One.More.Pound.

Stepped on the scale this morning.  Down another 2.2. <grin>

One more pound to go before I am OUT of the Obese range on the chart.  <bigger grin>

Boy, if that doesn't give you a reason to not quit, I'm not sure what would.

So, I guess I can't give up today when I am THIS close to what I've been working toward for so long.  I would still get under that mark, but it sure is motivating to keep doing something that could make it happen by...ummm...tomorrow, maybe??? Wow.

I'm going to take it one juice at a time.  Mornings I do tend to do better with juicing than later in the day.  I'll start with the carrot based juices since those agree with me more. I do still have some pineapple left to flavor the green juices.  I think I can make it one more day.

But, then I'll want another day just to keep it solid. ;) 

Sigh.  If you give a mom a juicie..... ;)

Pray for me!!

Waiting

I wrote a post a while back about some things I've learned about waiting. I saw this and wanted to keep it to remind me that this waiting for the best is all about the hard work and prayer that makes it happen.

Reboot Juice Fast - Day 2 (again)

Today has been a little tough.  I made up my juices and got them down okay, but, well, they still taste like juice and by the time I get to the end of the jar, I'm getting pretty sick of drinking juice. ;)

I'm still in, though! I'm pushing hard to get through at least this week.

Here's what I don't get. My fingers are swelling like crazy.  They have been for weeks, to where I can't get my rings off. I don't get it. I'm drinking like crazy. When eating ETL, I'm decreasing my salt intake dramatically.  I'm losing weight.  So, why would my fingers be swelled to the point where I can't get my rings off?  The temps have cooled here so while it's still a bit humid, the air is cool.  I guess I'll need to read about that a bit.

I'm battling nausea and tiredness this evening. I felt a little better after drinking my dinner juice but now I feel gross again.  I'm going to assume I'm dealing with some detox symptoms and head to bed soon.

Today's Juice recipes (if I can remember)

Morning and Afternoon Snack
Kale
Romaine
Swiss Chard
Bok choy
Zucchini
Lemon
Green Apple
Ginger

Lunch
Beets
Grapefruit
Oranges
Collard Greens

Dinner
Beet
Collard greens
Romaine
Bok Choy
Peaches
Strawberries

For lunch we mixed up some oat and flax seed pancakes adding in some pulp from our juicing.  That made some great Pulp Pancakes that I filled with peanut butter and bananas for sandwiches for the children's lunches.

Walked up to the school to play tennis with David and the bigs for a bit and then hung with the girlies at the playground.  David and I got in a 1 mile walk this evening after the littles were in bed. It's gorgeous weather tonight. So nice to be out enjoying it even if I feel not so great.

Saturday January 26, 2013

Not a great day. Yesterday was pretty much the same, only a little less Not Great.

One puker today. My head is killing me. I am FRIED with schooling and parenting tonight. Worried we've got more sickies on the way. My energy is at an all time low.

No exercise today or yesterday. Sleep stinks. No real progress on baby's sleep habits. It's 8pm and we still have children working on school work. Just a rough week afa school goes and today wasn't any kind of break like I had hoped.

I don't forsee an early bedtime in my future, but I'm thankful that my husband will be home tomorrow so I can hopefully catch up on a bit of rest. No church, though. That's a bummer.

Up days, down days. Just do the next thing. Pray through it. Give thanks.

Friday January 25, 2013

Rolling a few things together.

Made it to the Y yesterday and got in my 20 min on the elliptical before heading down for Family Fun Night. We had a good time doing some fun games on a family circuit. I even tried the hoola hoops! Boy, I used to be way better at that. ;)

Getting to the Y was a major feat, though. We had sewing lessons that afternoon so I had to prep to go right from there to the Y. That meant packing a dinner for us to eat in the van while still being sure we were lunched and out the door by 12:30. Ugh. By the time I got into my bed last night I.was.exhausted. So were the children. Lots of crabbies. I didn't feel bad at all that we all slept in and have been slow going today.

I made some yummy sugar-free blueberry muffins yesterday too. Only applesauce as a sweetener and they were a hit. :) I was also quite pleased with myself that I packed a good, healthy dinner that kept us away from the fast-food joints. Not that there are any along our way or that I could afford them...so it was time well spent on many counts. ;)

Thinking we'll work hard on the schooling today and then get in a library trip. I think I want to look for a book on health/diet/fitness of some kind. Maybe it will give me some new things to think about for some extra motivation.

Also hoping we can get some fun on the wii today. Maybe a ping-pong tournament is needed for our Late Night tonight. ;)

Treading Water

Heather, you said that me writing is an encouragement. I'm afraid you may disagree when I finish this post.

I'm beat.  I went to bed feeling icky and woke up the same. I've not been sleeping well at all. Back to my same routine of waking every few hours struggling with breathing and feeling restless and uncomfortable. Often I can't get back to sleep, so I spend a couple of hours in the middle of the night tossing, turning, praying, fretting, and wasting time on the computer.

My days are full, but I am always dragging.  I have so much to get done with packing, cleaning, schooling, and basic life. Yet, my heart isn't in it. I feel like I'm walking around in a fog.  I'm excited about all we have going on, I'm just feeling too worn down to fully enjoy it.

I'm barely eating and not always the best choices.  I'm not eating junk, but I'm not getting in everything I should either by way of protein, vegies and fruits.  Often, I'm just too tired to bother. 

I keep forgetting to test. Though, my numbers are all fine when I do.  I'm relieved on that measure.

Today I'd like to rest. I feel like my body just needs a shut-down for a bit. But, I have many errands to run and an appt. to meet a new OB and check on dear little Kindy.  I'm still brainstorming on how to do that with all the children in tow. I'll be so grateful when tax season is over and my husband is part of our life again.

My bright spot of hope is approaching, though. My amazing man has made arrangements to take me away for my birthday this weekend. (a bit early, but I'll take it!) We haven't had a weekend away alone for many, many years.  We leave on Friday for a hotel with a spa. He arranged for a couples massage for us on Friday night. Saturday he'll be going to work so I'll have that luxurious room all to myself until his day is done.  Whirlpool tub, fireplace, balcony overlooking the lake, quiet...I just can't imagine.  I guess I'll push through today, push through the cleaning for my in-laws that needs doing tomorrow, and enjoy my weekend shut down. :)  I am SO ready to be a bride again and just enjoy the affections and company of my favorite person.

I apologize for not being the encouragement I long to be for your ladies.  My eyes glaze over whenever I get to any kind of reading in blog land. I do pray you are all pressing forward in your journeys. I know the Lord will complete this work He has begun in your lives. I treasure your prayers and thoughts and the kind notes you leave for me.  You are all a great blessing.

Willpower?

This morning I had my highest fasting number to date. I feel so silly to admit this, but it nearly brought me to tears.  I am battling so many feelings of failure this morning and it's showing in my attitude, efforts, and stamina.  I really just want to give up. Not for good. But, for today I want to just walk away from all the balls that I'm juggling and let them fall.  So, what did I do?  I pouted. I read a bit. I prayed, half-heartedly. I ignored my exercise. I sat and felt sorry for myself and then got up and vacuumed a couple rooms in the house. At least I can feel depressed with clean floors. ;)

So, as I sit working on minor things to just keep my day plugging along, I received this comment from a dear friend on my post last night: 

Tracy I want you to know that I have been having a hard week this week and whenever I wanted to give up I thought of you and your will power! You are wonderful!

So, yeah. Now the tears are freely flowing.

Ladies, if I had any willpower, I would surely NOT be in the place I am now.  I have never seen myself as someone who is strong or terribly self-disciplined.  I do know that I have some strong insecurities regarding perfectionism and failure.  I struggle daily with fears that I will somehow let someone down in some way. I suppose this could easily be seen as *willpower* or stamina.  Honestly, it's sinful pride and fear that most often drives me when I am left to my own devices.

This is why this journey has always been about my walk with the Lord.  From the beginning, even when not pregnant, I could force myself to do everything "right".  I could follow a plan well and work to impress the class.  However, my efforts were in vain because they never brought about the results I longed for. 

This is what it looks like when I use my own strength:

When I would eat the perfect amount of  calories combined with the right amount of activity, I would still lose at half the rate I "should" have been losing. Fail.

When I would adjust my percentages of protein versus carbs, raw foods versus cooked, whole foods versus junk, I would still see the same results. Fail.

When I would press harder to exercise. Push aside other priorities believing that my health and weight loss was far more important because I only had so much time to accomplish it, I still saw the same results.  Except I added losing ground in other important areas, adding to my struggle. Fail and Fail.

And now, when I had been working to hold off on a pregnancy, knowing that losing weight was crucial to avoiding the GD and a healthy pregnancy, I still saw the blessing of those two pink lines. Well, there was nothing I could do but trust the Lord had a plan even though I felt I had let Him down. Again.

I walked into this pregnancy armed with education and experience from my last GD experience. I was determined I would "beat it" and "win" this time.  Yet, here I sit, barely half way through...not even to the third trimester when a pregnant body *starts* to struggle with blood sugars and I'm already sunk. My friends, my research, and my brain tell me that it's foolish to believe this lie. But, my heart still does. Fail.

This is when the Lord steps in.  This when He shows me just how far from the truth I really am. This challenge to right the wrongs I've done in my life regarding my body are not about losing weight, winning a battle against diabetes, or avoiding a dreaded medicated hospital birth.  Truly, those are good aims. Who would fault me for working so hard to get healthy so that I can keep a baby safe during pregnancy?  Yet, this isn't about me.  This is about me giving glory to my Lord.

The truth is that whatsoever I do, whether I eat or drink, whether I fast or cleanse, whether I exercise or rest, it is ALL to be done to the glory of God.  Not to my hope for results. Not to my joy at a number on a scale.  Not to the satisfaction of a smaller size.  Every striving, every effort, every choice is to be for HIM and the glory HE will receive, not to myself. 

This changes my perspective on this journey.  It becomes not the THING *I* do, but a PART of the THING that *God* is doing in me.  It is as important as the work He does to create patience in me as I work with my children in their daily tasks. It is as important as the work He is doing to empty me of myself as I strive to love and respect my husband as unto the Lord. It is as important as the work He is doing to press me beyond my comfort levels and into areas of forgiveness with extended family.  It is all connected because it is all about how He is at work to change me into His image.

And this is why the results should not matter because the results are not my work to be done.  My Lord has called me to be faithful in my efforts and to trust Him with the results.  He has commanded me to trust and obey as He does His work.  He has set forth in His word clear directions on how I should live my life in all ways and this is where my focus needs be.  I am to strive, to pour out my life, to give all my energy to obey the commands He has placed on my life, allowing Him to choose the results that will honor Him most.  And this means the results in my parenting, marriage, home, ministry, as well as my physical health.

So, how am I applying this principle?   Not very well today.  Today my eyes have gotten off course and focused again on the results that I cannot control.  I have once again attempted to take back control and responsibility for that which I have no business handling.  I've already proven time and again that when I am in control, the results will not be pleasing to myself or to Him.  What I need to do is to return to the truth that this is all about Him and the work He is about. Not only in my life, my baby's life, but surely His plan spreads far beyond my mind's eye.  To know that He desires to use my efforts, my struggles, even my failings to bring Him glory and reveal Himself strong gives me hope. It gives me purpose. It causes me to remember my place in this work.  To remain faithful, to keep His words always before me, to trust His judgement, and to every moment ask for His strength to do the right thing. 

I will answer one day not for the number on the scale or the number on the meter. I will answer for my obedience to make right choices. I will answer for my diligence to learn and equip myself with the best knowledge I can find to make those right choices. I will answer for my idleness versus my activity.  I will answer for my efforts to stay on course, regardless of the outcome. 

I think of my last labor.  I was given a short amount of time to birth my baby before they would put me on meds.  I was angry and felt cheated to be forced in this manner. Yet, I took that to motivate me to give everything I had to do what I believed was best for the birth of our baby. I spent an entire day pushing myself to accomplish this goal only to be faced with the fact that my body wouldn't comply.  When I finally agreed to the meds it was with a heart of peace.  I knew that even if I was being forced into what wasn't *best* for our little one or myself, I had done everything in my power to do what was best.  It was now time to allow the Lord to work out His best and accept the results as He had planned. I will never regret my efforts in that time. I had the satisfaction of knowing I had done everything I could to remain faithful and strong to the end. I had finished well and that allowed me to rest fully in the next step of His plan.

I need to keep that memory in my heart in the coming months. Giving up is not an option.  Yet, I don't see my ability to press on as *willpower*.  It is simply the work of the Holy Spirit in me keeping me from whatever false sense of strength I think I can or can't muster up.  It is amazing to see that the Lord would choose such a vessel as me to accomplish His work.  That leaves me humbled and ever more eager to continue on. To think that anyone else would see anything in me that would cause them to have courage, well, that can only be the work of the Lord. And for that, I am blessed to be used as a part of His plan.

Writing this out was what I needed today.  Thank you, Lord for your truth and the ability to discern it from the constant barrage of easily believed lies that surround me. Please, let me remember that my choices, my work, my strivings bring you glory even if the results don't seem to match.

Wednesday January 25, 2012

Today's Good Things:
Bible and journal, up early
Packed my husband's lunch and dinner cheerfully
Bible study with friend
Followed menu plan
Declined yummy sweet bread at bible study (knowing I had had a cookie before I left *blush*)
morning stretch and some Wii fit in the afternoon
afternoon nap
pushed to finish the day strong

Today's Not So Good Things:
Didn't resist the cookies
grumpy with children while trying to nap
Still going to computer to busy my hands instead of something more productive

Today's Food Choices:
Breakfast: 2oz cheese, 1 slice rye caraway toast - buttered, decaf coffee, water
Snack: hm cookie
Lunch: 1 cup(ish) ranch beans w/ turkey, 2-3 tbs shredded cheddar, hot sauce, pickle, 2 slices ww italian loaf - buttered (I didn't eat enough at snack, so I was hungry and gave in to a second slice of bread. boo.)
Snack: 1 small grapefruit, 1/2 cup dry roasted peanuts
Dinner: Grilled ham/turkey/cheese sandwich on ww, carrot sticks, 1/2 cup applesauce
Snack: 3/4 cup plain ff greek yogurt & 1/2 cup frozen fruit

Decaf and water throughout the day

This week is a transition time for us. We're getting use to David working tax season hours and last night I struggled a bit. He leaves by 7am, sometimes earlier during the week and gets home between 8:30 and 9pm.  Last night, by 7pm, I was d.o.n.e.  However, the Lord enabled me to motivate the children for a pick up, play a game of Crazy Eights with my 7yo, and send the littles to bed with a smile.  I know these coming months will be hard, but I also see the Lord giving me his view of it and embracing it as a gift.  I do get so very tired, yet I know this is a wonderful season to spend with my children and enjoy building our team. It's also been sort of fun to hang with my husband and the bigs while we watch Dick Van Dyke together before we all head to bed. That's a fun new tradition that these hours have brought about. ;)

I was glad to get in some fun exercise with the children. I'd like to get us all out today for a family walk. The weather is warm enough that we can all do that.  I'm reporting from yesterday today because I didn't want to take up time with my husband to be on the computer last night. So far today I was up earlier than my wake up time and got in my pilates and bible reading. A very good start to my day.  I just need to work through some of the children's attitudes, as a few woke up feeling grumpy today. I've also done well with my food choices so far, even though it's only been one meal. ;)

Disconnect

This week has been strange...difficult...weird...hard.

I am walking around in a general state of Minor Yuck.  It's not pleasant.  Yet, it's not so horrible that I feel justified to go with my emotions and wallow in it.  Not justified, yet I think I have been doing it most of the time.  Sigh.

I don't know if it's simply the hormones of pregnancy that are effecting me and keeping me from feeling well.  I don't know if it's somehow linked to my blood sugar issues that are still not under control. It could very well be linked to following doc's orders and lifting the GD diet for the early part of the week in preparation for the 3 hour challenge.  Good news is, I don't have to take that test. (whew!)  The I Don't Know If It's Bad News news is that I'm going straight to GD counseling, making me an official Gestational Diabetic.  It's what I wanted, skipping the test and getting on with treatment. But, somehow, getting that diagnosis and all that comes with it is hard to accept.  Still working on those Feelings of Failure, I guess.

Yesterday I was quite productive. I got a lot done in the kitchen and around the house and even made good on some schoolwork.  I should have been elated. It had been a long while since I had accomplished a list of any significant size.  Instead, I felt deflated and worn out.  This morning a thought struck me as I was forcing myself through the Get Ready For Church routine. 

My heart is just not into this. 

"This" meaning anything and everything, I guess.  No matter what I set about, I'm feeling like I'm either forcing may way through, finding a way to just "get by", or just completely disconnecting from what is in front of me.  I don't like that feeling.  I don't like the Disconnect.

This certainly isn't a cheerful, uplifting post. That is certain.  I will say that my heart IS completely overjoyed with anticipation of our new baby girl.  I've already named her in my heart and have been enjoying bonding with her this week.  I just wish I was as emotionally attached to the others that are with me and the work the Lord has for me each day. 

However, if taking proper care of myself means that I live in a state of Disconnect and forcing what is right, then so be it.  My feelings do not have to precede my actions.  As I well know, Doing right will lead to Feeling right...eventually. 

So, tomorrow I begin again.  Praying the Lord enables me to push through this fog and get in those simple but important goals of exercise and eating enough and properly.  My biggest struggle is to simply eat as much as I should, *what* I should, and *when* I should. It sure sounds simple. For me, it feels super hard.

If I don't push, I'll give up. This sweet little girl needs a momma that doesn't quit. 

^"And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body.  For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope ; for who hopes for what he already sees?  But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it."  Romans 8:23-35 

Wednesday January 11, 2012

Today's Good Things:
Up at 5:30
Morning Pilates - 10min (core)
Bible time
Family bible time
Breakfast on time
Productive morning school wise
Lovely bible study with friend
Stuck to my menu plan well
Enjoyed a delicious nap snuggled up with the baby on the couch.  <3
17 minutes of wii fit this afternoon
Kept up with our basic routine decently

Today's Not So Good Things:
Can't think of any :)

Okay, so today was about the little things.  I worked hard to make the little choices and little things count well today.  This afternoon, after I finished my snack, I was rummaging through the house looking for another "little something".  After picking up and putting down various items, I chose to have a cup of black coffee instead.  From there, I chose to get on the wii and do some moving while waiting for the children to finish up their choring.  After that, I was so pleased with myself that I didn't even want to bother with any little somethings.

Speaking of the wii. My intention on using it today was to weigh myself. Our scale broke a while ago and I haven't really been able to keep track of how much I've gained this pregnancy very well. According to the wii, it looks like I'm up around 14 pounds so far. That's more than I gained last time, but still not as bad as I was thinking.  Compared to the scale at the doc's office a couple of weeks ago, I'm down a couple of pounds even. But, comparing different scales is obviously not helpful.  So far, I'm still under my highest weight when I started working to lose last year. That's a comfort. Watching the wii tease me about being "obese", however is not a good feeling. Wish it could hear me when I say, "Hey! I'm PREGNANT you know!" :-P

I still have my evening 20 minutes of pilates to get in. I'm actually excited to do it. I'll wait until after our family movie time is done and the children are in bed. I have to say, though, my legs are sore! I knew that was coming.  Pilates is one of those things that feels like you're not really working hard but it hits you the following day and you KNOW you were working your body in completely new ways. I like that feeling.

Had to reschedule my u/s for Friday due to a big storm coming our way.  I'm still struggling to feel great during the day, but maybe some shoveling will be a decent remedy. ;) 

My husband just called me while on his way home from work asking if I wanted anything from McD's.  Since I know he'll be eating too when he gets home, I decided to have a small chicken sandwich for my evening snack tonight.  I miss him when he's gone working late, but it's fun to have some special time together late in the evening too.

Today's Food Choices:

Breakfast: 1 english muffin with peanut butter, decaf coffee - black

Snack: 2 oz cheddar cheese, 8 triscuit crackers, decaf chai tea - black

Lunch: hm turkey soup, 1 dinner roll w/ butter, water

Snack: 1/2 grapefruit, 1 cheese stick, water

Dinner: 2-3 oz turkey, Nachos (corn chips, pintos, cheese, salsa, sour cream, lettuce), water

Evening snack: Chicken sandwich? Still unsure, as I was really looking forward to my plain greek yogurt and orange segments.  Maybe I'll offer the sandwich to a helpful child instead. ;)

ETA: For some reason, blogger isn't letting me access the comments page so I can respond to the notes left from yesterday. Thanks for your encouragement, ladies! It means a great deal to me. :)

FINAL REPORT:  Gave the sandwich to the girlies. Just finished my 20 minute exercises (buns & thighs and flexibility).  I am about to enjoy my plain greek yogurt with diced orange sections. Mmmmm...my favorite. :)

I'm choosing to ignore my nasty heartburn and headache. :-P
Great day!

Saturday December 24, 2011

Today's Good Things:
Lovely morning opening gifts with our family
Made wise choices for dinner, avoiding the unhealthy carbs.
Controlled myself to take one small bite of "petz" which had enough sugar in it to last. ;)
Enjoyed a mid-morning nap

Today's Not So Good Things:
Still not getting my exercise in
House is pretty trashed, but I'm letting it be okay.

I feel pretty good about how my day went today. I did well with my choices at dinner at my il's as well as eating at home. I haven't been keeping up with my snacks as well as I should, but I'm still working to be careful. And, I'm applauding myself for that considering we're smack in the middle of the Season of Indulgence.

I spent my day yesterday an emotional wreck. I felt I had ruined Christmas by not working hard enough to make it special. I know I could have worked harder, but I am so grateful to the Lord for His patience with me.  He is gentle and His burden is light. If only I would truly learn to carry His burden rather than the one I strap on myself.  Today was a precious day with our children and again, with David's family. I believe our most meaningful Christmas Eve we've ever spent with them.  I'm humbled to see the Lord continuing to work and build our lives up and closer to Him. 

Tomorrow we spend our day focusing on your word.  Please help me to press forward with a heart eager to serve and obey.

Saturday December 17, 2011

I'm feeling worn down by this GD stuff. I started tracking my numbers this week and it isn't looking good at all.  My fasting numbers have been high every morning.  My dinner time numbers fluctuate. I hate having to think so hard about what to eat. I dread eating, but I've been hungry. I hate having to stay up late just to eat. It just stinks all over.

I did have a good meeting with the NP at the new OB office. That was a wonderful answer to prayer. I go in on Monday to meet the OB and have my first physical exam.  I'm hopeful it will go well.

I'm pretty sure I'm headed to the GD counselor and likely, insulin.  Something's gotta give because I can't get these numbers to look right.  I also can't get to feeling right either.  I don't want the insulin, but I'm wishing I could find *something* to help me feel better.

Big whine for tonight, I guess. We had a wonderful week filled with great blessings from the Lord. I don't want to be complaining. I guess I'm just focusing too much on myself and my inconveniences instead of the opportunities I have to learn and develop stamina and discipline.  Help me to find that right attitude, Lord.

That's About the Size of It

Found out a couple weeks ago we had a little Poppy Seed growing.  The following week it grew to the size of an Apple Seed. This week we are enjoying our little Sweet Pea even though he or she brought an abundance of fatigue, moodiness, and nausea along. 

So, the plan changes for the coming year. I'm grateful I can rest in the confidence that these are God's plans.  Over the past several months, the Lord has been working on this heart of mine teaching me new lessons in contentment.  Gone are the fears and anxiety that I was carrying regarding the prospect of a new pregnancy.  The Lord has moved me over to peace, surrender, gratitude, and joy.  We don't know how long this little one will be with us, but we are all being careful to enjoy each day.  The children are over the moon with excitement.  They've been taking extra special care of their dear ol' Momma with a fervor. What a blessing. 

Next step is to work on my new menu plan. My goal is to combine the GD plan I used with my last pregnancy with Dr. Brewer's pregnancy diet, hoping my hard work in these areas will keep away the GD issues that plagued us with our last baby.  Please pray I can be diligent with exercise, discplined in my eating choices, and persevere in prayer regarding my health and Baby's.  Above all, I continue to desire the Lord to be glorified in all of my life.  I may not be decreasing physically in size in the coming months, but I pray the Lord's purposes, presence, and power will continue to increase in every way.

Soul Food

Journal Entry:
Sunday, June 26

Hebrews 5:11-14
"Concerning him we have much to say, and it is hard to explain, since you have become dull of hearing. For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant. But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil."

"...you have become dull of hearing."

What does that mean? Later in the verses it says that those who are able to take the solid food of scriptures are those who have had their senses "trained" due to practice - or repetitive use. So, when my hearing is dull, when my sense of understanding has grown weak, it is due to my lack of use - no practice (exercise) to make my soul strong. 

Lord, my senses need training. My children's senses need training. As I desire maturity, it comes by practice - repetitive use of your word- applying it to my daily tasks, choices and challenges. Teach me, as I work hard at growing my soul, to discern good and evil for every area of my life.

"The word of God is food and nourishment to the life of grace." -Matthew Henry

Overheard today...

"If Jesus can make it 40 days in the wilderness, I can make through the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru."

I resisted the Boston Kreme! Yay Me!!  Oh, correction...Yay God!! :D

Active Patience

I was updating my notes from the book I'm reading. As I was doing so, I felt this topic warranted it's own post. I am struck by the truth it holds and the simple way it challenges me in this journey. Here are some quotes and my thoughts I wanted to get down.

"The testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing." 
James 1:3-4

"...we often think of patience and waiting as an empty time--a time of doing nothing. But waiting can be a very important, even critical, time in our development.

Patience benefits our souls as much as it ever does our bodies. Remember, the Apostle Paul charged us to 'run with perseverance the race that is set before us' (Heb 12:1). Even in the midst of running a race, patience is key. Without patience, endurance and perseverance, discouragement sets in. And with discouragement comes defeat. Patience is not a passive time. Patience is a time of growing.

I'm encouraging active patience--patience that comes with taking the first step in the direction you know you need to go--perseverance. Paul didn't say to 'sit on the sidelines with your patience.' He clearly said to join the race.

You have joined the race. Patience will help you get to the goal line because it will help you put one foot in front of the other at a steady pace instead of sprinting out fast, wearing yourself out, and not finishing the race.

'...when you do one thing right--at the right time--the next thing works even better, and you, one day, will become what you want to become.'

People who lose weight and keep it off don't need to be extreme. Patience keeps them steady."

I find amazing encouragement and a bit of chiding in these words. I admit, I want to be skinny now.  Well, truth be told, I'd be happy if it was yesterday. ;-)  I confess, I get so upset and irritated when I work so hard for great results and they don't come fast enough. It's true, I hate being told I need to "just be patient".  However, I find great empowerment in this concept of Active Patience. It is true that when I think of patience, I equate that with sitting still and doing nothing. Yet, that is so far from the truth. Patience IS perseverance. Patience is ENDURANCE. Those are ACTIVE words. Those things require me to work and to work HARD.  And, they hold hope and promise for a reward. 

Honestly, I have such a great mountain to climb, I need all the Active Patience the Lord will grant. Yet, I can already see that the testing of my faith in this area is certainly creating an endurance I've never known. I can't remember the last time I have had to work so hard for so long, inching my way to my goal. This endurance that I am learning will one day have it's full effect. One day I will be mature and complete, lacking in nothing, and it will be because of the Active Patience the Lord created in me during this time. Therefore, I will not wish away this challenge. I will not envy those who are progressing faster than I am or have already met their goals. I will rejoice that the Lord has chosen yet another area in my life to refine and change so that I may develop the maturity and become complete in Him.

How truly grateful I am for the Lord's continued work in my life. He never stops transforming my life.