.
Controlled myself to take one small bite of "petz" which had enough sugar in it to last. ;)
Enjoyed a mid-morning nap

Today's Not So Good Things:
Still not getting my exercise in
House is pretty trashed, but I'm letting it be okay.

I feel pretty good about how my day went today. I did well with my choices at dinner at my il's as well as eating at home. I haven't been keeping up with my snacks as well as I should, but I'm still working to be careful. And, I'm applauding myself for that considering we're smack in the middle of the Season of Indulgence.

I spent my day yesterday an emotional wreck. I felt I had ruined Christmas by not working hard enough to make it special. I know I could have worked harder, but I am so grateful to the Lord for His patience with me.  He is gentle and His burden is light. If only I would truly learn to carry His burden rather than the one I strap on myself.  Today was a precious day with our children and again, with David's family. I believe our most meaningful Christmas Eve we've ever spent with them.  I'm humbled to see the Lord continuing to work and build our lives up and closer to Him. 

Tomorrow we spend our day focusing on your word.  Please help me to press forward with a heart eager to serve and obey.

Saturday December 17, 2011

I'm feeling worn down by this GD stuff. I started tracking my numbers this week and it isn't looking good at all.  My fasting numbers have been high every morning.  My dinner time numbers fluctuate. I hate having to think so hard about what to eat. I dread eating, but I've been hungry. I hate having to stay up late just to eat. It just stinks all over.

I did have a good meeting with the NP at the new OB office. That was a wonderful answer to prayer. I go in on Monday to meet the OB and have my first physical exam.  I'm hopeful it will go well.

I'm pretty sure I'm headed to the GD counselor and likely, insulin.  Something's gotta give because I can't get these numbers to look right.  I also can't get to feeling right either.  I don't want the insulin, but I'm wishing I could find *something* to help me feel better.

Big whine for tonight, I guess. We had a wonderful week filled with great blessings from the Lord. I don't want to be complaining. I guess I'm just focusing too much on myself and my inconveniences instead of the opportunities I have to learn and develop stamina and discipline.  Help me to find that right attitude, Lord.

Tuesday December 13, 2011

Today's Good Things:
Rested A LOT - still deciding if that's really a good thing
Got my new meter and test strips

Today's Not So Good Things:
Didn't follow meal plan well - not eating enough
No exercise
So super tired and draggin' today, no motivation whatsoever


Yesterday was really good. Really good. Today, not so much.  I'm really struggling to eat enough. I'm struggling with feeling good. Even when I eat I feel yucky.  I'm not sure if that means anything.

I got my test strips and meter tonight. Tested after dinner and was a little high. :(  I didn't eat exactly as  should, so I don't know if that has something to do with it. But it was more than a little depressing to see David's number so much lower than mine when I watched him eat so much more food. Blah.

This Friday I have an appt. with an OB office. I'm hopeful, yet nervous about meeting them and wondering how it will all come together. I'm desparate for prayer that it will go well, I will be a blessing, and we will have found an obstetric team that wants to support and help us keep this little one safe in all ways.

Tuesday November 15, 2011

Today's Good Things:
Up and dressed before the children
Woke them with a smile
Bible & journal
Morning walk with the fam
Followed meal plan fairly well until dinner (enter date night)
Worked out some strategy to deal with tough home issues

Today's Not So Good Things:
Children were not so enthusiastic about my fresh start to the day
Tough issues with one dear child
Date night dinner was too hard to resist

Today I started well.  I am very glad for that.  I'm sad because I can see the transition to get us back on our regular routine is going to be a rough one.  Today was hard, dealing with a lot of those emotions and working on behavior that has been let go for too long.  Emotionally, I'm drained. 

We had a wonderful date night tonight, though.  I'm grateful the Lord always gives hope even when we don't even know where to look for it. 

Tomorrow I hope to start as strong.  I also hope to get in an afternoon walk instead of sitting in my own emotional pity-party.  I should have at least walked off those blues. 

I also have my first mw appointment tomorrow. I wasn't expecting to go this soon, but I am excited to meet with her and hear more on her thoughts for keeping my blood sugars balanced. 

Oh, and starting to think about the Thanksgiving day menu.  I want to include my family's favorites, but I want to be cautious about tempting myself with all of those goodies.  It will be a challenge, for sure.

Saturday, Nov.12 2011

Today's Good Things:
Rested A LOT
Got some laundry put away
Winter clothes organized and sorted (but really, that was not my doing)
Online shopping (but not buying yet) for maternity clothes
Did well with my eating choices, though I didn't follow my plan exactly

Today's Not So Good Things:
Didn't follow my meal plan
Didn't eat enough
Didn't get any exercise
Didn't get enough sleep last night, so feeling awful
Winning the Crabby Mom award for the day (week?? sigh.)

I'm going to do this. I'm forcing myself to get back to daily journaling. Just knowing I have to report my day *should* motivate me to make it worth reporting.  I hope.

So, here comes the personal stuff you may not care to read in happy blog land.  I finally admitted today that I am not enjoying being pregnant right now.  I feel ill, tired, unmotivated, irritable, lazy, achey, and HUGE.  I'm battling a lot of negative feelings right now regarding how my body is changing.  Remember those skirts I joyfully outgrew and put away?  Yeah, they fit great now. :-/

Now, hear me out. I am THRILLED to have a new baby on the way.  I am super excited to learn all about how this little one is growing and changing.  I see newborns and get all giddy, knowing we'll have our own to snuggle when spring comes around.  It's not the baby, it's the pregnancy and the changes and stresses that go with it that are getting me down.

Pray for me.  That's what I truly need.

>I need to forget what is behind and strive for what lies ahead.  I worked HARD last year and saw some fruit.  I can work HARD this year and see fruit as well. Different fruit, but beautiful fruit all the same.

> I need to put my focus back on doing all of this that the Lord is lifted up, not that I can wear a certain size or not look like a tent in what I put on.  I got rid of my entire maternity wardrobe after our youngest was born, anticipating that I would never fit in those clothes again. Sigh.  So, I'm needing a full new wardrobe about now.  With funds tight, I do have yet another chance to see the Lord provide, and I'm grateful.  I just need a better attitude regarding how embarrassing and frustrating it is that I can't even fit in the maternity clothes at the stores.  Again, I need my eyes on the Lord, not my silhouette.

>The GD stuff is SO scary, stressful and overwhelming.  First, the strips are costly and this is not a good season for us to have costly expenses. Second, following the meal plan is costly. (see number one). Thirdly, it's so very stressful to eat just right at just the right times, exercise at the right times and not feel like it's consuming your whole brain.  The perfectionist in me fears "failing" those tests, so just having to take them creates a world of stress that is really hard to work through.

So, today is a very emotional day.  Writing it out helps, right?  Maybe. We'll see.  But, for now, at least I'm acknowledging my fears, doubts and disappointments.  If I confess these sins of selfishness and self-pity, I'm closer to the freedom the Lord has for me, right? Pray for me to find that freedom and walk boldly in it.

Wednesday May 4, 2011

Today's Good Things:
Logged & blogged
Good meal choices
Great skype-chat with a good friend
Ended the day decent for calories

Today's Not So Good Things:
No exercise
Still snacking
high carbs

I'm feeling tired, worn out, and hungry tonite. I don't want to eat more, though, trying to keep my calories down. I need to add in a bit more water for the day.

It's been hard to get motivated for exercise. I struggle so much with that, it seems. Wish I could just stay consistent with it. Of course, that would require our life staying consistent. ;-)